279. Why Waiting for Proof is Keeping You Stuck

You've been waiting for the proof... the consistent months, the sold out programme, the income that finally feels like enough, the moment you can see exactly how it's going to work before you fully back yourself.And every time you get close - something shifts. The goalposts move, you explain it away and you go back to waiting.In this episode, I break down exactly what is happening in your subconscious when you wait for proof and wait for the how and why both of them are the same pattern keeping you exactly where you are. You'll learn why your RAS is actively filtering out every piece of proof you already have, what the proof is actually supposed to give you that no external result ever will, and what actually has to happen first before everything changes.This episode ends with four subconscious prompts to help you work through the proof pattern yourself, so make sure you have a quiet moment to sit with them before you close the episode.Topics covered on Why Waiting for Proof is Keeping You Stuck:What the proof pattern actually is and why waiting for the proof and waiting for the how are the same subconscious moveThe Reticular Activating System, why your brain is actively filtering out the proof you already haveWhat you actually believe the proof is going to give you and why no external result can ever deliver itWhat actually changes everything - the subconscious decision and identity shift that makes the proof and the how finally arriveFour subconscious prompts to help you identify and start shifting your own proof patternConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube[ep.132] Harnessing the Reticular Activating System to Turn Dreams into Reality [ep.263] How to Make Your Subconscious Believe What You Consciously Want "Your subconscious has been asking you for something it was never going to let you have. The proof was never the starting point. It was always the result." - Rebecca Haydon

You've probably seen the stat shared on Instagram. A coach drops it in their sales page. Someone quotes it on a podcast. Ninety five percent of your behaviour is driven by your subconscious mind and everyone nods, shares it, repeats it. But here's the question nobody is actually answering, what does that mean for your real life? For your business? For the pattern you keep finding yourself in despite knowing exactly what you should do?In this episode, I go deep on the mechanics of the 95% problem. The actual mechanism, what your subconscious is doing, why your conscious mind keeps running out of road, and why the gap between what you want and what you do isn't a discipline problem, a strategy problem, or a you problem.This is the foundational episode of the Under the Surface series and if you've ever wondered why you keep ending up in the same place despite everything you know, this one is for you.Topics covered on The 95% Problem:Why the 95% stat gets thrown around and what the research actually saysThe iceberg model - what the conscious and subconscious minds are actually doingThe prefrontal cortex - the brain's executive centre and why it's the last part to developThe three things your subconscious is doing simultaneously without your awarenessWhy your subconscious patterns are protection, not punishmentThe gap, why conscious effort alone will never create lasting changeHow to tell in real time whether you're operating from your 5% or your 95%Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:Ep 277. Why You Keep Self Sabotaging Your Business Success (The 3 Subconscious Handbreaks)

ALL IN : Three Month Mini MindYou had a strong month, the best one yet and instead of letting it land, you exhaled, went quiet, and within weeks you were barely talking about your offers again.Or you wrote the post. The one that actually said what you think and then you read it back, decided it was too much, and posted the safe version instead.Or you sat down to finally work on your own business, the thing that would actually move the needle and within ten minutes you were back in your client's messages.This is the subconscious handbrake and it shows up in three specific places in high achieving women's businesses, every single time.In today's episode I'm introducing the IVL Method for the first time, the framework I've been using with my clients for years and have finally given a name to. I'm breaking down exactly what's running underneath the income handbrake, the visibility handbrake and the leadership handbrake at a subconscious level, where each one comes from, what it looks like in real life, and the digging prompts that will help you start to see which one is yours. Topics covered in this episode:What the subconscious handbrake actually is and why it doesn't feel like sabotage when it firesThe income handbrake - what it looks like, what your subconscious relationship with money has to do with it, and the digging prompts to find yoursThe visibility handbrake - why this isn't a confidence problem, what your subconscious has stored about being seen, and the prompts to go deeperThe leadership handbrake - why overdelivering feels impossible to stop, what your subconscious decided about putting yourself first, and how to start seeing itIntroducing ALL IN, the three month container built around the IVL MethodConnect with Rebecca Haydon:ALL IN is open now - we start 20th April: www.rebeccahaydon.com/all-inApply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

You have a groove. A neural pathway your brain has been running so automatically, so invisibly, for so long, you've started to mistake it for your personality.In this episode, I breaks down one of the most powerful concepts in neuroscience, neurons that fire together wire together and what it actually means for the patterns showing up in your business right now.Why you keep returning to the same income level, why the good months don't stay, why something pulls you back every single time expansion arrives.By the end of this episode that pattern has a name and once you can name it , everything changes.Topics covered in this episode:Why some women hit their next level and stay there and why others keep returning to the same familiar placeWhat neurons that fire together wire together actually means and why it matters for your businessHow your brain builds grooves from past experiences and runs them automatically every time expansion arrivesWhy the going quiet, the backend retreat, and the pulling back are not character flaws they are a sequenceWhy willpower, positive thinking and surface level behaviour change cannot override a subconscious grooveWhat actually changes a deep subconscious pattern and why the work has to happen at the level it was builtQuestions to help you find your own groove and understand how deep it runsConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

