294: How to Write Erotic Stories for Your Spouse

What does your nervous system have to do with your sex life? More than you might think. In this episode, Dan sits down with nervous system specialist Morgan Starr-Riestis, who explains why feeling safe in your body is one of the most important ingredients for great intimacy. Many couples assume sexual problems are about technique, desire differences, or communication. But often the real issue is something deeper: our nervous systems are stuck in fight, flight, or shutdown. Morgan shares how our bodies are wired for safety, how dysregulation can show up in the bedroom, and why learning to regulate yourself can dramatically change your intimate connection. You'll learn: • Why safety is the foundation of pleasurable sex • The difference between actual safety vs perceived safety • How shame, pressure, and expectations dysregulate the body • Simple daily practices that help regulate your nervous system • Why trying too hard to orgasm can sometimes make it harder • How to identify the underlying need behind recurring relationship patterns Morgan also shares practical exercises couples can try right away to build safety and connection in everyday moments. If sex sometimes feels stressful, pressured, or emotionally loaded, this episode will help you understand what your body is trying to tell you—and how to work with it instead of against it. You can find Morgan on all socials with the handle @mind.psy.guidance Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat, and one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Marriages rarely fall apart because of one big moment—they erode through small daily disconnections. In this episode, Dan sits down with author Lindsay Maestes to talk about how couples can rebuild connection, overcome sexual shame, and create a stronger marriage through intentional daily habits. They discuss faith and sexuality, emotional labor, foreplay outside the bedroom, and why openness and vulnerability are essential for great intimacy. Plus, Lindsay shares a fun "black belt" sex tip to help couples add novelty and excitement to their relationship. Resources and Events: We invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat, and one more spot available on our cruise! We'd love to have you join us!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, I sit down with my friend Jacqlin — published author and romance reader — to talk about something I've wanted to explore for a long time: how writing intimate stories can deepen connection in marriage. We talk about: Why erotic writing can feel more vulnerable than sex The difference between sharing your body and sharing your private thoughts How to overcome fear of rejection Practical scaffolding and ideas for writing your first spicy story Boundaries, motivation, and what NOT to do Why your "why" matters more than the spice level Jacqlin even shares a sample story at the end of the episode (with a content warning), so you can hear how tenderness and connection can coexist with passion. If you've ever wondered: Where do I even start? Is this appropriate in marriage? What if my spouse rejects it? Could this actually bring us closer? This episode will give you clarity and courage. Sex isn't just about bodies. It's about inviting your spouse into the private parts of your mind and heart. And that can be transformative. 👉 Download the Intimately Us app for access to more stories like this. 👉 Join us on the Get Your Marriage On Cruise this October. 👉 Try our coaching program free for 30 days. 👉 Snag the last-minute opening for our Spring Couples Retreat.

In this bonus Q&A episode, I tackle some of the most vulnerable and complex sexual questions couples are asking right now. We talk about: Anal play and whether certain acts are morally wrong Masturbation inside marriage — especially when your spouse is available What to do when teasing doesn't lead to follow-through How to talk dirty without feeling dirty Stepping into sexual confidence when your spouse wants more intensity Low desire that won't budge — even after trying everything And the painful dynamic of feeling like you're never "enough" Here's the core principle: Sex acts themselves are often neutral. What matters is the fruit they produce in your marriage. Is it building trust? Intimacy? Freedom? Playfulness? Or is it creating shame, pressure, resentment, or disconnection? This episode will help you think more deeply, talk more honestly, and navigate your sexual relationship with maturity and integrity. If you want deeper support, don't forget to check out the Get Your Marriage On Program — including our coaching community and 30-day free trial.   Mentioned in the episode: Get Your Marriage On Dirty Talk Guide (From Awkward to Arousing: A Guide to "Dirty Talk" for Christians) Episode #91: How to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Dirty or Awkward    SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY: Someone cancelled and now we have a spot open for you at our previously sold out spring retreat! Grab it now before it's gone!

Shame is a universal emotion — and for many Christians, sexual shame is one of the hardest to overcome. In this deeply honest conversation, I'm joined by Natalie Hamblin as we explore how sexual shame quietly divides marriages, and how couples can move toward sexual wholeness instead. We talk about: How shame creates emotional and physical distance Why hiding parts of yourself fractures intimacy The difference between guilt and shame How faith and sexuality actually belong together How to reframe sex as God-given and good What to do if shame from your past is haunting your present marriage The power of education and communication And how Natalie and her husband moved from fear to deep connection And if sexual shame is something you're actively working through, I invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat! We'd love to have you join us!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this special Bonus Q&A episode, Dan answers real questions from married couples about oral sex — from first-time nerves to performance anxiety, from orgasm struggles to emotional hangups. If you grew up in a home where sex was taboo… If you feel awkward, anxious, or unsure how to talk about this… If you're craving more connection but feel stuck… This episode is for you. Topics Dan addresses: • Feeling nervous about trying oral sex for the first time • Why orgasm anxiety can sabotage pleasure • "Why won't she kiss me after?" • Mixed feelings about disgust and desire • When one spouse wants more reciprocity • How resentment quietly builds in intimacy If you have anonymous questions, join our private Facebook group: Christian Couples Improving Intimacy in Marriage Or submit a question on our website. And don't forget — the Intimacy Sea Cruise (October 4–10) is almost full. Apply now at getyourmarriageon.com

(If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, go back. It lays the foundation for everything we're about to discuss.) Because in Part 2, we get real . . .  In this continuation of my conversation with Charlene Byers, we explore: Why honesty is the foundation of erotic intimacy What integrity looks like in marriage What gets you stuck in roommate syndrome and resentment The "losing strategies" couples use without realizing it We also talk about small daily habits that simmer connection and how to rebuild intimacy when things feel distant. This one might stretch you—in a good way. And it'll give you language and motivation to start the conversations that lead to better connection (in and out of the bedroom). Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

We don't just want sex. We want sexual experiences that move us. We want to walk out of the bedroom different than when we walked in. But somewhere along the way, sex can become… predictable. Scripted. Routine. In Part 1 of my guest appearance on Charlene Byers's podcast, we cover the following: The truth about sexual desire discrepancy (and why it's not a problem) How performance pressure quietly kills connection Two different reasons we give pleasure, and why one of them doesn't work What men and women are most turned on by What men and women are turned off by You'll also hear one of my own vulnerable marriage missteps and what it taught me about anxiety, meaning-making, and true intimacy. 👉 In Part 2, we go deeper into honesty, integrity, and the hard conversations that create real intimacy. Don't miss it.   Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 With Valentine's Day, just around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about what does it mean to really love my wife, and to love well?  In this bonus episode, we pulled a favorite clip from our archive with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, therapist-turned-coach, longtime mentor, and returning guest on the podcast, in which we asked her: "What does it mean to cherish your spouse?" Her answer is thoughtful, wise, actionable, and hopeful as she teaches how to build truly loving marriages. Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, Dan shares 10 proven habits that consistently lead to deeper intimacy, stronger desire, and more fulfilling sex in marriage. These aren't gimmicks or quick fixes. They're practical, repeatable behaviors that create powerful momentum over time. Drawing from years of coaching couples, personal experience, and a faith-centered perspective on sexuality, Dan explains how small, intentional choices compound into a marriage that feels connected, playful, trusting, and alive. Whether your marriage is already good or feels stuck, this episode will give you clear next steps you can start today! Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway(Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/