291: Oral Sex Q&A: First-Time Nerves, Performance Pressure & Feeling Desired (BONUS episode)

In this bonus Q&A episode, I tackle some of the most vulnerable and complex sexual questions couples are asking right now. We talk about: Anal play and whether certain acts are morally wrong Masturbation inside marriage — especially when your spouse is available What to do when teasing doesn't lead to follow-through How to talk dirty without feeling dirty Stepping into sexual confidence when your spouse wants more intensity Low desire that won't budge — even after trying everything And the painful dynamic of feeling like you're never "enough" Here's the core principle: Sex acts themselves are often neutral. What matters is the fruit they produce in your marriage. Is it building trust? Intimacy? Freedom? Playfulness? Or is it creating shame, pressure, resentment, or disconnection? This episode will help you think more deeply, talk more honestly, and navigate your sexual relationship with maturity and integrity. If you want deeper support, don't forget to check out the Get Your Marriage On Program — including our coaching community and 30-day free trial.   Mentioned in the episode: Get Your Marriage On Dirty Talk Guide (From Awkward to Arousing: A Guide to "Dirty Talk" for Christians) Episode #91: How to Talk Dirty Without Feeling Dirty or Awkward    SPECIAL OPPORTUNITY: Someone cancelled and now we have a spot open for you at our previously sold out spring retreat! Grab it now before it's gone!

Shame is a universal emotion — and for many Christians, sexual shame is one of the hardest to overcome. In this deeply honest conversation, I'm joined by Natalie Hamblin as we explore how sexual shame quietly divides marriages, and how couples can move toward sexual wholeness instead. We talk about: How shame creates emotional and physical distance Why hiding parts of yourself fractures intimacy The difference between guilt and shame How faith and sexuality actually belong together How to reframe sex as God-given and good What to do if shame from your past is haunting your present marriage The power of education and communication And how Natalie and her husband moved from fear to deep connection And if sexual shame is something you're actively working through, I invite you to explore our Get Your Marriage On coaching program. For a limited time, you can try it free for 30 days and get access to coaching sessions and our full course library. We also have an opening due to a cancellation at our upcoming couples retreat! We'd love to have you join us!   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this special Bonus Q&A episode, Dan answers real questions from married couples about oral sex — from first-time nerves to performance anxiety, from orgasm struggles to emotional hangups. If you grew up in a home where sex was taboo… If you feel awkward, anxious, or unsure how to talk about this… If you're craving more connection but feel stuck… This episode is for you. Topics Dan addresses: • Feeling nervous about trying oral sex for the first time • Why orgasm anxiety can sabotage pleasure • "Why won't she kiss me after?" • Mixed feelings about disgust and desire • When one spouse wants more reciprocity • How resentment quietly builds in intimacy If you have anonymous questions, join our private Facebook group: Christian Couples Improving Intimacy in Marriage Or submit a question on our website. And don't forget — the Intimacy Sea Cruise (October 4–10) is almost full. Apply now at getyourmarriageon.com

(If you haven't listened to Part 1 yet, go back. It lays the foundation for everything we're about to discuss.) Because in Part 2, we get real . . .  In this continuation of my conversation with Charlene Byers, we explore: Why honesty is the foundation of erotic intimacy What integrity looks like in marriage What gets you stuck in roommate syndrome and resentment The "losing strategies" couples use without realizing it We also talk about small daily habits that simmer connection and how to rebuild intimacy when things feel distant. This one might stretch you—in a good way. And it'll give you language and motivation to start the conversations that lead to better connection (in and out of the bedroom). Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

We don't just want sex. We want sexual experiences that move us. We want to walk out of the bedroom different than when we walked in. But somewhere along the way, sex can become… predictable. Scripted. Routine. In Part 1 of my guest appearance on Charlene Byers's podcast, we cover the following: The truth about sexual desire discrepancy (and why it's not a problem) How performance pressure quietly kills connection Two different reasons we give pleasure, and why one of them doesn't work What men and women are most turned on by What men and women are turned off by You'll also hear one of my own vulnerable marriage missteps and what it taught me about anxiety, meaning-making, and true intimacy. 👉 In Part 2, we go deeper into honesty, integrity, and the hard conversations that create real intimacy. Don't miss it.   Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better, TONIGHT! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps: https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/ Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

