The Myth of the Calm Parent — Why Perfection Isn’t the Goal (Episode 188)

What if everything you’ve been taught about sleep, parenting, and discipline isn’t biologically normal, just culturally common? In this powerful episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester sit down with Tracy Gillett, founder of Raised Good, to explore what it really means to raise children through connection instead of control — from infancy through the teen years. Together, they unpack the truth about:• sleep as a developmental milestone (not something to train)• attachment and emotional safety across every stage of childhood• navigating parenting through difference seasons — babies, kids, and teens• authenticity as the foundation for connection• why closeness matters more than compliance• how to repair after rupture and rebuild trust• letting go of fear-based discipline in favor of relationship-based parenting Tracy shares her journey from veterinarian to global parenting advocate and explains why modern parenting advice often contradicts a child’s biology and how tuning into your instincts can transform your experience as a parent. This episode is a gentle but powerful invitation to step off the parenting treadmill, release unrealistic expectations, and reconnect to what matters most: your relationship with your child. If you’re questioning mainstream parenting practices…If sleep struggles are wearing you down…If the teen years feel confusing or overwhelming…If you’re craving a more peaceful, grounded approach… This conversation will meet you there. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/tracy-gillett-rethinking-sleep-attachment-parenting-through-every-stage Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

We all want to be the calm, grounded parent — the one who never yells, never snaps, and always responds with empathy. But striving for perfect calm can actually distance us from our kids and ourselves. In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester unpack the myth of the “perfectly calm” parent and explain why real growth comes from repair and honest emotional awareness, not perfection. They explore how your nervous system, triggers, and childhood conditioning shape your reactions — and how to move from shame to self-understanding when moments get hard.You’ll learn why repair is one of the most powerful tools in parenting and why your authenticity matters far more than appearing composed. We explore:Why “calm” isn’t the same as staying emotionally presentHow unrealistic standards keep parents stuck in guiltWhat happens in your body when you suppress emotionsHow to model emotional honesty and repairSimple practices to regulate in real time — and recover when you can’t Key takeaway:👉 The goal isn’t perfect calm — it’s staying real and coming back together after the hard moments. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/the-myth-of-the-calm-parent-why-perfection-isnt-the-goal Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Parenting isn’t just about what we do—it’s about who we are as we show up for our children. In this meaningful and practical conversation, Dr. Dan Siegel joins Kyle and Sara to explore what it truly means to parent from the inside out. Dr. Dan Siegel is the Founder and Director of Education at the Mindsight Institute and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. An award-winning educator and Harvard-trained psychiatrist, he is the author of five New York Times bestsellers and more than fifteen other books that have been translated into over forty languages. As a pioneer in the field of interpersonal neurobiology, Dr. Siegel’s work focuses on how relationships and the mind shape our development across the lifespan. Drawing from decades of research, Dr. Siegel explains how our internal world—our emotions, our triggers, our regulation—shapes the way we understand our children. He offers a refreshing and compassionate look at why kids behave the way they do and how connection becomes the foundation for healthy brain development. Together, we explore:• Why emotions like sadness and anger are essential—not problems to fix• How to stay connected when your child feels big feelings• Why the teenage brain remodels so dramatically—and how to respond with confidence, not fear• The surprising truth about nature vs. nurture, and how parents can nurture resilience• Practical ways to support emotional intelligence at every stage• Why open communication with adolescents builds lasting trust Dr. Siegel’s insights help parents see anger as advocacy, adolescence as a spark—not a storm—and connection as the driving force behind resilience and growth. This episode will leave you feeling grounded, hopeful, and equipped with tools to understand both yourself and your child more deeply. Whether you're navigating toddler tantrums, school-age struggles, or teenage turbulence, this conversation offers a powerful reminder: When parents look inward with curiosity and compassion, everything on the outside begins to change. Learn more about Dr. Siegel at www.drdansiegel.com or www.mindsightinstitute.com. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/what-your-child-needs-most-from-you-dr-dan-siegel-on-emotions-connection-and-resilience Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Even the most connected couples get caught in reactive cycles — especially when parenting. One partner’s tone or decision sparks the other’s trigger, and suddenly you’re not just reacting to the kids… you’re reacting to each other. In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester unpack what really happens when partners become reactive in parenting. They share personal experiences, explore Dan Siegel’s concept of the “window of tolerance,” and discuss how co-regulation helps partners calm and reconnect when emotions run high. You’ll learn practical tools to slow escalation, recognize your body’s warning signs, and shift from blame to curiosity — turning conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection.Because staying united as parents doesn’t mean never getting triggered. It means learning how to come back together, again and again, with empathy, honesty, and repair. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/triggered-by-your-partner-how-to-stay-united-when-emotions-run-high Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this insightful episode of Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester talk with psychologist Dr. Tamar Chansky, founder of the Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety and author of Freeing Your Child from Anxiety. Together they explore what anxiety really is, how it shows up in children, and how parents can respond with empathy and connection instead of fear. Dr. Chansky offers simple, science-based tools to help kids analyze their worries, practice gradual exposure to fears, and build confidence step by step. You’ll learn how to create a safe space for conversations about anxiety, regulate your child’s nervous system with calming techniques, and see anxiety not as an enemy—but as a messenger that guides growth. If your child worries often or struggles with big feelings, this conversation will equip you with practical ways to bring more calm, courage, and connection to your parenting. Where to find Dr. Tamar Chansky:[email protected] the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/helping-your-child-overcome-anxiety-with-dr-tamar-chansky Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