Sign Up to Obviously, I Can Hold The Next LevelYou post the content, you send the email, you put the offer out and then you check and when nothing has happened yet, there is a spiral. Telling yourself it is not working, beating yourself up and then the going again from that energy.This cycle is actively rewriting your subconscious story about what is possible for you every single time you do it.In this episode I am breaking down exactly what is happening in your brain when you expect instant results, why your negativity bias is filing heavy evidence against you every time you check and feel nothing, and the three things you can start doing right now to interrupt the pattern and start building new evidence for what is actually possible.Topics covered in Why Your Brain Is Addicted To Instant Results And What It Is Costing Your Next Level:The dopamine loop - what actually happens in your brain the moment you post and then check for resultsWhy the anticipation of a reward is where most of the pleasure comes from and what that means for your subconsciousThe negativity bias - why your brain files the nothing moments more heavily than the wins and what that is building over timeThe evidence filing system - how your subconscious has been building its story about what is possible for you from the checking cycleWhy emotional intensity and repetition are the two things that determine what your subconscious treats as truthHow the urgent results cycle is writing a belief about your work, your offers and what level of success is available to youHow to interrupt the check and create a gap before the pattern runs automaticallyHow to deliberately change what your subconscious files and why emotional intensity is the keyThe prompts to update the prediction your subconscious has been running about what is comingConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTube

Sign Up to My Free Live Event You are doing all the things. Showing up, creating, working with clients, building something so amazing and still there is this little voice underneath it all, the sense that you are not fully in it yet.Half in half out feels like playing it safe and it is actually the most exhausting thing you can do. Because full commitment takes less energy than the negotiation happening inside you every single day.In this episode, I break down exactly what is running that negotiation at a subconscious level and how it's your brain's three most sophisticated filters working together to keep you exactly where your current map says you belong.You will learn what deletion, distortion and generalisation actually are, how they show up specifically in the way you create content, price your offers, and move through your days, and the three step process to start catching them, interrupting them and rewriting the map entirely.Journalling prompts from this episode:Deletion - catch what your brain has been filtering out If you knew your brain had been filtering out proof of how capable you actually are, what would it have been hiding from you? What results, moments or feedback have you filed away as not quite enough to count and what would change if you actually let them count?Distortion - find where you have been bending reality.Think about the last time something didn't go the way you wanted. What story did you make it mean about you, the real story, the one underneath the one you told out loud. What is the most accurate, most generous and most true interpretation of what actually happened?Generalisation - break the rule that became a life sentence.What is the rule you are living by right now about what is possible for you? Where did it come from? And what does the version of you who wrote that rule need to know now that she could not have known back then?Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:Ep 267. Your Identity Shift Feels like Sh*t? Good, Keep Going!

Secondary gain is the reason you keep pulling back every time things start working. Not because you're lazy. Not because you don't want it. But because your subconscious is getting something from keeping you exactly where you are.In today's episode, I'm walking you through the exact process I use with my 1:1 clients to find what causes self-sabotaging behaviours, the NLP techniques I use to uncover subconscious patterns running underneath, and the four prompts that will help you figure out what your secondary gain actually is.I'm also sharing a personal story from when I was a kid doing song and dance competitions that I only recently connected to why I pull back from visibility in my business.If you've ever asked yourself, "why do I self-sabotage when things are going well," this episode is going to hit differently. Grab a pen. You're going to need it!Topics covered on Secondary Gain:What is secondary gain?Why do you self-sabotage when things are going well even when you've done so much work on yourself?The subconscious patterns I recently discovered underneath my visibility behaviour.How to find the exact moment your secondary gain kicks in using NLP techniques.What causes self-sabotaging behaviours after a wave of momentum?The four-step process to uncover your self-sabotage patterns, secondary gain behind them, name it and start to shift it.Journal prompts on Secondary Gain:1. Find the patternWhat is the exact moment it happens for you?What was going right before you pulled back?Find all the journal prompts at https://rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/your-self-sabotage-has-a-payoff-that-you-dont-know-about-heres-how-to-find-your-secondary-gainConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:199. What Are You Gaining from Staying Where You Are?132. Harnessing the Reticular Activating System to Turn Dreams into Reality117. Moving Out of Victim Mentality

