Episode 147 - Alone in the Dark (2005)

Cooper and Nolan are searching for the light switch this week when they find themselves ALONE IN THE DARK! Unlike the well-cast early 80s horror movie of the same name, this mid 2000s movie stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and Stephen Dorff, yet somehow was NOT a straight-to-video release. It's also based on a video game, which might explain the paper thin characters and nonsensical plot (but not why the CGI is so incredibly bad). Still, that won't stop the guys from feeling around for something to grab on to, so don't be afraid; this episode (featuring a beer from the Field House Brewing Co.) is one you won't mind being alone with!

Cooper and Nolan are crashing down to Earth this week when they cover one of Hollywood's all-time legendary failures - HOWARD THE DUCK! This George Lucas-produced movie is long on duck puns and short on everything else, but even if it had a more coherent plot and better visual effects that still wouldn't be enough to overcome the implied romantic relationship between Marty McFly's mom and a giant talking waterfowl. Long-time listeners can probably predict exactly how much juvenile humor the guys managed to conjure up from this subplot (Hint: it's a LOT), but guessing that they'd make connections to Marv Albert, Meryl Streep, and Sixteen Candles would have been much harder. Sound confusing? Don't let it ruffle your feathers; this episode (featuring a beer from Burdock Brewery) will take to your ears like a duck takes to water!

Cooper and Nolan are heading back out to sea for another season when they cover the winner of this year's audience poll - John Carpenter's THE FOG! This cult classic was criminally underrated at the time of its release despite featuring a who's who cast of horror veterans, including Jamie Lee Curtis, Adrienne Barbeau, and Tom Atkins (but somehow NOT his trademark moustache). Could a slow build, various plot holes, and lack of backstory for the main characters explain why critics were turned off by this one? The guys make arguments for all three while also debating ghost motivation, whether or not the townsfolk deserved their fate, and - once again - if there's such a thing as an 80s perv.  You might not be able to see it, but there's plenty more out there to discover; this SEASON PREMIERE episode (featuring a beer from the Bickford Brewing Co.) is one fog you won't mind wading through!

Cooper and Nolan are conjuring up something special in this unbelievable BONUS EPISODE, when they discover the MAGIC CRYSTAL! Without a comprehensive knowledge of Hong Kong cinema, the guys may never know if this movie is as insane as it seems. But there IS one thing that they're absolutely sure of: the martial arts scenes are as incredible as the special effects are awful. Surprise ads for Singapore Airlines, a living room battle of the sexes, and some VERY questionable dubbing are all part of the magic you can expect to hear when you press play; this episode (featuring a beer from the Burlington Brewery) is one crystal that's ready to shine!

Cooper and Nolan are fighting the future this week when they thaw out DEMOLITION MAN for a very special season finale! Nobody expected this Sylvester Stallone sci-fi classic to paint a remotely realistic view of the future when it came out in 1993, but watching it again for the first time in almost 20 years you'd be shocked to find how accurate some of the screenwriters' predictions were. No wonder the guys ended up waxing philosophically on libertarianism, modern media consumption, and incels - all while looking back on five years of movies and memories (and yes, d*** jokes). It's the perfect mix of serious topics and silliness that people have come to expect from this podcast, so chill out and enjoy it; this episode (featuring a beer or three from the Hop Valley Brewing Company) will have you asking the question: is it cold in here, or is it just me?

Cooper and Nolan are going up, up, and away this week, as they discuss SUPERMAN IV: THE QUEST FOR PEACE! Not only was this the movie that led to the downfall of Cannon Films, it also kept the Man of Steel off the silver screen for nearly two decades thanks to a forced storyline about the world's nuclear arms race. It's a heavy topic that the guys are NOT equipped to handle, which is why they've brought in a university professor with a P.H.D. in international relations (who also happens to be a HUGE DC comics fan) to provide an expert opinion. But don't worry, there's still all the usual silliness thanks to arguments about deep voiced children, Lois Lane's "faulty" memory, and whether or not Superman has a secret identity for his penis.  It's a quest for meaning that you're sure to enjoy; this episode (featuring a beer from Slake Brewing) is a super way to start your summer!

Cooper and Nolan are putting it out there for all the world to see this week when they meet THE INVISIBLE MANIAC! This VERY low budget 90s horror/comedy leans as hard as possible into gratuitous nudity, which it turns out is just one of many reasons the guys ended up getting on board with it. Throw in some hilariously awful special effects, questionable performances from actors who are clearly too old for their roles, and a plot that's ridiculous in all the right ways, and you've discovered the formula for a good time. So take off your lab coat and hit the showers; this episode (featuring a beer from Supply & Demand Beer and Pizza) is one you'll definitely be glad didn't stay invisible!

Cooper and Nolan are back in action this week when they cover DEATH WISH 3! This may be the shortest ever episode of this podcast, but when an extremely large portion of this movie is just Charles Bronson killing punks while thousands of completely ineffective bullets fly his way, how much is there to talk about? Still, the near-total absence of meaningful plot elements and characters doesn't stop the guys from covering college nicknames, criminal defense attorneys sleeping with their clients, and whether being invisible would make you a better police officer (stick around to the end to hear that part). At the end of the day it's a Cannon film starring Charles Bronson, so count on having a good time; this episode (featuring not one but TWO beers from Third Moon Brewing) will leave you wishing there was more. 

Cooper and Nolan are plugging in this week when they cover Wes Craven's SHOCKER! This supernatural serial killer story is heavy on action but light on details, which left the guys having to guess how or why a lot of stuff was happening. Maybe that's why they spent their time pulling from other movies like Poltergeist, Ghostbusters, and the director's own Nightmare on Elm Street to try to make sense of it. Still, with bigtime 80s horror vibes and a title that's easy to confuse with something else, you might want to find something to bite down on; this episode (featuring a beer from the Powerhouse Brewing Company) is 100,000 volts of fun!

Cooper and Nolan are reporting for duty this week when they cover Steven Spielberg's 1941! An over the top, madcap comedy with bankable stars, big set pieces and an anti-war (some say anti-American) message might have sounded good on paper, but unfortunately Spielberg forgot that comedies are supposed to be funny. Whether or not that was actually the goal or just a loose pretense for him to blow up a bunch of stuff we'll never know, but the guys were left trying to entertain themselves. Which, in addition to the usual assortment of silliness and d**k jokes, somehow ended up with Maggie Gyllenhaal catching strays.  Still, there's nothing to lose by enlisting in the conversation; this episode (featuring a beer from Eagle Brewery) might just make you want to stand up and salute!