Episode 136: How to Answer Back When the Brain Says “Don’t Gain Weight”

In this episode of Fly To Freedom, I unpack the fear of weight gain through a compassionate, practical lens. We explore how survival wiring, nervous-system activation and confirmation bias make fear feel indisputable—especially during anorexia recovery and eating disorder recovery. You’ll learn why the brain translates messy, vulnerable emotions (rejection, shame, grief, visibility, intimacy) into body-fixing plans—and how to respond differently. I share personal moments from my own recovery, scripts to answer the brain in real time, and a short guided reflection to help you feel safer with feelings so you can keep saying yes to nourishment, healing and freedom.I’m Julia Trehane, a specialist anorexia recovery coach supporting full and lasting recovery—no quasi-recovery, no staying stuck. I believe your worth never lived in your body size, and your brain can be retrained to choose safety in feeling over safety in shrinking.What you’ll learnThe Guard Dog Brain: Why the brain prioritises survival over happiness—and why fear is its fastest tool.Coping Strategy, Not Truth: How fear of weight gain arrives to avoid hard emotions and offer an illusion of control.Confirmation Bias: The brain’s proof-seeking loop that turns neutral events into “evidence” that shrinking is safer.Underneath the Fear: Rejection, shame, visibility, vulnerability, grief, and “not-enoughness.”Somatic Micro-Skills: A 30–60 second body check-in to increase tolerance for big feelings.Reality-Testing: Questions that disrupt the hijack and open other explanations.Redefining Control: Why real control is presence, nourishment and allowing the body to heal—including oedema.Word-for-Word Scripts: Gentle but firm responses you can use when the brain shouts “don’t gain weight.”Try these right away (practical steps)Name the pattern: “This is the coping strategy, not the truth.” Pause before acting.Journal prompt: “If this isn’t about weight, what might I be feeling?” Let answers arrive without fixing.Somatic minute: Hand on heart and tummy; locate the feeling (chest/throat/stomach) and breathe into it for 30–60 seconds.Reality check: “What else could be true here? What am I not noticing?”Script it:“Thank you, brain, for trying to protect me. What I’m really feeling is ____. I can feel this and stay safe.”“Buying a bigger size is proof my body is healing, not proof I’ve failed.”“Oedema is repair. My worth doesn’t live in a label.”Reframe control: Choose nourishment, rest and connection—even when fear is loud.Mentioned in this episodeFeelings Navigator — a quick way to find tools for the emotion you’re in: https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/how-are-you-feelingThe Eating Disorder Recovery Circle — our community space for support, coaching calls, workshops and on-demand courses (come join us or pop back into the forum to share your reflections): https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/joinKey timestamps (guide)00:00 Guard Dog Brain: survival vs happiness05:00 Fear of weight gain as a coping strategy12:00 How the hijack sounds in real life (relationship/work/friends)20:00 Confirmation bias & why fear feels like “proof”27:00 What’s underneath: rejection, shame, visibility, vulnerability, grief33:00 Somatic practice + reality-testing questions39:00 Scripts to answer the brain45:00 Closing reflection: “I can handle feelings; I am safe to feel.”If this episode resonated, come share what came up for you inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle—you’ll be met by people who truly understand, plus practical tools you can use the moment fear gets loud, all for less than the cost of a single therapy session: https://www.edrecoverycircle.com/join.If you’re ready for more personalised support, my 1:1 coaching will hold you through the hard emotions while we retrain the brain toward safety and freedom.

