203. When You Have Different Values

How do you heal an estranged relationship with your adult child when there’s no contact? Through a recording from a past group Q&A call, host psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson shares her insights about the self-reflexive relationship between parents and adult children, and its potential for healing. Tina emphasizes that lingering emotional injuries in the parent -- who may not be aware of how those wounds continue to compromise them -- can play a significant role in why adult children choose to distance themselves. Recognizing this can be the first step toward healing. Tina encourages listeners to prioritize their own healing and personal growth. Because by working on themselves, parents can create a healthier emotional environment, even from a distance. Healing takes time. But change is possible, and with patience and dedication, estranged relationships can start to transform even before contact resumes. Join Tina as she delivers this challenging yet hopeful message, offering comfort and guidance to those in deep emotional pain. For much more on healing relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE LINKS: Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child: Practical Tips and Tools to Heal Your Relationship Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 194: Room For Improvement Want to support the podcast? Become a Reconnection Club member and get access to educational content and online events hosted by Tina, as well as our members-only forums. Monthly and annual memberships are available. Learn more.

In this important episode for parents with estranged adult children, therapist and host Tina Gilbertson discusses a common mistake that can keep the distance between them.  Many parents think estrangement is just a form of the “silent treatment” and a reaction to their parenting mistakes. They struggle to understand why all the good things they did -- such as providing support, resources or time --  don’t outweigh the issues their child is upset about. This confusion can make parents feel rejected, abandoned, and unfairly treated. By learning the key differences between estrangement and "the silent treatment,” parents can start to understand what their adult children might be trying to communicate through their silence. For information and tools to repair your relationship with your estranged adult child(ren), read Tina’s book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE RESOURCES: 8 Differences Between Estrangement and “The Silent Treatment” Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 157: Is It Proportional?

Host Tina Gilbertson continues the conversation from Episode 203 about navigating differences in values within parent-adult child relationships. This episode explores additional factors that can strengthen reconciled relationships, even in the presence of different values. Key Topics Discussed: The concept of "glue" in relationships and what connects us beyond differing values The importance of shared goals and interests in family dynamics Fun as a vital component in rebuilding connections Identifying and focusing on what you have in common The role of respect and validation in fostering connection The significance of rituals and shared history in family relationships Disclaimer: Tina emphasizes that contact is a Step 3 activity on the Road Map to Reconnection. Listeners are encouraged to assess their readiness before taking action based on the suggestions provided in this episode. For information and tools to repair your relationship with your estranged adult child(ren), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE RESOURCES: Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 203: When You Have Different Values Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 97: Road Map to Reconnection (Part 1) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 98: Road Map to Reconnection (Part 2) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 99: Road Map to Reconnection (Part 3) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 198: Validation (Or Lack Thereof) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 199. Validation: What, Why, How and When Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 200. Validation and You, The Estranged Parent Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 201. Validation FAQs

In this insightful episode, psychotherapist Tina Gilbertson tackles the sensitive issue of how parents can manage differences in values with their adult children -- especially when those differences lead to estrangement. Whether it’s political disagreements, religious conflicts, or cultural clashes, Tina explores how it’s not always the values themselves that cause tension, but the way those differences are handled. Tina draws on years of experience working with values differences, to provide actionable strategies for parents to overcome value conflicts, reduce emotional friction, and begin the journey of reconciliation. Through empathy, improved communication, and mutual respect, parents can create space for healing and rebuild relationships that may seem beyond repair. Key Takeaways: Why handling value differences with adult children can either create distance or bring you closer together The role of empathy and effective communication in reducing conflict and fostering reconnection How to navigate difficult topics like politics, religion, and lifestyle differences without furthering estrangement  Practical advice for parents on healing family relationships, even when values don’t align For information and tools to repair your relationship with your estranged adult child(ren), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE LINKS: Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 198: Validation (Or Lack Thereof) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 199. Validation: What, Why, How and When Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 200. Validation and You, The Estranged Parent Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 201. Validation FAQs Toastmasters International Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 190: You Can Do Hard Things

Follow The Reconnection Club on Instagram @Reconnectionclub. In this inspiring episode, one parent shares his personal journey from estrangement to reconciliation with his adult child. Through his voice, we hear not only a story of healing and hope, but also surprising insights into the meaning of reconnection. This powerful account comes to us thanks to the generosity of one Reconnection Club member, who courageously offers his story in his own words.  For information and tools to repair your relationship with your estranged adult child(ren), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

In this final episode of a series on validation (see links below), Reconnection Club Podcast host Tina Gilbertson brings clarity and compassion to one of the most emotionally charged applications of this skill: validating estranged adult children. Earlier episodes explored what a lack of validation looks like, offered a two-step validation technique (be sure to review Ep. 199 before listening to this one), and suggested reasons to practice validating yourself before trying it with others. This episode features tips for applying validation in the sensitive context of a trouble relationship. To round out this episode and the validation series, you’ll hear thoughtful answers to three frequently asked questions, including whether it’s okay to bring out negative feelings while validating, and how to regularly express empathy with small children without making them self-centered. Offering both helpful guidance and hope, this series of episodes (198-201) will be treasured by anyone wanting to connect or reconnect with their adult child(ren) in a way that feels authentic, respectful, and emotionally intelligent. For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE LINKS: Part 1. Validation (Or Lack Thereof) (Ep 198) Part 2. Validation: What, Why, How and When (Ep 199) Part 3. Validation and You, The Estranged Parent (Ep 200) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 193: The Truth of the Matter Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 37: Reconciliation -- The 4 Stages of Competence Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them About Social Learning Theory RC Validation Resources page (members only) Want to support the podcast? Become a Reconnection Club member and get access to educational content and online events hosted by Tina, as well as our members-only forums. Monthly and annual memberships are available. Learn more. FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM

In this thought-provoking third episode of a 4-part series on validation, Tina Gilbertson takes listeners deeper into the heart of the topic. She makes a compelling case for why self-validation isn’t just helpful, it’s essential. Without it, our attempts to validate others, especially estranged adult children, can fall flat or even backfire. Tina shares a powerful (and somewhat unsettling) example that highlights just how tricky it can be to validate someone’s emotions when you’re the one they’re upset with. What do you do when you don’t agree with their version of you? How do you stay grounded in your own truth while still offering genuine empathy? You’ll come away from this episode with a clearer, more nuanced understanding of validation, and why it often starts with giving yourself what you may never have received from others. For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE LINKS: Part 1. Validation (Or Lack Thereof) (Ep 198) Part 2. Validation: What, Why, How and When (Ep 199)

In this invaluable second episode of a 4-part series, host Tina Gilbertson wades into the nuts and bolts of validation -- a concept that can shift the dynamics of strained or distant relationships in positive directions. With her usual warmth and clarity, Tina walks you through how to acknowledge someone’s feelings without judgment or correction. ... And without losing yourself in the process. If you've ever wondered how to respond when your adult child expresses anger, pulls away, or shares something you deeply disagree with, this episode offers a fresh and practical perspective. Tina boils down validation to the basics: What it is, why it matters more than most people realize, how you can start practicing today, and when to apply this skill in your life and relationships. You’ll learn a simple, two-step technique anyone can use to validate authentically. You’ll hear specific language to help you navigate emotional conversations with more confidence and calm. This is an episode that may leave you thinking differently about the next conversation you have, and how you want to show up for it. For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE LINKS: Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 163: Personal Growth vs. Parenting?

Reconnection Club Members can use the player on our Podcast Player page to play episodes continuously. Follow us on Instagram.    *   *   * Many estranged adult children report feeling invalidated in their interactions with their parents. These feelings -- of being dismissed, misunderstood, or emotionally unseen -- often contribute to ongoing disconnection. But what exactly does invalidation sound like in everyday conversation? And how can parents begin to recognize these pitfalls, to make sure they’re being as supportive as they want to be? In this compassionate and informative episode, host Tina Gilbertson begins a vital exploration of validation -- what it means, why it matters, and how it often plays a pivotal role in the dynamics between parents and adult children. The first of a four-part series, this episode focuses on three common types of invalidating responses. Tina breaks down each type with clarity and care, offering real-life examples to help listeners recognize them in context. Future episodes in this series will explore validation in greater depth, offering tools and insights to support parents on their journey through estrangement with empathy and clarity. For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child. Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. EPISODE LINKS: How to Validate Someone Validation and Estrangement Words of Validation for Parents of No-Contact Adult Children Validation Workshop (Reconnection Club member login required)

TRANSCRIPT: These are uncertain times for those of us who create and freely share content via the Internet. I mentioned on the podcast earlier this year that I needed some time to assess the impact of all the changes happening in the world of digital information, including the widespread, unregulated use of AI. At that time, I removed the show from a couple of the larger platforms, and stopped releasing new episodes to those platforms. Unfortunately, many smaller platforms were also affected. And that’s made it a lot harder for the show to be found by new listeners, which is a dilemma I’m still wrestling with.  Because it’s become clear that even more changes are necessary to protect the integrity of this podcast, even while making sure that you, the listener, can still access it. So here’s the current plan.  Starting with Episode 177, which will be released on July 29th, 2024, new episodes will appear in more places, but with certain exceptions, they will expire when the next episode is released. And beginning immediately, I’m going to start expiring some of the older episodes – again, with certain exceptions. Namely, the following:  - If you’re used to listening to the videos on our YouTube channel, or ... - If you listen on the Reconnection Club website... Nothing will change for you. There will be no expiration and you can disregard this entire announcement. (Again, that is if you listen on either our YouTube channel, or our website.) However, if you use a podcast player app like iHeartRadio or Pocket Casts, then new episodes starting with 177 will typically be available for only two weeks, and then they will expire.  There are ways to get around that two-week time limit. Within those first two weeks, you should still be able to download episodes and keep them for however long you want, depending on the app. Please check on that directly with your app. I don’t have that information. But if you ever lose an episode or can’t find one that you’re looking for, remember you can always find every single episode, old and new, on the Reconnection Club website, at reconnectionclub.com/podcast, or by episode number, for example, "reconnectionclub.com/130" for Episode 130. Or, subscribe to our YouTube channel for free and listen there. I know that episode expiration will not be a welcome change, and I thank you for your understanding and patience as I try to strike a balance between limiting unauthorized access by AI, and preserving your access to the podcast as a listener.  I also thank you for sharing the Reconnection Club Podcast with other parents experiencing unwanted estrangement from their adult children.  Thank you for your continued support in these challenging times.