273. Your Self Sabotage Has A Payoff That You Don't Know About. Here's How To Find Your Secondary Gain

Secondary gain is the reason you keep pulling back every time things start working. Not because you're lazy. Not because you don't want it. But because your subconscious is getting something from keeping you exactly where you are.In today's episode, I'm walking you through the exact process I use with my 1:1 clients to find what causes self-sabotaging behaviours, the NLP techniques I use to uncover subconscious patterns running underneath, and the four prompts that will help you figure out what your secondary gain actually is.I'm also sharing a personal story from when I was a kid doing song and dance competitions that I only recently connected to why I pull back from visibility in my business.If you've ever asked yourself, "why do I self-sabotage when things are going well," this episode is going to hit differently. Grab a pen. You're going to need it!Topics covered on Secondary Gain:What is secondary gain?Why do you self-sabotage when things are going well even when you've done so much work on yourself?The subconscious patterns I recently discovered underneath my visibility behaviour.How to find the exact moment your secondary gain kicks in using NLP techniques.What causes self-sabotaging behaviours after a wave of momentum?The four-step process to uncover your self-sabotage patterns, secondary gain behind them, name it and start to shift it.Journal prompts on Secondary Gain:1. Find the patternWhat is the exact moment it happens for you?What was going right before you pulled back?Find all the journal prompts at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/your-self-sabotage-has-a-payoff-that-you-dont-know-about-heres-how-to-find-your-secondary-gainConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:199. What Are You Gaining from Staying Where You Are?132. Harnessing the Reticular Activating System to Turn Dreams into Reality117. Moving Out of Victim Mentality

Every single boundary in business I ever broke, I could justify. I told myself I was being responsive, being committed, being a good coach... But underneath all of that? I was terrified. Terrified that if I wasn't always available, people would leave. That if I said no, I wasn't valuable. And those people pleasing tendencies didn't start in my business. They started way before that, in a subconscious programme I picked up before I was seven years old.In today's episode, I'm walking you through my own boundary journey, from answering client messages at ridiculous hours to scaling a business by 70% the year I had my daughter Ivy, all in roughly 24 work hours a week. I'm sharing with you why your subconscious is literally wired to trample your own boundaries, why you keep saying one thing and doing the opposite, and the five types of boundaries with clients and in your life that actually allow you to hold more without burning out.If you keep stretching and stretching and wondering why something always breaks, this episode is for you! Ready to learn how to set healthy boundaries? Tune in now!Topics covered on Boundaries in Business:Why your people-pleasing tendencies are the real reason your business boundaries keep crumblingWhat your brain has to do with why you can't hold boundaries in business (and no, it didn't start with your last client)How I went from answering messages at ridiculous times to scaling a business by 70% on less than 24 hours a weekWhy every boundary in business you break is actually teaching your subconscious that you can't be trustedThe five types of boundaries you need if you want to scale without your sanity jumping out the windowHow to reprogramme your subconscious mind what business boundaries mean to you so holding them stops feeling terrifyingWhy your clients will actually respect you more when you learn how to set healthy boundaries, not lessThe one small thing I want you to do today if you're ready to set boundaries for yourself and actually hold them this timeConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipThe Subconscious InstituteCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:188. How I’m Using Hypnotherapy to Build a 7-Figure Business119. Setting Boundaries vs Holding Boundaries

You worked all day. You're knackered. And yet when you look at what actually moved the needle in your business… nothing. Welcome to productive procrastination! The sneakiest self-sabotaging cycle I see amongst women business owners. You've had results. You know the strategy. So why do you procrastinate on the exact things that would grow your business?In today's episode, I'm walking you through the five signs that you're stuck in productive procrastination, why your subconscious is choosing "busy" over revenue generating activities, and what's really underneath the surface (say hello to fear of visibility and expansion).But guess what? You don't need another plan, another system overhaul, or more clarity. You need to understand why your subconscious won't let you do the thing you already know works. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. I'm also sharing exactly how to start breaking these patterns and building real momentum in business this week, not next quarter. Ready? Let’s break the patterns!Topics covered on Productive Procrastination:Why does productive procrastination feel like you're winning when you're actually standing still?The 5 signs you're stuck in productive procrastination (and how to spot this self-sabotaging cycle before it costs you another quarter).You had a great month, so why are you suddenly pulling away from revenue-generating activities?"I just need to get organised first," that's how your fear of being seen is quietly running the entire show.You already know the strategy, so why do you still procrastinate? (Hint: it's not a discipline problem, it's a subconscious pattern).The one question to ask yourself the moment you catch the productive procrastination pattern in action.Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:255. Why You Can't Get Clear On Your Next Business Move (And How To Finally Decide)245. Why You Procrastinate (And What Your Subconscious is Really Protecting You From)

