Why Being Needed Can Keep You in the Wrong Relationship

Why do you keep giving more in a relationship and still feel unloved? Couples therapist Sanya Bari joins me on Untempered to explore why we chase unavailable people, fall for someone’s potential, and confuse being needed with being loved. Sanya is a Licensed Professional Counselor, National Certified Counselor, and relationship trauma therapist and coach. Her work focuses on helping people navigate codependency, betrayal, infidelity, and divorce. She is also the creator of the Love Clarity Method, which explores the beliefs and patterns that keep people stuck in painful relationships. In this conversation, we explore: • Giving too much and getting too little back• Losing yourself while trying to save a relationship• Loving someone versus trying to fix them• Why different partners can lead to the same painful patterns• Having the life you wanted and still feeling unfulfilled If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe if I just loved them more, things would change,” this episode is for you. Explore more with Sanya Bari: Join the Love Clarity Inner Circle:https://www.sanyabari.com/love-clarity-inner-circle/ Listen to the Love Clarity Podcast:https://www.sanyabari.com/podcast/ Enquire about working with Sanya:https://www.sanyabari.com/contact/ Follow Untempered and share this episode with someone who needs to hear it.

SPONSORED BY: AIRDOCTOR Head to AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code NAILA and get up to $300 off ANY of their select AirDoctor models, plus you will get a 3-year warranty,absolutely FREE! All AirDoctor air purifiers come with a 30-day money back guarantee. My guest this episode is: Adam Lane Smith He is an attachment specialist who has helped thousands of individuals and couples understand the nervous system patterns behind insecure attachment. In this conversation, he explains why avoidant people sabotage the very connection they crave, why many men change through pain and consequences rather than love, and the exact script you can use to talk to an avoidant partner without abandoning yourself. If you’ve ever loved someone who pulls away, shut down in the middle of a fight without knowing why, or wondered whether your attachment style can actually change, this episode is for you!! ✨ Want to know what your attachment style is?!✨ 👇🏼 Take Adam's Attachment Quiz and find out: https://adamlanesmith.com/attachment-quiz-organic?utm_source=untempered&utm_content=09%2F08&funnel_source=attachment-quiz-organic 0:00 - TIMESTAMPS 00:00 - Intro: Why avoidant attachment is trending 01:00 - Rehumanizing avoidant people instead of demonizing them 04:13 - The anxious avoidant trap is not that simple 04:51 - Disorganized attachment and how the amygdala works 05:47 - Anger is never the real emotion 07:07 - Attachment fatigue and the two assumptions running everything 07:57 - The deepest fear driving every avoidant person 08:08 - Ethical vs manipulative avoidant: the full spectrum 09:26 - How to support an avoidant partner without losing yourself 12:16 - The exact script for a productive conversation 15:06 - Both partners must manage their own nervous system 15:58 - Avoidant body language means they are actually listening 17:59 - Can a relationship survive a big emotional reaction? 19:31 - Trauma is adaptation, not a wound 20:53 - How avoidant people categorize trust 22:10 - Why avoidant people sabotage their own relationships 23:00 - Attachment styles are becoming astrology 26:24 - You can build a collaborative relationship, not just accept people as they are 27:34 - Symbiotic mutualism: what secure attachment is really for 30:50 - When a boundary gets called criticism 32:40 - Three ways her ex failed 34:15 - The masculine inversion and women's physical health 38:25 - The dragon slayer metaphor: calling a man to his quest 39:56 - Why men finally seek help 43:22 - Protectors, threats, or children: three types of men 44:03 - The biological cycle of safety and longevity 46:38 - What women actually bring to the table 50:45 - Raising securely attached children 52:23 - Building a family system that corrects itself 55:26 - Closing thoughts - 🌐Check us out on: Spotify: https://spoti.fi/3YLNk40 Podcast: https://apple.co/42PU02a Iheart: https://ihr.fm/42x0jcd Amazon Music:https://amzn.to/4jVToiH #AttachmentTheory #AvoidantAttachment #RelationshipAdvice #AttachmentStyles #NervousSystem #SecureAttachment #AnxiousAttachment #RelationshipPsychology #EmotionalSafety #TraumaRecovery #MenMentalHealth #PersonalGrowth #AttachmentTrauma #mentalhealthmatters

🏷️ This episode is sponsored by OneSkin Get 15% off by going to: https://www.oneskin.co/NAILA Harry Heal goes behind the scenes of his viral content to discuss the reality of life as a professional chef on social media.In this conversation, Harry shares the journey from his early days in the French Alps to building a career as an independent content creator. We discuss the personal toll of being a one-man band, why he avoids letting follower counts define his worth, and the mental shift required after reaching significant career milestones. This episode is for anyone curious about the intersection of creative work and genuine self-expression.Beyond the cinematic food videos, we explore the discipline learned in the Marines and his transition into digital storytelling. Harry explains how he maintains his authenticity while navigating the algorithm, offering a realistic perspective on what it takes to sustain a career in the competitive world of food media.

When did protecting your friends become more important than calling them out? In light of recent disturbing headlines, I sit down with Dr. Shefali to ask: what has gone wrong in the way we raise boys? Why do some men stay silent when their friends cross a line? And how does belonging to the group become more important than another person’s safety? We explore where it begins: the emotions boys are taught to hide, the behaviour adults excuse, and the messages about masculinity, power and consent that follow them into adulthood. We also discuss raising daughters who trust their instincts, speak up and hold their boundaries, and why raising conscious children requires us to examine ourselves first. ***Sponsored by AirDoctor.com. Use code NAILA for $300 off and a free warranty Find Dr. Shefali: • Website• Instagram• YouTube• Facebook• Parenting & You podcast• Courses and workshops• The Conscious Circle community• Conscious Parenting and Life Coaching Institute Read Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters:https://www.drshefali.com/raisingconscious-daughters-sons/ Explore all her books:https://www.drshefali.com/books/ Follow Untempered on Spotify for more honest conversations with Naila.