Why “Fixing” Your Partner Can Destroy Connection - with Derek | Ep. 198

Motherhood, changing family dynamics, and midlife transitions can change much more than your daily routine—they can change your identity, your marriage, and your sexual desire. In this conversation, Janna and Mindy talk about the enormous transition into motherhood, what happens when your kids need you less, and why becoming an “empty nester” doesn’t automatically mean you’re ready for more sex.They also explore how to figure out what you actually want after years of taking care of everyone else, and why your intimate life doesn’t have to stay the same forever. Instead of forcing yourself to want the sex you think you’re supposed to want, you can learn how to create a sex life that changes and grows with you.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

When Ben asked his wife of 31 years how often she actually wanted to have sex, her answer — “almost never” — completely shocked him.In this conversation, Ben shares what he couldn’t see before Doing It Together, what happened when he chose curiosity over defensiveness, and how he’s learning to create a more mutually enjoyable intimate life with his wife. It’s an honest conversation about good intentions, unexpected blind spots, and what can happen when both partners are willing to keep learning.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

In this episode, Sara shares the powerful journey of realizing that much of what she believed she was supposed to want sexually wasn’t actually what she wanted. She opens up about feeling inadequate, questioning what was wrong with her, and the relief that came from learning to recognize a “no” in her own body.Sara and Janna also explore what changed in her relationship when they took intercourse off the table, including the surprising ways their connection shifted outside the bedroom. At the heart of her story is a simple but profound realization: “It feels so much lighter in here. Like the relationship is so much lighter.”Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Katie spent years believing her sex life was good enough, until she began questioning how much she was actually enjoying it and how much she was simply tolerating. In this conversation, she shares how marriage, children, menopause, and cultural messages gradually disconnected her from her own desires.Katie and Janna explore why so many couples follow a formula for sex instead of discovering what genuinely feels good to both people. Katie shares how learning that she was allowed to have preferences changed the way she communicates with her husband and transformed her approach to intimacy.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

What if your anger isn't the problem—but a sign that something finally makes sense? In this episode, Janna sits down with Renee to explore the surprising emotion that surfaced as she began unlearning decades of harmful messages about women, sex, and marriage. What she once believed was a personal failure turned out to be something much bigger, and that realization changed everything.Together, they discuss why anger can be a healthy response to injustice, the cultural lies that keep both women and men disconnected from authentic intimacy, and the unexpected insights that transformed Renee's marriage. From a comment made by a teenage boyfriend to a surprising perspective on menopause, this conversation is full of hope for anyone ready to see their story through a new lens.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

What if sex was never meant to create connection—but to celebrate the connection that's already there? In this episode, Janna sits down with John for a thoughtful and honest conversation about one of the most common dynamics in long-term relationships: when one partner looks to sex for closeness while the other needs closeness before they desire sex.John shares how he came to realize that he was asking sex to do a job it was never meant to do. Together, they explore the emotions hiding beneath sexual rejection, the cultural messages that shape our expectations around intimacy, and the powerful shift that happened when he stopped focusing on how to get his wife to want sex and started building genuine emotional connection instead.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

When Penny began questioning the messages she'd received about sex, she uncovered something far deeper than a lack of desire. For years, she'd been taught that sex was something she owed her husband rather than an experience she was allowed to enjoy herself. Penny shares how those beliefs shaped her marriage, her sexuality, and her sense of self—and what finally helped her begin experiencing intimacy in a completely different way.Together, Janna and Penny explore the cultural and religious messages that disconnect women from pleasure, why "more foreplay" wasn't the solution, the hidden pressure Penny didn't realize she was carrying, and how emotional safety became the turning point in her relationship. If you've ever wondered whether you're the problem—or struggled to understand why sex feels more like a responsibility than a source of joy—this episode is for you.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

For the 200th episode of the Doing It Together podcast, the tables are turned as Janna sits in the guest seat while her daughter interviews her about the journey behind the microphone. Together, they look back on four years of honest conversations about sex, desire, marriage, and relationships, exploring how the podcast has evolved, the lessons learned along the way, and the moments that have challenged Janna the most.Janna also shares the personal experiences that have shaped her work- from navigating divorce and remarriage to finding the courage to speak openly about one of culture's most taboo topics. It's a heartfelt, behind-the-scenes conversation about vulnerability, consistency, changing minds, and the hope that comes from helping thousands of people realize they are not broken and they are not alone.Whether you've been listening since episode one or you've just discovered the podcast, this milestone episode is a celebration of the community we've built together and a look at where the journey goes next.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

Has sex become less about connection and more about keeping the peace? In this episode, Janna talks with Joanna about a pattern many couples quietly fall into, where sex becomes a way to restore harmony, avoid conflict, or make a partner happier rather than an experience rooted in mutual desire, pleasure, and connection.They unpack the emotional weight behind this dynamic and explore how it impacts both women’s sexuality and men’s relationship with intimacy. Joanna shares what she and her partner are doing differently now to move away from obligation and toward a more connected, playful, and fulfilling sex life.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.

What happens when loving someone means letting go of the need to fix them?Derek shares his journey of realizing that his attempts to rescue and support his wife were unintentionally creating distance between them. After years of trying to pull her out of pain and show her how wonderful life could be, he discovered that what she needed most wasn't someone to turn on the light—it was someone willing to sit with her in the darkness.Together, Janna and Derek explore the difference between compassion and rescuing, how shame and discomfort can impact intimacy, and why seeing your partner as "broken" can prevent true connection.Sign up for Janna's free class, "The Truth About Women's Libido: Why Everything You've Tried Hasn't Worked and What To Do Instead." Watch the class as a couple or on your own. Classes happen on Sept. 21 and 22. Ready to learn as a couple? Registration is open for Janna's coaching program for couples, Doing It Together. Next round runs Oct./Nov. 2026. Deadline to register is Sept. 29.Looking for where to start? Get Janna's Intro Videos for men and women.Ready to learn on your own? Janna's Wanting It More Foundations self-paced course for women is always open for registration.