Episode 152 - Malone (1987)

Cooper and Nolan are manning up this week when they cover MALONE by special request! This paint-by-numbers 80s action/thriller doesn't offer a lot of original beats, but what it DOES offer is the chance to discuss stereotypical masculinity, moustaches, and Burt Reynolds' filmography (which one of the guys was shocked to learn did NOT include Three Men and a Baby). Throw in a problematic love interest and a racially-charged political subplot and you've got the makings of an explosive conversation. So get ready to light the fuse; this episode (featuring a beer from the Lake of Bays Brewing Co.) is ready to blow you away!

Cooper and Nolan are giving thanks this week when they celebrate THANKSKILLING! This gloriously unhinged B-movie (and that might be generous) promised a murderous turkey and boobs in the first second. But after being on the guys' radar for years could it possibly deliver the goods? To find out you'll have to dig into a cornucopia of terrible performances, excessive gore, and even more excessive Thanksgiving puns, so pull up a chair; this episode (featuring a beer from the Turkey Shoot Brewing Co.) will have you hoping for leftovers.

Cooper and Nolan are going back to where it all began this week when they cover X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE! What could have been a meaningful stand-alone movie about Marvel's most popular mutant ended up feeling more like X-Men 4 thanks to several gratuitous character cameos.  The less said about some of those the better, although they did give the guys plenty to get angry about. Throw in a bunch of awful CG, questionable casting, and the bastardization of multiple storylines, and you've got what basically amounts to a comic book fan's nightmare. So yeah, in case you couldn't tell the claws are DEFINITELY coming out; this episode (featuring a beer from the Balderdash Brewing Co.) will scratch you right where you itch.

Cooper and Nolan are trying to keep a grip on reality this week when they spend Halloween with HOBGOBLINS! This notorious Gremlins rip-off is more confusing than it is scary, although part of that could be because the creatures the audience is supposed to be afraid of are basically just immobile plush toys. Throw in a cast of terrible actors, a plot that doesn't make any sense, and a universe without defined boundaries, and it's no wonder the guys had to spend most of their time guessing what was happening.  Is this thing fantasy or failure? The world may never know. Either way, there's one thing that's for sure: this episode (featuring a beer from Lighthouse Brewing Co.) is one you won't want to keep locked up!

Cooper and Nolan are hoping to avoid disaster this week when they discuss METEOR! You can draw a direct line from this late 70s Sean Connery movie to big hits like Armageddon and Deep Impact, but you can also see why it helped (temporarily) destroy the disaster movie craze. Loaded with terrible special effects and some of the most melodramatic scenes you can imagine, this Earth-shattering dud also features a lightweight romantic subplot that had the guys sharing Cold War flirting tips, views on masculinity, and more than one missile pun. The countdown is on, so head for cover; when it comes to this episode (featuring a beer from Stanley Park Brewing) there's nowhere to hide!

Cooper and Nolan are searching for the light switch this week when they find themselves ALONE IN THE DARK! Unlike the well-cast early 80s horror movie of the same name, this mid 2000s movie stars Christian Slater, Tara Reid, and Stephen Dorff, yet somehow was NOT a straight-to-video release. It's also based on a video game, which might explain the paper thin characters and nonsensical plot (but not why the CGI is so incredibly bad). Still, that won't stop the guys from feeling around for something to grab on to, so don't be afraid; this episode (featuring a beer from the Field House Brewing Co.) is one you won't mind being alone with!

Cooper and Nolan are crashing down to Earth this week when they cover one of Hollywood's all-time legendary failures - HOWARD THE DUCK! This George Lucas-produced movie is long on duck puns and short on everything else, but even if it had a more coherent plot and better visual effects that still wouldn't be enough to overcome the implied romantic relationship between Marty McFly's mom and a giant talking waterfowl. Long-time listeners can probably predict exactly how much juvenile humor the guys managed to conjure up from this subplot (Hint: it's a LOT), but guessing that they'd make connections to Marv Albert, Meryl Streep, and Sixteen Candles would have been much harder. Sound confusing? Don't let it ruffle your feathers; this episode (featuring a beer from Burdock Brewery) will take to your ears like a duck takes to water!

Cooper and Nolan are heading back out to sea for another season when they cover the winner of this year's audience poll - John Carpenter's THE FOG! This cult classic was criminally underrated at the time of its release despite featuring a who's who cast of horror veterans, including Jamie Lee Curtis, Adrienne Barbeau, and Tom Atkins (but somehow NOT his trademark moustache). Could a slow build, various plot holes, and lack of backstory for the main characters explain why critics were turned off by this one? The guys make arguments for all three while also debating ghost motivation, whether or not the townsfolk deserved their fate, and - once again - if there's such a thing as an 80s perv.  You might not be able to see it, but there's plenty more out there to discover; this SEASON PREMIERE episode (featuring a beer from the Bickford Brewing Co.) is one fog you won't mind wading through!

Cooper and Nolan are conjuring up something special in this unbelievable BONUS EPISODE, when they discover the MAGIC CRYSTAL! Without a comprehensive knowledge of Hong Kong cinema, the guys may never know if this movie is as insane as it seems. But there IS one thing that they're absolutely sure of: the martial arts scenes are as incredible as the special effects are awful. Surprise ads for Singapore Airlines, a living room battle of the sexes, and some VERY questionable dubbing are all part of the magic you can expect to hear when you press play; this episode (featuring a beer from the Burlington Brewery) is one crystal that's ready to shine!

Cooper and Nolan are fighting the future this week when they thaw out DEMOLITION MAN for a very special season finale! Nobody expected this Sylvester Stallone sci-fi classic to paint a remotely realistic view of the future when it came out in 1993, but watching it again for the first time in almost 20 years you'd be shocked to find how accurate some of the screenwriters' predictions were. No wonder the guys ended up waxing philosophically on libertarianism, modern media consumption, and incels - all while looking back on five years of movies and memories (and yes, d*** jokes). It's the perfect mix of serious topics and silliness that people have come to expect from this podcast, so chill out and enjoy it; this episode (featuring a beer or three from the Hop Valley Brewing Company) will have you asking the question: is it cold in here, or is it just me?