Are Marriages Meant to Last? An Expert Weighs In

In this episode, Jane and Dr Bonnie Comfort explore what makes love last - from managing desire, resentment, and mismatched expectations to unpacking how porn, childhood, and power dynamics shape our relationships. They discuss why falling in love is easy but staying in love takes daily effort, how to navigate conflict with humor, and what a real apology looks like. Plus, we look at the surprising lessons from ‘Babygirl,’ why people watch porn for more than just pleasure, and whether marriages are truly meant to last. Dr. Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner, Douglas Covey, MD.Find out more about Dr. Bonnie at http://bonniecomfort.com. Check out her book, ‘Staying Married is the Hardest Part’: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/staying-married-is-the-hardest-part-bonnie-comfort/1146385315  Timestamps 00:00 – Trailer 00:38 – Why falling in love is easy, but staying in love is a daily practice 05:41 – Can you change your partner? 08:07 - Managing different desires  11:51 - How our expectations of sex and bodies are shaped by porn  16:35 - Why do people watch porn?  18:53 - What ‘Babygirl’ can teach us about sex and relationships 21:24 - How to work through resentment in a relationship 24:15 - How do childhood experiences impact our relationships?  28:46 – Understanding power imbalances in a relationship 32:25 - How do you know if a relationship needs work, or is fundamentally broken? 35:14 - This is the formula for a great apology 37:19 - Recovering from affairs in a relationship 39:46 - Are marriages meant to last?  43:18 – Here's something a therapist wants you to know 44:25 - What Dr Bonnie wishes was included in sex ed 46:42 – Dr Bonnie’s sexiest song  47:20 – Conclusion  -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, we had a conversation with Professor Clare McGlynn, a law professor and expert on violence against women and girls, about image-based sexual abuse.  In this episode, we discuss: What image-based sexual abuse is and why you should use this term rather than ‘revenge porn’ Who is impacted by image-based sexual abuse The role of Google and tech platforms in the rise of deepfake sexual abuse Where to seek help if you’re a victim, and what you can do if you’re worried someone might share your nudes Why deepfake detection tools work better on images of men And what you can do as a listener to support this work  Clare McGlynn is a Professor of Law at Durham University in the UK, with expertise in the legal regulation of sexual violence, pornography and online abuse, particularly cyberflashing and image-based sexual abuse (taking, creating and sharing intimate images without consent). She works closely with policy-makers, victim-survivors and the voluntary sector to shape law and policy reforms, as well as with social media and other companies to improve their policies. In 2020, Clare was appointed an Honorary KC (King’s Counsel) in recognition of her work championing women’s equality in the legal profession and shaping new criminal laws on extreme pornography and image-based sexual abuse.  Find more of Professor Clare McGlynn here: https://www.claremcglynn.com/ Find her on social: https://bsky.app/profile/claremcglynn.bsky.socialhttps://www.instagram.com/claremcglynn_/https://www.linkedin.com/in/clare-mcglynn-32b898238/Check out the ‘Stop Image Based Abuse’ campaign here: https://www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk/new-campaign-experts-call-for-image-based-abuse-law/ Sign the petition to stop image-based abuse: https://chng.it/dgY7sbkqTP  Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer  00:27 – How Clare McGlynn got into this work 01:50 – Revenge porn vs image-based sexual abuse 03:10 – Who is most at risk? 04:11 – The invisible threat of image-based sexual abuse 06:01 – What laws are in place to protect against this?  08:33 – How tech platforms have contributed to the rise of deepfake sexual abuse 12:10 – The conversations we need to be having with young people 13:55 – About the ‘Stop Image Based Abuse’ campaign 16:33 – What to do if you’re a victim of image-based sexual abuse 18:40 – Why have we been so slow to address this issue? 21:12 – What Clare wants you to understand about image-based sexual abuse 23:27 – Why we should stop calling it ‘deepfake porn’ - and what to say instead 27:00 – Why deepfake detection tech works better on images of men 30:18 – What you can do as a listener to help support this work 31:31 – Positive accomplishments in this work 33:09 – Do this if you’re worried someone might share your nudes 34:59 – Conclusion  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Kate Muir is a women’s health expert and campaigner, documentary maker, and author of ‘How to Have a Magnificent Midlife Crisis’, as well as groundbreaking books on the menopause and the pill. We had a conversation about: Why HRT has such a bad reputation - and why it's actually a wonder drug for womenTips for advocating for your health needs with a doctorVaginal estrogen, and why it's like Chanel for your vulvaAdvice for regaining sexual confidenceWomen and wine (and Kate's personal story)How age bias impacts womenAnd more. The smart guide that every midlife woman needs to read … ‘A midlife crisis is a magnificent moment, and nobody should miss out on it. We need to reframe this time of questioning for a new generation of women who want to revive and thrive for longer. We must reclaim the midlife crisis from madmen with red sports cars - and make the space our own.’  Kate’s investigations into women’s health ‘Everything You Need to Know About the Menopause’ and ‘Everything You Need to Know About the Pill’ are out in paperback. She pitched and produced two award-winning menopause documentaries, ‘Davina McCall: Sex, Myths and the Menopause’ and ‘Sex, Mind and the Menopause’ for Channel 4 current affairs, which ignited a massive menopause conversation in the UK. Her most recent documentary was ‘Pill Revolution’ investigating contraceptive chaos. Kate was chief film critic of The Times for seven years, and is the author of three novels. She is an expert public speaker on women’s health, the menopause and contraception, and an activist for The Menopause Charity.  Find more of Kate here: https://katemuir.co.uk/ Grab a copy of ‘How to Have a Magnificent Midlife Crisis’ which is out TODAY: https://www.simonandschuster.co.uk/books/How-to-Have-a-Magnificent-Midlife-Crisis/Kate-Muir/9781398525504  Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer 00:43 – Who is Kate Muir? 01:32 – Kate’s latest book: ‘How to Have a Magnificent Midlife Crisis’ 05:27 – Why does HRT have such a bad reputation? 08:35 – What you really need to know about HRT and its long-term health impacts 13:30 – Tips for advocating for your needs with a doctor 16:34 – Vaginal estrogen: Chanel for your vulva 21:33 – How to regain sexual confidence 23:04 – Why testosterone is so important for women 26:30 – Digital detox 29:50 – Women and wine 34:47 – How is divorce connected to perimenopause and menopause?  38:09 – How age bias impacts women 43:07 – Kate’s psychedelic adventure 49:56 – Final message  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Toshi had the opportunity to talk with some of the team behind the TikTok account, Sex Ed for Guys. Sex Ed for Guys is a sex ed project by Colby College students researching privilege at elite all-boys schools. Toshi spoke with two Colby students – Christopher and Conor – and Professor Adam Howard, who are all involved in the project.  Together, they had a conversation about: How the project started and who it reaches What their creative process is like, and the research that informs each video What kind of response people have to their content The real-world conversations sparked by the project How Sex Ed for Guys is offering an alternative to the manosphere Adam Howard, Ed.D, is the Charles A. Dana Professor of Education and Chair of the Education Department at Colby College. For over two decades, Howard has researched elite schools around the world, peeling back the layers of how privilege works through their daily practices, relations, structures, and policies. Employing a collaborative approach in most of his major studies, he teams up with privileged young people to make insider’s knowledge of how privilege works within elite schools more evident. Find Sex Ed for Guys on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@sexedforguys Check out more about the research here: https://privilegedbrotherhoods.org/ Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer 00:59 – Introducing the team behind Sex Ed for Guys 02:41 – What is Sex Ed for Guys?  05:45 – Who is watching Sex Ed for Guys?  07:50 – What kind of response is the team getting to this work?  09:40 – What is the process to creating these videos?  13:13 – The video about female pleasure that got the channel shadowbanned 17:13 – Some favourite videos from the channel 21:52 – How these videos create real life conversations 26:20 – How Sex Ed for Guys is offering an alternative to the manosphere 29:22 – Why Sex Ed for Guys is so accessible for young people 34:06 – Biggest learnings from this project -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Remy Tucker is the founder of On the House, an organisation that is working to ensure that every woman has access to period products. They achieve this by providing free, sustainable sanitary pads, funded through their unique advertising model.   Remy leads On the House with a deep commitment to women's health and marketing innovation. As a former midwife, she has firsthand experience with the challenges women face in accessing essential menstrual products. This understanding sparked her desire to find a sustainable solution that would make these products available at no cost.  On the House combines Remy's healthcare background with her marketing expertise to create a unique business model. By integrating advertising directly onto the product packaging, On the House provides free menstrual products while generating revenue. This innovative approach does more than solve a problem—it transforms the way solutions are delivered.  Driven by a genuine passion to make a difference, Remy is dedicated to empowering women through accessible healthcare solutions. On the House is not just a business; it’s a reflection of her commitment to positive change, providing essential products one box at a time.  Check out On the House here: https://onthehousegroup.com/  Together, we spoke about: What On the House is and how free pads are funded through ads Why Remy started On the House Why taking free period products helps everyone How the system actually works – and where you’ll be able to find these period products How you can support Remy’s mission and help end period poverty  Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer 00:25 – What is On the House? 01:08 – What motivated Remy to create On the House? 05:29 – Remy’s advice for anyone wanting to start a business 07:17 – How On the House donates to charity – while giving away free period products 09:29 – What kind of products are On the House offering? 10:45 – How does the system actually work?  12:51 – Why you should take free period products, even if you can afford them 14:15 – What kinds of brands are supporting On the House? 16:58 – Remy’s biggest challenges so far 19:52 – When and where is On the House launching? 21:24 – What are some of Remy’s biggest wins so far? 23:27 – What you can do to support On the House 25:06 – Who does period poverty impact? 28:28 – Remy’s final message to listeners 29:23 – What other businesses have used this model before? 31:56 - Conclusion -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode is about child sexual abuse and covers subjects which might be seriously distressing for some listeners. Please use your discretion. In this episode, Tim spoke with Jayneen Sanders about body safety education. Jayneen Sanders (aka Jay Dale) is an experienced author, publisher, elementary school teacher, mother of three and an active advocate for Body Safety, Gender Equality and Respectful Relationship Education being taught both in homes and in schools. She is also lead author of Engage Literacy published by Capstone Classroom, and has had published over 130 stories for children. Jayneen feels passionately that we can do so much more to keep our children safe by teaching them age-appropriate and empowering prevention education. Jayneen is a strong public advocate for children’s safety, education and empowerment.  You can follow her on social media channels to access important news, development and resources. In this episode, we cover:  Why teaching kids about body autonomy and consent from an early age is essential Why you shouldn’t tell your children to keep secrets – and what to say instead How to identify signs of grooming Protective strategies to keep your kids safe from groomers The role parents and caregivers play in preventing abuse through open, ongoing conversations Practical tips for starting body safety conversations  Check out Jayneen’s books here: https://e2epublishing.info/en-uk Download her free body safety posters here: https://e2epublishing.info/en-uk/collections/posters/Body-Safety+Consent Find Jayneen on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jayneensandersauthor?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== Timestamps:  00:00 – Trigger warning 00:19 – Trailer 00:47 – Who is Jayneen Sanders and how did she get involved in this work? 08:08 – The role of parents in teaching kids body safety education  10:29 – How have attitudes towards this topic changed over time? 14:27 – What is a groomer, and how can you spot one?  19:30 – How body safety education prevents abuse 24:22 – Why parents need to stop using the word “secret” - and what to use instead 27:38 – How does pornography and tech impact children? 30:15 – Which children are most at risk of sexual abuse?  34:21 – How conversations can help prevent abuse 36:43 – Top tips for having the body safety talks with kids 40:39 – What kind of topics do Jayneen’s other books cover? 45:25 – Where can you find Jayneen’s books and free resources?  46:54 – Jayneen’s final message to parents 48:15 – Outro -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy. For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

