Regulation or Avoidance? How to Tell the Difference

We all bump into the blurry line between regulating and avoiding. In this episode, Amanda unpacks the difference between soothing your nervous system and emotionally bypassing—using a real client story to show how even “healthy” tools can become numbing when the intention and impact are off. Learn how to choose between regulation and resourcing, and try a simple check-in to turn coping back into connection.In this episode, you’ll learn:The clear definitions of regulation (state-shifting) vs avoidance/numbing (state-escaping)Why the same behavior (TV, scrolling, exercise, breathwork) can heal or hide depending on intention & impactThe difference between regulating and resourcing—and when each is appropriateHow “pop healing” can unintentionally promote bypassing (and what to do instead)A quick two-question experiment to notice whether you’re shifting away from or expanding capacity for what you feel3 Takeaways:The same behavior can heal or hide, intention & impact are the tells. Regulation restores presence and energy; avoidance suppresses and disconnects. Ask: Does this make me more present or less present?We need both regulating and resourcing tools. Use regulation when a state feels too big or inaccurate to the moment; use resourcing to expand your ability to be with what’s here safely.Awareness is the work. Before you reach for a tool, pause: What am I feeling? What’s my intention? That tiny check-in turns numbing into nourishment and coping into true regulation.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

This week, I’m pulling back the curtain on the Regulated Living Membership—because doors are officially open.If you've been stuck in survival mode, if therapy and mindset work helped you understand the why but didn’t give you a way forward—this is for you.In today’s episode, I walk you through the what, why, and who of the membership. You’ll hear real member stories, learn what makes this space different, and get a behind-the-scenes look at Course Club—our 5-week guided orientation that starts Monday.We talk:Why your symptoms make senseWhat traditional mental health models are missingThe difference between Restore and the membershipWhat’s inside, how it works, and how to know if it’s for youEnrollment closes Saturday at midnight. This episode is your personal invitation to join us—no pressure, just a chance to feel seen, supported, and grounded again.🔗 Learn more & join: https://regulatedliving.com/membership💌 Questions? email [email protected]: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do for your nervous system isn’t to rest—it’s to move. This episode is for the ones who don’t relate to overachieving or overfunctioning because they’re on the other end of the spectrum: the stuck, the shut down, the ones who can’t seem to get going no matter how much they want to.If motivation feels impossible and even small tasks feel like climbing a mountain, this episode will help you understand why—and how to begin again with gentleness and devotion instead of shame.In this episode, you’ll learn:Why low energy, lack of motivation, and “laziness” are actually physiological responses, not character flawsThe nervous system science behind shutdown and how it traps you in inactionWhy waiting for motivation doesn’t work—and what to do insteadHow to reclaim the word discipline as an act of devotion, not punishmentThe 5-Minute Win: a simple practice to help you break inertia and start rebuilding energy3 Takeaways: For a shut-down system, discipline is self-care. Gentle action—one small, consistent thing—is the medicine that restores motion and energy.Motivation is the result, not the prerequisite. Waiting to “feel like it” keeps you stuck. Taking one tiny action is the jumpstart that recharges your system.Reframe discipline as devotion. It’s not a drill sergeant yelling “get up,” it’s the loving inner parent or part saying, “Let’s do one small thing together because you deserve to feel better.”—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

This episode will only be live for a few days—and so will this offer.If you’ve been thinking about working with us 1:1 inside RESTORE, hit play.For this week only (or until 5 spots fill), we’re offering: – $1,000 off the full RESTORE program – Lifetime membership access (normally 6 months) – Comprehensive bloodwork + Review – HSA/FSA eligible – Flexible payment plans availableRESTORE is our high-touch, neuroscience-backed, 16-week coaching program designed to help you heal anxiety and depression at the root.No more guessing. No more “coping” as a lifestyle. Just personalized support, a clear plan, and tools that actually work in the moment.CLICK HERE to book your free discovery callCalls must be booked before midnight Wednesday the 19th to claim the RESTORE offer. No same-day bookings—so if you're feeling the nudge, now’s the time.I'm looking forward to supporting you ❤️‍🩹Questions? [email protected]: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Today's conversation is for the Type A, high achieving, often overwhelmed and anxious nervous system folk. Amanda talk about the pattern we often see where we stop our self-care habits when we feel good, but stopping them often puts us back into a spiral of anxiety and the story of, "why do I do this? I'm just not disciplined or motivated enough, etc..." But what if that’s not the problem at all?In this episode, we reframe what it means to “stay consistent,” explore why many of us use overwhelm as our barometer, and talk about how true discipline might actually look like doing less, not more.3 Takeaways:1. Maybe you're not falling back into "bad habits" - you're overcommitting until self-care becomes impossible. When life gets good, we reflexively add more to our plates instead of maintaining what's working. The problem isn't lack of discipline; it's trying to fit 60 hours of life into 24 hours of human capacity.2. Not all regulation tools are meant to be forever - and that's okay. Healing requires adjusting your “protocol.” Just like you don't need an ankle brace after your sprain heals, some nervous system supports are temporary medicine for acute times. The key is knowing which practices are your anchors (the ones you need even when you're well) versus which ones can naturally fade as you heal.3. Redefine discipline: Maybe it's not the choice to do more, it's the courage to do less. True discipline means saying no to opportunities even though you could squeeze them in, maintaining white space in your calendar even though it makes you anxious, and remembering that feeling good isn't permission to overwhelm yourself again. Ask yourself: "At what cost?" before saying yes.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Today’s going to be a little bit different, instead of our normal educational chat this is going to be a guided experiential episode that you can come to when you’re feeling activated to find some support in getting more regulated through various somatic exercises. If you’re listening in the car or while doing something else, come back to this episode then you can be more fully present with the guided exercises. Hit play to join me for this guided regulation practice!—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

