353. Is Anxiety Ever Useful?

If you feel like the world is on fire and the only appropriate response is constant outrage, this conversation will stretch you in the best way. I talk with psychotherapist and author Margaret Cullen about equanimity, what it actually means, and why it is not the same thing as apathy or disengagement. We unpack the idea that you can care deeply, take action, and still refuse to live in a state of emotional melodrama.Margaret explains how equanimity helps you recover balance more quickly when you get hijacked by fear, anger, or despair. We connect this to nervous system regulation, the 24 hour news cycle, and the cultural pressure to prove you care by being constantly devastated. You'll walk away with concrete ways to engage in your personal and political life without burning yourself out or becoming what you are fighting against.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/472Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Learn more about Margaret Cullen's work at margaretcullen.comMentioned in this episode:Join me for 30 Days of Coaching Myself Through Everyday BSTo follow along, all you need to do is head on over to Instagram, @karaloewentheil, and click follow!

Have you ever tried to teach thought work to someone you love, only to have them completely reject it? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a question from a mom who wants her teenage son to benefit from thought work but keeps running into pushback. I explain why 15 is not too young to understand emotional processing, but it is old enough to resist being coached without permission.I also answer a question from a listener who is struggling with a long standing fear of heights that shows up intensely on tall bridges and airplanes. If you have ever felt frustrated that you logically know something is safe but still experience panic, this will resonate. You will learn how to stop escalating anxiety by resisting it, how to work with your thoughts about panic, and how acceptance becomes the foundation for real change. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/471Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you make decisions based on what you actually want, or based on what would make you feel the least guilty? In this Greatest Hits episode, I break down how guilt and shame quietly become the emotional compass guiding our everyday choices, from small obligations to major life decisions, and why that often leaves us exhausted, resentful, or stuck. I share how women in particular are socialized to treat guilt and shame like flashing moral warning signs, assuming that if we feel bad about not doing something, it must mean we should do it. I walk you through how to recalibrate your emotional compass so you can stop making decisions just to avoid feeling like a bad person.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/470Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:Join me for 30 Days of Coaching Myself Through Everyday BSTo follow along, all you need to do is head on over to Instagram, @karaloewentheil, and click follow!

Do social events drain you? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I dive into a listener's question about feeling exhausted at social events and why small talk often feels boring. I explore how your thoughts are creating that experience and why the key to enjoying social gatherings starts with shifting your mindset. I also tackle a question about feeling like you have no desire for sex, and how to work through the thoughts causing fear and anxiety around intimacy. Tune in to discover how thought work can transform your experience at social events and in your intimate relationships, helping you reclaim energy, connection, and confidence. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotline Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/469Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Do you find yourself avoiding negative emotions at all costs, distracting yourself with food, Netflix, or your phone? What if you could build the capacity to feel any emotion, no matter how uncomfortable, and still keep moving forward? In this episode, I’m diving into the concept of microdosing negative emotions and why this practice is the key to becoming unstoppable.Instead of pushing away the discomfort, we need to practice building safety around it, which is exactly what microdosing does. I’m walking you through how the microdosing approach helps you tolerate your emotions in manageable doses, so you can stop avoiding them and actually feel them as they pass.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/468Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:Join me for 30 Days of Coaching Myself Through Everyday BSTo follow along, all you need to do is head on over to Instagram, @karaloewentheil, and click follow!

Do you feel like you’re stuck in a toxic relationship, but aren’t sure if it’s really the relationship or just your thoughts? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I dive into a listener’s question about how to tell if your relationship is toxic and how much of the issue comes down to your own thinking. I also tackle a question on health anxiety, where the listener is worried that their weight isn’t going down despite making healthy changes, and fears they’re damaging their health. Discover how thought work can help you take control of your emotional experience, whether in relationships or health, without falling into the trap of self-judgment and fear.Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/467Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

Join me at the Ritz Paris on Saturday, March 28, from 3:30–5:30 p.m. While you enjoy a classic high tea, I will be joined by Master Coach Jenny Chammas, a top French women's leadership coach, to talk about how to tap into your confidence to achieve big goals in your life. After our conversation there will be plenty of time for Q&A, and at the end you'll also get to meet Cecilie Søndergaard Nielsen, an executive leadership coach for senior leaders and teams in high-pressure, high-growth environments. If you want to join, click here to grab your ticket: https://the-school-of-new-feminist-thought.captivate.fm/tea

How many times have you turned to Netflix, shopping, or a glass of wine to avoid feeling something uncomfortable? This is a pattern so many of us get stuck in. In this episode, I’m joined by my best friend, Master Certified Life Coach Rachel Hart, to explore why we do this and what actually helps us change it. This episode is the perfect starting point for understanding why we numb our emotions in the first place, and why learning to feel them instead of avoiding them is the key to creating lasting change in your life.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/466Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Learn more about Rachel Hart's work at rachelhart.com/Mentioned in this episode:Join me for 30 Days of Coaching Myself Through Everyday BSTo follow along, all you need to do is head on over to Instagram, @karaloewentheil, and click follow!

Do you ever look at your life on paper and think, I should feel proud of this, while inside you feel trapped, empty, or quietly panicked? In this Coaching Hotline episode, I answer a question from a listener who hates her career choice and feels crushed by debt, regret, and the belief that she ruined her life by making the “wrong” decision.In the second question, I address what it means to feel numb or disconnected inside and why that emptiness can make thought work feel pointless or hopeless. This episode will help you see how your thoughts, not your past decisions or your emotional state, are creating the suffering, and how learning to question what you’re making your circumstances and feelings mean is the key to reclaiming agency, clarity, and self-trust. Submit your own question here and it might get answered on a future episode: unfuckyourbrain.com/coachinghotlineGet full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/465Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/

There’s a word many of us use to feel validated or justified that actually keeps us stuck in self-doubt. Whether it sounds like “I deserve this” or “maybe I don’t deserve that,” this way of thinking quietly turns your life into a moral evaluation instead of a place where you get to make choices.In this episode, I explain why the idea of “deserving” is a mental trap and how it reinforces shame, second-guessing, and the belief that you need permission to want, enjoy, or change something. I share a different framework for relating to desire, hardship, and agency so you can stop debating your worth and start deciding what you want to experience instead.Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: schoolofnewfeministthought.com/464Follow along on Instagram: instagram.com/karaloewentheil/Mentioned in this episode:Join me for 30 Days of Coaching Myself Through Everyday BSTo follow along, all you need to do is head on over to Instagram, @karaloewentheil, and click follow!