S8 E20 The Baby #2 Question -The Space Before Clarity

This episode is a little different than usual.In this Season 8 finale of The Single Greatest Choice Podcast, I’m stepping out of my usual interview role to share a personal reflection on the question I’m asked more than any other:Will I have a second child as a single mother by choice?Rather than offering a clear answer, this episode is about the process of living inside that question — the clarity that came and went, the tension between who I’ve been and who I’m becoming, and what it looks like to honor uncertainty without rushing toward resolution.In this episode, I share:Why deciding about a second child isn’t the same as deciding to tryWhat it means to choose “not deciding” as a valid place to standHow finances, age, capacity, identity, and work all factor into this questionThe joy and freedom of life with an older child — and what’s at stake in starting overOne of my core coaching frameworks for navigating high-stakes decisions with no clear right answerThe grief of imagined futures and the “ghost ships that didn’t carry us”Why sometimes holding on is part of integration, not avoidanceWhat I’m learning about letting go, identity, and trust as this year comes to a closeThis episode isn’t about arriving at certainty. It’s about honoring the space before clarity.Mentioned in this episode:Cheryl Strayed, Dear Sugar: “The Ghost Ships That Didn’t Carry Us”Looking for other single mothers by choice who share your city, career, identity, or stage of motherhood? Join the SGC Directory👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice support you’ve been craving for every stage of your journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats for early stage SMBCs and Family Trips for moms & kids.💌Become part of the SGC community and stay up to date by joining our newsletter....

It’s easy to feel “behind” when it seems like everyone around you is moving forward with partnerships, pregnancies, and families — and meanwhile you’re fielding questions from parents, watching friends’ announcements roll in, and quietly feeling the pressure of time. The biological clock conversation can feel loud, heavy, and incredibly anxiety-provoking, especially in your late 30s and 40s.In today’s episode, I’m joined by Beth Gulotta — licensed therapist, founder of NYC Therapeutic Wellness, and host of the podcast Quiet the Clock. Beth has spent years supporting women who feel out of sync with cultural timelines, while also navigating her own very real and layered journey with partnership, egg freezing, infertility, pregnancy loss, and becoming a mother at 40.Together, we talk honestly about what it’s like to want a child while living inside uncertainty. We explore the emotional and practical tension between taking action — getting information, exploring options, making decisions — and learning how to loosen your grip on the parts you simply can’t control. We also name the grief, comparison, and complicated feelings that can surface when life doesn’t unfold the way you once imagined it would.In this episode, we talk about:The emotional impact of feeling “behind” in your 30s or 40sNavigating misaligned timelines within a partnershipBeth’s experience with egg freezing, natural conception at 39, and secondary infertilityHow to take proactive steps without letting anxiety run the showWhy we so often put our lives on hold while we’re “waiting,” and how to stop missing the life you’re actually livingMaking decisions based on how you want to feel, not what you think you should wantSupporting yourself during the holidays, when longing and triggers can feel amplifiedThis is a thoughtful, compassionate conversation for anyone who is carrying questions about fertility, timing, and what it means to trust yourself when the path forward isn’t clear.Connect with Beth:Have a listen to Beth’s podcast Quiet the Clock.Follow Beth on Instagram.Learn more about NYC Therapeutic Wellness on their website.👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice support you’ve been craving for every stage of your journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC Village Membership Community,<a href="https://www.singlegreatestchoice.com/travel"...

Today’s episode is something a little different. I’m sharing a bonus conversation that was recorded for another podcast, Quiet the Clock, created by psychotherapist Beth Gulotta. Because Beth’s work and mine overlap in such meaningful ways, we decided to release this interview on both of our feeds today.If you’re new to Quiet the Clock, it’s a deeply thoughtful space for women who are feeling the pressure of fertility timelines, missed milestones, and the quiet (or not-so-quiet) grief that can come with life unfolding differently than expected. In other words, it’s a space that will likely feel very familiar if you’re listening to this show.Beth helps women question and rewrite the stories that no longer serve them, creating room for a life that actually fits — one grounded in self-trust, empowerment, and choosing your own timing. Her personal journey, combined with her clinical background, makes her a steady and compassionate voice in a space that truly needs more of both.You’ll also be hearing from Beth again next week when she joins me as a guest on The Single Greatest Choice, so this is a beautiful introduction to her work and perspective.After you listen, be sure to follow Quiet the Clock wherever you get your podcasts and explore more of Beth’s episodes. If you’re here, I have a feeling her work will resonate deeply.Podcast - Quiet The Clock Podcast