I (Amanda) signed up to chaperone my kindergartener's field trip. Then childcare fell through. Suddenly I'm responsible for my feral 2-year-old AND five other 5-year-olds. My nervous system panicked—heart racing, adrenaline spiking, pure chaos mode. But here's the thing: I wasn't dysregulated. In this episode, I'm using my chaotic morning to show you what nervous system regulation actually looks like in real life (hint: it's not about staying calm).In this episode, you'll learn:Why activation and dysregulation are NOT the same thing—and why confusing them keeps you stuckThe real questions that determine if you're regulated: Can you reset? How quickly? How long do you stay stuck?What to do when life throws you a curveball and your nervous system ramps upWhy building capacity matters more than eliminating stress3 Takeaways:Activation is not dysregulation. You can feel stressed, overwhelmed, or burnt out and still be regulated—regulation is about whether you can reset and move through it, not whether you feel it at all.The real markers of regulation are flexibility and resilience. Ask yourself: How long do I stay activated after the stressor passes? What's my capacity for discomfort or change without spiraling? Can I still access choice when I'm activated?A regulated nervous system isn't a calm nervous system—it's a flexible one. It can access energy when you need it and release it when you don't. That's a skill you can build.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

Ever feel like you're failing, no matter how hard you try to organize, optimize, or just push through? In this deeply personal and vulnerable episode, Amanda pulls back the curtain on her own postpartum season—navigating life as a new mom of three while running a business. She shares the story of a recent "crash out" spiral and the unlikely tool that gave her the reality check she desperately needed.In this episode, you'll learn:Why the feeling that you’re constantly "failing" is often a sign of an impossible equation, not a personal flaw, and how to spot the signs of a capacity crash out.A practical, step-by-step exercise to get an objective look at your true workload vs. your actual capacity (and why a robot might be the mirror you need).How to dismantle the cultural myth of "doing it all" and start separating your self-worth from your productivity.The two strategic choices you have when the math doesn't add up, and how to start implementing them with self-compassion.3 Takeaways:Do the Math on Your Life, you might be trying to solve an impossible equation without even realizing it.You have two options: Do less or get more support (usually both)You're not the problem, the expectation is. Sometimes the most regulated, aligned, grounded thing you can do is tell yourself the truth about what’s possible and what’s not.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

 A deeply personal exploration of eldest daughter syndrome—the invisible load that comes with being the responsible one, the second mom, the example. If you're an eldest daughter who learned that being helpful mattered more than being carefree, this episode is for you. We explore how love and responsibility got tangled up early on, the connection to anxiety and depression, and the path toward healing while honoring both the gifts and the weight of this role.In this episode, you'll learn:Why eldest daughters are more likely to struggle with anxiety and high-functioning perfectionismThe research behind birth order, gender, and anxiety ratesThe "wolf pack metaphor" and why eldest daughters often walk in front, taking the hitsHow nervous system regulation creates space to hold both/and truths about your childhoodPractical steps for healing over-responsibility and self-abandonment patterns3 Takeaways:The Eldest Daughter to High-Functioning Anxiety Pipeline is Real: Research shows firstborns with siblings are 48% more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety.You Can Love Your Role AND Grieve the Cost: It's not either/or—you can have had good parents AND experienced unintentional hurt. You can cherish being the big sister AND be healing from the weight of it. When your nervous system settles, you gain the capacity to hold both truths without one invalidating the other.Healing Requires Reclaiming Play and Rest: Far too early, many eldest daughters stopped playing and started managing. Healing means experimenting with "good enough," letting things go undone, and proving to your nervous system that rest and play are survivable—not frivolous.Practical Steps for Healing:Name the pattern out loud: "I learned to be hyper-responsible and that my worth comes from what I do"Practice both/and thinking rather than either/orLearn to regulate your nervous system to access nuance and self-compassionExperiment with asking for help in low-stakes situations // Ask yourself: "What would 'good enough' look like today?"Play 1% more, rest 1% moreIf you have kids, model that responsibility doesn't mean carrying everything alone—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise

In the final episode, Amanda tackles the most empowering part of the equation: the “Underestimation of Ability.” Discover the science behind why we forget our own capacity and resources in the exact moments we need it most and learn how to actively reconnect with your deep well of resilience.In This Episode, You'll Learn:Why anxiety makes you shrink and feel like a younger, less powerful version of yourself.That stress hormones can temporarily block your access to memories of past successesHow to recognize your everyday actions as powerful evidence of your capability.The game-changing mindset shift from asking "What if?" to knowing "Even if..."Tools to Reconnect With Your Ability:Evidence Gathering: Make a list of hard things you’ve already survived. Your track record is proof of your strength.The Resource Reality Check: Actively list your resources—skills, knowledge, and especially the people you can turn to for co-regulation and support.The "Good Enough" Reminder: Ask, "What would handling this 'good enough' look like?" This frees you from the paralysis of perfectionism.—Looking for more personalized support?Book a FREE discovery call for RESTORE, our 1:1 anxiety & depression coaching program (HSA/FSA eligible & includes comprehensive bloodwork)Join me inside Regulated Living, a mental health membership and nervous system healing space (sliding scale pricing available)Order my book, Healing Through the Vagus Nerve today!*Want me to talk about something specific on the podcast? Let me know HERE.Website: https://www.regulatedliving.com/podcastEmail: [email protected]: @amandaontheriseTikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@amandaontherise