195 | perfectionism, over-accommodation, and finding the middle ground

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇dr. tay dives deep into perfectionism — how it shows up in autism parenting, in clinical work, and even in content creation. she shares personal reflections, a powerful story from her group therapy model, and a reminder that perfectionism can hide behind our best intentions to help.this episode explores:the fine line between accommodation and over-accommodationperfectionism as a form of rigidity and how it sneaks into parentinglearning to release shame and accept imperfection as part of growthTIMESTAMPS00:00 introduction: what perfectionism looks like in parenting00:54 reflections from clinical practice and lived experience01:33 perfectionism behind the scenes of podcasting and social media02:36 when “doing it right” becomes doing too much12:46 finding the balance between accommodation and over-accommodation21:17 learning to release control and practice repair over perfection25:15 a group reflection on perfectionism and shared growth35:42 closing encouragement and ways to stay connectedRESOURCES⚡️ join evolve: the membership — a space for parents to reflect, connect, and grow through their autism journey.⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach and current clinical services at drtaylorday.com.⚡️ continue learning from me and submit questions (they may be featured on a future episode!)instagram → @the.dr.taytiktok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇Dr. Tay sits down with Jessie Caraway, creator of the If You Know One Project, to talk about her family’s journey, her daughter’s autism diagnosis, and how the project grew out of a desire to build community and awareness.They reflect on the long road to an autism diagnosis, reframing “high support needs,” and the importance of seeing each autistic child through a lens of humanity rather than fear or deficit. Jessie shares how her journey with her daughter, Eliza, inspired her to create the If You Know One Project — a space that celebrates individuality and connection through neurodiversity-affirming awareness, apparel, and storytelling.Together, Dr. Tay and Jessie explore what it means to move forward with compassion, to hold complexity in parenting, and to remind families that every story — every one — matters.TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction and Guest Announcement00:29 Host’s Background and Podcast Purpose01:31 Guest Introduction and Family Background02:01 Starting the If You Know One Project03:29 Community Engagement and Resource Sharing06:50 Challenges in the Diagnosis Journey11:36 Navigating the Healthcare System18:23 The If You Know One Project’s Mission and Future Goals22:59 Navigating the Journey Together23:22 Support for Families24:04 Community and Connection24:33 Understanding High Support Needs25:22 The Value of Individuality26:20 Perspective Shifts and Humanity28:24 Building Trust and Communication32:19 Sharing Stories and Advocacy36:12 Encouragement for Parents38:56 Final Thoughts and Resources💛 RESOURCES⚡️ Connect with Jessie Caraway + The If You Know One Project:Instagram → @jess_ifyouknowoneEtsy Shop → If You Know One⚡️ Join EVOLVE: The Membership — a neurodiversity-affirming space for parents to find community, support, and ongoing learning on this journey.⚡️ Learn more about Dr. Tay’s Whole Family Approach + current services at drtaylorday.com⚡️ Continue learning + submit questions for future episodes:Instagram → @the.dr.tayTikTok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇this episode is a replay of my instagram live q+a, where we processed the recent press conference linking autism and tylenol. i shared reflections on research, stigma, and neurodiversity-affirming care, and answered parent questions in real time. we covered the nuance of research, medication conversations, ableism and stigma, and most importantly — how parents can ground themselves and their families. a special thank you to sam marion, lcsw (@sammarioncounseling) for moderating the live chat and helping to hold respectful space for this conversation.THE JUST ONE THING CHALLENGEtoward the end of this episode, i introduce the just one thing challenge—a free 7-day practice designed to help parents slow down, ground themselves, and notice one small glimmer in the middle of daily overwhelm.  