Today, we’re digging into the concept of the Drama Triangle (which you can probably guess is something you don’t want to be stuck in). I’m talking all about what the Drama Triangle is and how it shows up in parenting.
You’ll Learn:
- What the Drama Triangle is and why you don’t want to get stuck there
- Examples of how the Drama Triangle shows up in families
- A new model to help you shift out of the drama and into empowerment
- My own experience of being stuck in the Drama Triangle
Let’s get you and your family out of drama and into a place of empowerment and resilience.
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What Is the Drama Triangle?
The Karpman Drama Triangle (named after psychologist Stephen Karpman) describes how we often adopt one of three unhealthy roles when attempting to resolve conflict:
- The Victim feels powerless and wronged—“Someone’s hurting me and I need help!”
- The Persecutor is the “bad guy”—the one blamed for being harsh, critical, or causing pain.
- The Rescuer swoops in to “save” the Victim from the Persecutor, solving everyone’s problem—but often at their own expense.
Overall, the Drama Triangle is maladaptive - meaning that these roles are not actually helpful for conflict resolution or family dynamics.
How the Drama Triangle Shows Up at Home
Maybe your oldest is always “the troublemaker” (Persecutor), your youngest is constantly “getting picked on” (Victim), and you’re forever running interference (Rescuer).
Or maybe, after a particularly tough bedtime, you feel like the Victim—powerless over your child’s tantrums—and wish your partner would “rescue” you by stepping in.
Over time, these patterns teach our kids to rely on others to solve their problems, or—worse—internalize harmful labels as “the bad one” or “the helpless one.” And as moms, we sacrifice our own needs for peace that never really lasts.
Here’s the tough truth. When we fall into these roles, nobody wins.
Victim
If a child (or anyone, for that matter) is repeatedly put into the Victim role, we take away their belief that they can solve their own problems. We let them think that they are helpless and that they are trapped and that they cannot do for themselves. They look to their Rescuer to solve problems for them, which is a really disempowering place to be.
Persecutor
A Persecutor often blames others for their actions. Instead of responding to problems with helpful behavior, they often respond with judgment and criticism.
When we remember that feelings drive behavior, we can see that the Persecutor is the one who is actually in pain. The one who needs support. But we often don’t give that support to the Persecutor. We go to the Victim instead. So the Persecutor stays stuck in that pain and that role. They start to feel like the “bad kid”.
This is common with older siblings, aggressive kids, kids with ADHD or neurodivergence, and parents who aren't emotionally regulated. And because they are treated like the problem, they feel very isolated and disconnected. They’re trying to get control by putting someone else down, but that isn’t really empowerment. And it doesn’t make them feel good.
Rescuer
The Rescuer is doing the Victim’s dirty work. A lot of moms find themselves in this role, and it ultimately creates a codependent dynamic where everybody's turning to you, and now you're the rescuer of everybody and you have to solve all the problems and fix everybody's issues all the time. It’s exhausting, and it leads to resentment.
Plus, by rescuing our kids, we deny them the opportunity to learn how to
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