How does anxiety fuel an eating disorder — and why do the usual fixes never seem to work?In this powerful episode of Fly to Freedom, I sit down with Dr Russell Kennedy — physician, neuroscientist, developmental psychology expert, and bestselling author of Anxiety Rx. Known worldwide as The Anxiety MD, Russell brings both deep science and lived experience, having spent decades overcoming his own battle with crippling anxiety.We explore:How anxiety lives in the body as an alarm state, not just in the mind.How childhood trauma and sensitivity shape the coping strategies we turn to.How eating disorders, worry, and other patterns seem to help at first, but only keep the alarm alive underneath.How inner child healing and compassion create lasting recovery, not just temporary relief.How to start finding the alarm in your body and soothing it safely.This is not a surface-level conversation. It’s about understanding how anxiety drives the cycle of restriction, control, and fear — and how reconnecting with the body and the younger self underneath the pain is the real key to healing.💛 Dr Russell Kennedy’s groundbreaking work blends medicine, neuroscience, yoga, and mindfulness into practical healing. His bestselling book Anxiety Rx, his Anxiety Rx Podcast, and his transformational MBRX programme are empowering people worldwide to permanently heal anxiety and embrace calm. You can connect with him at theanxietymd.com or on Instagram @theanxietymd.💛 And if you’re looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between. Inside, you’ll find the Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses, and of course—me, Julia, here with you every step of the way. Join us here.💛 For those wanting to go further, my 1:1 coaching offers close support to work on the root causes of the eating disorder with personalised guidance. You’ll never feel so supported to recover. Learn more at juliatrehane.com.You are not broken. How anxiety has shaped you is not how your story has to end. There is a way to move through the alarm, find peace in your body, and reclaim your life.

Hey lovely, today’s episode of Fly to Freedom is not just something to listen to while you multitask — this is one to experience. Together, we’ll explore the invisible stories that have been running in the background of your life — the ones that shape how you feel in recovery, how you show up in the world, and even how safe you feel in your own skin.So many of us carry old scripts written by parents, teachers, culture, or the eating disorder itself — stories of not being enough, of not being safe, of not being worthy. And when those stories are left unchallenged, life keeps bending to fit them. But you hold the pen, sweetheart. You always have.In this episode, I’ll share:✨ How your brain clings to familiar stories through confirmation bias✨ Why the stories you tell yourself shape your energy, your recovery, and your relationships✨ How to move from scarcity to abundance without faking positivity✨ The role of gratitude and manifestation (when grounded in action) in creating lasting change✨ A guided reflection to help you embody abundance and begin rewriting your story right nowWhether you’re early in recovery or navigating the long middle stretch, this conversation will help you start shifting the old narratives that keep you stuck. You’ll leave with practical tools, gentle wisdom, and the reminder that you are never alone in this.💛 And if you’re longing for deeper support, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is a place where you’ll be truly understood. Inside you’ll find group coaching, workshops, courses, and the comfort of being with people who get it. And if you’d like closer, personalised guidance, my 1:1 coaching is always here for you. You can explore both at juliatrehane.comBecause you deserve to write a new story — one of freedom, trust, and enoughness.

In this episode of Fly To Freedom, Vic and I are back answering your real questions from the community. We’re going deep into the messy, uncomfortable but transformative parts of eating disorder recovery — things like acting in line with your values when fear keeps getting in the way, making peace with fullness when it feels “dirty,” and breaking the hold of external validation.We also chat about how language shapes your recovery, why you’re not “helpless,” and some powerful ways to work with fear, anxiety and guilt after eating.Here’s what you’ll hear inside:How to move from “I can’t” to “I won’t” and reclaim your power.Why fullness feels so scary and how to practise being uncomfortable until it becomes safe.Why fruit and veg aren’t always your friend in early re-nourishment — and what to focus on instead.Tools for nervous-system safety when even tiny steps trigger panic.How to stop waiting for your mother’s (or anyone’s) approval and start validating yourself.Why guilt often hits after eating and how to pre-empt it so it loses its grip.This is an honest, compassionate episode with lots of practical ideas you can start using straight away.💛 And if you’re looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between. Inside you’ll also find my Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses and of course — me, right there with you every step of the way.Come and be part of something that actually helps. You don’t have to do this alone.Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle here

