What to Say to Our Kids When Bad Things Happen

In light of the recent floods in Kerrville, Texas, Margaret and Amy discuss how we can talk to kids about scary, sad, or tragic events—especially when we don’t know what to say. Topics include: 🧠 How children process grief, tragedy, and fear at different ages 🛡️ The limits of “protecting” kids from the world—and when it's important 💬 Letting kids lead the conversation and avoiding over-explaining 😢 Why it’s okay for kids to see you upset—and how to model healthy emotion regulation 🎭 Understanding kids’ “weird” responses to trauma (jokes, play, denial) as coping 📺 The unintended impact of news media exposure on young children Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Free and confidential support is offered through resources like the Disaster Distress Helpline (1-800-985-5990 or text TalkWithUs to 66746), which connects you to trained counselors 24/7. Here's Margaret's preferred donation site for Kerrville: https://cftexashillcountry.fcsuite.com/erp/donate/create/fund?funit_id=4201 Zachary Suri for the Texas Standard: "How to talk to your kids about the Hill Country floods" Lee Ann Rawlins Williams for The Conversation: "When disasters fall out of the public eye, survivors continue to suffer – a rehabilitation professional explains how sustained mental health support is critical to recovery" Danielle S. McLaughlin for the Huffington Post: “Having Difficult Conversations with Kids”  PBS NOVA: What Next: Talking to children and finding a path to healing after the Newtown shooting tragedy. The poem "Good Bones" by Maggie Smith Our Fresh Take with Margaret's sister-in-law Christina Martin on How Children Learn Through Play We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, Kerrville, Kerrville flooding, Texas flooding, tragedy, news, Texas Hill Country Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A note from Margaret: My family was visiting Kerrville, TX when the flood occurred. She Having seen the devastation to the Hill Country first hand, it is impossible to put into words the scope of the disaster. These losses are close to home for my family and I know they have touched so many of you as well. Please join us in donating to the relief efforts by using the following trusted link: https://cftexashillcountry.fcsuite.com/erp/donate/create/fund?funit_id=4201 In this episode, Margaret and Amy tackle a commonplace parenting issue: when one child consumes the majority of your bandwidth—whether that's your time, your energy, or your attention. Some bandwidth-hogging situations are temporary, some are more this-is-how-it-is. Some are for positive reasons, some distinctly less so. Whatever the cause, when one kid takes up all your parenting bandwidth, it's hard for the rest of the family not to be affected as well. In this conversation, we explore: The many ways our bandwidth can feel inconsistently applied Strategies for recalibrating the family ecosystem Why awareness, honesty, and small course corrections matter Whether you’re navigating chronic illness, disruptive behavior, or the demands of elite youth sports, this episode is here to help you name it, understand it, and—most importantly—not feel alone. And don't forget to buy HAPPY TO HELP if you haven't yet! Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Leigh Anderson for Lifehacker: What to Do If Your Child's Behavior Is Ruining Your Relationship With Your Partner Antoinette Deavin, Pete Greasley, Clare Dixon for Pediatrics: Children’s Perspectives on Living With a Sibling With a Chronic Illness Dean E. Murphy for NYT: Watching Them Watching Me Lisa Rapaport for Reuters: Healthy kids with sick sibling may hide emotions Nicole Schwarz for imperfectfamilies.com: It’s not fair, and that’s ok. Supporting your children when a sibling is struggling. Andrew Sullivan for NYT: How Do You Raise a Prodigy? Parent Child Interaction Therapy (this is what Margaret talked about) We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

⁠A note from Margaret: My family was visiting Kerrville, TX when the flood occurred. Having seen the devastation to the Hill Country first hand, it is impossible to put into words the scope of the disaster. These losses are close to home for my family and I know they have touched so many of you as well. Please join us in donating to the relief efforts by using the following trusted link: ⁠https://cftexashillcountry.fcsuite.com/erp/donate/create/fund?funit_id=4201⁠ Amy thought The Love Boat was filmed in real time, at sea. Margaret's grandfather had all the kids convinced his dining room light switch controlled the Tappan Zee Bridge. We asked our listeners for all the silliest things they fully believed as children, and in this episode, we highlight all of the absolute dumbest. We got all of these answers from our Facebook group! You can join in on the fun here: ⁠https://www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A note from Margaret: My family was visiting Kerrville, TX when the flood occurred. Having seen the devastation to the Hill Country first hand, it is impossible to put into words the scope of the disaster. These losses are close to home for my family and I know they have touched so many of you as well. Please join us in donating to the relief efforts by using the following trusted link: ⁠https://cftexashillcountry.fcsuite.com/erp/donate/create/fund?funit_id=4201⁠ Amy and Margaret talk with parenting coach Danielle Bettmann, host of the Failing Motherhood podcast. Danielle specializes in helping parents of strong-willed and neurodivergent kids implement positive discipline—a proven, research-based approach that’s both kind and firm. Danielle breaks down: What “positive discipline” really means (and what it’s not) Why traditional approaches like time-outs, yelling, and sticker charts backfire with sensitive or strong-willed children How to mirror your child’s emotions and validate without giving in How to co-parent with consistency, even when you and your partner are on different pages What boundary-seeking behavior tells us—and how to set limits that make kids feel safe How to respond when relatives say “Back in my day…” If your kid seems to only melt down for you, if you’re Googling parenting solutions at 3 a.m., or if you’ve tried everything and nothing’s working—this episode will give you practical strategies and a whole lot of validation. Learn how to avoid becoming your kid’s emotional punching bag, why saying “and” is more effective than “but,” and how to intentionally indulge without reinforcing bad behavior. Here's where you can find Danielle: www.parentingwholeheartedly.com @parent_wholeheartedly on IG @thatparentcoach on Tiktok Listen to "Failing Motherhood" here: https://www.parentingwholeheartedly.com/podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A note from Margaret: My family was visiting Kerrville, TX when the flood occurred. Having seen the devastation to the Hill Country first hand, it is impossible to put into words the scope of the disaster. These losses are close to home for my family and I know they have touched so many of you as well. Please join us in donating to the relief efforts by using the following trusted link: https://cftexashillcountry.fcsuite.com/erp/donate/create/fund?funit_id=4201 In this episode, we break down five essential conversations parents should be having with their kids this summer. From online safety and media limits to emotional health and growth mindset, Amy and Margaret offer practical ways to open meaningful dialogue with your kids—without cornering them for awkward lectures. You'll learn how to talk about: 📱 Digital Life & Safety: Scam-proofing kids, screen time sanity, and talking tech boundaries. 