066: One Must-Read Book On Emotional Regulation You Cannot Miss

Strong relationships depend on respectful interactions. As we discussed in the previous episode, one of the things that will make the transition into the school year more smooth is to maintain a strong relationship with our children.   But you may wonder, what does it look like? Afterall, respectful interactions are not about giving into the child's whishes, nor is it about being permissive. In this episode, I give you some ideas about what that may look like.   If you'd like to have an easy-access visual reference to these ideas, you can find the one-page overview in the podcast shownotes. Go to theparentingpresence.com and click on Episode 071.     "Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.   Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.     Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Twitter @JuliaPappasJoy or on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com   

The transition from summer vacation to the school year is typically centered around preparing children for the changes ahead. However, an often overlooked aspect is the well-being of parents during this shift. In this episode, we explore five unconventional pieces of advice that focus on parents' needs and well-being to ensure a successful school year.   Mentioned in this episode: "Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.   Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.     Want to explore another important issue? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com         

Our children rely on us for everything. Meeting our children’s needs is our responsibility. This seems like an accurate statement. But upon close inspection, it is only partially correct. Let’s see why…   The younger children are, the more they rely on us. The older they are, however, the less they should need from us.  That is the nature of growing up.   The developmental purpose of childhood is to take the time needed to become an adult. And not just any adult, but an adult who is independent and self-reliant. And the task of parenting is to help our children with that.   One of the ways we help is by teaching children to take care of their own needs.    If you look at childhood from that perspective, our job as parents is not actually to take care of our children. That is only part of it, a temporary one at that. The more important and often overlooked part of our job is to teach them how to do it for themselves. And while they are learning, we do of course help them meet those needs.   Tune into today’s episode of The Parenting Presence to hear more.       "Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.   Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.   Want to explore another important issue? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com   

For way too long we were told that the reason why we have negative emotions is because our brain is at fault. In other words, we were told that there are "errors" in our thinking and that the brain sends us false signals and creates problems when there are none.    And so when we believe this to be true, we try to talk ourselves out of what we are feeling and do a lot of work to change our thoughts about what we feel. When you feel bad, it isn't your mind or your mindset that's at fault.    Let's correct that misconception! Why? Because no amount of thought-work can address the real reason behind emotions.  That is why we end up stuck in them.   In this episode, we discuss what the actual role of emotions is and what to do to resolve them. This is one of many conversations we will have about emotional regulation, so stay tuned for next episodes. As a parent, you are not only dealing with your own emotions, but also the emotions of your child. When we are well emotionally regulated and have our needs met, we will show up differently in all challenging interactions, which — let's be honest — parenting is full of!         "Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.   Get a FREE Chapter at dontblamethebrain.com        Want to explore another important issue? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com   

  Let's talk about encouragement... When we know that children can do better, it is hard not to want to encourage them to do better. Right? We want them to do well. In fact, we want them to do their best. But will they?   It all depends on how we approach these situations. The ones when we see a difference between where our child is currently at and where they can be... How do we encourage them in a way that is actually helpful?   Tune into this episode, to find out!     __________________________ "Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.   Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.       Want to explore another important issue? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com     

If you only had time to read ONE book on emotional regulation, which one would I recommend? Until recently I would think long and hard about this question, because there wasn’t a book that checked all the boxes for me. Something was always missing. I finally found the missing piece and I have a book recommendation to make.   "Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.   Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com     

What do boundaries have to do with emotional regulation? In this episode we are exploring the connection between the Sense of Self and the child’s sense of psychological Boundaries and what they have to do with the child’s emotional regulation.    We explore why there can be no mental health without a Sense of Self. And the child’s ability to form a strong Sense of Self depends on Boundaries.   It is the child's Sense of Self that ultimately helps them regulate emotionally, because of things like self-awareness and self-control, that come with the Sense of Self. Self awareness helps the child become aware of what they are feeling and also become aware of the fact that these are their emotions. And because it is their emotions, it is the child who wants to feel better, and is therefore compelled to find a way to self-regulate.   And the ability to self-regulate comes from their capacity for self-control. This capacity increases as the child’s Sense of Self gets stronger.    And the only way the Sense of Self can get stronger is — through boundaries. And so, as the Sense of Self strengthens (when protected by boundaries), it in turn also helps reinforce those boundaries even more.   This way, Boundaries and Sense of Self are not only interconnected, they reinforce each other.         Want to explore another important issue? "Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.   Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.     Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com     

Facing personal losses and overcoming life storms is challenging as it is. But how do we do that in the context of the world at large that seems to be going through crisis after crisis, without an end in sight?    Every loss and every challenge we face splits the path we’re on into two.    One takes you towards disorientation and disintegration, which ultimately leads to more chaos.  The other — towards a deep assessment of what matters. It keeps us grounded, while also planting seeds for next steps and growth.    Four things are helpful to keep in mind when we navigate dark times in our lives. These are: Understanding the sphere of threat Assessing the sphere of influence Orienting in chaos Sense of Agency   Making sure we have clear priorities, will also ensure that we are not leaking resources into the world we cannot help. That way we can preserve them to support our own smaller world, within the sphere of our influence. That is the way we have the most impact and are able to weather our own storms.   Want to explore another important issue? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com   

Assertiveness is that special quality we want our children to have. But what is it? And how do we get it? What can we do to make sure our children become more assertive?   Feeling lost? You are not the only one. I used to have trouble with it, until something became clear:   The trouble with assertiveness is not that it is complicated, but that it has vague definitions.    For example “healthy communication” and “being willing to understand others.” What does that even mean? Can it get any more vague? And some of these definitions include words and connotations that we may not be comfortable with, such as “forceful” or “aggressive.” I mean, who wants to teach their child to be more aggressive?   You need a better definition, the one that gets to the core of what assertiveness is about. Here it is:   Assertiveness is the ability to say “no.”   Another way to say the same thing is that assertiveness is about — boundaries. If we want our children to be more assertive, we have to help them express their boundaries.    That is, truly, all you need to focus on.    No need to worry about all those ancillary qualities that accompany assertiveness, but do not "cause" it.  When children are able to say “no,” defend their preference, express their needs and wants (especially when it may not be easy to do) — when they are able to do all that, you will see them confident, bold, daring, and assured.           Want to explore another important issue? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com   

2023 is here and so are some exciting news that I really want to share with you. Here is what is coming this year:   - making commitments to ourselves based on what truly serves us - my book on emotions, their purpose, and how to truly benefit from them. See details at www.dontblamethebrain.com  - as we continue talking about children, we will also focus more on the adult (you and me) in that dynamic - more tools for you to strengthen your own wellbeing, so that you can show up in parenting the best way that you can  - the importance of knowing oneself and having a Sense of Agency, both as an adult and as a parent     Want to explore another important issue? Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.   Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com