Episode 140: When Joy Feels Out of Reach This Festive Season

The festive season is meant to feel joyful, but what if instead it feels like you’re behind frosted glass? You can see the lights, hear the laughter, even play the part — but inside you feel numb, separate and alone.In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I talk about the hidden loneliness and emotional disconnection that can show up during Christmas and how eating disorder recovery can amplify these feelings. I’ll share why your nervous system creates this “glass box,” how numbness is a form of protection rather than failure, and why people-pleasing and perfectionism often feel louder at this time of year.You’ll also learn how to spot the unspoken “rules” you’ve absorbed about how to show up, how to begin gently rewriting them, and what real self-compassion looks like in the moments you feel most disconnected.This episode is a gentle reminder that you are not broken, you are not failing, and you are not alone.✨ Inside you’ll hear:Why numbness is a protective response, not a personal flaw.The role of perfectionism and performance in festive stress.How to dismantle the hidden “rules” that keep you stuck.Simple, honest ways to reconnect with yourself and others.A practice of self-compassion that helps you feel safe in your own body.💛 And if you're looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between.Inside, you’ll also find the Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses, and of course—me, Julia, here with you every step of the way.Come be part of something that actually helps. You don’t have to do this alone: https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join

n this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m back with Victoria for another honest Q&A on the realities of eating disorder and anorexia recovery – from parenting a toddler in the city to grieving a soul dog, coping with extreme hunger, and facing fear foods.We explore:Walking vs compensation when you’re a mumCan you still walk everywhere with a toddler when you’ve quit compulsive running? We talk about honestly checking your motivation, using public transport where you can, and why “perfect recovery” (never moving) isn’t real life – especially with a small child.The ‘fat and frumpy’ phase & lost motivationHow calling yourself “fat and frumpy” keeps you stuck, the difference between preference and moral judgement about body size, and why motivation is unreliable. We look at choosing freedom over thinness, dressing the body you have now, and remembering that weight gain is a sign of healing, not failure.Triggers: avoid them or sit through them?We explain comfort, stretch and panic zones and how to push yourself without re-traumatising yourself. Diet talk, social events and other triggers become teachers, as you practise boundaries and still move forwards.Who am I without my eating disorder?When the ED has been your main coping mechanism, it’s normal to feel like you don’t know how to “be you.” We talk about inner child work, self-compassion, trusting that your authentic self emerges as you remove coping behaviours, and allowing curiosity instead of perfection.Extreme hunger, hypermetabolism & “eating crazy amounts”We normalise huge appetite early in recovery, talk about hypermetabolism, and why fast weight gain can actually shorten the most agonising part of the process. Your biology is trying to save your life – not sabotage you.“Is it okay to just eat snacks?”Is it genuine preference or avoidance of meals and fullness? We suggest experimenting with both meals and snacks, following the fear, and noticing whether your choices are driven by freedom or control.Fear you’ll never be happy in a weight-restored bodyBoth of us share how we once believed happiness depended on staying small, and how we’re now the happiest we’ve ever been in bodies we wouldn’t necessarily choose aesthetically. We reframe the goal from constant happiness to deep contentment and encourage collecting daily “glimmers” of joy.Grieving a soul dog & the ED pullWe discuss why big emotional pain wakes up old ED pathways, and how this is also your chance to rewire them: mechanical eating when appetite vanishes, huge compassion, and letting grief be proof of love.The moment you freeze before a scary recovery actionWe share practical tools for the exact second you want to back out: predicting and writing down what your ED will say, using humour and anger to separate from the ED voice, and adopting a “feel the fear and do it anyway” approach.This episode is for you if:You’re in eating disorder or anorexia recovery and trying to live real life (kids, work, city living) without falling back into compensation.You’re stuck in the “fat and frumpy” stage and wondering how on earth to keep going.You’re afraid of triggers, grief, or big emotions pulling you back into old behaviours.You’re terrified you’ll never be happy in a weight-restored body.You want lived-experience, straight-talking reassurance that you are not doing recovery “wrong.”Resources mentionedFeel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan JeffersThe Eating Disorder Recovery Circle – my online community with courses, workshops, Q&As, the Feelings Navigator and daily support for every stage of recovery: https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join

