198 | the role of parents as co-regulators for autistic children with Lisa Candera

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay emphasizes the importance of supporting parents in the autistic journey. Joined by Lisa Candera, a single mom and coach for parents of autistic children, they discuss the role of parents as primary co-regulators for their children as well as strategies for staying regulated, building self-trust, and supporting their children's behaviors. They also explore systemic issues, coping mechanisms, and the need for a holistic approach that includes listening to autistic voices. Despite the focus on parents, the core message underscores the importance of a balanced support system for the entire family unit.00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome00:28 Lisa Candera's Background and Passion00:45 The Role of Parents in Autism Support01:28 Podcast Introduction and Disclaimer02:30 Lisa's Journey as a Single Mom05:25 Challenges and Early Diagnosis06:48 Navigating Resources and Support Systems08:27 The Importance of Parental Education16:04 Understanding OCD and Autism22:59 Coaching and Self-Regulation28:21 Understanding the Distinctness of OCD28:30 The Complexity of Compulsions29:01 Parental Instincts and Fix-It Mode29:31 The Illogical Nature of OCD30:06 OCD and Autism: The Just Right Feeling31:22 Building Acceptance in Parenting32:22 The Psychological Definition of Acceptance33:46 Behavioral Issues and Parental Pressure35:05 Supporting Parents: Tips and Strategies37:24 Validating Experiences Before Problem Solving38:01 Common Challenges and Seeking Support39:21 Navigating Grief and Acceptance40:02 Ambiguous Grief and GOMO41:17 Being the Safe Person and Self-Advocacy44:31 Parental Regulation and Child's Behavior46:36 Building a Well-Rounded Support Team48:29 The Power of Tone and Voice52:12 Conclusion and Resources  RESOURCES⚡️ Continue learning from Lisa Candera at theautismmomcoach.com/ and @theautismmomcoach on Instagram and Facebook⚡️ Download the Meltdown Action Plan⚡️ Join EVOLVE: The Membership — a neurodiversity-affirming space for parents to find community, support, and ongoing learning on this journey.⚡️ Learn more about Dr. Tay’s Whole Family Approach + current services at drtaylorday.com⚡️ Continue learning + submit questions for future episodes:Instagram → @the.dr.tayTikTok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this mini episode, Dr. Tay discusses impulse control for autistic children and offers proactive strategies to develop this skill without inducing shame. Dr. Tay emphasizes the importance of a regulated state for teaching impulse control and using fun, engaging games like Red Light, Green Light and Simon Says. The episode also answers questions from parents, such as managing inappropriate comments and excessive affectionate behaviors. 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:24 Inspiration Behind the Episode01:30 Understanding Impulse Control in Autistic Children03:02 Proactive Skill Building Strategies03:53 Engaging Activities to Teach Impulse Control06:29 Addressing Common Questions from Parents15:36 Impulse Control vs. Other Behavioral Issues17:15 Conclusion and Final Thoughts RESOURCES⚡️ Join EVOLVE: The Membership — a neurodiversity-affirming space for parents to find community, support, and ongoing learning on this journey.⚡️ Learn more about Dr. Tay’s Whole Family Approach + current services at drtaylorday.com⚡️ Continue learning + suggest topics for future episodes:Instagram → @the.dr.tayTikTok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay discusses the often overlooked yet crucial concept of interoception and its importance in supporting autistic children. Joined by guest Kelly Mahler, an experienced occupational therapist specializing in this area, they dive into what interoception is, how it impacts autistic children, and actionable strategies to improve interoceptive awareness. The conversation also touches on the significance of adult modeling, school-based interventions, and a comprehensive approach to sensory regulation. Additionally, they explore the connection between interoception and autistic burnout, providing valuable insights and resources for parents and educators.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview02:04 Guest Introduction: Kelly Mahler02:11 Kelly's Journey into Interoception04:17 Understanding Interoception08:57 Interoception in Autistic Individuals14:44 Building Interoceptive Awareness in Kids23:16 Challenges and Advocacy in Schools25:25 Understanding Interoception and Compliance26:01 Adult Modeling and Focus Area Experiments28:59 Sequential Process: Body, Emotion, Action32:18 Challenges in School-Based OT and Sensory Regulation38:47 Autistic Burnout and Interoception46:52 Resources and Final ThoughtsRESOURCES⚡️ check out all of Kelly’s resources → www.kelly-mahler.com ⚡️ Join EVOLVE: The Membership — a neurodiversity-affirming space for parents to find community, support, and ongoing learning on this journey.⚡️ Learn more about Dr. Tay’s Whole Family Approach + current services at drtaylorday.com⚡️ Continue learning + submit questions for future episodes:Instagram → @the.dr.tayTikTok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇dr. tay dives deep into perfectionism — how it shows up in autism parenting, in clinical work, and even in content creation. she shares personal reflections, a powerful story from her group therapy model, and a reminder that perfectionism can hide behind our best intentions to help.this episode explores:the fine line between accommodation and over-accommodationperfectionism as a form of rigidity and how it sneaks into parentinglearning to release shame and accept imperfection as part of growthTIMESTAMPS00:00 introduction: what perfectionism looks like in parenting00:54 reflections from clinical practice and lived experience01:33 perfectionism behind the scenes of podcasting and social media02:36 when “doing it right” becomes doing too much12:46 finding the balance between accommodation and over-accommodation21:17 learning to release control and practice repair over perfection25:15 a group reflection on perfectionism and shared growth35:42 closing encouragement and ways to stay connectedRESOURCES⚡️ join evolve: the membership — a space for parents to reflect, connect, and grow through their autism journey.⚡️ learn more about dr. tay’s whole family approach and current clinical services at drtaylorday.com.⚡️ continue learning from me and submit questions (they may be featured on a future episode!)instagram → @the.dr.taytiktok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇Dr. Tay sits down with Jessie Caraway, creator of the If You Know One Project, to talk about her family’s journey, her daughter’s autism diagnosis, and how the project grew out of a desire to build community and awareness.They reflect on the long road to an autism diagnosis, reframing “high support needs,” and the importance of seeing each autistic child through a lens of humanity rather than fear or deficit. Jessie shares how her journey with her daughter, Eliza, inspired her to create the If You Know One Project — a space that celebrates individuality and connection through neurodiversity-affirming awareness, apparel, and storytelling.Together, Dr. Tay and Jessie explore what it means to move forward with compassion, to hold complexity in parenting, and to remind families that every story — every one — matters.TIMESTAMPS00:00 Introduction and Guest Announcement00:29 Host’s Background and Podcast Purpose01:31 Guest Introduction and Family Background02:01 Starting the If You Know One Project03:29 Community Engagement and Resource Sharing06:50 Challenges in the Diagnosis Journey11:36 Navigating the Healthcare System18:23 The If You Know One Project’s Mission and Future Goals22:59 Navigating the Journey Together23:22 Support for Families24:04 Community and Connection24:33 Understanding High Support Needs25:22 The Value of Individuality26:20 Perspective Shifts and Humanity28:24 Building Trust and Communication32:19 Sharing Stories and Advocacy36:12 Encouragement for Parents38:56 Final Thoughts and Resources💛 RESOURCES⚡️ Connect with Jessie Caraway + The If You Know One Project:Instagram → @jess_ifyouknowoneEtsy Shop → If You Know One⚡️ Join EVOLVE: The Membership — a neurodiversity-affirming space for parents to find community, support, and ongoing learning on this journey.⚡️ Learn more about Dr. Tay’s Whole Family Approach + current services at drtaylorday.com⚡️ Continue learning + submit questions for future episodes:Instagram → @the.dr.tayTikTok → @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇this episode is a replay of my instagram live q+a, where we processed the recent press conference linking autism and tylenol. i shared reflections on research, stigma, and neurodiversity-affirming care, and answered parent questions in real time. we covered the nuance of research, medication conversations, ableism and stigma, and most importantly — how parents can ground themselves and their families. a special thank you to sam marion, lcsw (@sammarioncounseling) for moderating the live chat and helping to hold respectful space for this conversation.THE JUST ONE THING CHALLENGEtoward the end of this episode, i introduce the just one thing challenge—a free 7-day practice designed to help parents slow down, ground themselves, and notice one small glimmer in the middle of daily overwhelm.  join the just one thing challenge starting monday, october 6th, 2025 – on instagram: follow @the.dr.tay and message JOTCHALLENGE – not on instagram? sign up here TIMESTAMPS00:00 introduction + intent of the live 01:46 introducing sam marion 03:51 processing the press conference 06:20 what neurodiversity affirming care really means 07:50 dr. tay’s background + perspective 09:52 making sense of autism research 12:36 diving into parent questions 24:05 responding to the administration’s narrative 39:54 fda-approved medications + leucovorin discussion 41:51 understanding pda + affirming supports 44:15 debunking tylenol + autism myths 45:56 confronting stigma + ableism 48:58 concerns about government policies 51:54 supporting autistic kids + families 01:10:51 the just one thing challenge 01:15:34 closing reflections + resourcesRESOURCES⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership to find community + support in your parenting journey⚡️ learn more about dr. tay's whole family approach + current clinical services offered at drtaylorday.com⚡️ continue learning from me + submit questions that may be featured on a future episode >> instagram @the.dr.tay tiktok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this mini, spontaneous episode, Dr. Tay addresses the recent press conference where the administration linked autism to Tylenol, causing guilt and anxiety among parents. She emphasizes the importance of taking time to process emotions, the prevalence of misinformation, and the need for