197: The Seven Pillars of Manhood EVERY Young Man Must Go Through

THE BRAVECO RITE OF PASSAGE: https://www.braveco.org/riteofpassageIn this powerful episode of the Brave Co podcast, I dive deep into the importance of fathers guiding their sons through the rite of passage into manhood. Our culture has lost the intentionality and significance of this vital moment in a young man’s life, and I’m here to challenge that. Every boy deserves a clear pathway, a moment where he is called out of boyhood and into the responsibilities of manhood. This isn't just about age—it's about identity, strength, and faith.We'll explore the historical context of rites of passage across cultures—from the Native American vision quests to the bar mitzvah—and how these practices shaped strong men throughout history. I also share my personal experiences and what I’ve learned from my father. This episode is packed with practical insights for fathers who want to equip their sons with the virtues and values they need to step confidently into manhood. If you’ve been looking for a way to build a lasting legacy for your son, this is the episode you don’t want to miss.Stay tuned to hear about the upcoming Brave Co. Ride of Passage, an event that’s designed to break the mold of traditional conferences. This is a 30-hour immersive experience for fathers and sons that will challenge both physically and spiritually, leaving you forever changed. It’s time to stop letting culture dictate what it means to be a man—let’s take back the power of initiation.Chapters:00:00 - Intro - Rite Of Passage09:00 - Our Standard for Manhood18:26 - The Seven Pillars Every Young Man Needs to Go Through18:49 - Pillar 1: The Beloved Son - Knowing He Is Loved No Matter What19:52 - Pillar 2: The Explorer - Taking Risks and Learning Perseverance21:25 - Pillar 3: The Warrior - Fighting for What’s Right with Honor23:36 - Pillar 4: The Brother - Belonging to a Brotherhood25:00 - Pillar 5: The Builder - Taking Responsibility for Strength26:08 - Pillar 6: The King - Living with Purpose and Value28:28 - Pillar 7: The Sage - Passing On Wisdom to the Next Generation30:00 - The Importance of a Clear Plan for Your Son’s ManhoodCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I’m answering your real, raw questions about dating, marriage, trust, and fatherhood as a man of God. We start with how to actually meet women in person in a world that hides behind screens and dating apps. I share my own story of dating after divorce, how I met my wife Lauren, and why growing your in-person game is one of the most important skills you can build as a single man. If you’ve ever felt stuck, awkward, or intimidated around women, this conversation will give you practical tools to initiate low-pressure, honest, and confident conversations.From there, we dive into one of the hardest topics I hear about as a pastor and counselor: emotional abuse in marriage. Is it ever a good enough reason to leave? What does it look like to set strong, healthy boundaries without instantly jumping to divorce? I’ll walk you through why emotional abuse is not “less serious” than physical abuse, why you need wise outside counsel, and how to discern what’s really happening in your relationship. We also talk about rebuilding trust after pornography or betrayal—why “I’ve changed” isn’t enough, how to validate your wife’s pain, and how trust is rebuilt not by perfection, but by how you clean up the mess you made.Finally, we tackle the question so many men carry quietly: “How do I father my kids when my dad never fathered me?” I share stories from my own family, how my dad invited spiritual fathers into his life, and how you can pursue older men, mentors, and healthy community instead of waiting for someone to chase you down. We talk about joining men’s groups, serving leaders you respect, and becoming “good soil” that fathers want to invest in. If you’re hungry to grow as a man, husband, and father—and you’re willing to grind, show up, and do the work—this episode will give you a clear path forward.Chapters:00:00 - Why Every Boy Needs a Rite of Passage01:44 - How to Meet Women Without Online Dating09:09 - Is Emotional Abuse a Reason to Leave My Wife?13:20 - Rebuilding Trust After Porn and Betrayal19:10 - How to Father Your Kids When You Lacked a Father23:00 - Inviting Spiritual Fathers and Mentors Into Your Life25:02 - Stop Waiting to Be Chosen—Pursue Father Figures26:11 - How to Send Your Questions to BraveCoCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

