Am I Disciplining or Threatening My Child? What Science Says About Verbal Abuse

Send us Fan MailI'm joined by occupational therapist and author Laura Petix to celebrate the launch of her new book, The Sensory Code. Laura shares the moment she took her own daughter to the ER because of daily meltdowns, and how that experience shaped her work with parents.In this episode, we talk about:The difference between a tantrum and a meltdown, and why length and recovery time matterWhy gentle parenting still matters even when it doesn't stop the meltdownThe eight sensory systems, including interoception, and why hunger or worry can trigger a "zero to 100" reactionLaura's "zoom in, zoom out" tool for finding the patterns behind a behaviorHow to talk to your child about an ADHD diagnosis without making it feel like something is wrongWhy a diagnosis explains behavior but doesn't excuse itHow to help siblings feel seen, and my wish list for schoolsWhy we need accommodations too, as parentsResources:Get The Sensory Code: [Canada link] | [US link]Join our book club, where we'll be discussing Laura's book all week: [link]Support the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailAs parents, many of us want our children to do well in school, but what if one of the most important skills they need is not memorizing information, but learning how to question it?In this episode, you and I reflect on what it means to raise critical thinkers in a world filled with headlines, social media experts, AI-generated information, and endless opinions. Together, we explore how curiosity, thoughtful questions, and open conversations at home can help our children learn not just what to think, but how to think.Drawing from Julie Bogart’s book Raising Critical Thinkers (the book I will discuss inside the book club this week) and the research of Dr. Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, in today's podcast episode, we will reflect on:• Why curiosity may be one of the most important skills we can protect in our children• How emotions, beliefs, and experiences shape the way we understand information• Simple questions parents can ask to help children think more deeply• How family conversations and respectful debates strengthen reasoning skills• Why education is not only about learning facts, but about helping children become thoughtful, reflective human beings• How we can model curiosity and critical thinking in our own everyday livesYou do not need to know all the answers to help your child become a critical thinker. Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is pause, get curious together, and ask: Who says this? How do we know? What else could be true?I hope this episode gives you a moment to reflect, learn, and continue growing alongside your child.Listen to my conversation with Julie here:https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/reflective-parenting-podcast-by-curious-neuron/id1440533170?i=1000561516016Support the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailI'm back with part two of the conversation sparked by my episode with Georgiana but this time digging into one of the most misunderstood words in parenting: discipline.Pulling from Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson's No-Drama Discipline, I challenge how most of us were taught to think about the word — punishment, stopping a behavior that's annoying us — versus what actually works: discipline as teaching.I share a moment from my son's soccer practice that stopped me in my tracks: a dad switching to Italian mid-practice to threaten his seven-year-old with "wait until we get home." It's the kind of moment most of us have been in, on one side or the other and I use it to ask a harder question: is that discipline, or something else?I also walk through a study most parents haven't heard of, showing that verbal abuse — yelling, threats, name-calling, belittling — can impact a child's development as significantly as physical discipline. Lastly, I introduce a simple framework — the aggressive tiger, the passive mouse, and the assertive owl — to help you recognize your own voice in the heat of the moment.This episode isn't about guilt. It's an invitation to notice, reflect, and start showing your kids what accountability looks like... starting with yourself.The 3 Reflections I ShareDoes my child still feel loved when I'm disciplining them  (or when I'm angry)?Do I hold myself accountable for my own behavior in moments of discipline?What could my child have said or done differently? — the accountability question, turned outward, once everyone's calm.Support the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, I sit down with Georgianna Karamitos — a lawyer, educator, trauma-informed conflict resolution practitioner, and children's book author — to unpack the real difference between discipline and punishment. We dig into why repeating yourself doesn't work until a child feels heard, how power struggles hijack parent-child relationships, why "relational safety" is the missing piece in most conflict, and what the neuroscience actually says about spanking and harsh discipline. If you are a parent stuck in the loop of "I've said this ten times and nothing changes" then this episode is for you!Resources:Book: No Drama Discipline by Dan Siegal Study: Spanking and Child Outcomes: Old Controversies and New Meta-AnalysesGuest Links: https://margueritebooks.ca/Support the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailHi Reflective Parents, Ever feel stuck arguing about the same thing over and over with your partner? In this episode, I break down a key concept from the Gottmans' book Fight Right: that perpetual conflict often hides a deeper "dream" underneath it, and naming that dream can turn conflict into a chance for real intimacy. I also reflect on what this means for parenting from bedtime battles to unrealistic expectations and how getting curious with your child, the same way you would with a partner, can change everything.Come reflect with me!Learn more from the Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com/Support the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailHi Reflective Parents! As we jump into a new school year, I wanted to take some time to pause with you and reflect on how we can make this year feel a little less stressful and a lot more connected. This episode was inspired by a question from a mom that emailed me and I'm bringing in some unexpected inspiration — including a quote from a romance novel (Yours Truly) that  changed the way I think about how we relate to our kids.I'm sharing three things I believe can make a real difference this year:Watch the expectations we place on our kids. It's okay to want your child to grow and push themselves but there's a difference between healthy goals and making them feel like they're constantly disappointing you. We'll talk about how to hold both.Slow down. Between homework, activities, and weekend plans, it's easy to feel like we're always reacting instead of connecting. I'll share small, doable ways to carve out real time with your family this year.Bring curiosity and learning into your home. Learning doesn't stop at the school doors. I'll walk you through how we use a "curiosity box" at home to keep that spark alive no matter how you school your kids.If you're feeling the back-to-school hustle already, I hope this episode gives you a moment to breathe, reflect, and reconnect with what really matters this year. Happy reflections, my friends! See you inside our new book club!Interested in joining our 8-week cohort? Apply below! Classes start October 12th.https://form.typeform.com/to/F9qIbzPT?typeform-source=curiousneuron.comSupport the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailHi Reflective Parents, In today's episode, I share my honest thoughts about mental health care and honestly, they are not that positive. It's been feeling a little heavy these days with the Lindsay Clancy trial, a father that reached out who is struggle with depression and my own mental health from not having been in our home since January. I share my thought and as always, I share what I am doing to work through this hard season. Come reflect with me and if you want more of this, don't forget to join our Reflective Parenting Book Club below to join the conversation and reflections with other parents. Support the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, I reflect on what it really means to teach children how to handle conflict. Drawing from my own experience coaching my seven- and nine-year-old sons through months of sibling conflict, I share practical ways to help children slow down, communicate their needs, listen to one another, and take responsibility for their part.Here are the 3 reflections you can discuss with your kids after they had conflict:What could I have said or done differently to de-escalate this argument?Did I give the other person space to talk and explain themselves?What part of this conflict do I need to own? (ways I escalated the argument)Don't miss my Tedx Talk!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sSupport the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailWhat if conflict isn't something we need to avoid—but something we need to learn how to do?In this episode, I reflect on Brené Brown's idea of “rumbling” from Dare to Lead and what it can teach us about conflict at home. Instead of trying to win an argument, what if the goal was to unravel—to get curious, understand each other's perspectives, own our part, and work through the messy middle together?I share personal reflections on how my own experiences shaped the way I used to show up in conflict, why taking a timeout can actually be an act of love, and how we can teach our children that conflict doesn't have to mean disconnection.Because our kids don't need to see a home without conflict. They need to see what healthy conflict can look like.A rumble is a discussion, conversation or a meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to take a break and circle back when necessary, to be fearless and own your own parts and to listen with the same passion which we want to be heard. Support the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, I reflect on Brené Brown’s Dare to Lead and what it means to bring the principles of daring leadership into parenting. I explore how courage, vulnerability, self-awareness, and connection show up in our homes and in the way we lead our children.In this episode we reflect on:What it means to be a leader for our children and how parenting and leadership work overlap.The heart of daring leadership: courage, vulnerability, and “rumbling” with difficult conversations at home.How fear, self-awareness, and self-love shape the way we show up with our kids.Courage as contagious: modelling repair, honesty, and emotional growth so our children feel safe to do the same.Ready to join our new book club? Come reflect with me (even if you don't have time to read, I will do it for you)https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubSupport the showJoin the Reflective Parent Book Club for only $9.99 for the year: https://reflectiveparentclub.circle.so/checkout/reflective-parenting-book-clubWatch my Tedx Talk on YouTube called The Over-Educated, Emotionally Underprepared Parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDYJFY_9K9E&t=19sGrab my course for $99, The Emotionally Aware Parent: https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/Doors open to join the next 8-week training (Starts Oct 12th) here https://curiousneuron.com/reflective-parent-club/