Workplace Creatures | Episode 3

To: {INSERT NEW EMPLOYEE NAME HERE} The queen wishes me to write and welcome you to {INSERT LOCATION HERE}. Her majesty was also touched to know {FIELD#33NAMEADDRESS} was present to {#} this special occasion. I am to send her majesty’s {BEST WISHES/DEEP REGRET} to you. Lady Helen Bonbon Lady-in-waiting – Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Krage Brown Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast Follow us on Instagram @everybody.panic © 2022 everybody panic

Flat 12, Bloomsbury House, EC14 4JJ Ma, Here’s a copy of the tape I done. Jez says the manager at Woolworths is going to show it to the girls in the shop. Is it ok if I keep a few hundred boxes of eau de toilette in the spare room? It’s Barrymore’s new one so I reckon I can shift it all down the women's clinic at the weekend. Make sure you keep it away from the electric fire. And the dog. Gary – Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, David Gurney Emily Wilden Krage Brown Nathan Peter Grassi With additional voices by Lily Jones and Lewis Jones Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod

16 April 1972 Sirs, It has come to my attention that some of the girls in the office have been complaining about unwanted advances from the butchers. While I do sympathise with them somewhat (after all those butchers have awfully big, hairy hands), it’s just a bit of fun on their part and I'd hate to take away what little joy they have in their miserable lives. If I had to strangle 400 cattle a day I know I would find solace in chasing the girl from accounts down a dark hallway with my big, bloodied hands.  To feel them, like two hairy hams, grabbing at my breasts like a hungry bird. I’d say no but really I'd mean YES. Anway, some chap at the freemasons put me in touch with a firm who specialise in these new ‘training records’. Do me a favour and play it to the lads on the shop floor. Dictated and signed in absence. Regards, Baron Von Beirgmenst III Chief Executive Officer, Barbarity Meats & Offal Tubes – Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Krage Brown Jess Lloyd-Jones Miranda Shrapnell Ida Berglöw Kenneway David Gurney Nathan Peter Grassi Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod © 2022 everybody panic

Gabby said we’ve all got to watch this thing I.T sent over before New Year’s Eve. Just make Terry watch it and he can update us on Monday morning. Also… tell me you saw Jane’s dress this morning? Did her meth addled mom knit it for her? Gross. She looked like she was wearing the blanket I buried my cat in. Kat Head of Human Resources – Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Ida Berglöw Kenneway Krage Brown Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod © 2022 everybody panic

-FAX- To All the staffs From Hans Eierkuchen Pages 1 Hi all, Let’s celebrate the new aircraft with this wonderful CD_ROMULUS that Heidi and chums has put together in the training form. Learning what we should all aspire to be, fully erect or not. I suggest you all digest this before embarking within her metal bowel and taking to the skies. It will serve you well to understand the different nooks and fannies with her long body. Clap together your hands for Heidi and very emotional performance, I expect she’ll be a star soon and off to the Hollywood for a role on the big television or perhaps pumping milk into a dog's mouth if they know her right. Warmest Darlings, Hans Eierkuchen AloisJet - Team Training Lead Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Krage Brown Ida Berglöw Kenneway Nathan Peter Grassi & Miranda Shrapnell Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod © 2022 everybody panic

Mary, I’ve been asked to send you this pdf on depression as your overall body ‘stank’ is becoming an issue in the office and can only mean you're either deeply depressed or your mother’s brought another ‘man friend’ home to stay. If reading is too much effort for you, I’m recording it on tape next week. You can have a copy so long as you leave $4 on my desk to cover the cost of cleaning the smell from the tape after you’ve used it. Regards, Joe Durst Head of Staff Training – Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Krage Brown Miranda Shrapnell Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod © 2022 everybody panic

Dear all, The power of a smile can increase profits by as much as 904%. Please remind your teams they’re all contractually required to smile for their entire 12 hour shift, even while Brenda from the deli counter cradles them in the women's bathroom and dries their tears with her dead husband's Dukes of Hazzard vest. Play this DVD at the next team huddle. I’ll know if you don’t. Matt North West Regional Manager Best Value UK – Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Krage Brown David Gurney Jess Lloyd-Jones Miranda Shrapnell Liam Jones Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown & Thom Munden Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod © 2022 everybody panic

To Terry McPhearson From Keven Streep Subject: FW: Training edit Terry, Please do not download that wetransfer, it’s the wrong version of the edit. I’ll send over the correct version as soon as I can. Please, Terry. It wasn’t my fault. Regards, Keven Steep Head of Internal Training United Fusion Coal —---- To Terry McPhearson From Keven Streep Subject: Training edit Terry, Here’s a link to the finished edit for unit 9. Could this be up on the intranet by Monday? Regards, Keven Steep Head of Internal Training United Fusion Coal Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Nathan Peter Grassi Miranda Shrapnell Ida Berglöw Kenneway Krage Brown Carl Sutton David Gurney Liam Jones & Jess Lloyd-Jones Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod © 2022 everybody panic

– ALL TEAM MEMO – Do not look the meat harvester in the eyes. – Burnt Toast Presents: Workplace Creatures Featuring, Nathan Peter Grassi Ida Berglöw Kenneway Written & Created by Thom Munden Edited by: Krage Brown Artwork by: deprivedanxiety Burnt Toast Presents is an everybody panic podcast. Follow us on twitter @BurntToastPod © 2022 everybody panic

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