Welcome back to Fly to Freedom.Set point weight is one of the most misunderstood and emotionally charged topics in eating disorder recovery. In this episode, I’m breaking down what it really means, why it matters so much, and how to stop fighting your body so you can finally feel safe in it.We’ll explore:What set point weight is (and what it isn’t)Why your body defends this natural range so fiercelyThe emotional and biological impact of trying to stay below itWhy overshoot happens and why it’s not failure but part of healingWhy some people live in larger bodies and what’s really going on thereHow to cope if your weight has stabilised but you still don’t feel at home in your bodyThis is about more than numbers or appearance. It’s about understanding your body as a partner, not a problem. When you stop resisting your set point weight, your body can move out of survival mode, your mind can quieten, and your life can finally expand beyond control.Whether you’re at the beginning of recovery, in the messy middle, or wondering if your body has settled, this conversation will help you make sense of the chaos, release shame, and begin to trust that your body has always been on your side.💛 You deserve peace. You deserve freedom. And your body is not the enemy—it’s your home.💛 If you’re looking for a safe place to explore what recovery really means for you, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is there to support you. Inside you’ll find live coaching calls, courses, workshops, and a community of people who understand.I'm also running a public workshop on 11th October on Healing The Fear Of Weight Gain. If this episode resonated with you, then this workshop will really help you. Book now: https://www.juliatrehane.com/workshopsAnd when you’re ready for deeper, personalised work on the root causes of the eating disorder, my 1:1 coaching offers close support and guidance to help you move towards full freedom.Wherever you are right now — remember, presence is enough, and you are always worth choosing.

Welcome back to Fly to Freedom. In this episode, I sit down with Angela, a woman who has just completed coaching with me and has transformed her life in ways she once thought were impossible.Angela opens her heart and shares what recovery really feels like from the inside—the messy middle, the fear of letting go of control, the grief of facing old wounds, and ultimately the joy of discovering her true self.She talks about the shift from quasi-recovery into full recovery, moving beyond the food piece into the deeper emotional healing that brings lasting freedom. From learning to use “kinder eyes” with herself, to shedding the armour of perfectionism, makeup, and control, Angela’s story is one of courage, vulnerability, and hope.You’ll hear:The difference between simply eating more and truly healing at the root.How black-and-white thinking gave way to curiosity, compassion, and growth.What it feels like to let go of the eating disorder’s armour and show up as her authentic self.How recovery changed her marriage, her creativity, and her confidence.Why investing in herself was the turning point that made freedom possible.Angela’s journey is a powerful reminder that recovery is not only possible—it’s worth everything. If you’re feeling stuck in quasi-recovery, constantly fighting your thoughts, or fearing who you’ll be without the eating disorder, this episode will show you what’s waiting on the other side.💛 And if you’re looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, including Angela, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between.Inside, you’ll also find the Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses, and of course—me, Julia, here with you every step of the way.Come be part of something that actually helps. You don’t have to do this alone.👉 Join The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle

So many of us in recovery know the words “I feel fat” all too well. They can hit like a tidal wave after eating, while looking in the mirror, or when shame and panic rise out of nowhere. But fat isn’t actually a feeling.In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m unpacking what’s really happening when those words surface. Together, we’ll explore:Why “I feel fat” is often a shorthand for emotions we were never taught how to name.The deeper feelings that hide beneath body shame — fear, sadness, grief, vulnerability, or loneliness.Why restriction became a coping mechanism, and how recovery brings emotions rushing back.A simple 5-step practice you can use when the “I feel fat” thoughts feel overwhelming.These thoughts aren’t evidence of failure — they’re signals from your nervous system asking to be heard. And when you begin to meet them with compassion instead of punishment, real healing starts to unfold.💛 Free resource for you: I’ve created a brand new guide, Five Feelings That Fuel an Eating Disorder (and How to Navigate Them). You can download it for free at juliatrehane.com. It’s a gentle way to start making sense of those “I feel fat” days.💛 Want daily support? Inside The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle, you’ll find the Feelings Navigator — a tool that helps you identify what you’re truly feeling — plus a loving community, live coaching, and on-demand recovery courses to support you every step of the way.💛 Ready for deeper healing? My 1:1 coaching is where I work closely with you on the root causes, helping your system learn how to feel, soothe, and return to full self-trust.Wherever you are today, please know this: “I feel fat” isn’t the end of the story. It’s the beginning of learning a new language — one of self-compassion, emotional truth, and freedom.

In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m joined by the brilliant Tabitha Farrar — recovery coach, speaker, and author of Rehabilitate, Rewire, Recover and Fried Eggs and Thunder Thighs.Tabitha shares her journey of living with anorexia for over a decade, how a seemingly innocent decision triggered the illness, and the pivotal moment she finally chose recovery. Known for her blunt, science-based, no-nonsense approach, Tabitha talks openly about:Why she believes recovery doesn’t have to be complicated.The crucial role of facing fears — especially around exercise and weight gain.How negative body image is learned, and how to actually unlearn it.Why acting “as if” you like your body can rewire the brain faster than waiting for the feelings to change.The recovery myths that keep people stuck, including the idea that bingeing in recovery is something to fear.💛 If you’d like to connect with Tabitha, you can find her at tabithafarrar.com and on her YouTube channel.💛 If you’re ready to take the next step in your own recovery, visit juliatrehane.com. You’ll find all the ways we can work together – whether that’s through my workshops, joining The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle for ongoing support, or my 1:1 coaching for deeper, personalised guidance.

So many people in recovery quietly wonder: Do I have to face the trauma to truly heal?Maybe you’ve whispered that question to yourself too – in the middle of a meal, in a therapy room, or in the quiet of the night when you’re just so tired of hurting. Maybe you long for recovery but dread opening the door to the past.In this episode of Fly to Freedom, I’m speaking to that exact fear. Together we’ll explore:What trauma really is (hint: it’s not just what happened, but what you carried forward).Why recovery can absolutely begin without digging into the past straight away.How nourishment, rest and nervous system safety lay the groundwork for deeper healing.Why avoidance isn’t failure – it’s often a survival response that kept you safe.How real trauma healing often begins in small, quiet acts of safety, presence and self-compassion.Recovery is not just about food. It’s about reclaiming the parts of you that had to hide – the ones who deserve love, safety, and freedom.💛 If you’re ready to take the next step in your own recovery, visit juliatrehane.com. You’ll find all the ways we can work together – whether that’s one of my £27 workshops, joining the Eating Disorder Recovery Circle for ongoing support, or working with me 1:1 to supercharge your recovery. You can also download my free eBook The Five Voices We Carry: A Journey Through the Hardest Feelings in Recovery to help you navigate the emotional side of healing.

Welcome back to Fly to Freedom. In this month’s Julia & Vics Q&A, we answer your powerful recovery questions — from fears about quasi-recovery to coping with brain chemistry changes, rebuilding family trust, and navigating oedema, weight gain, and family comments.You’ll hear raw, compassionate answers rooted in lived experience — the messy parts, the scary parts, and the hopeful parts. Whether you’re at the start or further along, these conversations show you that recovery is possible for everyone.[03:15] Quasi vs. Full Recovery – Can coaches tell who will fully recover? Why commitment and openness matter more than prediction.[08:40] Brain Chemistry – Why suicidal thoughts, depression, and appetite loss can hit when you start eating more, and how to move through it.[17:55] Food Perfectionism – Fear of making the “wrong” choice, and how to let food be messy, not perfect.[23:10] Family Trust – How to rebuild relationships and feel proud of yourself again after painful years.[32:05] Planning Challenges – Should challenges be scheduled or spontaneous? Why the answer is both.[37:45] Oedema – Julia’s lived experience of extreme water retention, why it happens, and how to cope.[46:20] Weight Gain Blame – Reframing “healthy” and “unhealthy” foods, and trusting your body.[55:30] BMI Fears – Why BMI is irrelevant, why food thoughts count as hunger, and how to keep going.[01:05:15] Family Comments – Coping when loved ones make thin-obsessed remarks, and why inner child work matters.[01:15:10] Blood Tests – Why results may look “normal” despite restriction, and why that doesn’t mean you’re okay.[01:25:40] Restricting to “Check” Metabolism – Why this cycle fuels mistrust, and how to break it.[01:32:50] Fear or Excitement – How fear can transform into courage, and why borrowing belief helps.[01:40:05] Making Recovery Easier – Would we do it differently? Why going all in was the fastest way through.[01:47:15] HSPs – Why many with eating disorders are highly sensitive people, and how to see it as a strength.💛 And if you're looking for real support from people who’ve been there and truly get it, The Eating Disorder Recovery Circle is here for you. It’s a unique community of people at all stages of recovery, supporting each other through the mess, the milestones, and everything in between.Inside you’ll also find the Feelings Navigator to guide you through hard emotions, monthly coaching calls, live workshops, on-demand recovery courses, and of course — me, Julia, here with you every step of the way.Come be part of something that actually helps. You don’t have to do this alone.