Naming Your Limits As a Tool For Hope: Anxious Times, Part 4 (#391)

Co-host Kristen Tideman and I work through the final two legs of Emmy van Dersen's triad — the impossible and the desirable — using Kristen's new motherhood, MS diagnosis, and ongoing religious change as real, lived test cases for the framework. In the Patron-only second half, We move from naming what we can't have, to excavating the values underneath those wishes, to identifying what we actually can do about it — and end up somewhere more hopeful than either of us expected. Highlights: The impossible vs. the merely difficult Extracting values from unmet wishes Religious change and lost sense-making MS diagnosis, grief, and clarified priorities Spiritual grounding after deconstruction Anxious Times Episode Part 1⁠⁠ ⁠⁠Anxious Times Episode Part 2⁠ ⁠⁠⁠Anxious Times Episode Part 3 ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I sit down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Jeffrey Rubin to explore his concept of meditative psychotherapy — a genuinely reciprocal integration of Western psychoanalysis and Eastern contemplative practice that goes far deeper than the usual mindfulness-lite approaches. We get into what meditation actually is (hint: not just stress relief), spiritual bypassing, the scandals that keep plaguing Buddhist communities, and why real healing requires both quieting the mind and doing hard psychological work. Highlights: Meditation isn't just symptom reduction East-West integration done poorly vs. well Spiritual bypassing across traditions AI, dreams, and idiographic meaning Three stages of meditative psychotherapy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I'm joined by my co-host Kristen Tideman for the third installment of the Anxious Times series. We dig into Emmy van Dersen's concept of "the necessary" — the hard limits baked into existence that we can't change, only accept — and explore how resisting these limits is one of the biggest drivers of unhealthy anxiety, whether you're navigating religious deconstruction, a new diagnosis, or just being alive in a chaotic world. In the Patron-only second half, Kristen shares the raw, emotional story of her MS diagnosis as a lived case study in running headfirst into hard limits, and we explore what it looks like to resist or deny the necessary — from anti-aging culture to political utopianism to religious change. Highlights: Defining "the necessary" (hard limits) Mortality, uncertainty, embodiment as givens Kristen's MS diagnosis and processing Religious change and false certainty Acceptance ≠ approval or minimizing Anxious Times Episode Part 1⁠ ⁠Anxious Times Episode Part 2 ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I sit down with theologian and ethicist Dr. Jared Stacey to unpack his new book Reality in Ruins: How Conspiracy Theory Became an Evangelical Crisis, exploring what actually distinguishes a conspiracy theory from a real conspiracy — and why the answer matters more than ever in the wake of the Epstein file releases. Jared on IG | @Jaredmstacy Highlights:  Psychology of conspiratorial thinking Modernity, agency panic, capitalism Boundary situations and anxiety Shared reality and relationship limits Hope for repentance and change Other Conspiracy Theories Episodes: #207 | Christianity & Conspiracy Theories⁠ ⁠#100 | A History of Conspiracy Theories & Evangelicals⁠ #74 | Conspiracy Theories, Evangelicals, Media & More ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're not just individually stressed — we're living through a historic collision of crises that existential psychology has a name for. In this second episode of our Anxious Times series, Kristen Tideman and I explore why the anxiety so many of us feel right now isn't a personal failing, but an honest response to the world we've actually inherited. We explore things like: What a "boundary situation" really is Three overlapping crises reshaping modern life Why shared reality is fracturing (and hurting) The surprising upside of hitting your limits Therapy tools for navigating the uncontrollable Anxious Times Episode Part 1 ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I sit down with Harper’s Magazine Editor Christopher Beha to explore why neither scientific materialism nor romantic idealism fully satisfies — and what a third path might look like. We ask questions like: Does materialism account for consciousness? Is hard determinism therapeutically dangerous? Can we rationally care about others? What breaks down in "radical authenticity"? In the Patron-only second half, we land on skeptical belief itself — and why love might be the best epistemology we have. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Introducing a NEW five-part series called Anxious Times, focused on practical insights from existential psychology for navigating intense periods like the one we’re living through, both collectively and individually. Drawing on thinkers like Karl Jaspers, Rollo May, and Emmy van Deurzen, existential psychology provides actionable tools to help you engage with (and not just avoid or manage symptoms of) the realities of our sociopolitical moment, challenging personal circumstances, and the disorienting anxiety of religious or worldview change. My co-host for the series is Kristen Tideman, a longtime friend who is navigating what we’re calling the “Triple Crown” of anxiety after having a baby, being diagnosed with MS, and continuing in her own journey of religious change all in the last year.  In this first episode, we’ll look at a few introductory concepts to help us conceive of anxiety in a more productive way. Hope you enjoy and find it helpful. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

…In this sociopolitical economy, that is. I’m joined in today’s Generation Gap Culture Hour by regulars Josh Gilbert, Tony Jones, and we hear all about the newest generation to our experiment — Josh’s brand new baby!  A rewatch of Last of the Mohicans has me seriously considering learning a new hobby, and Tony's 6% confidence in me is, frankly, offensive. We close out the first half of the episode sizing up the US-Israel strike on Iran and why the story is far more complicated than your Instagram feed is letting on. In the Patron only second-half, Tony shares a close-to-home run-in with conspiracy rabbit holes that pulls us into the psychology of misinformation and eroding shared reality, before we land on who should and shouldn't be writing books about polyamory or psychedelics.___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode, I sit down with Tim Burnette — founder of The Way Collective in Santa Barbara — to explore what it looks like to build a psychologically astute, contemplative Christianity for our fractured moment. We dig into the inner critic, anxiety, and how therapeutic practices like IFS, CBT, and acceptance and commitment therapy share a surprisingly deep resonance with contemplative traditions around the true self and nonviolence. Tim shares his own journey through panic attacks and cancer scares, and we trace how learning to attend to anxious thoughts — rather than fight or flee from them — might just be both good therapy and good spirituality.  If you've ever wondered whether your therapist and your mystic are secretly after the same thing, this one's for you. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this conversation, Ryan Burge joins me to explore the evolving landscape of religion in America, focusing on the concepts of “nones” and “dones”—those who identify as non-religious or have distanced themselves from organized religion—and how we see these concepts playing out across society. Highlights 05:36 The State of American Christianity 11:29 The Impact of Partisanship on Religion 14:28 Self-Worth and Life Satisfaction in Religious Contexts 54:35 The Evolution of Gender Identity Awareness 01:08:51 Navigating the Complexities of Trans Issues ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.instagram.com/dancoke/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Or Twitter: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠twitter.com/DanKoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Faith deconstruction resources: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.soyouredeconstructing.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠patreon.com/dankoch⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[email protected]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ YHP Patron-only FB group: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Join Dan's email list: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.dankochwords.com/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Artwork by ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Nickryanluevano.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices