The Default Parent Dynamic: How to Share the Load, Feel Valued, and Parent as a Team (Episode 191)

Parenting doesn’t need another list of things to do. Sometimes the most powerful change comes from knowing what to stop. In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester explore 10 common parenting habits that quietly block connection and cooperation, even when they’re widely accepted or well-intended. From grounding and “don’t talk back” to screen-time double standards and over-advising, these habits often create power struggles instead of teaching skills. This conversation isn’t about blame or perfection. It’s about shifting from control-based parenting to connection-based leadership, so kids can build emotional, relational, and self-regulation skills that actually last.If you’re feeling stuck in discipline cycles or longing for more cooperation without fear or force, this episode offers a grounded, compassionate way forward. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/10-parenting-habits-to-leave-behind-this-year-so-you-can-build-more-connection-and-cooperation Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this episode of Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester sit down with Vivek Patel, founder of Non-Coercive Collaborative Parenting (NCCP) and creator of Meaningful Ideas. Vivek has spent more than 15 years teaching thousands of families how to create more harmony, communication, and connection in their homes. With over 500 parenting articles, 300 educational videos, and a deeply rooted philosophy centered on collaboration, he brings a powerful perspective to what parents can do when kids “don’t listen.” Drawing on his martial arts background and decades of working with kids and parents, Vivek explains how to turn moments of resistance into opportunities for guidance and true cooperation. Together, they explore why kids push back, how traditional control-based approaches confuse fear for respect, and what it really looks like to guide children like the banks of a river rather than trying to stop their flow. Vivek shares his “test, treat, and tornado” framework for families transitioning away from control, offers tools for emotional regulation and pattern interruption, and challenges common beliefs about strength, consequences, and preparing kids for the real world. This conversation will help parents rethink respect, redefine strength, and lead with greater calm, connection, and confidence. To learn more from Vivek, follow him at @meaningfulideas on all platforms or explore his work at www.meaningfulideas.com. For more personalized support, visit his parenting membership community at meaningfulideas.com/courses/meaningful-ideas-membership. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/vivek-patel-on-kids-who-dont-listen-how-to-turn-power-struggles-into-connection-and-collaboration Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester explore one of the most common and misunderstood dynamics in modern parenting: the roles of the default parent and the non-default parent. They unpack why these roles form, what each partner often experiences, and how these patterns can create pressure, resentment, or feelings of invisibility. With compassion for both parents, Kyle and Sara explain how routines are built through trial and error, why they deserve respect, and how well-meaning attempts to help can sometimes cause tension. They offer practical steps to improve communication, clarify responsibilities, honor each parent’s strengths, and build a more balanced partnership. This conversation gives parents the tools to navigate differences, value each other’s contributions, and create a healthy, flexible family system where both parents feel capable, respected, and connected. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/the-default-parent-dynamic-how-to-share-the-load-feel-valued-and-parent-as-a-team Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Jennifer Kolari on Strong-Willed Kids, Brain Science & Connected ParentingSummary: In this powerful episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester sit down with parenting expert Jennifer Kolari to talk about one of the most misunderstood and emotionally exhausting parenting challenges: raising a strong-willed child. Why does your child melt down over “small” things? Why does discipline feel like constant power struggles? And why does nothing seem to work the way the books promised? Jennifer explains what’s really happening in your child’s brain during emotional overwhelm and why strong-willed kids don’t need more control; they need more connection, understanding, and emotional safety. She walks parents through how temperament, neurobiology, and unmet emotional needs drive behavior, and introduces her powerful CALM Technique to help families move from chaos to connection. This conversation also explores why compassion and firmness must coexist, how parents can regulate themselves first, and why repair after conflict builds deeper trust than getting it “right” ever could. About Jennifer Kolari:Jennifer Kolari is one of North America’s leading parenting experts, a child and family therapist, author, and the founder of Connected Parenting. Her brain-based, empathy-driven approach helps parents raise resilient, emotionally healthy children using connection as the foundation of discipline. She is also the host of the Connected Parenting Podcast and a sought-after international speaker. If you’re parenting a strong-willed, intense, or emotionally reactive child, this episode will feel like a lifeline. 🔗 Connect with Jennifer: www.connectedparenting.com View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/jennifer-kolari-on-strong-willed-kids-brain-science-connected-parenting Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

What if everything you’ve been taught about sleep, parenting, and discipline isn’t biologically normal, just culturally common? In this powerful episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester sit down with Tracy Gillett, founder of Raised Good, to explore what it really means to raise children through connection instead of control — from infancy through the teen years. Together, they unpack the truth about:• sleep as a developmental milestone (not something to train)• attachment and emotional safety across every stage of childhood• navigating parenting through difference seasons — babies, kids, and teens• authenticity as the foundation for connection• why closeness matters more than compliance• how to repair after rupture and rebuild trust• letting go of fear-based discipline in favor of relationship-based parenting Tracy shares her journey from veterinarian to global parenting advocate and explains why modern parenting advice often contradicts a child’s biology and how tuning into your instincts can transform your experience as a parent. This episode is a gentle but powerful invitation to step off the parenting treadmill, release unrealistic expectations, and reconnect to what matters most: your relationship with your child. If you’re questioning mainstream parenting practices…If sleep struggles are wearing you down…If the teen years feel confusing or overwhelming…If you’re craving a more peaceful, grounded approach… This conversation will meet you there. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/tracy-gillett-rethinking-sleep-attachment-parenting-through-every-stage Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