Hello lovely, and welcome back to Fly to Freedom.In this episode, I’m opening up about one of the hardest, most confusing, and least-talked-about parts of eating disorder recovery: oedema (fluid retention).For 18 months, I experienced painful swelling in my legs, belly, hands, and face – and not a single professional warned me it could happen. It was frightening, uncomfortable, and made me feel like I was somehow doing recovery “wrong.”If you’ve been there too, you’ll know the shame and panic that can come with not recognising your own body in the mirror. But I want you to know this: oedema is not failure. It’s healing.In this episode, I share:What edema actually is and why it happens in recoveryThe physical and emotional symptoms nobody tells you aboutWhy some people get it severely and others don’tHow rest, nourishment, and trust are essential to support your body through itWhy fighting swelling often makes it worseHow edema can help with the fear of weight gain by forcing you to face changeWhy fluid retention is a sign of your body’s deep intelligence and protectionEdema might feel overwhelming, but it’s your body repairing, rebuilding, and reclaiming its health. You are not broken – you are healing.💛 If you’re struggling with edema or the fear of weight gain right now, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, we talk about the real, messy, confronting parts of recovery together. You’ll find support, understanding, and tools to help you through every stage.And if you want even deeper, personalised guidance, you can also explore 1:1 coaching with me, where we’ll walk step by step through recovery without shame, judgment, or pressure to rush.Your body is protecting you. Your healing is unfolding. And you are not alone.

Q&A from The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle: Exercise Compulsion, Setbacks, Safe Foods and Coping with Diet CultureThis episode of Fly To Freedom is something very special — a real glimpse into the kinds of questions asked inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, my private membership community.These are raw, honest questions from women right in the heart of recovery — navigating fear, confusion, and moments of hope — and the answers come straight from my heart and experience. We cover everything from exercise compulsion and energy deficit, to those nights when you can’t stop eating cereal, to the sting of hearing “you look well” when recovery feels terrifying.If you’ve ever wondered whether full recovery is truly possible, how to cope when everyone around you is dieting, or whether your wobble means you’ve failed — this conversation will help you see that you are not alone, and that healing is absolutely possible.00:00 – Q1: Is exercise compulsion an addiction to energy deficit – and if so, how is recovery possible if we can’t avoid movement forever?Understanding the difference between addiction and compulsion, how the body becomes hooked on energy deficit, and why rest is essential to rewire the brain.08:25 – Q2: You’ve said recovery isn’t linear — does it ever fully settle down, or will I have to work on this forever?How recovery unfolds in layers, why it becomes easier over time, and what life feels like once freedom is your new normal.11:40 – Q3: How do I know if something is a small setback or a full relapse?How to stop catastrophising, understand what your response really means, and learn to meet slip-ups with compassion instead of shame.15:15 – Q4: Why do I latch onto specific safe foods like cereal, especially at night?Exploring why the brain fixates on predictable foods in recovery and how to gently widen food variety without triggering fear or restriction.20:00 – Q5: How do I cope when I’m gaining weight and everyone around me is dieting and being praised?Reframing internal language, stepping away from comparison, and learning to see recovery as an act of courage in a diet-obsessed world.24:20 – Q6: If I’ve stopped compulsive movement, do everyday activities like walking with my family ‘break’ recovery? And what if I feel full and stop eating — is that okay?Understanding intention behind movement, spontaneity versus compulsion, and rebuilding body trust without fear.27:40 – Q7: I restrict all day, then use alcohol in the evening to relax and eat more — but feel shame the next day. How can I break this cycle?Why alcohol can act as false permission to eat, how the restrict-drink-shame loop forms, and how to create safety without needing alcohol to silence the eating disorder voice.33:40 – Q8: People keep saying I ‘look well’ and I can see I’m gaining weight — do I still need to keep increasing my intake?Explaining metabolic healing, why early weight gain doesn’t mean you’re fully nourished, and how continuing to eat more helps you move from survival to freedom.💛 And if you're looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you.It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between. Inside, you’ll find the Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses, and me — Julia — with you every step of the way.Come be part of something that actually helps. You don’t have to do this alone.👉 Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circleeating disorder recovery, anorexia recovery, overcoming exercise compulsion, fear of weight gain, body image, recovery setbacks, food freedom, diet culture, metabolic healing, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, Fly To Freedom podcast

In this episode of Fly To Freedom, I unpack the fear of weight gain through a compassionate, practical lens. We explore how survival wiring, nervous-system activation and confirmation bias make fear feel indisputable—especially during anorexia recovery and eating disorder recovery. You’ll learn why the brain translates messy, vulnerable emotions (rejection, shame, grief, visibility, intimacy) into body-fixing plans—and how to respond differently. I share personal moments from my own recovery, scripts to answer the brain in real time, and a short guided reflection to help you feel safer with feelings so you can keep saying yes to nourishment, healing and freedom.I’m Julia Trehane, a specialist anorexia recovery coach supporting full and lasting recovery—no quasi-recovery, no staying stuck. I believe your worth never lived in your body size, and your brain can be retrained to choose safety in feeling over safety in shrinking.What you’ll learnThe Guard Dog Brain: Why the brain prioritises survival over happiness—and why fear is its fastest tool.Coping Strategy, Not Truth: How fear of weight gain arrives to avoid hard emotions and offer an illusion of control.Confirmation Bias: The brain’s proof-seeking loop that turns neutral events into “evidence” that shrinking is safer.Underneath the Fear: Rejection, shame, visibility, vulnerability, grief, and “not-enoughness.”Somatic Micro-Skills: A 30–60 second body check-in to increase tolerance for big feelings.Reality-Testing: Questions that disrupt the hijack and open other explanations.Redefining Control: Why real control is presence, nourishment and allowing the body to heal—including oedema.Word-for-Word Scripts: Gentle but firm responses you can use when the brain shouts “don’t gain weight.”Try these right away (practical steps)Name the pattern: “This is the coping strategy, not the truth.” Pause before acting.Journal prompt: “If this isn’t about weight, what might I be feeling?” Let answers arrive without fixing.Somatic minute: Hand on heart and tummy; locate the feeling (chest/throat/stomach) and breathe into it for 30–60 seconds.Reality check: “What else could be true here? What am I not noticing?”Script it:“Thank you, brain, for trying to protect me. What I’m really feeling is ____. I can feel this and stay safe.”“Buying a bigger size is proof my body is healing, not proof I’ve failed.”“Oedema is repair. My worth doesn’t live in a label.”Reframe control: Choose nourishment, rest and connection—even when fear is loud.Mentioned in this episodeFeelings Navigator — a quick way to find tools for the emotion you’re in: https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/how-are-you-feelingThe Eating Disorder Recovery Circle — our community space for support, coaching calls, workshops and on-demand courses (come join us or pop back into the forum to share your reflections): https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/joinKey timestamps (guide)00:00 Guard Dog Brain: survival vs happiness05:00 Fear of weight gain as a coping strategy12:00 How the hijack sounds in real life (relationship/work/friends)20:00 Confirmation bias & why fear feels like “proof”27:00 What’s underneath: rejection, shame, visibility, vulnerability, grief33:00 Somatic practice + reality-testing questions39:00 Scripts to answer the brain45:00 Closing reflection: “I can handle feelings; I am safe to feel.”If this episode resonated, come share what came up for you inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle—you’ll be met by people who truly understand, plus practical tools you can use the moment fear gets loud, all for less than the cost of a single therapy session: https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join.If you’re ready for more personalised support, my 1:1 coaching will hold you through the hard emotions while we retrain the brain toward safety and freedom.

How does anxiety fuel an eating disorder — and why do the usual fixes never seem to work?In this powerful episode of Fly to Freedom, I sit down with Dr Russell Kennedy — physician, neuroscientist, developmental psychology expert, and bestselling author of Anxiety Rx. Known worldwide as The Anxiety MD, Russell brings both deep science and lived experience, having spent decades overcoming his own battle with crippling anxiety.We explore:How anxiety lives in the body as an alarm state, not just in the mind.How childhood trauma and sensitivity shape the coping strategies we turn to.How eating disorders, worry, and other patterns seem to help at first, but only keep the alarm alive underneath.How inner child healing and compassion create lasting recovery, not just temporary relief.How to start finding the alarm in your body and soothing it safely.This is not a surface-level conversation. It’s about understanding how anxiety drives the cycle of restriction, control, and fear — and how reconnecting with the body and the younger self underneath the pain is the real key to healing.💛 Dr Russell Kennedy’s groundbreaking work blends medicine, neuroscience, yoga, and mindfulness into practical healing. His bestselling book Anxiety Rx, his Anxiety Rx Podcast, and his transformational MBRX programme are empowering people worldwide to permanently heal anxiety and embrace calm. You can connect with him at theanxietymd.com or on Instagram @theanxietymd.💛 And if you’re looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between. Inside, you’ll find the Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses, and of course—me, Julia, here with you every step of the way. Join us here.💛 For those wanting to go further, my 1:1 coaching offers close support to work on the root causes of the eating disorder with personalised guidance. You’ll never feel so supported to recover. Learn more at juliatrehane.com.You are not broken. How anxiety has shaped you is not how your story has to end. There is a way to move through the alarm, find peace in your body, and reclaim your life.

