242. I want to be approved of

“If I receive, I owe something in return.” This thought is drilled into us from the very beginning with the teaching of “pleases” and “thank yous,” but is it true? It can be so easy to slip into the current of belief in this thought, because that’s the way the world seems to work. But might it work differently if we didn’t believe that receiving and owing go hand-in-hand? And more importantly, what is it like on a personal level believing that it’s true that we can’t receive without owing something in return? Could it be that nature doesn’t live by rules of owing and earning? Have any of us ever actually earned the incredible abundance of the sun? Or the devotion of the chair that holds us up? Maybe those are clues to the nature of life, and therefore the nature of us.

Byron Katie does not want people’s approval. She has no interest in manipulating people out of the way they see her. She wants them to think the way they think. According to Katie, that’s love. In this episode, Tom guides a meditation around noticing wanting approval. Noticing what it’s like living in the world of holding tightly to that desire, and noticing what it’s like being free of it. Could it be that it doesn’t matter what anyone is thinking about me? We invite you to follow along in this inquiry with situations in your own life where you notice attachment to being approved of.

Often we can experience the fear that if we follow our heart’s desire, we will end up hurting people we love, or causing disasters, or being reckless, or any number of miserable outcomes. This week’s brave share is an inquiry into that fear. What if the people in your life already see you as reckless and irresponsible? What if you think you might be showing up that way too? In the world of obligation, permission and justification, it becomes impossible to see with clarity. If you’ve been there (or are there now) we invite you to follow along and undo some of that confusion, and come into an experience of total freedom.

Do you ever have a situation show up in your life that feels less than ideal and think, “I didn’t sign up for this”? A partnership isn’t like the beautiful image we thought it would be, a child gets sick, a job isn’t what you hoped for, difficult communication arises. Or just this being human thing doesn’t feel like a choice you made freely. All the challenges feel like way too much. It’s impossible to rise to any occasion. It’s impossible to be really happy. Welcome to the world of the thought – “I didn’t sign up for this” – that this week’s episode takes a long hard look at. We invite you to follow along with whatever situation brings this belief up for you, and find out who you are without it. Could it possibly be true that we have signed up for everything we’ve ever experienced?

In this inquiry on the thought, “who/what I am is not beautiful,” Tom says that when we discover our beauty it changes our relationship with everything. What’s it like in the world of seeing ourselves as unbeautiful creatures? How do we show up? How do we treat ourselves? These are the questions that arise in this beautiful inquiry, along with their profound answers. Could it be time to allow ourselves to consciously experience being beautiful?

This week’s episode looks at some words from awakened masters on the vanity of the Universe, of the God/Creator/Consciousness that uses existence to experience itself. It also looks at some of our reactions to those words. A common response to the idea that there is no separation, or as Katie puts it, that there is only One, can be a fear of loneliness. As if there only being One means it’s a cold, lonely existence. Hand-in-hand with that fear can be a fear of not being enough, that sense of inadequacy that seems often so integral to the human experience. Could it be that we are the Oneness expressing and enjoying itself? And could it be that the experience of that aloneness isn’t a lonely one after all?

Tom likes to say there’s two main religions on this planet: “There’s right and wrong,” and “If you get it wrong it’s serious.” This week’s episode focuses on the first of those commonly held beliefs and – through The Work – questions it. When we enter question 3 and look at how we react, what happens when we believe the thought, we’re done looking at whether it’s true or not. We are purely experiencing the effect of believing that it is true. So even if this thought has been drilled into you by parents/school/society/what have you, you have the freedom to look at your own experience and notice through the natural intelligence that shows up within us in inquiry what truly helps you show up the way you’d like to in life. Does the religion of right and wrong support you? If yes, you’re free to keep it. If it hurts in any way, you’re free to question it and follow along in this popcorn-style inquiry.

If you’ve been on a spiritual path or a journey of personal freedom of some kind, you might have come across the question of separation. Are we separate? From each other? From anything? From all that is? You might have also experienced the fear of “waking up” and having all individuality, all sense of self dissolve. What we noticed in this inquiry was that type of fear being one reason we hold onto believing in ourselves as separate from the rest of life. But maybe it isn’t like that. As Tom often asks: Are you? Meaning are you aware? In this episode we invite you to come into your own experience of you and find out for yourself what’s true about this notion of separation.

Have you ever believed the thought, “I have to earn my keep”? This week Tom guides a beautiful and bountiful inquiry into that thought, and all the ways we use it to keep ourselves from the natural abundance and beauty of life. It was so easy to begin believing as children that we are not worthy of all good things. But what kind of life do we create when we take that concept for truth? Could it be that life sees us differently? As Tom points out: the sun is free, the trees are free, the air is free… nature is always reflecting the abundant and beautiful nature of reality and who we are. In this group meditation we aim to reconnect with that awareness.

There’s a lot going on in the world. Again. For many of us, the political landscape is where we get our work. Watching things that feel very far out of our control happen in ways we think they shouldn’t is infuriating. Take political “leaders” contributions to climate change or as an example. It can be incredibly difficult and terrifying to watch, as is bravely brought up in this week’s episode. One amongst many deep insights Tom shares in this time is that we reap what we sow, and if there’s fear behind a tree-planting project (e.g.) then we’re not planting trees; we’re planting fear. This is why self-inquiry is one of the greatest acts of social activism we can take: it takes care of the fear within us and cleans up our emotional world, a change reflected instantly in the world at large. If you’re feeling powerless, devastated, or downright outraged, this episode is for you. We hear you, and we invite you to follow along with your own work for social change.