Shame, Defensiveness, and the Cost to Connection

So many of us have been taught to hold everything together on our own — to self‑regulate, self‑soothe, and “figure it out” quietly. But our nervous systems were never designed for isolation. They’re wired for connection, attunement, and being met by another regulated human.In this episode, we explore what co‑regulation really is, why it feels so powerful, and how modern life has disconnected us from something that is deeply biological and deeply human.You’ll hear about the cultural pressure to be endlessly independent, the shame that arises when we can’t calm ourselves alone, and the truth that nothing is wrong with you for needing support.This is a gentle conversation about being human, being held, and remembering that healing was never meant to be a solo journey.If your system is tired, overwhelmed, or longing for connection, this episode is a soft place to land.🙏 Learn more about my Co-Regulation Calls 🪄 Follow me on Instagram: @coregulatewithme☕ Support the podcast:Buy me a coffee

In this episode, I’m sharing something that’s been quietly shaping my relationships for a long time: my shame response.Over the past few months, I’ve felt stagnant, low, and disconnected from my sense of healing. I’ve been sitting with depression, questioning whether I had anything meaningful to share — and realising that healing doesn’t always look like progress or insight. Sometimes it looks like being honest about where you are.I talk about the difference between guilt and shame, and why shame isn’t just a mindset issue — it’s a full-body, nervous system response. For me, shame shows up as defensiveness, tightness in my chest, over-explaining, and the feeling that I’m on trial — especially when my partner shares her needs. Even when the intention is to stay connected, the impact can be more disconnection.This episode is about how I got stuck trying to “heal” myself — consuming content, journaling, searching for the right fix — and the realisation that healing doesn’t happen in one big moment or one deep dive. It happens in the small, everyday choices: noticing when I’m triggered, naming what’s happening in my body, softening toward myself, and choosing how I respond.I’m not here to teach or sell anything. I’m just sharing my lived experience of learning to stay present when I feel not enough — and what it means to heal shame without trying to become perfect.Unlocking Us with Brené Brown - here is the podcast that I mentioned.MORE WAYS TO CONNECT WITH ME 👇✨ 1:1 Co-Regulation Calls: ⁠⁠⁠click here for all of the info⁠⁠⁠.⭐ Join the ⁠⁠⁠Facebook Community⁠⁠⁠.💫 Follow me on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠.🌟 Check out my in-person project in the south of Spain: ⁠⁠⁠Rituals to Reconnect⁠⁠⁠.☕ I don't drink coffee, but if you fancy ⁠⁠⁠donating some change⁠⁠⁠, I'll use it to buy my dogs some treats 🐶Thanks for being here and supporting me and my work.

This is really vulnerable but I wanted to share and ask for your help 🙏This year has cracked my heart wide open—through illness, caregiving, loss, and trying to build something soulful to live off, as well as putting together this amazing community of wonderful women. Right now I’m in the UK caring for my grandma in her final days, and when she passes, I know I’ll need a little time to rest and grieve. The truth is, I can’t really afford to give myself that time. So I’ve done something that feels a bit awkward, but also deeply human — I’ve set up a small GoFundMe to ask for a little help.If you feel called to read, support, or share, here’s the link: https://gofund.me/c133a7d2No pressure. Just deep thanks.

In this week's episode, we are exploring:🌀 The old view of resilience vs the new perspective🧠 The role of the nervous system in resilience🌱How to become more resilient.Happy listening!DETAILS 👇🏽✨ 1:1 Co-Regulation Calls: ⁠⁠click here for all of the info⁠⁠.⭐ Join the ⁠⁠Facebook Community⁠⁠.💫 Follow me on ⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠.🌟 Check out my in-person project in the south of Spain: ⁠⁠Rituals to Reconnect⁠⁠.I don't drink coffee but if you fancy ⁠⁠donating some change⁠⁠, I'll use it to buy my dogs some treats. Thanks for being here and supporting me and my work.

In this week's episode, we are exploring:🌀 How curiosity is shut down in survival mode🧠 Why it’s essential for nervous system healing🌱 And how to gently invite more of it inEnjoy! DETAILS 👇🏽✨ 1:1 Co-Regulation Calls: ⁠click here for all of the info⁠.⭐ Join the ⁠Facebook Community⁠.💫 Follow me on ⁠Instagram⁠.🌟 Check out my in-person project in the south of Spain: ⁠Rituals to Reconnect⁠.I don't drink coffee but if you fancy ⁠donating some change⁠, I'll use it to buy my dogs some treats. Thanks for being here and supporting me and my work.

After a couple of months break from working online, I'm slowly easing myself back into the online coaching space - with a whole new perspective. In this episode, I catch up you on what i've been up to, what I am working on at the moment, and how I plan to move forward with the podcast. DETAILS 👇🏽✨ 1:1 Co-Regulation Calls: click here for all of the info.⭐ Join the Facebook Community.💫 Follow me on Instagram.🌟 Check out my in-person project in the south of Spain: Rituals to Reconnect.I don't drink coffee but if you fancy donating some change, I'll use it to buy my dogs some treats. Thanks for being here and supporting me and my work.

Step into the new year with me without the pressure to be more than you are. You are already perfect. Here's the entire COR membership for FREE 🙈 Click here. Fancy buying me a coffee? I would very much appreciate it! Click coffee!

A gentle reminder to make time for the things that you enjoy in life, instead of always trying to get somewhere else. 🖥️ A self-paced healing course ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COR⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👁️ Follow me on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for posts and updates.

This week, I share a tool that is simple to use and can help you be more compassionate and kind with yourself when you're going through a rough time.Give it a try and let me know how it goes.Here is the freebie that I mentioned in the episode 👇Sign up for the free GROUNDED masterclass by clicking ⁠⁠here⁠⁠ and learn how to get off the emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs.🖥️ Prefer something self-paced, then ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COR⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ is for you.👁️ Follow me on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for posts and updates.

Me, probably not making much sense, sharing about what's going on in my life atm.🖥️ A self-paced healing course ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠COR⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 👁️ Follow me on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ for posts and updates.