Hey lovely, today’s episode of Fly to Freedom is not just something to listen to while you multitask — this is one to experience. Together, we’ll explore the invisible stories that have been running in the background of your life — the ones that shape how you feel in recovery, how you show up in the world, and even how safe you feel in your own skin.So many of us carry old scripts written by parents, teachers, culture, or the eating disorder itself — stories of not being enough, of not being safe, of not being worthy. And when those stories are left unchallenged, life keeps bending to fit them. But you hold the pen, sweetheart. You always have.In this episode, I’ll share:✨ How your brain clings to familiar stories through confirmation bias✨ Why the stories you tell yourself shape your energy, your recovery, and your relationships✨ How to move from scarcity to abundance without faking positivity✨ The role of gratitude and manifestation (when grounded in action) in creating lasting change✨ A guided reflection to help you embody abundance and begin rewriting your story right nowWhether you’re early in recovery or navigating the long middle stretch, this conversation will help you start shifting the old narratives that keep you stuck. You’ll leave with practical tools, gentle wisdom, and the reminder that you are never alone in this.💛 And if you’re longing for deeper support, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is a place where you’ll be truly understood. Inside you’ll find group coaching, workshops, courses, and the comfort of being with people who get it. And if you’d like closer, personalised guidance, my 1:1 coaching is always here for you. You can explore both at juliatrehane.comBecause you deserve to write a new story — one of freedom, trust, and enoughness.

In this episode of Fly To Freedom, Vic and I are back answering your real questions from the community. We’re going deep into the messy, uncomfortable but transformative parts of eating disorder recovery — things like acting in line with your values when fear keeps getting in the way, making peace with fullness when it feels “dirty,” and breaking the hold of external validation.We also chat about how language shapes your recovery, why you’re not “helpless,” and some powerful ways to work with fear, anxiety and guilt after eating.Here’s what you’ll hear inside:How to move from “I can’t” to “I won’t” and reclaim your power.Why fullness feels so scary and how to practise being uncomfortable until it becomes safe.Why fruit and veg aren’t always your friend in early re-nourishment — and what to focus on instead.Tools for nervous-system safety when even tiny steps trigger panic.How to stop waiting for your mother’s (or anyone’s) approval and start validating yourself.Why guilt often hits after eating and how to pre-empt it so it loses its grip.This is an honest, compassionate episode with lots of practical ideas you can start using straight away.💛 And if you’re looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between. Inside you’ll also find my Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses and of course — me, right there with you every step of the way.Come and be part of something that actually helps. You don’t have to do this alone.Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle here

Welcome back to Fly to Freedom.Set point weight is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in eating disorder recovery. In this episode, I’m breaking down what it really means, why it matters so much, and how to stop fighting your body so you can finally feel safe in it.We’ll explore:What set point weight is (and what it isn’t)Why your body defends this natural range so fiercelyThe emotional and biological impact of trying to stay below itWhy overshoot happens and why it’s not failure but part of healingWhy some people live in larger bodies and what’s really going on thereHow to cope if your weight has stabilised but you still don’t feel at home in your bodyThis is about more than numbers or appearance. It’s about understanding your body as a partner, not a problem. When you stop resisting your set point weight, your body can move out of survival mode, your mind can quieten, and your life can finally expand beyond control.Whether you’re at the beginning of recovery, in the messy middle, or wondering if your body has settled, this conversation will help you make sense of the chaos, release shame, and begin to trust that your body has always been on your side.💛 You deserve peace. You deserve freedom. And your body is not the enemy—it’s your home.💛 If you’re looking for a safe place to explore what recovery really means for you, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is there to support you. Inside you’ll find live coaching calls, courses, workshops, and a community of people who understand.I'm also running a public workshop on 11th October on Healing The Fear Of Weight Gain. If this episode resonated with you, then this workshop will really help you. Book now: https://www.juliatrehane.com/workshopsAnd when you’re ready for deeper, personalised work on the root causes of the eating disorder, my 1:1 coaching offers close support and guidance to help you move towards full freedom.Wherever you are right now — remember, presence is enough, and you are always worth choosing.

Welcome back to Fly to Freedom. In this episode, I sit down with Angela, a woman who has just completed coaching with me and has transformed her life in ways she once thought were impossible.Angela opens her heart and shares what recovery really feels like from the inside—the messy middle, the fear of letting go of control, the grief of facing old wounds, and ultimately the joy of discovering her true self.She talks about the shift from quasi-recovery into full recovery, moving beyond the food piece into the deeper emotional healing that brings lasting freedom. From learning to use “kinder eyes” with herself, to shedding the armour of perfectionism, makeup, and control, Angela’s story is one of courage, vulnerability, and hope.You’ll hear:The difference between simply eating more and truly healing at the root.How black-and-white thinking gave way to curiosity, compassion, and growth.What it feels like to let go of the eating disorder’s armour and show up as her authentic self.How recovery changed her marriage, her creativity, and her confidence.Why investing in herself was the turning point that made freedom possible.Angela’s journey is a powerful reminder that recovery is not only possible—it’s worth everything. If you’re feeling stuck in quasi-recovery, constantly fighting your thoughts, or fearing who you’ll be without the eating disorder, this episode will show you what’s waiting on the other side.💛 And if you’re looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, including Angela, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between.Inside, you’ll also find the Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses, and of course—me, Julia, here with you every step of the way.Come be part of something that actually helps. You don’t have to do this alone.👉 Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle