Boys Won’t Be Boys: They’ll Be Who We Help Them Become

In this episode, Toshi spoke with Mistress Sofia, the UK’s oldest dominatrix. Together they had a conversation about what it means to be a dominatrix, how Mistress Sofia got into this work, common misconceptions and what she’s learned in her time being a dominatrix. Check out more of Mistress Sofia here: https://www.mistress-sofia.co.uk/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro  00:47 – Who is Mistress Sofia?  01:20 – What does it mean to be a dominatrix? 02:12 – How did Mistress Sofia get started in this work? 04:05 – Why does Mistress Sofia not use the world ‘client’?  05:03 – How do people serve Mistress Sofia?  06:58 – Is Mistress Sofia a sex worker? 08:48 – “I always ask what their kinks are” 10:06 – Caning is not as simple as it looks 12:16 – For new dominatrixes: learn from Mistress Sofia 13:20 – What does it mean to be dominant? 14:58 – Mistress Sofia on confidence 16:24 – “You cannot do this for the money” 17:23 – What does Mistress Sofia love about her job?  19:13 – What is a lifestyle slave? 20:19 – When did Mistress Sofia realise she was dominant?  21:59 – Mistress Sofia’s message to women 23:14 – How does being 75 impact her work? 24:54 – Is seeing a dominatrix while you’re in a relationship considered cheating?   27:00 – Why seeing a dominatrix can be a kind of therapy  29:30 – Navigating shame 33:07 – Final thoughts 34:58 – Mistress Sofia’s thoughts on findoms 36:16 – Why Mistress Sofia doesn’t work with women 36:44 – Goals for the future 37:59 – Where to find more of Mistress Sofia -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode, Toshi had the opportunity to have a conversation with Will Adolphy, a former manosphere insider turned therapist. Will is a psychotherapist, educator, and speaker specialising in men’s mental health, masculinity, and emotional wellbeing. He leads M-Path, delivering talks and workshops to schools across the UK on masculinity, empathy, and the online world influencing boys. Will also hosts regular online parent + staff sessions for anyone interested in understanding the manosphere and how to approach conversations with boys more deeply.  Find him on Instagram @psychwill. Check out Will’s website here: https://www.willadolphy.com/.  Trigger warning: mention of rape, suicide. In this episode, we discuss:  Will’s story: how he was drawn into the manosphere and why online masculinity influencers attract young men. The scale of the issue: why this content is so widespread and influential. Inside the manosphere: Will’s experience with anti-feminist, anti-woke spaces. Engaging young men: how we can create safer, more open conversations about masculinity. A deeper problem: the manosphere as a symptom of society’s lack of support for men. Recovery steps: from self-empathy to accountability partners and honest dialogue. Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer 01:02 – Who is Will Adolphy? 03:06 – What drew Will to online masculinity influencers and why are they so appealing to young men and boys? 10:07 – How big is this issue?  12:05 – Will's experience of the manosphere 14:51 – How can we engage young men in this conversation? 17:31 – The manosphere isn’t the problem: it’s a symptom of the problem 19:00 – The difficulty of opening up as a man  21:22 – How was Will impacted by this masculinity content?  26:29 – The importance of having empathy for yourself 28:27 – What created the big shift for Will  33:53 – Will's step by step process for recovery 38:08 – How to find an accountability partner 39:45 – The importance of having open conversations 48:44 – What Will would want his younger self to know 53:34 – How do we become men? 58:36 – Conclusion -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this conversation, Daniel Guinness, co-founder and managing director of Beyond Equality, discusses the importance of engaging young boys and men in conversations about gender equality and mental health. He talks about his personal journey into this work, the organisation’s initiatives, and the impact of their programs on the boys and men who participate. Daniel emphasises the need for safe spaces for discussion, the importance of reframing how we see rejection, and advice for men who are trying to make new friends after a move.  TW: mention of self-harm. Check out Beyond Equality here: https://www.beyondequality.org/ Find them on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beyond_equality  Timestamps:  00:00 - Intro 00:56 – Who is Dan Guinness and how did he get started in this space?  08:28 – What does Beyond Equality do and who do they work with?  12:56 – How do boys and men of different ages respond to these conversations? 15:22 – Working with a men's pie-making group 16:47 – Why you can’t do Beyond Equality’s work via powerpoint or podcast 19:06 – How do boys and men feel about Beyond Equality’s workshops? 24:33 – How societal structures prevent us from connecting with others 25:41 – Talking with boys and men who are resistant to these topics 31:26 – Why it’s a good thing to change your mind 32:37 – What has Dan learned from this work? 39:17 – Advice for young men trying to create friends after a move 46:38 – Reframing rejection for men  50:57 – Dan's message to young men – you're not the only one 52:55 – How you can support Beyond Equality -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In today’s episode, we were lucky enough to talk with Christopher Stephens and Louise Radnofsky, authors of ‘The Light of Day: The first man to come out at the dawn of gay liberation.’ This book is the story of the first man to come out voluntarily, using his own name, to the entire British public.  Toshi had a conversation with Christopher and Louise about Roger’s story and why he decided to come out publicly to all of Britain, as well as Christopher’s relationship to Roger. They also discussed why so many stories from gay men during this period have been lost, the similarities between the way that society treated gay and blind people at this time, the importance of intergenerational friendships amongst queer people, and Christopher and Louise’s take on what makes a life important.  Find a copy of the book here: geni.us/TheLightOfDay Follow Christopher here: https://www.instagram.com/cwbstephens/ Check out Louise here: https://www.instagram.com/louiseradnofsky/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer 00:45 – Intro to Christopher and Louise 02:36 – What is the book ‘The Light of Day’ about?  05:35 – Deciding on how these stories would be woven together 08:16 – How have people responded to the book so far?  10:40 – Do you know Raymond Gregson or Robert G. Moorcroft?  12:58 – Why have so many stories from gay men during this time been lost?  15:25 – What was it like for Christopher to read letters from Roger after his death? 18:44 – The similarities between society’s treatment of gay and blind people 21:51 – Intergenerational friendships amongst queer people 27:29 – The special nature of this audiobook 30:52 – Why did Roger Butler decide to come out publicly to all of Britain?  36:13 – Why you should read ‘The Light of Day’ 39:49 – Reflecting on changes in law and society when it comes to homosexuality 43:17 – Where can you find a copy of ‘The Light of Day’?  45:26 – What makes a life important?  48:54 – Conclusion -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today we’re really excited to bring you a conversation with Marco Berger, an Argentinian film-maker, for a conversation about one of his latest works, which is the queer romcom ‘The Astronaut Lovers’.  Together, Tim and Marco discuss why Marco never reads reviews, what it means to follow your dreams, and why he believes cinema is an illusion. They also talk about his next project, his creative process and advice for upcoming filmmakers. Whether you’re a filmmaker yourself, a dreamer, or just curious about queer cinema that challenges norms, this episode is for you. Find more of Marco Berger here: https://www.instagram.com/marcobergercine/?hl=en Explore his films on Mubi: https://mubi.com/en/cast/marco-berger Read about Marco and ‘The Astronaut Lovers’ in The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2025/mar/26/director-marco-berger-interview-queer-romcom-the-astronaut-lovers  Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer and intro 01:41 – What inspired ‘The Astronaut Lovers’? 07:44 – Why Marco doesn't read reviews about his films 14:02 – Why you should always follow your dreams 16:52 – Why the cinema is a lie 21:56 – Can you separate the artist from the art?  23:37 – Marco's next project 27:07 – All about Marco’s creative process  32:24 – Where can you watch ‘The Astronaut Lovers’?  39:51 – Advice for upcoming filmmakers 45:26 – Final thoughts and where you can find Marco -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Jane and Dr Bonnie Comfort explore what makes love last - from managing desire, resentment, and mismatched expectations to unpacking how porn, childhood, and power dynamics shape our relationships. They discuss why falling in love is easy but staying in love takes daily effort, how to navigate conflict with humor, and what a real apology looks like. Plus, we look at the surprising lessons from ‘Babygirl,’ why people watch porn for more than just pleasure, and whether marriages are truly meant to last. Dr. Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner, Douglas Covey, MD.Find out more about Dr. Bonnie at http://bonniecomfort.com. Check out her book, ‘Staying Married is the Hardest Part’: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/staying-married-is-the-hardest-part-bonnie-comfort/1146385315  Timestamps 00:00 – Trailer 00:38 – Why falling in love is easy, but staying in love is a daily practice 05:41 – Can you change your partner? 08:07 - Managing different desires  11:51 - How our expectations of sex and bodies are shaped by porn  16:35 - Why do people watch porn?  18:53 - What ‘Babygirl’ can teach us about sex and relationships 21:24 - How to work through resentment in a relationship 24:15 - How do childhood experiences impact our relationships?  28:46 – Understanding power imbalances in a relationship 32:25 - How do you know if a relationship needs work, or is fundamentally broken? 35:14 - This is the formula for a great apology 37:19 - Recovering from affairs in a relationship 39:46 - Are marriages meant to last?  43:18 – Here's something a therapist wants you to know 44:25 - What Dr Bonnie wishes was included in sex ed 46:42 – Dr Bonnie’s sexiest song  47:20 – Conclusion  -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we had a conversation with Professor Clare McGlynn, a law professor and expert on violence against women and girls, about image-based sexual abuse.  In this episode, we discuss: What image-based sexual abuse is and why you should use this term rather than ‘revenge porn’ Who is impacted by image-based sexual abuse The role of Google and tech platforms in the rise of deepfake sexual abuse Where to seek help if you’re a victim, and what you can do if you’re worried someone might share your nudes Why deepfake detection tools work better on images of men And what you can do as a listener to support this work  Clare McGlynn is a Professor of Law at Durham University in the UK, with expertise in the legal regulation of sexual violence, pornography and online abuse, particularly cyberflashing and image-based sexual abuse (taking, creating and sharing intimate images without consent). She works closely with policy-makers, victim-survivors and the voluntary sector to shape law and policy reforms, as well as with social media and other companies to improve their policies. In 2020, Clare was appointed an Honorary KC (King’s Counsel) in recognition of her work championing women’s equality in the legal profession and shaping new criminal laws on extreme pornography and image-based sexual abuse.  Find more of Professor Clare McGlynn here: https://www.claremcglynn.com/ Find her on social: https://bsky.app/profile/claremcglynn.bsky.socialhttps://www.instagram.com/claremcglynn_/https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-mcglynn-32b898238/Check out the ‘Stop Image Based Abuse’ campaign here: https://www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk/new-campaign-experts-call-for-image-based-abuse-law/ Sign the petition to stop image-based abuse: https://chng.it/dgY7sbkqTP  Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer  00:27 – How Clare McGlynn got into this work 01:50 – Revenge porn vs image-based sexual abuse 03:10 – Who is most at risk? 04:11 – The invisible threat of image-based sexual abuse 06:01 – What laws are in place to protect against this?  08:33 – How tech platforms have contributed to the rise of deepfake sexual abuse 12:10 – The conversations we need to be having with young people 13:55 – About the ‘Stop Image Based Abuse’ campaign 16:33 – What to do if you’re a victim of image-based sexual abuse 18:40 – Why have we been so slow to address this issue? 21:12 – What Clare wants you to understand about image-based sexual abuse 23:27 – Why we should stop calling it ‘deepfake porn’ - and what to say instead 27:00 – Why deepfake detection tech works better on images of men 30:18 – What you can do as a listener to help support this work 31:31 – Positive accomplishments in this work 33:09 – Do this if you’re worried someone might share your nudes 34:59 – Conclusion  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Kate Muir is a women’s health expert and campaigner, documentary maker, and author of ‘How to Have a Magnificent Midlife Crisis’, as well as groundbreaking books on the menopause and the pill. We had a conversation about: Why HRT has such a bad reputation - and why it's actually a wonder drug for womenTips for advocating for your health needs with a doctorVaginal estrogen, and why it's like Chanel for your vulvaAdvice for regaining sexual confidenceWomen and wine (and Kate's personal story)How age bias impacts womenAnd more. The smart guide that every midlife woman needs to read … ‘A midlife crisis is a magnificent moment, and nobody should miss out on it. We need to reframe this time of questioning for a new generation of women who want to revive and thrive for longer. We must reclaim the midlife crisis from madmen with red sports cars - and make the space our own.’  Kate’s investigations into women’s health ‘Everything You Need to Know About the Menopause’ and ‘Everything You Need to Know About the Pill’ are out in paperback. She pitched and produced two award-winning menopause documentaries, ‘Davina McCall: Sex, Myths and the Menopause’ and ‘Sex, Mind and the Menopause’ for Channel 4 current affairs, which ignited a massive menopause conversation in the UK. Her most recent documentary was ‘Pill Revolution’ investigating contraceptive chaos. Kate was chief film critic of The Times for seven years, and is the author of three novels. She is an expert public speaker on women’s health, the menopause and contraception, and an activist for The Menopause Charity.  Find more of Kate here: https://katemuir.co.uk/ Grab a copy of ‘How to Have a Magnificent Midlife Crisis’ which is out TODAY: https://www.simonandschuster.co.uk/books/How-to-Have-a-Magnificent-Midlife-Crisis/Kate-Muir/9781398525504  Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer 00:43 – Who is Kate Muir? 01:32 – Kate’s latest book: ‘How to Have a Magnificent Midlife Crisis’ 05:27 – Why does HRT have such a bad reputation? 08:35 – What you really need to know about HRT and its long-term health impacts 13:30 – Tips for advocating for your needs with a doctor 16:34 – Vaginal estrogen: Chanel for your vulva 21:33 – How to regain sexual confidence 23:04 – Why testosterone is so important for women 26:30 – Digital detox 29:50 – Women and wine 34:47 – How is divorce connected to perimenopause and menopause?  38:09 – How age bias impacts women 43:07 – Kate’s psychedelic adventure 49:56 – Final message  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Toshi had the opportunity to talk with some of the team behind the TikTok account, Sex Ed for Guys. Sex Ed for Guys is a sex ed project by Colby College students researching privilege at elite all-boys schools. Toshi spoke with two Colby students – Christopher and Conor – and Professor Adam Howard, who are all involved in the project.  Together, they had a conversation about: How the project started and who it reaches What their creative process is like, and the research that informs each video What kind of response people have to their content The real-world conversations sparked by the project How Sex Ed for Guys is offering an alternative to the manosphere Adam Howard, Ed.D, is the Charles A. Dana Professor of Education and Chair of the Education Department at Colby College. For over two decades, Howard has researched elite schools around the world, peeling back the layers of how privilege works through their daily practices, relations, structures, and policies. Employing a collaborative approach in most of his major studies, he teams up with privileged young people to make insider’s knowledge of how privilege works within elite schools more evident. Find Sex Ed for Guys on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexedforguys Check out more about the research here: https://privilegedbrotherhoods.org/ Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer 00:59 – Introducing the team behind Sex Ed for Guys 02:41 – What is Sex Ed for Guys?  05:45 – Who is watching Sex Ed for Guys?  07:50 – What kind of response is the team getting to this work?  09:40 – What is the process to creating these videos?  13:13 – The video about female pleasure that got the channel shadowbanned 17:13 – Some favourite videos from the channel 21:52 – How these videos create real life conversations 26:20 – How Sex Ed for Guys is offering an alternative to the manosphere 29:22 – Why Sex Ed for Guys is so accessible for young people 34:06 – Biggest learnings from this project -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Remy Tucker is the founder of On the House, an organisation that is working to ensure that every woman has access to period products. They achieve this by providing free, sustainable sanitary pads, funded through their unique advertising model.   Remy leads On the House with a deep commitment to women's health and marketing innovation. As a former midwife, she has firsthand experience with the challenges women face in accessing essential menstrual products. This understanding sparked her desire to find a sustainable solution that would make these products available at no cost.  On the House combines Remy's healthcare background with her marketing expertise to create a unique business model. By integrating advertising directly onto the product packaging, On the House provides free menstrual products while generating revenue. This innovative approach does more than solve a problem—it transforms the way solutions are delivered.  Driven by a genuine passion to make a difference, Remy is dedicated to empowering women through accessible healthcare solutions. On the House is not just a business; it’s a reflection of her commitment to positive change, providing essential products one box at a time.  Check out On the House here: https://onthehousegroup.com/  Together, we spoke about: What On the House is and how free pads are funded through ads Why Remy started On the House Why taking free period products helps everyone How the system actually works – and where you’ll be able to find these period products How you can support Remy’s mission and help end period poverty  Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer 00:25 – What is On the House? 01:08 – What motivated Remy to create On the House? 05:29 – Remy’s advice for anyone wanting to start a business 07:17 – How On the House donates to charity – while giving away free period products 09:29 – What kind of products are On the House offering? 10:45 – How does the system actually work?  12:51 – Why you should take free period products, even if you can afford them 14:15 – What kinds of brands are supporting On the House? 16:58 – Remy’s biggest challenges so far 19:52 – When and where is On the House launching? 21:24 – What are some of Remy’s biggest wins so far? 23:27 – What you can do to support On the House 25:06 – Who does period poverty impact? 28:28 – Remy’s final message to listeners 29:23 – What other businesses have used this model before? 31:56 - Conclusion -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.