The Hardcore Therapist 101.5- Why Do I Shut Down or Go Numb in Conflict, Especially With People I Love?

Today on The Hardcore Therapist, I’m joined by the incredible Shoshana “Shana” Pederson — a force in both the legal world and the mental health advocacy space. By day, Shana is the  Senior Manager of eData  Specialized Recruiting, where she brings strategy and heart to hiring in one of the nation’s top law firms. But her story doesn’t stop at corporate success.Shana is also the founder of Life Preservers Project, a nonprofit she started over 15 years ago to support survivors of human trafficking through art, education, and powerful community partnerships. Her mission-driven spirit extends to the trails—literally. She’s an ultrarunner and ambassador  with Bigger Than the Trail, an organization that uses trail running to raise awareness for mental health.

Ever felt yourself go completely blank during an argument? Or noticed you shut down emotionally when conflict comes up with someone you love? You’re not alone. In this episode of The Hardcore Therapist, host Sarah Kuretzky breaks down why we go numb in conflict, how the body’s freeze response works, and why it often shows up most in our closest relationships. Drawing on research from polyvagal theory, real-life examples, and therapeutic strategies, Sarah offers practical tools to help you move from shutdown to connection.If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why do I shut down in conflict?”—this episode is for you.

Today on The Hardcore Therapist,  I’m joined by Reid Chancellor—cartoonist, illustrator, musician, and the author of Hardcore Anxiety, Sad Religion, and Hardcore Happiness. Reid reached out to me, and I’m so glad he did. His work dives deep into the intersections of mental health, punk rock, and personal growth—all told through honest, visually compelling storytelling. Whether he’s unpacking his own journey or highlighting the stories of others in the punk scene, Reid brings vulnerability, insight, and heart to the page. I’m excited to get into this conversation.

Generational trauma runs deep—it shows up in silence, in yelling, in shame, and in secrecy. Even when we swear we’ll parent differently, old patterns have a way of sneaking into how we raise our kids, how we love our partners, and even how we talk to ourselves.In this episode of The Hardcore Therapist, Sarah dives into what it really means to say, “The cycle ends with me.” We’ll break down:What generational trauma actually looks like in everyday lifeWhy we repeat the very patterns we swore we wouldn’tHow to interrupt those cycles and parent with more intention and compassionYou’ll also hear practical tools—like pausing before reacting, re-parenting yourself, and choosing connection over control—that can help shift patterns in powerful ways.This conversation is both heavy and hopeful, reminding us that breaking cycles isn’t about being perfect. It’s about awareness, repair, and grace—for your children and for the child you once were.👉 Reflection question for this episode: What’s one family pattern I want to stop with me?

The Hardcore Therapist welcomes Popeye Vogelsang — the unmistakable voice of Farside, the iconic Orange County melodic hardcore band that helped shape the sound of the '90s punk scene. Known for blending raw emotion with introspective lyrics, Popeye carved out a unique space in hardcore music, setting himself apart from the noise with vulnerability and heart. Now leading Calling Hours, he continues to push musical boundaries while staying rooted in the honesty that’s defined his career. This is a super fun episode!

Sending your child off to college is one of the biggest transitions we face as parents—and it’s not just their new chapter, it’s ours too. In this episode of The Hardcore Therapist, I share my personal perspective on what it feels like to navigate empty nesting while weaving in insights from Mel Robbins, psychologist Guy Winch, Dr. Rachel Glik, and Dr. Janine Furdella.From the first few days of adjustment, to the instinct to rescue, to sitting with the quiet at home, we’ll unpack the grief, the growth, and the possibilities that come with letting go. You’ll hear about the importance of allowing yourself to feel, reframing the experience as a fresh start, and learning to trust your child’s wings—while finding your own again.This conversation is for every parent wrestling with worry, identity shifts, and the bittersweet ache of watching your kid step into independence. Remember—empty nest doesn’t mean empty life. It’s a chance for rediscovery, renewal, and love in a new form.

On this episode of The Hardcore Therapist Podcast, I spoke to Drew Maxey. He is a high school English teacher, comic book writer for DC under the name DrewXdeficit, and frontman for the St. Louis hardcore bands, Good Grief, Like Heaven and Time and Pressure. He’s also straight edge and brings a fierce, thoughtful voice to everything he does—on stage, in the classroom, and on the page.

Have you ever landed a promotion, finished a project, or reached a milestone only to think, “They must have made a mistake…I don’t really deserve this”? That nagging self-doubt is called imposter syndrome, and in this episode of The Hardcore Therapist, I explores why it shows up, how family dynamics and perfectionism feed it, and why high achievers and creatives are especially vulnerable. In this 20-minute conversation, you’ll learn what imposter syndrome really is (and isn’t), how therapy modalities like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Schema Therapy can help reframe those thoughts, and practical tools you can use right away — from keeping a success journal, to naming imposter thoughts, to practicing self-compassion. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Am I really good enough?” this episode will remind you that you are not a fraud, and you are not alone.

Today on The Hardcore Therapist,  I’m sitting down with someone who blends creativity with deep compassion — Alison Mennor AKA FAST ALI. Ali is an accomplished artist and founder of Lost & Found Tattoos, and you may know her from the late '90s/early 2000s New Jersey Hardcore band Fast Times. Alongside her art and music, Ali dedicated her time to providing  nipple tattoos for breast cancer survivors — a powerful way of helping people heal. 

Today, we’re diving into a relationship pattern that so many of my clients — and honestly, me in my past life too — have found themselves stuck in. It’s being with someone who is emotionally unavailable… and somehow finding yourself doing 80% of the work to hold things together while they coast at 20%.Now, if you’ve ever been the one chasing texts, planning dates, initiating deep talks, and being the emotional glue… only to realize they’re just kind of along for the ride… this is going to hit home for you.And here’s the thing — this pattern isn’t just about them. It’s also about why you stay, why you keep over-functioning, and what needs to shift so you don’t get pulled into it again. So today, I’m breaking down the signs of emotional unavailability, why we fall into the 80/20 trap, and what you can start doing differently… starting now