join the just one thing challenge starting monday, october 6th, 2025 – on instagram: follow @the.dr.tay and message JOTCHALLENGE – not on instagram? sign up here TIMESTAMPS00:00 introduction + intent of the live 01:46 introducing sam marion 03:51 processing the press conference 06:20 what neurodiversity affirming care really means 07:50 dr. tay’s background + perspective 09:52 making sense of autism research 12:36 diving into parent questions 24:05 responding to the administration’s narrative 39:54 fda-approved medications + leucovorin discussion 41:51 understanding pda + affirming supports 44:15 debunking tylenol + autism myths 45:56 confronting stigma + ableism 48:58 concerns about government policies 51:54 supporting autistic kids + families 01:10:51 the just one thing challenge 01:15:34 closing reflections + resourcesRESOURCES⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership to find community + support in your parenting journey⚡️ learn more about dr. tay's whole family approach + current clinical services offered at drtaylorday.com⚡️ continue learning from me + submit questions that may be featured on a future episode >> instagram @the.dr.tay tiktok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this mini, spontaneous episode, Dr. Tay addresses the recent press conference where the administration linked autism to Tylenol, causing guilt and anxiety among parents. She emphasizes the importance of taking time to process emotions, the prevalence of misinformation, and the need for compassion. Dr. Tay reassures listeners that it's okay to take a pause, mute social media, and focus on emotional processing rather than seeking immediate answers. She encourages parents to embrace their current reality with their autistic child and highlights the complexity of autism's causes.00:00 Introduction 00:19 Addressing the Press Conference on Autism and Tylenol00:52 Processing and Community Feedback02:25 Neurodiversity and Emotional Support05:08 Clarifying Misconceptions about Autism Causes06:38 Encouragement and Self-Care Tips09:47 Final Thoughts and Outro   RESOURCES ⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here to have a community support you during these trying times ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered at drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this mini episode, Dr. Tay shares a sneak peek into a training within EVOLVE the memberhsip. Sh dives into the concept of low demand parenting, particularly for families with children who resonate with the PDA profile. Dr. Tay introduces and explains the "3 Bucket Approach" to help parents manage demands and boundaries effectively. The episode also outlines the benefits of joining the membership where deeper guidance, resources, and community support are provided. Additionally, Dr. Tay highlights the importance of understanding family values and giving children autonomy, while maintaining necessary non-negotiable boundaries for safety and key family values.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:36 Membership Insights and Podcast Differences01:15 Introducing a New Resource02:22 Understanding Low Demand Parenting06:21 The Three Bucket Approach06:55 Non-Negotiables and Key Family Values08:41 The Shoulds: Dropping Unnecessary Demands11:01 The Ideal or Yet Bucket11:57 Practical Examples and Applications15:48 Conclusion and Membership Invitation18:00 Episode Wrap-Up and Future Content RESOURCES⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay, a licensed child psychologist and parental coach specializing in neurodiversity affirming care, explores the concept of jealousy and why it is a valid and normal emotion. Dr. Tay discusses the importance of experiencing and processing jealousy, rather than suppressing it, and how this can impact personal growth and well-being. The episode also addresses the complexity of co-existing emotions like hope and jealousy, and provides insights on how to navigate these feelings as a parent of an autistic child. Dr. Tay shares personal stories, professional insights, and practical advice on emotion regulation to help parents better support themselves and their families.00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview00:05 Understanding Jealousy as a Valid Emotion01:15 The Impact of Suppressing Emotions04:06 Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Processing12:06 Real-Life Applications and Parental Support18:27 Affirmation and Momentum18:42 Understanding Jealousy19:06 Balancing Emotions19:31 Validating Emotions20:53 Navigating Jealousy and Hope21:39 Seeking Support24:00 Embracing Jealousy26:38 Reflecting on Jealousy33:15 Final Thoughts and Resources  RESOURCES ⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here and listen to my glimmers training that helps you to better understand progress  ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered. visit drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

 ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay delves into the underexplored topic of couples therapy within the autism community, emphasizing its proactive rather than reactive use. Joined by Dr. Ali Perkinson, a neurodiverse couples therapist and licensed psychologist, the discussion covers how couples therapy can support harmonious family dynamics, understanding neurodiverse communication styles, and breaking down stigmas around couples therapy. Dr. Ali shares insights from her practice, highlighting the importance of co-regulation between parents and addressing executive functioning differences. The episode also offers practical tools such as the emotion wheel and the significance of sensory management, aiming to equip parents with strategies that can foster a more neuro-inclusive household.00:00 Introduction to Couples Therapy in Autism Parenting00:50 Meet Dr. Ali: Neurodiverse Couples Therapist02:22 Understanding Neurodiverse Relationships03:13 Communication Challenges in Neurodiverse Couples07:15 Common Reasons Couples Seek Therapy08:25 Proactive vs. Crisis Couples Therapy10:56 Navigating New Autism Diagnoses as a Family20:28 Tools and Tips for Neurodiverse Families22:44 The Importance of Venting in Relationships22:56 The Fixer Mentality: Strengths and Pitfalls23:45 Alternative Date Night Ideas for Neurodiverse Couples24:21 Co-Regulation and Physical Activities24:54 Therapeutic Modalities for Couples26:20 Exploring Psychedelic Therapy30:32 Addressing Executive Dysfunction in Relationships34:18 Understanding Neurodiverse Love Languages38:01 The Value of Couples Therapy40:14 Final Thoughts and Resources  RESOURCES⚡️ connect with Dr. Ali on Instagram @connectingwithali and learn more about her practice Connection Squared ⚡️ resource to find a neurodiverse couples therapist or coach  ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay discusses the chaos surrounding the start of a new school year, especially for families of autistic kids. Sharing insights and practical advice from her extensive experience, she addresses anticipatory anxiety, the challenges of advocating within educational systems, and the importance of psychological safety for children. The episode also provides resources on using tools like AI for understanding your rights and articulating your thoughts and emphasizes the power of collaboration with educators and advocates. Tune in for strategies to ensure your child's smooth transition into the school year.00:00 Introduction to the Chaos of Starting School02:02 Navigating the Chaos of School Starting02:49 Anticipatory Anxiety and Its Impact04:56 Advocating for Your Child in the School System16:50 The Importance of Psychological Safety at School21:57 Final Thoughts and Resources25:51 Conclusion and Ways to Connect  RESOURCES⚡️check out episodes 53, 57, 115, and 142 to learn more about educational rights and advocacy  ⚡️ LEARN more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇this week, i’m giving you a behind-the-scenes listen into a question from inside EVOLVE the membership — my neurodiversity-affirming space for parents of autistic children. in our private weekly q&a, a parent asked how to explain their child’s autism diagnosis to other adults in a way that’s both clear and affirming. in this episode, you’ll hear my full response, with approaches you can start using right away — from choosing identity-first language to framing your child’s strengths and support needs when talking with educators, family, and friends. you’ll also get a feel for what it’s like inside EVOLVE the membership, where members can bring their real-life questions instead of turning to Google, ChatGPT, or social media, and get thoughtful, personalized guidance. 00:00 introduction 00:25 welcome to this parenting space01:34 why EVOLVE the membership?03:59 behind the scenes of EVOLVE the membership06:37 this week’s Q&A11:01 neuroaffirming language explained22:29 conclusion and membership invitation  RESOURCES ⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay addresses a commonly asked question: Is the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule, Second Edition (ADOS-2) necessary for an autism diagnosis? Dr. Tay explains what the ADOS-2 is, its role in autism evaluations, and clarifies that while it is a widely respected tool, it is not required for diagnosing autism. The episode emphasizes the importance of using multiple assessment tools and clinical judgment in making an autism diagnosis. Dr. Tay also offers guidance for parents on how to advocate for their children, including questions to ask clinicians. Finally, Dr. Tay highlights the importance of neurodiversity affirming practices and discusses the role of other evaluation tools and telehealth assessments.00:00 Introduction and Common Questions00:31 Understanding the ADOS-201:02 Training Levels and Misconceptions02:09 Clinical vs. Research Use04:07 Sensitivity, Specificity, and Misuse06:50 Neurodiversity Movement and High Masking10:26 Alternative Tools and Insurance Challenges12:26 Challenges with Insurance-Mandated Assessments12:45 Telehealth Evaluations: Validity and Tools13:20 Alternative Assessment Tools for Autism15:58 Key Questions to Ask Your Clinician19:28 Understanding Autism Traits: Quantity vs. Quality20:59 Free Resource Guide and Final Thoughts RESOURCES ⚡️Download the Autism Traits Guide ⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here ⚡️ LEARN more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay