Does Messy Matter?

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Does competition have benefits? What level of competition is healthy for our kids? Many of us agree that the stereotypical dad yelling through the fence at T-Ball is taking things a little too seriously. But others say that participation trophies teach our kids to be lazy and therefore represent the ultimate downfall of our civilization. How do we balance the eye of the tiger with just letting our kids play? In this episode we get to the bottom of why some people are more competitive than others, what the right age is for kids to start learning the lessons of losing, and how competition (when it's done right) can actually teach cooperation and self-regulation. Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: 'Shirtless Tongan' Pita Taufatofua makes Olympic history Evolution of competitiveness: Scientists explain diversity in competitiveness Byron Heath on Kerri Strug We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, rejection, kid rejection, competition, kids sports

As moms, we're often given tons of societal pressure on how we have to give our kids all the right things—then told to "chill out" when it comes to the worrying part. Gabrielle Blair, author of the new book THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT, is here to tell us that adulthood doesn't look like it used to, and that there are many paths to the success and happiness that all our kids deserve. Gabrielle Blair is the the founder of DesignMom.com and the author of the New York Times blockbuster bestseller Ejaculate Responsibly. Gabrielle, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How the idea of the "reliable path to success" is actually harmful for a lot of parents and kids Simple (and free/cheap) ways to use your home to create the family life you want Why Gabrielle disagrees with the "you only get 18 summers" rhetoric that permeates parenting circles Here's where you can find Gabrielle: designmom.com @designmom on IG #thekidsareallright #thekidsareallrightbook Buy THE KIDS ARE ALL RIGHT: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781523526505 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress

In a recent study, women who saw their homes as "cluttered" had higher levels of the stress hormone cortisol than those who reported more well-organized, restful spaces. But for some of us, the stress of trying to be neat feels harder than any occasional shame or confusion that messiness might cause. Does messy matter? Does it matter the same for everyone? How can you know when it's just your baseline versus when it's creating a real problem? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to know when clutter is causing a problem for you and your family Things that can get in the way of our ability to declutter How to focus on function, not aesthetics, when it comes to decluttering Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Chris Fleming: "We Can't Let People Know We Sit!!!!" Barbara Brody for WebMD: "How Clutter Can Affect Your Health" Sarah Bourassa for The Huffington Post: "6 Reasons You Might Be Messy That Have Nothing To Do With Laziness" Shannon Doyne for The New York Times: "Is Clutter a Problem in Your Life?" Ottilie Blackhall for Homes and Gardens: The ‘Didn’t Know’ decluttering trend KC Davis on TikTok: 5 Things Decluttering and NPR Life Kit article about this method Struggle Care podcast with KC Davis KC Davis on our podcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, decluttering, Marie Kondo, minimalism, spring cleaning, messiness, messy house, messy rooms, messy kids

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Every kid will experience some kind of rejection, and some will have an easier time of it than others. How do we validate our kids' feelings while giving them the tools to move through the pain of rejection? As it turns out, sometimes the best ways to help our kids deal with rejection involve getting out of the way of the growth that can result. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kid Friend Breakups Fresh Take with Taylor Harris Fresh Take with Lisa Heffernan What Should I Do When My Child Doesn't Make the Team? Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be by Frank Bruni We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, rejection, kid rejection

How can we get our kids cooking with us (or even FOR us) in the kitchen? Mark Bittman, longtime chef, food writer, and author of the new book HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING: KIDS, has some incredibly simple tips for bringing kids into the cooking process. Mark Bittman is the author of more than thirty books, including the How to Cook Everything series. Over his long career at The New York Times, Bittman wrote for both the food and opinion pages. Mark, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why this cookbook is for novice adult cooks, too The really simple ways to get picky eaters to start to branch out Why cooking with your kids is about so much more than getting dinner on the table Here's where you can find Mark:  bittmanproject.com @markbittman on social media Buy HOW TO COOK EVERYTHING - KIDS: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780544790322 mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, kids diets, kids nutrition, cooking with kids, cooking for kids, kitchen tips, cooking tips, easy weeknight dinners, easy recipes for kids, picky eaters, picky eater recipes, kids recipes

How has Halloween become a days-long, massively involved and expensive holiday? What happened to the good old days of stumbling around the neighborhood in a Barbie mask you could barely breathe in with a pillowcase full of candy? Here's how Halloween went from just spooky to spooky consumerist. Amy and Margaret discuss: How Halloween has lost its truly spooky nature over the years The origins of the Switch Witch Their favorite Halloween costumes growing up Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Paige Pickett for Kids Out and About: Mom Saves Halloween for her Son with the Switch Witch Primary Kids' Costumes Melissa Willets for Parents Magazine: Is the Switch Witch Brewing Up Some Controversy This Halloween? Maura Judkis for Boston.com: With huge skeletons, the yard-decorating arms race heats up Lori Ferraro for LikeTotally80s.com: The Mask Makes It - Halloween Costumes of the 1980s National Retail Federation: Halloween Spending to Reach Record $12.2 Billion as Participation Exceeds Pre-Pandemic Levels Kurt Andersen: FANTASYLAND - How America Went Haywire: A 500-Year History Marianna Cerini for CNN Style: From pagan spirits to Wonder Woman: A brief history of the Halloween costume Charles Moss for Slate: How Ben Cooper Changed Halloween Forever We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress, Halloween, Halloween costumes, kids Halloween costumes, Halloween costume ideas, kids Halloween costume ideas

This month's Deep Dive series is all about helping our kids through hardships like making mistakes, getting rejected, and facing competition. Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. There are benefits to our kids' making mistakes, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. Some kids have tons of flexibility and safety around trying new things, around failing. Others not so much. In this episode we discuss: how the brain lights up when a mistake is made, paying extra attention why being very wrong about a fact once ensures you will always remember it thereafter the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset– and how mistakes encourage the latter Carol Dweck and what she calls the power of "not yet" how we can make our homes "mistake-friendly environments" Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Claudia Wallis for Mind/Shift: Why Mistakes Matter in Creating A Path For Learning Dr. Janet Metcalfe, Columbia University: “Learning from Errors,” Carol S. Dweck for TED: "The Power of Yet" Carol S. Dweck: Mindset Jo Boaler for youcubed.org: Mistakes Grow Your Brain Melissa Taylor for Brightly: What Is a ‘Just Right’ Book? Reading Levels Explained Dr. Jason Moser for Frontiers In Human Neuroscience: On the relationship between anxiety and error monitoring: a meta-analysis and conceptual framework Sesame Street: Mary Had a Little Lamb We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, resilience, grit, self-esteem, mistakes, kids mistakes

Right now our society feels more polarized than ever. We don't agree on much—and sometimes the people we disagree with most are the ones who are closest to us. This week, we talk about how to handle those difficult relationships and conversations with Brit Barron, author of the new book DO YOU STILL TALK TO GRANDMA? Brit Barron is a highly sought after speaker on the topics of sexuality, spirituality, race, storytelling, and personal development. In this interview, Brit, Margaret, and Amy discuss: Why our brains are attracted to binary thinking— and we can become stuck in it How the biological imperative to find "cognitive closure" can shut us off from new ideas Why the knee-jerk reaction to write off those with whom we disagree online gets more complicated when we apply those rules to some of the people we love most How to get more humble about the things we might not know (yet) Here's where you can find Brit: www.britbarron.com @britbarron on IG Buy DO YOU STILL TALK TO GRANDMA: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593594346 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ election, polarized politics, disagreement, binary thinking, black and white thinking, cognitive bias, cognitive closure, ideologies, family, family dynamics

In September 2024 the U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, issued an Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents. In it, he declares the mental health and well-being of parents an urgent public health issue. In this episode we discuss the revealing research included in this report, stating that parents consistently report higher levels of stress compared to other adults.  But is parenting really more stressful than ever? This advisory certainly highlights many reasons why it just might be: the increasing costs of childcare and housing, the increasing hours parents spend at work, the increasing anxiety around guns and our kids’ safety at school, and the unrealistic expectations created by what the report calls a “culture of comparison.”  We think making a change requires more than parents looking on the bright side—we need societal changes and better support systems like paid family leave. We can also all do more to foster a culture that values and supports parents, ensuring their well-being and the positive development of future generations. We’d like to think this podcast and this community are part of that culture. Let’s keep fighting for the support, and the respect, that all parents deserve. Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Jeremy Engle for the New York Times: Are Parents Stressed Out? Claire Cain Miller for the New York Times: Today’s Parents: ‘Exhausted, Burned Out and Perpetually Behind’ Department of HHS on YouTube: The Surgeon General's Advisory on Parent's Mental Health House Calls with Dr. Vivek Murthy: "Parents Are Under Pressure—And We Can All Help" Department of Health and Human Services: U.S. Surgeon General Issues Advisory on the Mental Health and Well-Being of Parents We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent, parental stress, kids stress

This Deep Dive series is titled "Things We've Learned After Doing This Motherhood Thing for a While." Listen to the whole playlist on Spotify. Youth is wasted on the young. We wasted our youth taking the wrong classes in college and layering imaginary agendas onto other people's dopey behavior. Sound familiar? We asked our listeners: If you could time travel, what advice would you give your younger self? Here's the best advice we all learned from doing things the wrong way! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ mom friends, funny moms, parenting advice, parenting experts, parenting tips, mothers, families, parenting skills, parenting strategies, parenting styles, busy moms, self-help for moms, manage kid’s behavior, teenager, tween, child development, family activities, family fun, parent child relationship, decluttering, kid-friendly, invisible workload, default parent,