TRIGGER WARNING:  This episode is about child sexual abuse and covers subjects which might be seriously distressing for some listeners, including mention of suicide, sexual assault, child sexual abuse material and torture. Please use your discretion. If you are in any need of help or support, please contact one of your country’s sexual abuse support organisations – they are there for you.    We are dedicating our 100th episode to the work of the phenomenal Michael Sheath. We had a really important conversation with Michael that – amongst other things – covered the need to call out the relationship of online pornography with sexual offending.   Since 1987, Michael has been dedicated to working with child sexual abuse offenders, beginning his journey as a probation officer and later becoming the Principal Practitioner at The Lucy Faithfull Foundation – a charity devoted to preventing child sexual abuse. His critically acclaimed work with male survivors of sexual abuse at HMP Blakenhurst earned him the prestigious Butler Trust Award in 1997.   Michael’s passion for understanding people's stories has resulted in a powerful and significant book, a collection of five theatrical monologues that delves into the human impacts of child sexual abuse, trauma, and the often-overlooked effects on secondary victims like the families of offenders. All these narratives are told from the perspective of those directly affected. Michael's own story is pretty compelling. In this episode, you'll hear from him about his very impactful work in a profound conversation that shines a light on this ever-critical issue.  In this episode, we cover:  Michael Sheath’s journey into working with child sexual abuse offenders The difference between contact offenders and online/download offenders How pornography shapes harmful sexual behaviours The link between online pornography and child sexual abuse How sex offenders feel about their behaviour The psychological impact of this work on professionals – and how they deal with it Michael’s book, ‘Crossing the Line’ Buy Michael's book from Amazon UK, or get it direct from the publisher here.All proceeds will go towards Children Heard and Seen, a charity which supports children with a parent in prison.  Timestamps:  00:00 – Trigger warning and intro 01:37 – How Michael Sheath got involved in this work 07:55 – What's the difference between a ‘contact offender’ and a ‘downloader/online offender’? 16:54 – The influence of pornography on young people’s sexual behaviours 20:01 – How legal porn sites suggest problematic content, and why that’s an issue 25:39 – The role of porn in child sexual abuse 31:16 – Why people use porn and how these sites keep you hooked  34:12 – How do some sex offenders feel about their behaviour? 37:32 – Navigating the consequences of being a child sexual offender 39:17 – How do sex offenders feel towards the victims?  45:24 – How Michael manages his mental health working in this industry 50:00 – About Michael’s book, ‘Crossing the Line’ 54:20 – We need sex education that’s not pornography 55:20 – What’s next for Michael Sheath?  57:07 – Conclusion  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode, Toshi spoke with sociologist Dr. Amy Blackstone about the childfree choice. Amy is a childfree woman who wrote the book, ‘Childfree by Choice: The Movement Redefining Family & Creating a New Age of Independence,’ which explores the history and growing movement of adults choosing to forgo parenthood. Amy has shared her research on the childfree choice in The Atlantic, Washington Post, Huffington Post, on the Katie show, and other venues. Amy’s teaching and research interests include the sociology of gender, work, food, families, and healthcare. She has served as a consultant on workplace sexual harassment cases, and her research on this topic has been cited in the New York Times, USA Today, BuzzFeed, TIME, NBC News, and other outlets. She is passionate about food and has taught the Sociology of Food at UMaine and in Italy. In this episode, we cover:  Dr Blackstone’s personal journey to being childfree What the science says about ‘maternal instinct’ How gender impacts the experience of being childfree Some of the reasons people decide to be childfree How childfree individuals contribute to future generations in ways beyond parenting Find Dr. Amy Blackstone at her website: https://www.amyblackstonephd.com/ Grab a copy of ‘Childfree by Choice’: https://www.amyblackstonephd.com/childfreebychoice Listen to her podcast, ‘Nevertheless, Persisting’: https://www.amyblackstonephd.com/neverthelesspersisting  Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer 00:34 – Intro  00:58 – Did Dr Blackstone always know she wanted to be childfree? 06:28 – Does science support the idea of ‘maternal instinct’?  08:54 – What's the difference between being ‘childfree’ and ‘childless’? 13:44 – How do men and women experience being childfree differently? 17:13 – Why do people decide to be childfree? 20:01 – How childfree people shape future generations 26:28 – How have people’s attitudes towards being childfree changed over time? 29:05 – Pros and cons of being childfree 34:55 – Do childfree people regret their choices? 40:35 – What should young people know about being childfree? 44:33 – Dr Blackstone’s final message for listeners 45:42 – Where to find Dr Blackstone and her work -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

TW: mention of suicide in this episode.  This week, Tim had a conversation with social scientist Dr Julie Carpenter, where they explored emotional attachments to AI and the future of human-AI relationships.  Dr. Julie Carpenter is an award-winning researcher in the field of human-technology interaction whose work investigates the dynamic interplay between technology and human identity, social relationships, and connection.  Her recent book, The Naked Android: Synthetic Socialness and the Human Gaze, explores the narratives people construct about AI and robots, their expectations of robotic behaviour, and how these cultural beliefs influence the design and use of real-world robots. She is a Research Fellow in the Ethics + Emerging Sciences Group, a non-partisan organization dedicated to examining the ethical, social, and risk implications of emerging technologies. In this episode, we cover:  How our emotional attachments to pets can help us understand the way we might bond with AI  The difference between AI and robotics  Real-world examples of how people have formed emotional attachments to military robots The ethical concerns surrounding human-AI relationships How our perspective of different brands can impact how we use AI What people are looking for when it comes to intimate AI relationships And Dr Carpenter’s thoughts on the future of AI Find Dr Julie Carpenter here:  Website: jgcarpenter.com Bluesky: @jgcarpenter Mastodon: https://fediscience.org/@jgcarpenter Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer 00:55 – Who is Dr Julie Carpenter? 08:13 – How we form emotional attachments with pets, and how this relates to AI  11:36 – What is the difference between AI and robotics?  15:58 – Stories of emotional attachment to military robots 25:14 – A short message from Sex in Space 25:27 – Dr Carpenter’s thoughts on human-AI relationships 29:49 – How brand association changes the way we use AI 31:39 – What are the risks when it comes to using AI?  35:21 – Ethical considerations of AI relationships 45:41 – What are people looking for with intimate AI relationships?  49:27 – Exploring consent when it comes to AI  55:01 – Is Dr Carpenter optimistic about the future of AI?  -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week’s episode of the podcast, Dr. Jane Cherrington spoke with Cindy Gallop about MakeLoveNotPorn Academy. Cindy has 35 years of experience in brand building, marketing and advertising, and in 2009 at TED, launched MakeLoveNotPorn.tv – ‘Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.’ Since then, she’s turned MLNP into the world’s first human-curated, user-generated social sex video sharing platform, socialising sex to promote consent, good sexual values and behaviour.  MakeLoveNotPorn Academy, the subject of today's episode, is an aggregator hub for the best of the world's sex education content all in one place, searchable by age appropriateness, cultural sensibility, and personal comfort level. The Academy's goal is to be a platform and directory for all the brilliant sex educators currently blocked, censored and de-platformed everywhere, to make their work more accessible to parents, teachers, children, young people, everyone. The Academy will be 100% human-curated: human eyes will vet every piece of content pre-publishing to ensure it's safe, educational, non-judgemental and fact-based.  In this episode, we cover:  What MakeLoveNotPorn Academy is Why this platform is so important Who it’s for (parents, kids, adults, teachers)  What resources you’ll be able to access on MakeLoveNot PornAcademy How sex educators will be able to use the platform How MLNP will make money What you can do to contribute towards this project Find Cindy Gallop here: https://cindygallop.com/ Check out MLNP Academy: https://www.mlnp.academy/ Find the email template for Masterclass here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1hSJQb8LXtZvKYQ29kk-Jv5IrHt5merfqn6RQvCNbTsE/edit?usp=sharing Timestamps:  00:00 – Intro  01:43 – What is MakeLoveNotPorn Academy?  09:22 – What are the criteria for educators on MLNP Academy? 12:44 – How sex educators will be able to use the platform 16:30 – Who is sponsoring this project?  19:38 – Why MakeLoveNotPorn is such a great name 23:59 – It’s about the people who get it  26:36 – How much money does MLNP Academy need to raise?  29:51 – How will MLNP Academy make money?  32:58 – Cocomelon for sex ed 34:05 – Agents of Ishq 35:20 – What can you do to help? 36:49 – Help us get Cindy Gallop on Masterclass  38:18 – MLNP operates in the market of human happiness  40:33 – An quick note from Sex in Space 40:49 – Outro -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.