129. How to Explain Your Sex Addiction to a Betrayed Partner (It’s Harder Than You Might Think)

There are many resources out there that help parents disclose sexual betrayal to young children, but what about your adult children? I saw Carley Pool (certified sex addiction therapist) present on this topic recently at a sex addiction conference, and I knew that this would be a great podcast episode for many of my listeners. In this episode, Carley educates listeners on how to disclose your infidelity to adult children and how this differs from other disclosures. For those of you with adult children, I think you will find this episode very useful when talking with them about your past behavior. If you would like to work with Carley, you can find her information here: https://daringventures.com/our-team/carley/ If you have not yet read my book, “The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction.” You can find it here on Amazon and the audiobook on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you are looking for information about my recovery groups, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

It’s been a while since I’ve recorded an episode on the difference between sex addiction sobriety and recovery. Understanding the definitions of both is critical for men who want to avoid relapse. Here are the reasons why you need to know the difference: You cannot be in good recovery unless you know the difference between sobriety and recovery. Your marriage is at risk unless you have both. You need to be able to define both so that you can know how well you are doing and where you can improve. Sobriety is just a band-aid, and you cannot rely on it long-term. Recovery is what you need to keep your sex addiction from returning. Your marriage's longevity depends on it. I have two chapters on sobriety and recovery in my book: “The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction.” You can find it here on Amazon and the audiobook on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you’re a high-achiever and you’re looking for other successful men to connect with in recovery, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

Jeremy Mast is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist whom I have collaborated with often. In this podcast episode, we discuss the “why” behind sex and porn addiction. Betrayed partners need to know how and why you did what you cheated. However, it can be difficult to explain infidelity. In this episode, Jeremy and I talk about the various “whys” we have encountered over the years and why it can be difficult to nail down the reason behind your sex addiction. We also talk about where treatment will differ for each sex addict and why their recovery groups and treatment plan may look different than that of other guys in recovery. If you are interested in working with Jeremy, you can find his website here: https://www.centerforintegrativechange.com/clinicians/jeremy-mast If you want help discovering your WHY, I’d recommend starting with reading my book: “The High-Achievers Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery.” You can find it here on Amazon and the audiobook on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you’re a high performer, executive, professional, or business owner and you’re looking for like-minded guys to connect with in recovery, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

This year's sex addiction intensives were the best I’ve ever hosted. In this podcast episode, I explain why. Sex and porn addiction recovery is a unique thing. You can’t simply stop, detox, and carry on with your life. Many men try… most fail. If you’re serious about your recovery, you already know recovery groups are the most effective way to achieve long-term sobriety and lasting recovery. However, that only applies if your sex addiction recovery group is actually providing you with the recovery systems, connection, and accountability you actually need. How do you know if your group is good enough to help you avoid relapse? Listen to this podcast episode. If you have thought about joining one of my groups, but wonder if it would be a good fit for you? Start by reading my book. You can find it here on Amazon and the audiobook on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you’re a high-achiever, executive, professional, or business owner and you want more information on joining one of my recovery groups, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

In this episode, I’m joined by Certified Sex Addiction Specialist Dr. Janie Lacy. In this episode, we cover: The difference between a sex addict and a chronic cheater. How the treatment is different for each person depending on why they have been unfaithful. Successful male culture and how women have been objectified How betrayed partners can determine what it means for them if their husband is a chronic cheater rather than a sex addict Dr. Janie Lacy works with professional women who continue to choose emotionally unavailable partners. If you want to explore working with her, you can visit her website here: https://www.janielacy.com/ If you have not yet read my book, I speak to compulsive sexual behavior as a process addiction rather than a sex addiction. My book can be found here on Amazon and the audiobook on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you want more information on joining one of my recovery groups, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

The thought processes that successful men are addicted to are different than those of the general population. High-achieving men have developed many skills that help them in business, but can often make sex addiction recovery a bit more complicated. In this episode, I discuss why sex addiction is often different for successful men, and what they will need to do differently if they plan to achieve long-term recovery and avoid relapse. For many high-achievers, their addiction involves seeking attention, risk, excitement, novelty, superiority, power, control, and feeling wanted or desired. Each of these mental processes will need to be addressed in your sex addiction recovery plan. I talk about this in great detail in my book: “The High-Achievers Guide To Sex Addiction Recovery.” You can find it here, both in paper copy and on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you are a high-achiever, business owner, executive, or entrepreneur and you are looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

Healing your marriage after sexual betrayal is a painful, chaotic, and confusing time for couples. The good news is that there are predictable phases that most couples go through along the road to repair. In this episode, I am joined by Matthey and Joanna Raabsmith. They have developed a model that helps couples heal after betrayal.  Their model follows three phases of healing. Each phase requires a different relational dynamic to facilitate connection, safety, and trust. In this podcast episode, we discuss all three in detail to help couples ensure that they are honoring the nuances of each phase. Sex addiction and healing a marriage post-infidelity can be overwhelming. Having a model that you can reference is often very helpful to ensure that you are doing all you can to recover. If you are interested in joining the Raabsmiths' upcoming couples retreat in October, use this link: https://renewingusretreats.com/ I talk about this in great detail in my book: “The High-Achievers Guide To Sex Addiction Recovery.” You can find it here, both in paper copy and on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you are a high-achiever, business owner, executive, or entrepreneur and you are looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

If you are more than 6 months into your sex addiction recovery, you should listen to this episode. When men first begin their recovery journey, they have no idea what to do or how this happened. So, why would you assume that you have developed the best recovery and sobriety plan? It’s always a good idea to revisit your recovery plan and make sure that it will work. The sex addiction relapse rate is very high. But it doesn't need to be. In this episode, I will talk about how to reexamine your recovery plan and make sure you’re not missing anything that will cause you to relapse down the road. If you have not yet read my book “The High-Achievers Guide To Sex Addiction Recovery”, you can find it here both in paper copy and on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you want more information on joining one of my recovery groups, visit my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

Research shows that people who label themselves as an “addict” recover less quickly. In this episode, Tyler Patrick from The Therapy Brothers Podcast joins me to talk about identity and how it relates to sex addiction and betrayal recovery. The concept of personal Identity is deep and very difficult to comprehend, mostly because you are always operating from a place of identity. It’s like a fish never knowing what water is because they are always surrounded by it. Despite being difficult to understand, if you want to achieve long-term recovery and avoid relapse, you need get an idea of how you see yourself. This concept applies to sex addicts, betrayed partners, and the couple. Listen to this episode, as Tyler and I will help you peel back the layers of this complex onion called identity. For those who want to access the resource that Tyler mentioned in the podcast, use this link: therapybrothers.ORG/successful-addict I discuss the concept of identity in the recovery chapter of my book. You can find my book here on Amazon and the audiobook on Audible: https://a.co/d/0j6eRiQR If you’re a high-achiever, executive, business professional, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group tailored to your unique process addiction, go to my website here: https://successfuladdict.com/

Out of all the things I have seen lead to sex addiction relapse, this is the big one: Men shaming themselves by accident.  I get it… when you have done things you never thought that you would. And when you have hurt your wife in ways that will change her forever. It’s easy to beat yourself up. I know I did. But, we know that shame is the #1 killer in sex addiction recovery. So, we need to be careful HOW we beat ourselves up. In this episode, I talk about how to navigate the balance between remorse and shame. I also talk about self-forgiveness and what you need to be cautious of that may lead you to relapse. You cannot shame someone into changing. And you cannot shame yourself into change. Focus on HOW you allowed this to happen and WHY you compromised your integrity. You will get far more out of recovery this way than focusing on shameful behavior. I talk about shame a lot in my book. The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery: A Proven Blueprint for Successful Professionals to Overcome Sex and Porn Addiction. You can find it here on Amazon and Audible: https://a.co/d/0139OJz5 If you’re a high-achiever, executive, or entrepreneur looking for a recovery group full of like-minded men, visit my website to fill out an application: https://successfuladdict.com/