How to End a Song (or Not): Slam Cores, Crust Punks & Bendy Phones

What do Björk, crust punks, and shattered phone screens have in common? Not a lot, unless you're listening to this week’s Beat Motel episode, where Andrew is rejoined by Sam for a gloriously unhinged chat on how songs end... or don’t.We spend a solid half hour rambling before even mentioning the episode’s topic. But who needs structure when you’ve got riffs of the week ranging from crunchy sludge to grindcore bands sampling podcast clips (shoutout Hello Kitty Funland), a philosophical debate on crust punk fashion, and the inevitable descent into chat about Lord of the Rings accents, bending phones, and old dudes getting emotional about The Charlatans?We do eventually talk endings—codas, fade-outs, orgasmic musical climaxes (sorry mum), and tracks that just yeet themselves into oblivion like Sabbath’s "War Pigs." You’ll hear tracks that end with a question mark, songs that smash themselves to bits with piano noise, and at least one that leaves you wondering if the studio engineer fell asleep on the desk.In this episode:Why Björk is the queen of the chaos outroWhat Led Zeppelin got right with “Achilles’ Last Stand”A crash course in Blackened Crust™Whether anyone actually needs a folding phoneWhy crust punks are just vegans with patches and traumaHow The Clash nailed the fade-out (and birth control lyrics)Oh, and we manage to wind up fans of Pantera and Dave Mustaine in one go. You’re welcome.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Slither - Master of Suspense (2.26)#### Andrew's Riff- Hello Kitty Fun land preview### Dr Sam's track choices1. Bjork - Crystalline (4.00)2. ZU - Ostia (4.25)3. Descendents - Clean Sheets (2.43) 4. The Clash - Rudie Can't Fail (2.46)### Andrew's track choices1. Led Zeppelin - Achilles Last Stand (9:20)2. Television - Prove It (4:30)3. Black Sabbath - War Pigs (7:25)4. The Charlatans - [No One] Not Even The Rain (3:54)Email us - [email protected]

Clip shows suck, don't they? But hey, what you're going to do? This is a clip show. In this so-called episode (which is mostly filler), Andrew Culture looks back at some of the people who have been guest hosts over the past year.

The Influence of the Velvet Undergroundwith special guest Dave Lennon (Lost in the Groove Podcast)What happens when two podcast hosts—one from sunny Florida, the other from soggy Suffolk—sit down to worship at the altar of The Velvet Underground? Absolute chaos, that’s what.In this episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by Dave Lennon from Lost in the Groove to unravel the weird, wonderful, and often dysfunctional legacy of Lou Reed and co. Expect deep dives into the genius of John Cale, Nico’s awkward-but-iconic vocals, and why Mo Tucker deserved better.Along the way, we also offend Replacements fans, ponder what David Bowie talked about while curling one out, and discuss how Arctic Monkeys gave a pension to a punk poet. There’s also a band called Prolapse. Yes, really.If you’re a Velvet Underground hater, stay tuned. You might just learn something… or at least laugh at our expense.Featuring:Nico’s German glamour and tragic misdiagnosisJohn Cale’s Welsh wizardryLou Reed: songwriting genius or professional nightmare?How VU inspired noise rock, punk, and half of Andrew’s record collectionBands that owe everything to VU (but won't admit it)Why the Jesus & Mary Chain sound like a hangover in churchShoutouts to Prolapse, Arctic Monkeys, Spacemen 3, and moreThis is the most passionate episode we’ve done about a band, It’s chaos. It's love. It's The Velvet Underground.### Riffs of the week#### Dave Lennon's Riff- Harry Nilsson - Without You (2:06)#### Andrew's Riff- Pijn - Our endless hours (5:23)### Dave Lennon's track choices1. The Velvet Underground - Sweet Jane (2:29)2. The Velvet Underground - Tomorrow's Parties (2:49)3. The Velvet Underground - Sunday Morning (opening)4. The Velvet Underground - Run Run (3:36)### Andrew's track choices1. Spacemen 3 - Come down easy (2:39)2. The Jesus and Mary Chain - Snakedriver (opening)3. The Arctic Monkeys - Cornerstone (1:23)4. Prolapse - Flex (9:11)Email us - [email protected]

Ever found yourself at a gig, three beers deep, staring at a merch table and wondering why the hell a band is selling a manhole cover? Well, Andrew Laws and Dr Sam (aka Dr Roid Rage) have. This week, they dive headfirst into the bizarre, impractical, and sometimes downright offensive world of band merchandise.From Misfits flogging literally anything with a skull on it (including Tiki mugs, because obviously) to Norwegian punk bands financing entire albums with municipal infrastructure, this episode is a deep dive into capitalism gone feral.Also covered:The accidental genius of John Shuttleworth’s wooden spoonsIron Maiden’s questionable first attempt at beerThe existential tragedy of crust punks taking themselves too seriouslyWhether Kiss will one day sell branded oxygen for their aging fansWolves in the Throne Room and their "merch" table full of sticksStrap in for tales of merch regret, punk rock nonsense, and Andrew nearly wetting himself by the end of the episode.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- clipping. - Dominator (opening)#### Andrew's Riff- Trelldom - The voice that whispers (2:50)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Sick of it All - America (1.10)2. Misfits - Forbidden Zone (opening)3. Minutemen - Shit From an Old Notebook (0.30)4. The Dogs - Melt (1.00)### Andrew's track choices1. Red Flag 77 - How Low (0:10)2. John Shuttleworth - Two Margarines (0:20)3. The Brand New Heavies - People Get Ready (0:50)4. Wolves in the Throne Room - Born from the serpents eye (3:20)Email us - [email protected]