THE BRAVECO RITE OF PASSAGE: https://www.braveco.org/riteofpassageAs a pastor, counselor, and dad, I have watched so many young men stumble their way into manhood without a clear pathway. In this episode of the Brave Co Podcast, I break down the stages our sons move through and what it looks like to call them out of boyhood and into manhood with intention. From the “cop” phase with little kids, to mentoring teens, to coaching young men who are 18, 19, and 20 and still living at home, I share real stories from my own life and conversations I have with fathers all the time.I talk about how to shift from controlling your son’s every move to training him to make wise decisions, carry real responsibility, and discover his God-given purpose. You will hear how my dad prepared me for puberty, identity, and independence, why I had to start fighting my own battles, and how those milestones shaped me. Then I walk you through what to do when your son wants to stay at home as an adult, how to set clear expectations, and how to stop enabling him so he can grow into a man who produces more than he consumes.If you are a dad of a teenage or young adult son, this conversation will give you language, courage, and a practical roadmap. I also share why we created the BraveCo Rite of Passage, a 30-hour weekend where fathers and sons encounter God together, push their limits, and mark the moment a boy is called into manhood. Join us February 28 – March 1, 2026 in Jacksonville, Florida. Get all the details and grab your spot at braveco.org, and do not forget to subscribe, share this episode with another dad, and drop a comment with your biggest takeaway.Chapters:00:00 BraveCo Rite of Passage: Why Every Boy Needs a Moment of Manhood01:14 Why Masculinity and Fatherhood Matter04:12 The “Cop Phase”: Parenting Little Kids With Boundaries and Protection07:17 From Cop to Mentor: Teaching Teens Responsibility and Purpose11:06 Boys vs. Men: Responsibility, Work, and the Parable of the Talents15:47 Milestones With Dad: Puberty, Identity, and Fighting Your Own Battles19:19 When Your Son Is 18–20: Moving From Mentor to Coach23:12 Adult Sons at Home: Contracts, Expectations, and Contribution26:00 When Your Son Moves Out (and Maybe Moves Back In)34:02 Final Encouragement to Fathers and How to Set Your Son Up for SuccessCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

We live in a culture that shames masculinity and leaves men confused about who they are and what they’re called to. In this episode of the BraveCo Podcast, I share a message that’s been burning in my heart: the journey from the promise to the promised land—and why the middle ground is where God actually forms us into the men we’re meant to be. I talk about the “compass bearing” God gives us, the mountaintop goals we aim at, and the frustrating, winding road between where we are and where we know we’re called to go.Using the stories of David, Joseph, Adam, and the Israelites, I unpack how God forms, fills, and finishes men in the middle. We look at caves, pits, deserts, and valleys—not as proof that God abandoned us, but as the forge where He shapes our character, teaches us to trust Him, and gets Egypt out of us. I share from my own journey of building BraveCo, walking through divorce, debt, fatherhood, and leadership, and how I’ve had to trade self-help-only solutions for real dependence on God, who promised to make my path straight.If you feel stuck, in-between, or discouraged because your reality doesn’t yet match your promise, this episode is for you. My prayer is that you’ll learn how to lean not on your own understanding, how to choose faith over fear, and how to see your middle ground as holy ground where God is actively forming you into a king. If this speaks to you, make sure you subscribe, share it with another man who needs it, and drop a comment about where God is meeting you in the middle right now.Chapters:00:00 Why Masculinity Is Under Attack (Intro)01:26 Finding Your Compass Bearing (Mount Shasta Story)03:12 The Painful Beauty of the Middle Ground04:25 My Story: Nerdy Kid with a King’s Calling06:18 You Don’t Make You—God Makes You08:35 Formed in the Middle: Adam & Assignment10:01 David’s Cave Season: Learning to Be King12:46 Joseph’s Pit, Prison & Promotion15:18 Finished in the Middle: Valleys, Wilderness & Your Next StepCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this BraveCo live Q&A, I sit down with a few brave men who are willing to ask the questions most guys keep to themselves. We talk honestly about what it looks like to stop abandoning yourself in marriage, how to confront fear without becoming controlling, and how to show up as a powerful man without losing connection at home.I answer a vulnerable question from a married man who keeps falling back into “doormat” patterns and feels exhausted from replaying old relational trauma in a new relationship. We unpack the difference between serving from love vs. abandoning yourself from fear, what it means to be two powerful people in a marriage, and how to build real skills in conflict, boundaries, and communication. I also share why you cannot heal relational trauma outside of relationship and give practical language you can start using today.Later in the episode, I address how I would counsel a woman in her 20s who struggles with pornography and why investing in expert help for addiction is one of the most important decisions you can make. We talk about porn as a fake solution to real pain, how to rewire your brain, and why good friends aren’t always good guides. We finish by talking with a close friend about time management, discipline, and how to control what you can control without becoming rigid and angry at the world. If you’re a man who wants to grow stronger in marriage, purity, and purpose, this episode is for you.Chapters:00:00 – Introduction00:28 – Live Q&A Kickoff and First Caller Introduction01:01 – “I Keep Becoming a Doormat in My Marriage”03:21 – Two Powerful People: Honesty, Needs & Fear of Disappointment07:00 – Building Communication & Boundary Skills as a Man11:12 – Healing Relational Trauma Inside Relationship14:40 – Counseling a Woman in Her 20s Who Struggles with Porn16:39 – Why You Need Expert Help for Addiction (Not Just Good Friends)19:36 – Time Management, Discipline & Things You Can’t Control23:37 – Flexibility, Purpose & Final Encouragement to Brave MenCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

