[Pokémon Scarlet/Violet] Prologue, Stony Cliff Titan, Cortondo Gym (#205)

Arven, aka Billy from Stranger Things, assembles a team of people just crazy enough to venture down into the Great Crater of Paldea and see just how deep the rabbit hole goes. Naturally, Don Joey & Esteban Humano fall into that category. Together, they venture into Arven's heart of darkness, where the whole episode becomes learning that a guy we harangued as being a pure and simple nepo baby actually finds out his parents are dead, and then they are recreated in AI, which also want him dead. Sad! (And that's mostly not a comment on the freaky new Paradox Pokémon we meet.)

So it's come to this: the conclusions (perhaps?) of all three Paldean paths. And boy, do Don Joey's knights finally get the glorious battles they were thirsting for—along with a hefty side dish of lengthy cutscenes. We take on Arven/Arwen/Billy, undoubtedly not helping with his daddy issues; finally find out who Cassiopeia is (the one character NOT played by Clavell); and go toe-to-toe with La Roux, Baby Poppy, King Larry, a weeping German, and La Primera in the Pokémon League. Plus, Nemona simply won't stop battling us. Doesn't she have student council things to do? Seems like the academy is pretty loose with its rules-enforcement.

In an attempt to get our adventurers' levels back on the... well, level, we take on the final three Paldean gyms and the final Team Star Base. One valiant knight faces some tough battles, while a less valiant traveler follows a slightly different path—one which involves a lot of rolling balls of poop up the sides of mountains, until finally, Sisyphus can end his eternal quest. But is he even the same guy anymore?

On the road outside Cascarrafa, Don Joey & Esteban Humano encounter Lysander Lux, a traveling merchant with exquisite taste in fashion, Pokémon, and ruthless capitalism. The trio descends upon the Water and Normal gyms, in particular finding a kindred spirit (aka disenchanted drinker) in Medali's Larry, who's just trying to make it through the day. Tell us about it, buddy. Tanner comes down pretty hard on the gay duck Pokémon, and Greg forwards that as well as Josh's lack of Britney Spears discography knowledge to the Council—just in time for Pride Month. Also, they battle to determine if EXP. Share can, for once, retain its own IP.

Don Joey & Esteban Humano return from their gap year to return their dragon motorcycles to their former glory, and rid Paldea of (most of) the notorious Team Star. They find that the land has been overrun with discordantly leveled trainers and Pokémon, but they are also sweet as hell. (Except for maybe one on Esteban's team, who gets herself into a PR crisis.) We also mash our 'mon together for the first battle of the season... to not-so-surprising results.

It's a, a guy hunt! Our heroes find themselves caught in a Challengers type of situation, caught between Kieran & Ogerpon, and in order to resolve that tension we must take on the "Loyal"/"Lousy" Three. Traversing Kitakami leads Don Joey to meet some rather aggressive locals, while Esteban Humano is confronted by a goo-loving freak deep in the mountains. Will this love/hate triangle reach its matchpoint this week? Or will there be one more volley left in this story? Either way, we hope you "love" it (that's a tennis joke).

Hola—or rather, konnichiwa! Don Joey & Esteban Humano are taking the next semester (aka two episodes) to complete a study abroad program over on Kitakami. As soon as they make landfall, they meet their home stay frenemy Carmine, and boyfriend, Kieran, and learn a bit about this land's strange ways. Or at least, the denizens of Mossui Town think these two are the strange, inept city slickers from Paldea, and boy are they wrong. We mop the floor with pretty much everyone here on the quest to *Brooke Valentine voice* hunt a guy.

Our noble/ignoble adventurers sally forth into unexplored, ambiguously named lands such as the East Province (Area Two), and meet some pretty interesting new characters. Like Clive, who definitely is not Professor Clavell, who is also certainly not Mr. Walksabout. Esteban tries to take over Giacomo's crew and steal his Starmobile, while Don Joey has to kick out some rabble rousers from his noble fellowship. Then, they both are forced to become influencers when confronted with Iono, the famous girlie streamer/Gym Leader.

Don Joey & Esteban Humano head west (young man) and find a land full of soaring wind turbines and very upsetting birds. Then, they swing east to critique an artist's life work (terrible) before taking him on in the gym, and discovering his battling is even worse than his sculptures—meeting many new 'mon and humans along the way.

We and our characters haven't quite mastered "Paldean" yet, but please join us as we all sally forth to find what adventures this mysterious land holds. Will it be a P-Iwannadie-a or a Palslaya? You'll have to listen to find out (and ideally don't ever listen to or mention again Josh's cover of the "Uva Academy School Song"). Notes: Featuring "Naranja/Uva Academy" by Toby Fox.