What music will we love when we’re old and decrepit? Will we swap death metal for classical funeral masses, or will we just keep playing Rush until it finally makes sense? In this episode, Andrew Laws and Dr. Sam (aka Salmonella) explore how our musical tastes might evolve (or decay) as we age.🎵 Featuring riffs from:Mozart (because funeral music is just evil classical metal)Rush (because we might be patient enough for them someday)Louis Armstrong (because soft landings are needed as life gets harder)Pigface (because industrial chaos never dies)Marvin Gaye (because funk basslines are eternal)🔥 Other highlights include:The ultimate testicle-based weather forecasting systemDo metalheads realise their music is ridiculous?How to lose YouTube subscribers by mentioning PanteraThe unhinged genius of John Shuttleworth🖕 Angry metal bros, leave your hate comments below!WATCH MORE BEAT MOTEL PODCAST EPISODES:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWvEIcKhJxA&list=PLwnzX0gT6IrcZqrF2Xslb19NiBRgd9rj9🔔 SUBSCRIBE for more music nonsense every week!### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- ODDLY - Alligator (opening)#### Andrew's Riff- John Shuttleworth - One Cup of Tea is Never Enough (But 2 is 1 Too Many!) - (1:03)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Mozart - Requiem in D Minor (0.11)2. Louis Armstrong - A Kiss to Build a Dream On (1.05)3. Pigface - The Bushmaster (0.30)4. Living Gate - To Cut Off the Head of the Snake (0.34)### Andrew's track choices1. Rush - La Villa Strangiato (6:11)2. Gustav Holst - Mars (1:05)3. John Hopkins - Welcome (opening)4. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On (opening)Email us - [email protected] Armstrong - A Kiss to Build a Dream On https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT49gOujQGI)

Welcome to Beat Motel Podcast - Episode 121, where Andrew Laws and Dr Sam set fire to good taste and dance around the ashes.🔊 This week:Cottage cheese: culinary delight or bin juice?Does coughing make you think of Black Sabbath?The Wu-Tang Clan’s Ipswich connection (it’s real, honest).Melvins live: genius or just the same riff over and over?The ultimate metal gateway band—is it The Sword or are we just lazy?Techno vs. Free Jazz: the never-ending war rages on.Why SpongeBob might be the most important rock educator of our time.Venetian Snares: music or a migraine factory?Also, Andrew finally gets round to telling people about his new YouTube video series featuring noise gigs, angry synths, and, er… prosthetic man-parts.🔥 Listen now, argue later!### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Laibach - Fedayeen (1.20)#### Andrew's Riff- Havukruunu: Laulunhenki (5:39)### Dr Sam's track choices1. SpongeBob - Goofy Goober Rock (1.04)2. Naked City - Demon Sanctuary (0.09)3. Sepultura - Territory (0.52)4. Jose Afonso - Cantar Alentejano (0.30)### Andrew's track choices1. Jeff Mills - The Bells (1:03)2. The Sword - Freya (opening)3. The Vince Guaraldi Trio - Linus and Lucy (0:33)4. Venetian Snares - Hajnal (3:26)Email us - [email protected] review https://www.angrymetalguy.com/havukruunu-tavastland-review/Bert Jansch - Avocet - https://tidal.com/browse/album/273477322?u

Ever looked at your old gig T-shirts and thought, "What was I on?" Well, we have, and in this episode, Andrew and his co-host, Dr. Sam, take a long, hard look at the bands and genres they once adored but now make them cringe (or at least yawn).We start strong with Andrew explaining how Jackie Chan's autobiography is more important than socialism, followed by a deep philosophical debate about whether public transport seats and kids' clothes share the same stain-hiding technology.Then, it's time for Riff of the Week, featuring Vulture Feather, leading to complaints about modern albums being allergic to variety. From there, it's straight into the theme—genres and bands we've grown out of—which turns into an old-man rant-fest about ska-punk, pop-punk, groove metal, and the perils of a one-trick-pony approach to music.Expect: A loving takedown of Reel Big Fish, Pantera, and Choking Victim A moment of nostalgia that almost redeems the ska-punk era Why Andrew's bookshelf once betrayed him on a Zoom call A touching farewell to Kyuss, who were just a gateway drug to Black Sabbath The reason Phil Anselmo’s questionable politics make Pantera even harder to revisit Weekend at Bernie's: The Pantera Tour EditionAs always, we go wildly off-topic, including a passionate discussion about AI eating your data, how ska bassists should be paid double, and why people walking around with their hands in their trousers need to get a grip (literally).Then Andrew slams the door on the episode mid-sentence, leaving Dr. Sam confused but not surprised.Give it a listen. If you disagree, go start your own damn podcast.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Vulture Feather - Blood Knot (0.46)#### Andrew's Riff- Shels - Journey to the plains (5:35)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Reel Big Fish - She's Famous Now (opening)2. Chocking Victim - 500 Channels (1.45)3. Pantera - 13 Steps to Nowhere (0.30)4. Whores - Participation Trophy (0.50)### Andrew's track choices1. The Inspiral Carpets - Gimmie Shelter - Peel Session version (2:49)2. No Use For a Name - Inside (1:29)3. Kyuss - Un Sandpiper (0:18)4. Saosin - I can tell there was an accident here earlier (1:26)Email us - [email protected]