We all want to be the calm, grounded parent — the one who never yells, never snaps, and always responds with empathy. But striving for perfect calm can actually distance us from our kids and ourselves. In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester unpack the myth of the “perfectly calm” parent and explain why real growth comes from repair and honest emotional awareness, not perfection. They explore how your nervous system, triggers, and childhood conditioning shape your reactions — and how to move from shame to self-understanding when moments get hard.You’ll learn why repair is one of the most powerful tools in parenting and why your authenticity matters far more than appearing composed. We explore:Why “calm” isn’t the same as staying emotionally presentHow unrealistic standards keep parents stuck in guiltWhat happens in your body when you suppress emotionsHow to model emotional honesty and repairSimple practices to regulate in real time — and recover when you can’t Key takeaway:👉 The goal isn’t perfect calm — it’s staying real and coming back together after the hard moments. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/the-myth-of-the-calm-parent-why-perfection-isnt-the-goal Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Parenting isn’t just about what we do—it’s about who we are as we show up for our children. In this meaningful and practical conversation, Dr. Dan Siegel joins Kyle and Sara to explore what it truly means to parent from the inside out. Dr. Dan Siegel is the Founder and Director of Education at the Mindsight Institute and the founding co-director of the Mindful Awareness Research Center at UCLA. An award-winning educator and Harvard-trained psychiatrist, he is the author of five New York Times bestsellers and more than fifteen other books that have been translated into over forty languages. As a pioneer in the field of interpersonal neurobiology, Dr. Siegel’s work focuses on how relationships and the mind shape our development across the lifespan. Drawing from decades of research, Dr. Siegel explains how our internal world—our emotions, our triggers, our regulation—shapes the way we understand our children. He offers a refreshing and compassionate look at why kids behave the way they do and how connection becomes the foundation for healthy brain development. Together, we explore:• Why emotions like sadness and anger are essential—not problems to fix• How to stay connected when your child feels big feelings• Why the teenage brain remodels so dramatically—and how to respond with confidence, not fear• The surprising truth about nature vs. nurture, and how parents can nurture resilience• Practical ways to support emotional intelligence at every stage• Why open communication with adolescents builds lasting trust Dr. Siegel’s insights help parents see anger as advocacy, adolescence as a spark—not a storm—and connection as the driving force behind resilience and growth. This episode will leave you feeling grounded, hopeful, and equipped with tools to understand both yourself and your child more deeply. Whether you're navigating toddler tantrums, school-age struggles, or teenage turbulence, this conversation offers a powerful reminder: When parents look inward with curiosity and compassion, everything on the outside begins to change. Learn more about Dr. Siegel at www.drdansiegel.com or www.mindsightinstitute.com. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/what-your-child-needs-most-from-you-dr-dan-siegel-on-emotions-connection-and-resilience Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com Video Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumans Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumans Podcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.com Book List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist  The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

Even the most connected couples get caught in reactive cycles — especially when parenting. One partner’s tone or decision sparks the other’s trigger, and suddenly you’re not just reacting to the kids… you’re reacting to each other. In this episode of The Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester unpack what really happens when partners become reactive in parenting. They share personal experiences, explore Dan Siegel’s concept of the “window of tolerance,” and discuss how co-regulation helps partners calm and reconnect when emotions run high. You’ll learn practical tools to slow escalation, recognize your body’s warning signs, and shift from blame to curiosity — turning conflict into an opportunity for deeper connection.Because staying united as parents doesn’t mean never getting triggered. It means learning how to come back together, again and again, with empathy, honesty, and repair. View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/triggered-by-your-partner-how-to-stay-united-when-emotions-run-high Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

In this insightful episode of Art of Raising Humans, Kyle and Sara Wester talk with psychologist Dr. Tamar Chansky, founder of the Children’s and Adult Center for OCD and Anxiety and author of Freeing Your Child from Anxiety. Together they explore what anxiety really is, how it shows up in children, and how parents can respond with empathy and connection instead of fear. Dr. Chansky offers simple, science-based tools to help kids analyze their worries, practice gradual exposure to fears, and build confidence step by step. You’ll learn how to create a safe space for conversations about anxiety, regulate your child’s nervous system with calming techniques, and see anxiety not as an enemy—but as a messenger that guides growth. If your child worries often or struggles with big feelings, this conversation will equip you with practical ways to bring more calm, courage, and connection to your parenting. Where to find Dr. Tamar Chansky:[email protected] the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/helping-your-child-overcome-anxiety-with-dr-tamar-chansky Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.

What if the lessons we learn in the toddler years are the foundation for every stage of parenting? In this episode, Kyle and Sara Wester talk with Devon Kuntzman — parenting expert, ICF-Certified Coach, and founder of Transforming Toddlerhood — about how to move from chaos to curiosity in family life. Devon shares how viewing behavior as communication can change everything about how we respond as parents, from toddlers to teens. Together they explore how curiosity fosters connection, how discipline becomes skill-building instead of punishment, and why emotional repair is the most powerful parenting tool we have. You’ll learn:Why behavior is communication at every ageHow curiosity transforms conflictWhat true discipline really meansHow to repair after power strugglesWhy early emotional skills shape lifelong resilience Devon Kuntzman has guided over 1 million parents and caregivers worldwide through her science-based approach to parenting with confidence and connection. Her upcoming book, Transforming Toddlerhood (Harper Horizon, Oct 2025), blends developmental research with real-life strategies to empower families to thrive. 📸 Follow Devon on Instagram: @transformingtoddlerhood🌐 Learn more: transformingtoddlerhood.com View the full podcast transcript at: https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/beyond-tantrums-building-emotional-connection-at-every-age Visit our website and social media channels for more valuable content for your parenting journey. Resource Website: https://www.artofraisinghumans.comVideo Courses: https://art-of-raising-humans.newzenler.com/Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/artofraisinghumansInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/artofraisinghumansPodcast Website: https://www.theartofraisinghumans.comBook List:https://www.artofraisinghumans.com/booklist The Art of Raising Humans podcast should not be considered or used as counseling but for educational purposes only.