In this BraveCo live Q&A, I sit down with a few brave men who ask the questions most guys keep to themselves. We talk about what it really looks like to lead as a single dad, how to know if you are actually ready to date again after divorce, and how to invite someone into your family without sacrificing your kids in the process. I share my own story of betrayal, navigating divorce and eventually blending a family, and the difference between simply “moving on” and truly “moving forward.”We also dive into one of the most vulnerable questions a husband can ask: “What do I do when I am not as attracted to my wife after kids?” Together we unpack how bodies change, how life stress and kids affect desire, and why emotional and spiritual connection are often the real drivers of attraction in a long term marriage. I give practical ways to pursue your wife’s heart again, rebuild connection, and invite her into a health journey without shaming her or shutting down.Finally, we talk about unity in the Church and how to bring pastors and leaders together across denominations for prayer and real relationship. I share how I think about influence, trust and momentum, and give some simple steps to start gathering leaders in your city without it becoming weird, political or divisive. If you are a man who wants to lead your family well, love your wife deeply and stand for your city with other believers, this conversation will speak directly to you.Chapters:00:00 Welcome to the BraveCo live Q&A for men00:40 Single dad Tommy shares his story of divorce and dating again02:15 Are you actually ready to date again after a painful divorce05:10 Letting your kids set the pace of your new relationship09:10 Who comes first, kids or girlfriend, before and after marriage10:40 Noah opens up about losing attraction to his wife after kids13:40 Rebuilding emotional and spiritual connection when bodies change18:20 Going on a health and fitness journey together as a couple20:40 Jordan asks how to unite pastors and churches in his city24:40 Practical steps for cross denominational unity and BraveCo next stepsCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I sat down with my brother and longtime friend Cole Zick, we found ourselves wrestling with one question: What’s the role of a man in a world that seems to be falling apart? From mass shootings to moral confusion, we’re watching violence rise in ways that test our faith, courage, and leadership. This conversation isn’t about politics — it’s about calling men back to their God-given design to protect, heal, and lead with emotional and spiritual maturity.In this episode, Cole and I dive deep into what real protection looks like — not just carrying a weapon, but cultivating the emotional composure to de-escalate conflict, protect your family, and lead your community with integrity. We talk about how unhealed pain fuels chaos, how churches can prepare wisely without fear, and why it’s time for men to master both strength and tenderness.This isn’t a doom-and-gloom episode. It’s a wake-up call to become the kind of men the world actually needs right now — men who carry wisdom, humility, and power under control. Stick around to the end; I share a personal story that’ll make you laugh and think about what courage really looks like when your family’s on the line.Chapters:00:00 – Intro: Why This Conversation Matters01:09 – Violence in America and the Spirit Behind It04:30 – What Is a Man’s Responsibility to Protect?06:14 – Should Christians Carry Guns?09:46 – The Power of Emotional Mastery10:33 – The Story of My Son and the Shotgun14:44 – Building Church Security Without Fear17:36 – Recognizing the Same Spirit Behind Culture Wars22:40 – Healing the Root of Brokenness in Men34:53 – Final Thoughts: Competence, Courage, and CompassionCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

I sit down with my friend Stephen De Silva, creator of The Prosperous Soul and former CFO at Bethel Church. We talk about something most men never realize — that our financial struggles are rarely about money. They’re about what’s happening inside our hearts and minds. Stephen helps us unpack the connection between the soul and wealth, revealing how your mindset and theology can either limit or multiply what God wants to do in your finances.I share a bit of my own story — moments when I thought “we just need more money,” but the truth was, I hadn’t planted any new seeds. There was no stewardship, no multiplication, just waiting for a miracle. Stephen challenges that mindset head-on, teaching how to align our internal world with the mind of Christ, and how to grow capacity through protection, provision, and identity. We talk practicals too: creating multiple streams of income, overcoming fear around money, and learning to be both shrewd as a serpent and innocent as a dove.If you’ve ever felt stuck financially or wondered how to build true prosperity that lasts for generations, this conversation will light a fire in you. Whether you’re trying to climb out of debt, launch a new income stream, or teach your kids how to steward money God’s way, this is your roadmap to becoming a man who prospers from the inside out.👉 Subscribe, comment your biggest takeaway, and check out Stephen’s resources at prosperoussoul.comChapters:00:00 – Welcome to the BraveCo Podcast00:15 – What if your financial struggle isn’t about money?02:10 – How your internal world shapes your wealth04:00 – The serpent and the dove: Jesus’ financial wisdom06:50 – Getting bold about your budget and debt09:00 – Creating new streams of income12:10 – You can’t save your way to prosperity17:10 – Building capacity: protection, provision, identity23:30 – Passing financial wisdom to the next generation27:45 – Teaching your sons and daughters about money35:00 – Final challenge: multiply what God’s given youCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