This week, Andrew is joined once again by the ever-ready, ever-fit Oli—because let’s be honest, he’s always on standby when the usual suspects drop the ball. Together, they take a deep dive into crate digging, both in the literal sense of flicking through dusty vinyl sleeves and in the modern-day algorithm-fueled digital rabbit hole of obscure musical discoveries.🔹 Riff of the Week: Oli brings us Desire by 18 Carat Affair, a vaporwave banger dripping in sleaze. Andrew, in a shocking plot twist, finally starts appreciating The Cure, despite years of resistance.🔹 Crate Digging Finds: From the fuzzed-out depths of Small Faces’ Ogden’s Nut Gone Flake to the sonic hurricane that is The Angelic Process, this episode covers everything from shoegaze classics to the smugly brilliant chord progressions of Teenage Fanclub.🔹 Music Industry Rants: Ticketmaster's daylight robbery, Oasis' £400 nostalgia tax, and the mind-melting economics of reunion tours—Andrew and Oli take no prisoners.🔹 Strange Reminiscences: MySpace, misremembered band lineups, and the utterly baffling discovery that someone thought inflatable Keith Flint dolls were a solid marketing idea.All this, plus a heartfelt plea for Oli to finally give Marquee Moon the respect it deserves. Will he commit? Tune in to find out!### Riffs of the week#### OIi's Riff- 18 Carat Affair - Desire (opening)#### Andrew's Riff- The Cure - Alone (3:01)### Oli's track choices1. Jeniferever - Opposites Attract: 5:30 - 6:002. The Angelic Process - The Resonance of Goodbye: 1:04 - 1:303. Hrvatski -Vatstep DSP: 0:56 - 1:264. Lee Gamble - Emu: 0:00 - 0:30### Andrew's track choices1. The Small Faces - I've got mine (opening)2. Chapterhouse - Then we'll rise (opening)3. Teenage Fanclub - Don's gone Columbia (0:58)4. Television - Marquee Moon (7:19)Library music https://youtu.be/KoUmNiq-vcg?si=hLUlhnLvnbCMyc-B

This week, Andrew and Sam dive into the sheer agony behind some of music’s most infamous recordings. From bandmates quitting mid-session to entire studios being demolished, these albums came at a heavy price.In this episode:Pranking housemates with terrifyingly coloured bodily fluids – because why not?Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours – an album powered by divorce, cocaine, and spite.My Bloody Valentine’s Loveless – two years, 19 studios, and a label nearly going bankrupt.The Rolling Stones running from taxes – did Exile on Main St. indirectly cause the Falklands War?Laura Jane Grace and Against Me!’s studio struggles – when your band falls apart mid-recording.Ska bands aging while their fans don’t – a real existential crisis.Music, pranks, politics, and a deep appreciation for bands that suffered for their art.### Riffs of the week#### Dr Sam's Riff- Laura Jane Grace - Your Dick (God's Dick) (opening) #### Andrew's Riff- White Ward - Leviathan (8:30)### Dr Sam's track choices1. Against Me - Black Me Out (0.34)2. Streetlight Manifesto - The Littlest Things (0.29)3. The Clash - We are the Clash (0.30)4. Capdown - Blood, Sweat and Fears (0.30)### Andrew's track choices5. My Bloody Valentine - Only Shallow (opening)6. Fleetwood Mac - The Chain (dunno)7. Suede - Introducing the band (opening)8. The Rolling Stones - Rocks Off (4:00)

We start strong with batter-fried nonsense, birthday chaos, and a bit of early swearing to keep things respectable (naturally). From there, we rip into bands, black metal, weird band names, and whether or not you should ever talk to someone at the urinal (spoiler: no!).This week’s theme? Albums that should’ve been EPs, or as we call it: “Long-winded b0llocks that should’ve been cut down before they met the general public.” Orville Peck, System of a Down, Franz Ferdinand, and more are on the chopping block.There’s praise, rants, and digressions into classic black metal, punk rock toilet moments, Norwegian insults, and Dillinger Escape Plan references. Also, how exactly did The Lars and their obsession with vintage dust drive their label insane?If you came for structure, well… good luck. But if you want a messy, raw music rant with urine-soaked detours, you’re in the right place.