Every single boundary in business I ever broke, I could justify. I told myself I was being responsive, being committed, being a good coach... But underneath all of that? I was terrified. Terrified that if I wasn't always available, people would leave. That if I said no, I wasn't valuable. And those people pleasing tendencies didn't start in my business. They started way before that, in a subconscious programme I picked up before I was seven years old.In today's episode, I'm walking you through my own boundary journey, from answering client messages at ridiculous hours to scaling a business by 70% the year I had my daughter Ivy, all in roughly 24 work hours a week. I'm sharing with you why your subconscious is literally wired to trample your own boundaries, why you keep saying one thing and doing the opposite, and the five types of boundaries with clients and in your life that actually allow you to hold more without burning out.If you keep stretching and stretching and wondering why something always breaks, this episode is for you! Ready to learn how to set healthy boundaries? Tune in now!Topics covered on Boundaries in Business:Why your people-pleasing tendencies are the real reason your business boundaries keep crumblingWhat your brain has to do with why you can't hold boundaries in business (and no, it didn't start with your last client)How I went from answering messages at ridiculous times to scaling a business by 70% on less than 24 hours a weekWhy every boundary in business you break is actually teaching your subconscious that you can't be trustedThe five types of boundaries you need if you want to scale without your sanity jumping out the windowHow to reprogramme your subconscious mind what business boundaries mean to you so holding them stops feeling terrifyingWhy your clients will actually respect you more when you learn how to set healthy boundaries, not lessThe one small thing I want you to do today if you're ready to set boundaries for yourself and actually hold them this timeConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipThe Subconscious InstituteCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:188. How I’m Using Hypnotherapy to Build a 7-Figure Business119. Setting Boundaries vs Holding Boundaries

You worked all day. You're knackered. And yet when you look at what actually moved the needle in your business… nothing. Welcome to productive procrastination! The sneakiest self-sabotaging cycle I see amongst women business owners. You've had results. You know the strategy. So why do you procrastinate on the exact things that would grow your business?In today's episode, I'm walking you through the five signs that you're stuck in productive procrastination, why your subconscious is choosing "busy" over revenue generating activities, and what's really underneath the surface (say hello to fear of visibility and expansion).But guess what? You don't need another plan, another system overhaul, or more clarity. You need to understand why your subconscious won't let you do the thing you already know works. And once you see it, you can't unsee it. I'm also sharing exactly how to start breaking these patterns and building real momentum in business this week, not next quarter. Ready? Let’s break the patterns!Topics covered on Productive Procrastination:Why does productive procrastination feel like you're winning when you're actually standing still?The 5 signs you're stuck in productive procrastination (and how to spot this self-sabotaging cycle before it costs you another quarter).You had a great month, so why are you suddenly pulling away from revenue-generating activities?"I just need to get organised first," that's how your fear of being seen is quietly running the entire show.You already know the strategy, so why do you still procrastinate? (Hint: it's not a discipline problem, it's a subconscious pattern).The one question to ask yourself the moment you catch the productive procrastination pattern in action.Connect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipCome say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:255. Why You Can't Get Clear On Your Next Business Move (And How To Finally Decide)245. Why You Procrastinate (And What Your Subconscious is Really Protecting You From)

You can have it all. A thriving business, a deeply connected relationship, incredible health, time with your family, and actual fun. So why does it feel like the moment one area starts going well, another one falls apart? That's the question that I hear as a mindset coach for women all the time!In today’s episode, I am diving into the self-sabotage behaviour that so many successful women entrepreneurs experience without even realising it. Your business picks up and suddenly your relationship and business feel like they are in competition. You finally prioritise your health, and the revenue dips. You spend time with your family, but your brain is still mentally plugged into work.I am walking you through exactly why your subconscious does this, the limiting beliefs driving it, and how to start the subconscious reprogramming that allows you to hold more without one area costing the other. I am sharing my own experiences with this pattern, from motherhood to relationships to health, and giving you powerful journal prompts to start shifting this today.If you have ever told yourself that something has to give, this one is going to change everything. Because yes, you can have it all!Topics covered on You Can Have It All:Why your subconscious only lets you win in one area at a time and the self-sabotaging habits keeping that pattern alive.The real reason your relationship and business feel like they cannot coexist and how to balance relationship and work without guilt.How limiting beliefs about success, love, and ambition are running the show behind the scenes.The work-life balance women actually deserve versus the version we have been settling for.Navigating business and motherhood and why you can have it all without becoming a different person.Proof that having it all is not about doing everything at once; it is about holding multiple things without your brain forcing you to sacrifice one.The journal prompts to help you stop asking "why can't I have both?" and start believing you can have it all.Journal Prompts:For all journal prompts visit rebeccahaydon.com/podcast/yes-you-can-have-it-all-overcoming-one-of-the-biggest-limiting-beliefs-among-successful-women-entrepreneursConnect with Rebecca Haydon:Apply to work with meThe Subconscious MembershipThe Subconscious Institute Come say hi on Instagram | Facebook | YouTubeRelated episodes you may enjoy:140. Breaking the Belief ‘I Can’t Have It All'100. Hitting 250K, Choosing a Break Up and Moving Back to the Other Side of the World