When I sat down with my friend @RyanPineda , I knew this episode was going to be packed with truth, but I didn’t expect the level of raw honesty and practical wisdom he brought. Ryan’s story starts where a lot of us have been—broke, uncertain, and wondering what God’s plan really looks like when the dream we’ve been chasing falls apart. From playing professional baseball to flipping couches just to survive, Ryan shows what it looks like when faith collides with grit.Connect with Ryan: https://ryanpineda.com/What I love about this conversation is how real Ryan is about risk, failure, and obedience. He talks about maxing out $50,000 in credit cards to flip his first house—trusting that if it didn’t work out, God would still provide. That decision became a turning point, birthing multiple businesses, social-media influence, and a mission to raise up Kingdom entrepreneurs through Tentmakers. His success didn’t come from playing it safe; it came from partnering with God and being willing to move even when it didn’t make sense.If you’ve ever felt stuck—financially, spiritually, or emotionally—this episode will challenge you to take inventory of your skill set, your mindset, and your faith. We talk about how to identify the next skill that will multiply your income, how to break the fear of risk, and how obedience always leads to blessing. This one’s for every man who knows there’s more in him, but just needs the courage to take that next step.Chapters:00:00 – Intro: Skills That Lead to Real Wealth01:30 – From Baseball to Broke: Ryan’s Early Journey04:00 – Flipping Couches and Finding Purpose08:00 – Overcoming Fear and Taking Risk10:15 – The First Prophetic Word: Real Estate15:00 – The $50K Credit-Card Leap of Faith19:00 – When God Says “Do It Again”: The Social Media Pivot23:00 – Obedience, Growth, and Kingdom Influence33:00 – The Skillset That Determines Your Income40:00 – Failures, Faith, and Getting Better Every DayCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.

Welcome back to the Brave Co Podcast, men. This week, we're diving into an essential topic that can transform your life: wealth and prosperity. For so many of us, the idea of wealth might have been twisted through negative experiences, bad teachings, or a lack of understanding. We’ve all heard that money is the root of evil, but what does the Bible really say about wealth? Is there a difference between greed and prosperity? In this episode, we’re not just talking about the financial side of prosperity, but also the deeper, spiritual aspects of wealth. Wealth, according to scripture, isn’t just money—it’s a mindset and a way of living that affects every part of who you are.As I talk with my dad, Kris Vallotton, we break down the real meaning of wealth in God's eyes and how to shift your mindset. We also explore the importance of having a clear plan for your financial future, as well as a powerful perspective on stewardship and generosity. One of the key takeaways from today’s episode is the need to embrace prosperity in every area of life—emotionally, physically, spiritually, and financially. Prosperity isn’t just about accumulation; it’s about freedom, peace, and the ability to bless others. God wants to partner with you in building wealth, but first, you must learn to steward it well and let go of limiting beliefs that have held you back.In this conversation, we tackle the practical side of prosperity. From giving generously to understanding how money works for you (and not the other way around), we lay out actionable steps to start building wealth. If you’ve ever felt stuck in a cycle of scarcity, this episode is for you. We're going to help you break free from those limiting mindsets and start living in the abundance God has designed for you. Take the first step today toward transforming your mindset, finances, and life. Get ready to dive in!Timestamps:00:00 - Introduction: Building Strong, Capable Leaders03:09 - Understanding Prosperity and Wealth from a Biblical Perspective07:12 - Wealth as a Power: Attracting Blessings Through Favor11:23 - Breaking Free from the Poverty Mindset14:25 - Stewardship: The Key to Wealth Building18:31 - The Difference Between Prosperity and Riches22:14 - Biblical Wisdom and Creating a Kingdom Economy26:10 - The Parables of Talents: Lessons on Investment and Stewardship30:22 - The Power of Generosity and Making God Your Partner35:00 - Practical Steps to Build Wealth and Financial Freedom42:01 - Final Thoughts: Shifting From Working for Money to Money Working for YouCONNECT WITH BRAVECOJoin Our Free Community for Men (ladies, sign up your man): https://www.braveco.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/braveco.menInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/braveco.men/Shop: https://shop.braveco.org/ ABOUT BRAVECO: We live in a time where men are hunting for the truth and looking for the codebook to manhood. At BraveCo, we are on a mission to heal the narrative of masculinity across a generation; fighting the good fight together because every man should feel confident and capable of facing his pain, loving deeply, and leading a life that impacts the world around him.