The search for a sperm donor can be overwhelming for anyone, but for Black women, the lack of available Black donors adds a whole new layer of complexity. When Lakia Holmes—senior producer of Bleacher Report’s branded sports content, award-winning journalist, and now a single mom by choice—began exploring her fertility options at 37, she had no idea just how winding the path would be.What started as an egg-freezing consultation quickly revealed blocked fallopian tubes and a 2% chance of conceiving naturally. Suddenly, the dream she’d been putting off to grow her career became something she could no longer wait on. Choosing IVF meant choosing herself—and stepping into the unknown as a solo Black woman navigating infertility, donor scarcity, and the fear of how this choice might impact her career.In our conversation, Lakia shares the emotional and logistical realities of that season: long donor waitlists, genetic mismatches, profiles with only a name or two left… and then the moment a miracle phone call changed everything.“It wasn’t my plan A, but my plan B worked out pretty damn well.” — LakiaLakia opens up about the fast-moving year that followed—egg retrievals, her very first embryo transfer, and the shock and gratitude of being pregnant with her daughter, Isla, who arrived in May 2024. She also speaks honestly about postpartum depression, rebuilding her support system, heading back to work in the sports media world, and dipping her toe back into dating as an SMBC.Most recently featured in Forbes, Lakia is now using her platform to bring fertility awareness to the Black community and to tell the story she once needed to hear.Her honesty, humor, and courage offer such a powerful reminder: when you decide your dream of becoming a mother can’t wait any longer, so much becomes possible.In this episode, we explore:How an egg-freezing consult revealed blocked fallopian tubesRecognizing that waiting for the “right time” or the “right partner” might mean waiting foreverWhy Black sperm donors are so scarce—and how that impacts Black women pursuing donor conceptionFinding a donor when the options feel impossibly limitedGetting pregnant on her very first embryo transferLakia’s experiences during pregnancy and birthPostpartum depression and learning to ask for helpReturning to work, navigating childcare, and preparing to travel againReentering the dating world as a solo mom by choiceFind out more about Lakia’s coaching at Lakia Holmes | Fertility Coach, Speaker &amp; Advocate👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice support you’ve been craving for every stage of your journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats for early stage SMBCs and Family Trips for moms &amp; kids.💌Become part of the SGC community and stay up to date by joining our newsletter. You can sign up &gt;&gt;here&lt;&lt; at the bottom of the page.Reach out to Katie over at [email protected]

Do you ever wonder what solo motherhood by choice looks like further down the line? I certainly do, and today's episode with a SMBC of a teen was a fascinating window into that world.Today’s guest, Elle, became a single mother by choice at 36, using a known sperm donor: someone she briefly dated years before. Today, her son is 13, and her story gives us a rare, honest look at what life can look like after the decision is made and we leave the diaper years behind us.&nbsp;I love how open Elle is in sharing the beautiful, the complicated, the surprising, and everything in between. From managing pregnancy and postpartum alone and watching her son’s relationship with his donor evolve, to navigating school choices, identity questions, and early teenage years.If you’ve ever wondered whether a known sperm donor could work for you, or you’re simply craving a long-term perspective from someone further down the solo motherhood path, Elle’s story offers us a peek into what it can look like.In this episode on solo parenting a teenager and choosing a known sperm donor, we discuss:How Elle decided to pursue solo motherhood at 36;Why she chose a known donor over a sperm bank and how she went about it;What the donor relationship looked like during pregnancy and postpartum;Her son’s evolving understanding of who his “donor” or “dad” is;Legal considerations (and misconceptions) around known sperm donors;Navigating boundaries, expectations, and emotional complexity over 13 years;Identity, gender expression, and raising a compassionate son;The challenges and rewards of solo parenting an older child;Trusting yourself through big parenting and school decisions;And much more.👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice support you’ve been craving for every stage of your journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats for early stage SMBCs and Family Trips for moms &amp; kids.💌Become part of the SGC community and stay up to date by joining our newsletter. You can sign up &gt;&gt;here&lt;&lt; at the bottom of the page.Reach out to Katie over at [email protected]

What would you have to change to make solo motherhood possible? For novelist Tory Henwood Hoen, the answer meant reimagining the structure of her life. She left New York City for Vermont, moved in with her mom during pregnancy, and built a rhythm that allowed her to pursue both her dream of motherhood and her passion for writing. Through it all, she discovered that becoming a single mother by choice isn’t just about making one big decision, but rather about creating space for what truly matters.In today’s conversation, Tory shares how she built a life that supports solo motherhood: from freezing her eggs at 36, doing IVF at 39, and getting pregnant with her first transfer, to writing her second novel while parenting. Her story is a beautiful reminder that sometimes the path that looks like starting over is actually the one that leads you home to yourself.In this episode on building a life that supports solo motherhood, we discuss:The emotional and practical steps that led Tory to pursue motherhood on her own;Moving from New York City to Vermont to prioritize family, finances, and creative space;Writing her second novel while parenting a newborn, and how motherhood sharpened her creative focus;The importance of community and connection in the SMBC journey;Redefining success and identity in midlife;Creating space for what matters most;And more.More about ToryTory Henwood Hoen is a novelist based in Vermont, where she is a solo mother by choice to her toddler daughter. Her debut novel, THE ARC, was published in 2022, and her second novel, BEFORE I FORGET, comes out December 2, 2025. Before pursuing her dream of writing books, Tory worked as a magazine editor, a brand director, a copywriter, and a content consultant in New York City and Paris.You can learn more about Tory and her work on her website or connect with her on Instagram (@toryhenwoodhoen).👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice support you’ve been craving for every stage of your journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats for early stage SMBCs and Family Trips for moms &amp; kids.💌Become part of the SGC community and stay up to date by joining our newsletter. You can sign up &gt;&gt;here&lt;&lt; at the bottom of the page.Reach out to Katie over at [email protected]

While some motherhood paths unfold easily, others bring unexpected twists and turns. Dr. Shanelle Bolton’s path to solo motherhood included multiple surgeries to remove fibroids, a chemical pregnancy, and even a near-fatal postpartum hemorrhage. But all of this was part of her journey, and today she’s a proud solo mom by choice to two thriving children. In the midst of it all, she also founded POSH Parenthood, where she helps families move from chaos to calm through purposeful rhythms and executive functioning support for kids.Shanelle shares how she turned her challenges into a mission: empowering parents to create calmer, more connected homes without chasing perfection. Her story is a reminder that the path isn’t always smooth and straightforward, but that doesn’t mean it won’t get us to where we want to go.In this episode on Shanelle’s journey to becoming a solo mom of two, you’ll hear:Deciding to become a solo mom by choice and building a support system to make it happen;Navigating an IVF journey with fibroids and multiple surgeries;Coping with a chemical pregnancy and postpartum hemorrhage;How Shanelle re-imagined her career after losing her job and founded POSH Parenthood;Why flexible parenting rhythms work better than rigid routines;Understanding executive functioning for kids and how it helps parents, too;The importance of Black maternal health and self-advocacy in motherhood;And more!More about Dr. Shanelle BoltonDr. Shanelle Bolton, EdD, MST, MLS is the founder and CEO of POSH Parenthood Coaching &amp; Consulting, where she helps parents and educators move from chaos to calm by building purposeful family rhythms and strengthening children’s executive functioning skills. With over two decades of experience in education and early childhood leadership, she blends professional expertise with personal resilience as a single mother by choice who navigated IVF, pregnancy loss, and a near-fatal postpartum complication. Through high-touch coaching, courses, and her signature Raising in Rhythm program, Dr. Bolton empowers families to find flow, connection, and confidence in parenting.Ways to connect with Shanelle:🌐 Website: poshparenthood.com📸 Instagram: @poshparenthood🎥 TikTok: @poshparenthood📘 Featured Resource: Raising Brighter Minds eBook✨ Signature Program: Raising in Rhythm&nbsp;👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice support you’ve been craving for every stage of your journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats

After a pregnancy marked by hyperemesis and countless challenges, Mel Anderson returns to share the next chapter of her story. This time, it’s a much brighter one.The birth of Mel’s daughter didn’t go exactly as planned, but from the very first moment she heard her daughter’s cry, everything shifted. Instead of bracing herself for postpartum depression, Mel was surprised to feel a rush of love and relief.The weeks that followed became a season of healing and sweetness, allowing herself to recover slowly. She discovered how much she loves the simple rhythms of newborn life, and how motherhood has brought her more presence and joy than she ever imagined.Now, eight months in, Mel is not only thriving as a mom, but she’s reconnecting with her passion for yoga: dreaming of ways to guide other single mothers by choice through movement, breath, and grounding practices designed especially for this community.In this episode on Mel’s postpartum experience as a single mother by choice, you’ll hear about:Recovering physically and emotionally after a difficult pregnancy and birthThe unexpected sweetness of newborn life and early motherhoodDaily rituals of connection and presence with her daughterHow Mel is dreaming of a platform to support SMBCs through yoga and meditationAnd much more!👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice resource you’ve been craving for every stage of your SMBC journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats for early stage SMBCs and Family Trips for moms &amp; kids.🏘️Join our community, The SGC VillageReach out to Katie over at [email protected]

Pregnancy doesn’t always go the way you imagined it would. For my dear friend and fellow SMBC, Mel Anderson, what began with excitement quickly turned into one of the hardest seasons of her life. Instead of hiking and practicing yoga through her pregnancy as she had envisioned, Mel faced hyperemesis: severe nausea and vomiting that left her unable to care for herself, barely able to eat or drink, and often confined to the bathroom floor.⚠️Before we dive in, a gentle heads up: this episode includes a detailed discussion of hyperemesis and the mental health struggles that can come with a difficult pregnancy. If you’re feeling particularly anxious about pregnancy, this might not be the right episode for you. And if you’re currently in the middle of a hard pregnancy yourself, please know there is relief and joy on the other side (which you’ll hear about in the next episode, in which we’ll continue with Mel’s story).In this deeply vulnerable conversation, Mel shares what it was really like to go through pregnancy without a partner while navigating a condition that tested her body, her mental health, and her spirit. From the heartbreak of canceled embryo transfers to the unexpected challenges of her pregnancy, her story is raw, honest, and important.If you’re considering solo motherhood, pregnant yourself, or simply want to know you’re not alone in facing a difficult path, this conversation will remind you that strength can grow even in the hardest places.In this episode on Mel’s story about her pregnancy without a partner, we discuss:Mel’s path to becoming a single mother by choice after ambivalence about having children in her younger years;How Mel’s relationship history played into the decision;Being diagnosed with hyperemesis and how it shaped her pregnancy;Mental health struggles and learning to advocate for herself in the medical system;The critical role of support during a high-risk pregnancy as a solo mom;Why sharing the hard stories matters just as much as sharing the joyful ones;And more.👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice resource you’ve been craving for every stage of your SMBC journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats for early stage SMBCs and Family Trips for moms &amp; kids.🏘️Join our community, The SGC VillageReach out to Katie over at [email protected]

Motherhood—especially solo motherhood—rarely unfolds exactly the way we imagined. Fertility treatments don’t always go as planned, babies don’t follow sleep schedules, and even our best-laid visions of how life “should” look often get disrupted.In this episode, I’m sharing one of our private Village Podcast episodes on the theme of Managing Expectations and Embracing Flexibility. Inside The Village, each month we take on a broad coaching topic that applies across every stage of the solo motherhood journey, from considering this path to parenting young children. Along with a monthly coaching episode like this one, members also receive a companion workbook and access to an entire library of past themes.In today’s conversation, you’ll hear about:Releasing unrealistic expectations of perfection, both in parenting and in lifeBuilding resilience when things don’t go according to plan (another failed transfer, a toddler meltdown, or changes in your own path to motherhood)Practical ways to adjust plans with more ease and less pressureLearning to “ride the wave” of unpredictability, even when it feels uncomfortableWhether you’re just beginning to imagine solo motherhood or you’re deep in the day-to-day of raising your child, this episode will help you soften rigid expectations, prioritize what matters most, and find more peace in the process.And if you love this episode and want more like it, I’d love to welcome you inside The Village—a community designed to support women at every stage of the journey with resources, coaching, and connection.👩‍👧‍👦The Single Greatest Choice is the single mother by choice resource you’ve been craving for every stage of your SMBC journey. You can find 1:1 Coaching for every stage of solo motherhood by choice, Community Groups for thinkers, triers, and pregnant SMBCs, The SGC The SGC Village Membership Community, Retreats for early stage SMBCs and Family Trips for moms &amp; kids.🏘️Join our community, The SGC VillageReach out to Katie over at [email protected]