Helping Kids Deal with Disappointment

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Do you worry about finding the balance between forcing your kid to keep doing activities that are good for them (that you already paid for) and not letting them be miserable all the time? How do you keep them on track academically without having to run flashcards with them about the Peloponnesian War for the billionth time? Here's what the research says about when to push our kids - and when to let sleeping (Peloponnesian) dogs lie. A listener in our Facebook group asks: "How do you decide when to push your kids? Like when to go from YMCA basketball to the travel team. Or when to go from regular school to the accelerated program, or the private school that's more rigorous. When to apply for the stretch school or the internship? We don't want to ruin hobbies or turn the stress up to 11, obviously. So how do you know which knob to turn and when to turn it so that their ambition, their ability, and their achievement all line up in perfect balance and harmony?" Amy and Margaret discuss: The “optimal push” and how it's different from over-parenting Achievement-by-proxy distortion (sing out, Louise!) The factors to consider when pushing your child to do something Ultimately, kids are optimally supported when they believe their parents’ love is not performance-contingent. The answer lies in helping them fulfill their potential without damaging their self-esteem. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Amy Wilson for New York Family: Finding the Optimal Push Our episode "How Not To Live Through Our Kids" Dr. Eddie Brummelman et al: My Child Redeems My Broken Dreams: On Parents Transferring Their Unfulfilled Ambitions onto Their Child We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem

How can we help our kids prepare to move from a structured high school/ home environment to the less structured and more independent college environment? It starts earlier than you think! Emily Rubin Persons, founder of SKIP Coaching, explains how to help kids build the skills they need from a young age. Emily is a certified ADHD Coach who works with students and adults to build their executive skills and learn to do things in a way that works for their brain. Here's where you can find Emily: www.skipcoaching.com @SKIPcoaching on IG @EmilyRubinPersons on LinkedIn We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, college, college readiness, learning styles, ADHD, ADHD learning styles, college education, college students, learning differences

What do we do as parents when our kids aren't great at making friends, or their friends are outgrowing them, or we feel that their friends are a bad influence? Sometimes, we're not supposed to do anything at all. Sometimes our kids really need our support. How can we tell the difference? In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss: what might contribute to trouble making friends the skills kids can develop to become better friends what to do when you don't like your kid's friends Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Michelle Icard for CNN: Parents ‘should be seen and not heard’ when it comes to kids and their friendships Parenting.org: My Child Has No Friends Julia Morrill for Health Matters: How Parents Can Help Their Kids Make Friends Lexi Walters Wright for Understood.org: 4 skills for making friends  Claire McCarthy for Harvard Health Publishing: Helping children make friends: What parents can do Kelsey Borresen for HuffPost: What To Do If You Don’t Like Your Kid’s Friend We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, rejection, kid rejection, friendships, kids friendships, kids friends, kids making friends, kids social skills

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Does competition have benefits? What level of competition is healthy for our kids? Many of us agree that the stereotypical dad yelling through the fence at T-Ball is taking things a little too seriously. But others say that participation trophies teach our kids to be lazy and therefore represent the ultimate downfall of our civilization. How do we balance the eye of the tiger with just letting our kids play? In this episode we get to the bottom of why some people are more competitive than others, what the right age is for kids to start learning the lessons of losing, and how competition (when it's done right) can actually teach cooperation and self-regulation. Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: 'Shirtless Tongan' Pita Taufatofua makes Olympic history Evolution of competitiveness: Scientists explain diversity in competitiveness Byron Heath on Kerri Strug We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, rejection, kid rejection, competition, kids sports

As moms, we're often given tons of societal pressure on how we have to give our kids all the right things—then told to "chill out" when it comes to the worrying part. Gabrielle Blair, author of the new book THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, is here to tell us that adulthood doesn't look like it used to, and that there are many paths to the success and happiness that all our kids deserve. Gabrielle Blair is the the founder of DesignMom.com and the author of the New York Times blockbuster bestseller Ejaculate Responsibly. Gabrielle, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How the idea of the "reliable path to success" is actually harmful for a lot of parents and kids Simple (and free/cheap) ways to use your home to create the family life you want Why Gabrielle disagrees with the "you only get 18 summers" rhetoric that permeates parenting circles Here's where you can find Gabrielle: designmom.com @designmom on IG #thekidsareallright #thekidsareallrightbook Buy THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523526505 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress

In a recent study, women who saw their homes as "cluttered" had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who reported more well-organized, restful spaces. But for some of us, the stress of trying to be neat feels harder than any occasional shame or confusion that messiness might cause. Does messy matter? Does it matter the same for everyone? How can you know when it's just your baseline versus when it's creating a real problem? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to know when clutter is causing a problem for you and your family Things that can get in the way of our ability to declutter How to focus on function, not aesthetics, when it comes to decluttering Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Chris Fleming: "We Can't Let People Know We Sit!!!!" Barbara Brody for WebMD: "How Clutter Can Affect Your Health" Sarah Bourassa for The Huffington Post: "6 Reasons You Might Be Messy That Have Nothing To Do With Laziness" Shannon Doyne for The New York Times: "Is Clutter a Problem in Your Life?" Ottilie Blackhall for Homes and Gardens: The ‘Didn’t Know’ decluttering trend KC Davis on TikTok: 5 Things Decluttering and NPR Life Kit article about this method Struggle Care podcast with KC Davis KC Davis on our podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, Marie Kondo, minimalism, spring cleaning, messiness, messy house, messy rooms, messy kids

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Every kid will experience some kind of rejection, and some will have an easier time of it than others. How do we validate our kids' feelings while giving them the tools to move through the pain of rejection? As it turns out, sometimes the best ways to help our kids deal with rejection involve getting out of the way of the growth that can result. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kid Friend Breakups Fresh Take with Taylor Harris Fresh Take with Lisa Heffernan What Should I Do When My Child Doesn't Make the Team? Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be by Frank Bruni We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, rejection, kid rejection

How can we get our kids cooking with us (or even FOR us) in the kitchen? Mark Bittman, longtime chef, food writer, and author of the new book HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING: KIDS, has some incredibly simple tips for bringing kids into the cooking process. Mark Bittman is the author of more than thirty books, including the How to Cook Everything series. Over his long career at The New York Times, Bittman wrote for both the food and opinion pages. Mark, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why this cookbook is for novice adult cooks, too The really simple ways to get picky eaters to start to branch out Why cooking with your kids is about so much more than getting dinner on the table Here's where you can find Mark:  bittmanproject.com @markbittman on social media Buy HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING - KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780544790322 mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kids diets, kids nutrition, cooking with kids, cooking for kids, kitchen tips, cooking tips, easy weeknight dinners, easy recipes for kids, picky eaters, picky eater recipes, kids recipes

How has Halloween become a days-long, massively involved and expensive holiday? What happened to the good old days of stumbling around the neighborhood in a Barbie mask you could barely breathe in with a pillowcase full of candy? Here's how Halloween went from just spooky to spooky consumerist. Amy and Margaret discuss: How Halloween has lost its truly spooky nature over the years The origins of the Switch Witch Their favorite Halloween costumes growing up Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Paige Pickett for Kids Out and About: Mom Saves Halloween for her Son with the Switch Witch Primary Kids' Costumes Melissa Willets for Parents Magazine: Is the Switch Witch Brewing Up Some Controversy This Halloween? Maura Judkis for Boston.com: With huge skeletons, the yard-decorating arms race heats up Lori Ferraro for LikeTotally80s.com: The Mask Makes It - Halloween Costumes of the 1980s National Retail Federation: Halloween Spending to Reach Record $12.2 Billion as Participation Exceeds Pre-Pandemic Levels Kurt Andersen: FANTASYLAND - How America Went Haywire: A 500-Year History Marianna Cerini for CNN Style: From pagan spirits to Wonder Woman: A brief history of the Halloween costume Charles Moss for Slate: How Ben Cooper Changed Halloween Forever We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, Halloween, Halloween costumes, kids Halloween costumes, Halloween costume ideas, kids Halloween costume ideas

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. There are benefits to our kids' making mistakes, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. Some kids have tons of flexibility and safety around trying new things, around failing. Others not so much. In this episode we discuss: how the brain lights up when a mistake is made, paying extra attention why being very wrong about a fact once ensures you will always remember it thereafter the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset– and how mistakes encourage the latter Carol Dweck and what she calls the power of "not yet" how we can make our homes "mistake-friendly environments" Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Claudia Wallis for Mind/Shift: Why Mistakes Matter in Creating A Path For Learning Dr. Janet Metcalfe, Columbia University: “Learning from Errors,” Carol S. Dweck for TED: "The Power of Yet" Carol S. Dweck: Mindset Jo Boaler for youcubed.org: Mistakes Grow Your Brain Melissa Taylor for Brightly: What Is a ‘Just Right’ Book? Reading Levels Explained Dr. Jason Moser for Frontiers In Human Neuroscience: On the relationship between anxiety and error monitoring: a meta-analysis and conceptual framework Sesame Street: Mary Had a Little Lamb We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, mistakes, kids mistakes