compassion. Dr. Tay reassures listeners that it's okay to take a pause, mute social media, and focus on emotional processing rather than seeking immediate answers. She encourages parents to embrace their current reality with their autistic child and highlights the complexity of autism's causes.00:00 Introduction 00:19 Addressing the Press Conference on Autism and Tylenol00:52 Processing and Community Feedback02:25 Neurodiversity and Emotional Support05:08 Clarifying Misconceptions about Autism Causes06:38 Encouragement and Self-Care Tips09:47 Final Thoughts and Outro   RESOURCES ⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here to have a community support you during these trying times ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered at drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this mini episode, Dr. Tay shares a sneak peek into a training within EVOLVE the memberhsip. Sh dives into the concept of low demand parenting, particularly for families with children who resonate with the PDA profile. Dr. Tay introduces and explains the "3 Bucket Approach" to help parents manage demands and boundaries effectively. The episode also outlines the benefits of joining the membership where deeper guidance, resources, and community support are provided. Additionally, Dr. Tay highlights the importance of understanding family values and giving children autonomy, while maintaining necessary non-negotiable boundaries for safety and key family values.00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview00:36 Membership Insights and Podcast Differences01:15 Introducing a New Resource02:22 Understanding Low Demand Parenting06:21 The Three Bucket Approach06:55 Non-Negotiables and Key Family Values08:41 The Shoulds: Dropping Unnecessary Demands11:01 The Ideal or Yet Bucket11:57 Practical Examples and Applications15:48 Conclusion and Membership Invitation18:00 Episode Wrap-Up and Future Content RESOURCES⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay, a licensed child psychologist and parental coach specializing in neurodiversity affirming care, explores the concept of jealousy and why it is a valid and normal emotion. Dr. Tay discusses the importance of experiencing and processing jealousy, rather than suppressing it, and how this can impact personal growth and well-being. The episode also addresses the complexity of co-existing emotions like hope and jealousy, and provides insights on how to navigate these feelings as a parent of an autistic child. Dr. Tay shares personal stories, professional insights, and practical advice on emotion regulation to help parents better support themselves and their families.00:00 Introduction and Podcast Overview00:05 Understanding Jealousy as a Valid Emotion01:15 The Impact of Suppressing Emotions04:06 Coping Mechanisms and Emotional Processing12:06 Real-Life Applications and Parental Support18:27 Affirmation and Momentum18:42 Understanding Jealousy19:06 Balancing Emotions19:31 Validating Emotions20:53 Navigating Jealousy and Hope21:39 Seeking Support24:00 Embracing Jealousy26:38 Reflecting on Jealousy33:15 Final Thoughts and Resources  RESOURCES ⚡️ join EVOLVE the membership here and listen to my glimmers training that helps you to better understand progress  ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered. visit drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay

 ABOUT THIS EPISODE (+ scroll for resources) 👇In this episode, Dr. Tay delves into the underexplored topic of couples therapy within the autism community, emphasizing its proactive rather than reactive use. Joined by Dr. Ali Perkinson, a neurodiverse couples therapist and licensed psychologist, the discussion covers how couples therapy can support harmonious family dynamics, understanding neurodiverse communication styles, and breaking down stigmas around couples therapy. Dr. Ali shares insights from her practice, highlighting the importance of co-regulation between parents and addressing executive functioning differences. The episode also offers practical tools such as the emotion wheel and the significance of sensory management, aiming to equip parents with strategies that can foster a more neuro-inclusive household.00:00 Introduction to Couples Therapy in Autism Parenting00:50 Meet Dr. Ali: Neurodiverse Couples Therapist02:22 Understanding Neurodiverse Relationships03:13 Communication Challenges in Neurodiverse Couples07:15 Common Reasons Couples Seek Therapy08:25 Proactive vs. Crisis Couples Therapy10:56 Navigating New Autism Diagnoses as a Family20:28 Tools and Tips for Neurodiverse Families22:44 The Importance of Venting in Relationships22:56 The Fixer Mentality: Strengths and Pitfalls23:45 Alternative Date Night Ideas for Neurodiverse Couples24:21 Co-Regulation and Physical Activities24:54 Therapeutic Modalities for Couples26:20 Exploring Psychedelic Therapy30:32 Addressing Executive Dysfunction in Relationships34:18 Understanding Neurodiverse Love Languages38:01 The Value of Couples Therapy40:14 Final Thoughts and Resources  RESOURCES⚡️ connect with Dr. Ali on Instagram @connectingwithali and learn more about her practice Connection Squared ⚡️ resource to find a neurodiverse couples therapist or coach  ⚡️ learn more about Dr. Tay's Whole Family Approach and current clinical services offered as well as her new educational membership? visit drtaylorday.com ⚡️ continue learning from me and submit any questions [could be featured on a future episode] >>Instagram @the.dr.tayTikTok @the.dr.tay