You can have it all. A thriving business, a deeply connected relationship, incredible health, time with your family, and actual fun. So why does it feel like the moment one area starts going well, another one falls apart? That's the question that I hear as a mindset coach for women all the time!In today’s episode, I am diving into the self-sabotage behaviour that so many successful women entrepreneurs experience without even realising it. Your business picks up and suddenly your relationship and business feel like they are in competition. You finally prioritise your health, and the revenue dips. You spend time with your family, but your brain is still mentally plugged into work.I am walking you through exactly why your subconscious does this, the limiting beliefs driving it, and how to start the subconscious reprogramming that allows you to hold more without one area costing the other. I am sharing my own experiences with this pattern, from motherhood to relationships to health, and giving you powerful journal prompts to start shifting this today.If you have ever told yourself that something has to give, this one is going to change everything. Because yes, you can have it all!Topics covered on You Can Have It All:Why your subconscious only lets you win in one area at a time and the self-sabotaging habits keeping that pattern alive.The real reason your relationship and business feel like they cannot coexist and how to balance relationship and work without guilt.How limiting beliefs about success, love, and ambition are running the show behind the scenes.The work-life balance women actually deserve versus the version we have been settling for.Navigating business and motherhood and why you can have it all without becoming a different person.Proof that having it all is not about doing everything at once; it is about holding multiple things without your brain forcing you to sacrifice one.The journal prompts to help you stop asking "why can't I have both?" and start believing you can have it all.Journal Prompts:For all journal prompts visit rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/yes-you-can-have-it-all-overcoming-one-of-the-biggest-limiting-beliefs-among-successful-women-entrepreneursConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipThe Subconscious Institute Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:140. Breaking the Belief ‘I Can’t Have It All'100. Hitting 250K, Choosing a Break Up and Moving Back to the Other Side of the World

You hit a great month, maybe your first £10k, £20k, maybe £50k and you're buzzing. Then next month... nothing. You're back to wondering if anyone's going to buy, back to panic mode, back to good old chaos.Stable success is built in the boring repetition that comes after the peak. And for high achievers? Boring feels dangerous. You're used to the adrenaline, the rush of a surprise sale, the high of not knowing if it'll work.But chaos with good outcomes isn't stability.In today's episode, I'm breaking down what stable success actually looks like when £20k, £30k, £50k months aren't your high, they're your baseline. I'm walking you through the five pillars that allow you to hold consistent revenue: predictability, boring discipline, clean boundaries, emotional neutrality and not panicking. And I'm giving you the subconscious work and action steps to build each one.If you've been hitting great months but can't seem to sustain them... This one's for you.Topics covered on Stable Success:Why does predictable revenue feel less exciting than chaotic wins?What does boring discipline actually look like in practice (and why your brain resists it)?How do clean boundaries protect your capacity to scale without burning out?Why does emotional neutrality matter more than celebrating every win?What's the subconscious pattern that triggers panic mode when things feel quiet?How do you track your numbers without getting lost in data?What are the non-negotiables that actually move revenue in your business?How do you teach your subconscious that slow doesn't mean broken?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at www.rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/

Mindset blocks don't always look like fear or doubt. Sometimes they look like being the most capable person in the room.Laurie came to me as a self-described "anti woo-woo" woman who had no interest in the fluffy mindset stuff. She wanted someone to tell her what to do so she could tick it off and move on. But she also knew something was off. The reps weren’t converting. The results weren’t matching the effort. And deep down, she suspected the problem was her.What did we find? Patterns she’d been running since she was six years old. A need to appear capable at all times. A refusal to accept help that went so deep she’d wrestle with jars alone rather than ask her partner sitting two feet away.In this client success story, Laurie shares how doing parts work changed her business, her capacity to receive, and, unexpectedly, her entire personal life.She sold her flat. She met someone. Got a Rottweiler. And she used to be terrified of even the smallest, fluffiest dogs.But the bit that surprised her most? That’s what we will get into in today’s episode!Topics covered on Mindset Blocks:What happens when you're doing all the right things, but your mindset blocks are silently running the show?Why did a 6-year-old version of Laurie start packing her own bags, and how was that pattern still controlling her business decades later?What does being a "hyper-independent woman" actually cost you in business and relationships?Can parts work actually resonate with someone who doesn't really believe in mindset work?When does ambition stop helping you and start working against you?What does refusing help with small things reveal about how you run your business?How did removing one mindset block lead to selling a flat, a new relationship, and a Rottweiler?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeConnect with Laurie Macpherson:Website: www.lauriemacpherson.comLinkedIn: Laurie MacphersonInstagram: @_laurie_macphersonWhy You: The Rebels guide to being remembered on LinkedIn: www.subscribepage.com/whyyouprivatepodcastGroup program: www.go.lauriemacpherson.com/jointhewaitlistforGTATTRelated episodes you may enjoy:https://player.captivate.fm/collection/849f9d4f-b4b9-4591-bed9-fe19f53ee5dc

You did the work. You made the identity shifts. So why does becoming your "higher self" feel less like power and more like... boredom? Or grief? Or just plain weird?Here's what no one tells you about an identity shift: it doesn't always feel good. Sometimes it feels like death. And that space between your old identity and who you're becoming? I call it the void. And it's where I see so many people quit, not because the work isn't working, but because unfamiliar feels unsafe.In today's episode, I'm getting into what's actually happening beneath the surface when you're in the void. Why your nervous system might be pulling you back to chaos (even when you wanted calm). Why that "bored" feeling might actually be your true self showing up. And I'm walking you through NLP techniques and subconscious reprogramming practices to anchor into your next-level identity when the self sabotage behaviour kicks in.If you've been doing the deep work and wondering why it feels harder than everyone makes it look... This one's for you!Topics covered on Identity Shifts:Why does stepping out of your comfort zone feel like something's wrong with you?What is "the void" and why do so many people quit right before their identity shift clicks?Why does your old identity get louder the closer you get to change?Is that "bored" feeling actually your nervous system recalibrating? Or have you lost your spark?How do you stop self sabotaging when your brain keeps pulling you back to old patterns?What does parts work look like when a protective part won't go quietly?Which NLP techniques actually help you anchor a new identity (not just visualise it)?Why has your success been built on panic? And what happens when you finally create safety?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/your-identity-shift-feels-like-sht-good-keep-going

Your income cycles between the same numbers every month. £3K, £7K, £2K, £8K, repeat. You get momentum for two weeks, then something drops on day 15. Every single time. You can post three times a week comfortably, but four posts triggers "this is too much."You think these patterns are random, they're not.Your subconscious has an identity ceiling and that ceiling has specific numbers, trigger points and thresholds where your brain reads "threat" and creates the drop to bring you back.In today's episode I'm breaking down the exact mechanism behind your identity ceiling, why your subconscious keeps snapping you back to almost there, and how to find your specific numbers so you can finally see what's been running the show. I'm showing you how studies prove that 70% of lottery winners lose their windfall within a few years because their identity didn't catch up to the money, and why the same mechanism is cycling your income, consistency, and visibility.This episode is about awareness. We're making the invisible visible. So grab something to write with, because you're finding your numbers today.Because you can't reprogram your identity ceiling until you can see where it's sitting.Let's break the pattern.Topics covered on Your Identity Ceiling Has a Number:Why your income cycling, consistency drops, and visibility pull backs aren't random (and what's actually creating them)How your subconscious operates like an elastic band, constantly snapping you back to your identity anchor pointThe real reason 70% of lottery winners lose their money within a few years (and why the same mechanism is running your business)Why your capability has nothing to do with your ceiling (and what actually determines where you stay stuck)How to find your three numbers: income anchor, consistency anchor, and visibility anchorWhat happens in your brain when you exceed your identity ceiling (and why it reads as threat)Why awareness of your ceiling changes everything before you even reprogram itConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram  | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at www.rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/

You're scrolling Instagram again. You see her. The one who's always launching something new, making the kind of money you want, living the life you dream about. And before you know it, you're 45 minutes deep comparing yourself to others, analysing their content, checking their engagement, and feeling heavy as hell.This comparison spiral is not costing you only time but your self trust, your self belief, and your ability to build the business you actually want.In today's episode I'm breaking down the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in comparison mode, what it's doing to your subconscious mind, and an NLP technique called perceptual positions that completely flips the pattern. I'm showing you how to rewire your brain to use other people's success as evidence for what's possible, instead of proof that you're not enough.This episode is different! We're doing the technique together, so find somewhere you can actually do this work. Because successful women entrepreneurs aren't the ones constantly checking what everyone else is doing. They're the ones backing themselves fully.Let's break the pattern.Topics covered on Stop Comparing Yourself To Others:Why comparing yourself to others is actually your subconscious keeping you safe (and what it's really protecting you from)The three limiting beliefs driving your comparison spiral and how they're teaching your subconscious you can't be trustedHow comparison destroys your self belief and keeps you invisible (even when you think you're being productive)The exact NLP technique I use to flip comparison into evidenceWhy studying successful women entrepreneurs from the wrong place keeps you stuck in "learning mode" foreverHow to rewire your brain to interpret other people's success as proof it's possible for you tooWhat becomes available when you stop checking what she's doing and start building self trust insteadConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/stop-comparing-yourself-to-others-with-this-nlp-technique

There's one trait I see in every genuinely successful entrepreneur I work with and it's not what you think. It's not strategy, work ethic, or even talent. It's deep, subconscious self belief that operates independently of circumstances. In this episode, I'm breaking down what self belief actually is (versus what most people think it is), the subconscious mechanism behind it, why most capable people don't have it, and exactly how to build it if you don't have it yet. Plus, I'm taking you through a powerful subconscious exercise to uncover what's actually blocking you from trusting yourself fully.This is the foundational work that changes everything in your business.Topics covered on Why self belief is the defining trait of successful entrepreneurs:What self belief actually is versus confidence (and why the difference matters)The subconscious mechanism behind self belief and how threat responses show up in businessReal examples of how self belief (or lack of it) shows up in business behaviourWhy incredibly capable people still don't trust themselvesThe role of identity in self-belief and why you'll sabotage anything that contradicts your current identitySubconscious exercise: Uncovering your actual beliefs about your goalsHow to build genuine self belief through evidence accumulation and subconscious reprogrammingWhat becomes possible when you develop deep self trustConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeFind the full show notes & more resources at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/why-self-belief-is-more-important-than-strategy-subconscious-secrets