What if the lessons we learn in the toddler years are the foundation for every stage of parenting? In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester talk with Devon Kuntzman — parenting expert, ICF-Certified Coach, and founder of Transforming Toddlerhood — about how to move from chaos to curiosity in family life. Devon shares how viewing behavior as communication can change everything about how we respond as parents, from toddlers to teens. Together they explore how curiosity fosters connection, how discipline becomes skill-building instead of punishment, and why emotional repair is the most powerful parenting tool we have. You’ll learn:Why behavior is communication at every ageHow curiosity transforms conflictWhat true discipline really meansHow to repair after power strugglesWhy early emotional skills shape lifelong resilience Devon Kuntzman has guided over 1 million parents and caregivers worldwide through her science-based approach to parenting with confidence and connection. Her upcoming book, Transforming Toddlerhood (Harper Horizon, Oct 2025), blends developmental research with real-life strategies to empower families to thrive. 📸 Follow Devon on Instagram: @transformingtoddlerhood🌐 Learn more: transformingtoddlerhood.com View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/beyond-tantrums-building-emotional-connection-at-every-age Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Parenting isn’t a competition, it’s a collaboration. In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester explore what it means to co-create with your kids instead of slipping into a win-lose mindset. They unpack the cultural messages that keep parents stuck in control or compliance mode and show how shifting toward connection, play, and collaboration can transform your family dynamics. Through real examples and practical insights, you’ll learn how play builds trust, how collaboration teaches self-discipline, and why it’s never too late to rewire your parenting approach. Whether you’re navigating daily power struggles or simply want a more peaceful home, this episode will help you see parenting as a shared journey of growth and relationship, not a battle for control. Listen now to discover:Why “winning” in parenting often undermines long-term growthHow co-creating builds confidence, resilience, and mutual respectThe role of play in strengthening family connectionSimple mindset shifts that move your family from compliance to collaboration View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/when-parenting-feels-like-a-battle-how-to-shift-from-power-to-partnership Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

How do we raise boys to be strong and sensitive, to lead with both courage and compassion? In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester sit down with Dr. Daniel Ellenberg to explore how parents can nurture emotional intelligence, empathy, and vulnerability in boys growing up in a world that often pressures them to toughen up. Together, they unpack how to help our sons embrace sensitivity as a strength, build self-awareness, and stay grounded in who they truly are, even when culture tells them otherwise. This conversation will inspire you to rethink what strength really means and how raising emotionally connected boys can change the world. About Our GuestDr. Daniel Ellenberg is a psychologist, leadership coach, and founder of Strength with Heart, a men’s program that helps redefine masculinity through empathy, awareness, and courage. He’s the past president of the APA Division on Men and Masculinities and chair of education for the Global Compassion Coalition. Dr. Ellenberg has designed leadership and resilience training for organizations like NASA, teaches at top universities, and is co-authoring a forthcoming book, Strength with Heart. His lifelong mission is to help men — and those raising them — live with authenticity, compassion, and confidence. You’ll LearnWhy emotional intelligence is a cornerstone of real strengthHow cultural messages about “toughness” shape boys’ beliefsHow to help boys express emotion without shameWhy humor and play strengthen connectionHow to model balance between competition and cooperationWays to create safety for boys to be both brave and kind Websites are:www.rewireleadership.comwww.strengthwithheart.comhttps://www.globalcompassioncoalition.org/topics/men-and-boys/  View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/raising-boys-with-strength-and-heart Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only. 

Join Kyle and Sara Wester from Art of Raising Humans as they explore what it truly means to co-create with your children. Instead of doing things to or for them, discover how to do life with them. Learn how collaboration builds trust, decision-making, and emotional intelligence from the preschool years through the teen stage. You will hear practical examples for different ages and discover how to replace power struggles with connection and confidence. This episode will help you create a family culture of teamwork, respect, and shared leadership. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/from-control-to-connection-the-art-of-co-creating-with-your-kids Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only. 

It can feel scary when your once-chatty child starts pulling away during adolescence. But withdrawal isn’t always rejection...t’s often a normal part of growing up. In this episode of Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester unpack why adolescents withdraw, what signs of relational disconnection to look for, and how stress responses may show up. They share practical ways parents can respond: staying calm, respecting space, and building connection through small, steady touch points. Most importantly, they remind parents that unconditional love and open communication create a secure foundation, even when kids seem distant.If you’ve ever wondered how to handle your child’s withdrawal without panicking or pushing them away, this conversation will give you hope and practical guidance to stay connected through the teen years. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/when-teens-withdraw-and-how-to-stay-connected Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.