 With Valentine's Day, just around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about what does it mean to really love my wife, and to love well?  In this bonus episode, we pulled a favorite clip from our archive with Jennifer Finlayson-Fife, therapist-turned-coach, longtime mentor, and returning guest on the podcast, in which we asked her: "What does it mean to cherish your spouse?" Her answer is thoughtful, wise, actionable, and hopeful as she teaches how to build truly loving marriages. Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

In this episode, Dan shares 10 proven habits that consistently lead to deeper intimacy, stronger desire, and more fulfilling sex in marriage. These aren't gimmicks or quick fixes. They're practical, repeatable behaviors that create powerful momentum over time. Drawing from years of coaching couples, personal experience, and a faith-centered perspective on sexuality, Dan explains how small, intentional choices compound into a marriage that feels connected, playful, trusting, and alive. Whether your marriage is already good or feels stuck, this episode will give you clear next steps you can start today! Resources and Events Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway(Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/

It's much more common to be comfortable being the giver in sex than the receiver.  In this episode, we explore why learning to relax and receive your spouse may be one of the most vulnerable and transformative skills in intimate marriage. Many couples know how to "get through" sex. Fewer know how to slow down, stay present, and experience deep emotional and physical connection together and they open up and receive. Dan shares how a simple "orgasmic meditation" practice can really increase the emotional and physical connection you share, even without traditional intercourse.    Resources and Events Get the free Orgasmic Meditation guide over on our Instagram account: @getyourmarriageon Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway-Early bird pricing ends January 31! (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge started on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/ We had a cancellation for our retreat in the spring! Snatch this spot while you can! https://getyourmarriageon.com/couples-retreat/  

Most couples spend years trying to change the very things in their spouse that will never change — and then feel frustrated, discouraged, or disconnected when nothing improves. Or they wonder why their attempts at connecting intimately fall flat. In this episode, Dan sits down with Dr. Denim Slade, creator of the C.O.R.E. Temperament model, to talk about something deeper than personality: temperament — the unchanging emotional wiring that shapes how we love, connect, and experience sex. You'll learn: The difference between personality and temperament (and why it matters) The four core temperaments that emerged from Dr. Slade's research Why each temperament experiences sex, desire, and intimacy differently How misunderstanding temperament creates unnecessary sexual tension What healthy vs. unhealthy versions of each temperament look like in the bedroom How to stop fighting what won't change — and start amplifying what already works By the end of this episode, you'll have a clearer understanding of yourself, your spouse, and how to build deeper emotional and sexual intimacy by working with your wiring instead of against it. Resources and Events Dr. Slade's free episode worksheet Don't miss this amazing opportunity to love and make love with your spouse better! Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway-Early bird pricing ends January 31! (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge starts on Feb 1!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Get Your Marriage On Cruise: https://getyourmarriageon.com/cruise/   Disclaimer: The opinions and values expressed by guests on the Get Your Marriage On! podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and values of the host. Appearance on the podcast does not imply an endorsement of the guest or their products by Get Your Marriage On or its host. While we work hard to bring you quality and valuable content, listeners are encouraged to use their own best judgment in applying the information or products discussed on this podcast.

Have you ever worked so hard to fix a problem in your marriage, only to find yourself right back in the same place weeks later? Most couples don't struggle because they aren't trying. They struggle because they're putting a lot of effort into changes that can't create lasting results. In this episode, Dan explains what it actually means to work smarter on your marriage, not harder. Drawing from systems theory, personal experience, and real coaching stories, he shows why some changes help temporarily while others lead to real, lasting transformation. He breaks down the difference between first-order change (doing more or less of the same things) and second-order change (upgrading the rules your relationship is operating on). You'll learn how to recognize when you're stuck in surface-level fixes, how to identify the unspoken "rules" your marriage is operating by, and what it looks like to make changes at the level that truly creates growth—especially around intimacy, desire differences, and recurring conflict. Resources  Next Level Loving: A Virtual Intimacy Getaway (Feb 13-14): https://getyourmarriageon.com/next-levels-virtual-lovemaking-retreat/ Get Your Marriage On Coaching Program: https://getyourmarriageon.com/program/ Intimately Us & Just Between Us apps (Valentine's Intimacy Challenge coming up!): https://getyourmarriageon.com/our-apps/