🧠 Emotions & Mental Health: Helping kids name emotions, normalize asking for help, and express what they're feeling. 🚫 Respect, Consent & Boundaries: From the sandbox to social situations, how to model and enforce personal boundaries. 🌎 Kindness & Inclusion: Embracing diversity, talking openly about difference, and reinforcing family values. 💪 Growth Mindset & Resilience: Teaching kids how to face challenges, recover from failure, and develop a sense of possibility. Here are the themed playlists we've curated for each of these topics: Talking to Your Kids About Media and Technology Talking to Your Kids About Growing as a Person Talking to Your Kids About Kindness and Inclusion Talking to Your Kids About Emotions and Mental Health Talking to Your Kids About Respect, Consent, and Boundaries Here is Angela Duckworth's advice to the graduates of Bates College about phone usage. Here is an example of the pre-recorded conversations Amy mentioned that kids can use during ride shares. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity , transgender, trans kids, transgender kids, support for trans kids, trans rights, queer kids, respect, consent, teaching kids consent, digital safety, online safety, media literacy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Some people say parents should never lie to their kids. We are not those people. We asked our listeners to tell us all the lies that totally worked for their kids– or worked on them when they were kids. Whether it's the ice cream truck's jingle indicating they're fresh out, the goldfish who was "just sleeping," or the unfortunate catastrophic fire at the macaroni and cheese factory, these are all the mom fibs you want in your repertoire. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Ibram X. Kendi⁠ is the author of many highly acclaimed books including STAMPED FROM THE BEGINNING: The Definitive History of Racist Ideas in America, which won the National Book Award for Nonfiction. In 2020, Time magazine named Dr. Kendi one of the 100 most influential people in the world. Dr. Kendi was awarded a 2021 MacArthur Fellowship, popularly known as the Genius Grant. In this interview, we are discussing his book HOW TO RAISE AN ANTIRACIST. His latest book for young readers is called MALCOM LIVES and you can buy it here. In this interview, Dr. Kendi explains: why caregivers cannot protect young people from racism by ignoring what’s happening to our children why teaching antiracism is the best way to protect our children from racism's harms why children have an easier time understanding these ideas than we might think how putting off conversations about race, or giving kids the message that racism is unmentionable, can make our children prey to more sinister messaging It is never too early, or too late, to start raising our kids to be antiracist. Get ⁠How To Raise An Antiracist⁠ in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593242537 and find out more on Dr. Kendi's website: https://ibramxkendi.com We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity , anti-racism, racism, race, anti-racist education Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is it rational to still be mad about that time in second grade when the kid right in front of you took the last sprinkles at the ice cream social? Is it reasonable to think just a little less of your childhood friend for serving Chex Mix at his wedding? Ours is not to reason why. This episode isn't here to tell you whether you all should be maintaining these grudges so carefully. It's here to hold space for them all. Stay angry, Hellions! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we find support when our family of origin is no longer around or has otherwise rejected us? Francesca Royster, author of the new memoir ⁠Choosing Family: A Memoir of Queer Motherhood and Black Resistance⁠, explains the concepts of chosen family, finding joy in the everyday, and the resistance that is part of telling hard stories. Margaret and Francesca discuss: What inspired Francesca to write her memoir What it's like to enter motherhood at an older age The process of adopting her daughter Taking pleasure in the reality of everyday life can really help you connect with loved ones in your family, chosen or blood-related. And telling stories about hardship and tragedy can actually help us gain perspective and have more hope about the world, not less. Here's where you can find Francesca: ⁠Her faculty page on the DePaul University website⁠ @roysterfrancesca on IG @francesca.royster.1 on FB Buy Francesca's book:⁠ https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781419756177⁠ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠⁠ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, inclusive, inclusivity , transgender, trans kids, transgender kids, support for trans kids, trans rights, queer kids, Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we start a conversation about finances with our partners, especially when each of our households of origin might have thought about money quite differently? Ramit Sethi, host of Netflix’s hit show, How to Get Rich, and author of MONEY FOR COUPLES, offers practical tips for productively discussing money with your partner. Ramit and Margaret discuss: Why money conversations are so hard The four money types: Avoider, Optimizer, Worrier, or Dreamer How the messages we heard (or didn’t hear) about money growing up shape our adult decisions—and how to teach kids better. Age-appropriate ways to talk to your kids about money, build financial literacy, and model strong values. Here's where to find Ramit: www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com Buy MONEY FOR COUPLES: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523523689 Listen to the Money for Couples podcast: https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/podcast/ Watch Ramit's Netflix show @ramit on IG and X Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices