69. Meet the Bonapartes: Elisa Bonaparte, Grand Duchess of Tuscany

When Queen Elizabeth II was born in 1926, there were years of her childhood that were, compared to other future monarchs, quite normal. After all, she was never supposed to be the Queen. Her father was a second son; her Uncle David would succeed her grandfather, and certainly other male children would come along. And then, in 1930, Elizabeth's parents waited with anticipation to find out the gender of Elizabeth's impending sibling. A boy would be in the line of succession. But the child who arrived was Princess Margaret, who was never supposed to be the daughter and sister of Queens herself, but for the fateful choice her Uncle David would make when Margaret was just six, when everything changed. This episode follows Margaret through a tumultuous childhood, an early doomed romance, and her long, if ill-fated marriage to Antony Armstrong-Jones, eventually the Earl of Snowden. We visit Mustique, the Caribbean island where Margaret's only personal land holdings resided, and meet some of the guests she entertained there. Plus, an assortment of stories about the social life of a notoriously difficult Princess - and why hanging with Margaret wasn't everything it was cracked up to be. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Charlemagne, The Father of Europe, died in the year 814 and left only one surviving son to take the helm of the Carolingian Empire, which spanned the lion's share of the European continent. But his heir, Louis the Pious, had three sons, who each got a parcel of the empire when he died. Then those kings had children of their own, dividing the kingdom up until factions and branches of Charlemagne's lineage occupied independent power centers from the border of modern Denmark all the way down to Italy south of Rome. Our story today involves several of those Carolingian kings, and two priests who would become popes. Bishop Formosus served the Vatican as a diplomat on numerous missions in Europe, developing close ties to the Frankish kings to the north of Rome, the sons of the sons of Charlemagne. When his winding road to the Papacy finally made him Pope Formosus, he found himself at odds - even militarily - with the southern wing of the family, the Dukes of Spoleto, the sons of the daughters of Charlemagne. After Formosa's death, the Dukes of Spoleto reasserted their power, installing a new pope, Stephen VI, who exacted the southern family's revenge on Formosus and their northern kin by exhuming Formosus's rotten corpse and holding an infamously gruesome public trial. Formosus was obviously convicted, but the episode condemned Stephen VI in the moment and for the ages. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Content note: This episode contains descriptions of sexual violence and coercion that may not be appropriate for all listeners. Though only in power for eight years, the Ottoman Empire's Ibrahim the Mad made his own mark on history as a notoriously bad ruler, a sexual deviant, but also a bit of a fashion plate. He loved his furs and sparkly jewels. He also made unwise decisions in foreign affairs, as when he responded to pirates by launching what would turn into a 24-year-long war with the Republic of Venice. As wars do, this led to supply chain disruptions and tax increases that eventually led to angry mobs and mass upheaval in Constantinople. Ibrahim was deposed in an uprising of the Janissary corp, the elite household guard of the Ottoman Sultans. He was strangled to death, as was the custom, in August of 1648. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We are excited to share a show we're loving with you! American Prankster: Wavy Gravy's Life Story pairs the legendary entertainer and activist with our friend, podcaster Rainbow Valentine, following the incredible ride of a life that Wavy Gravy has been on through decades of American counterculture. Enjoy this sample, and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In its many thousands of years of history, China has had only one official ruling monarch who was a woman. Sure, there were powerful Empress Consorts who pulled the strings of weak Emperor husbands, but Empress Wu Zetian ambitiously, and ruthlessly, upended convention to claim the throne in her own name. Born to a prosperous and well-connected family sometimes in the first half of the 620s, Wu joined the Imperial Court at the age of 14 in the privileged position of concubine to the Emperor. Instead, she became a trusted scribe and advisor who was sent to live out her life in a monastery after his death. But his son, Emperor Gaozong, brought her back to court, where she promptly began having babies with him, something his official wife was never able to do. It took many years, but through devious, even violent means, Wu Zeitan would clear the Court of all rivals to her power and become Gaozong's legal wife, and Empress Consort of China. This was an open door to full control of China; Wu Zeitan only needed to walk through it - and she did. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As the Romanov era closed, some family members were more fortunate than others. Grand Duchess Olga Alexandrovna, youngest daughter of Tsar Alexander III and baby sister of the doomed Tsar Nicholas II, may be the most fortunate of the Romanov clan, escaping the country and living out a happy life in Denmark and Canada. Born into a large, loving, royal family that summered with the horde of European royal relatives at her grandfather's castle in Denmark - this was Christian IX, the so-called "father-in-law of Europe" - where she and her cousins, including Queen Victoria's nine children, spent genuinely happy family time together. An arranged marriage was had, but suited neither Olga nor her gay husband, Peter. When she did eventually fall in love with a young soldier named Nikolai, Peter refused to grand the divorce Olga asked for, but hired Nikolai into the household and seemingly approved of their relationship. Her brother, perhaps sensing the rising tide that would sweep Imperial Russia away, finally annulled her marriage in 1916, allowing her finally wed Nikolai after more than a decade. As the Bolsheviks advanced, Olga and Nikolai, her mother, and her sister, fled to Crimea, and eventually escaping to Denmark. Decades later, World War II put the Soviet army on the move in Europe, and fearing for their safety, Olga and her family made one last big move, to Canada. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Most Americans have at least a basic sense of key elements of European history, but that's not necessarily true when it comes to places like China. And that's true for us, too. Today we take our first dive into China's extremely long history - 4,000 years by some accounts! - to meet three notably trashy emperors of the Ming Dynasty, which ruled China from 1368 to 1644. Hongwu Emperor was the first Ming Emperor, who seized the throne after a long-running rebellion against the Mongol-led Yuan Dynasty. He is credited with various reforms, which unfortunately often took the form of purges, which were carried out as bloodily as you would fear. Yongle Emperor unseated his own nephew to take the throne, then dispatched everyone associated with his short reign. Zhengde Emperor was a foppish drunkard who preferred visiting the animals and people he'd installed in his Imperial Zoo to governing, and met a ridiculous end at just 29 years old. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Powerful women have always had to play the game a little differently than their male counterparts, but the story of Irene of Athens, who played politics with enough dexterity to become Empress of the Byzantine Empire for about 20 years in the 8th century, is extraordinarily complicated. The daughter of a prominent Greek family, she was brought to Constantinople as a possible bride for the future Emperor Leo IV. The marriage happened, a son was produced, but religious factionalism ultimately tore the marriage apart. Upon Leo IV's death, Irene - as one would - stepped in as regent for their young son, the future Constantine VI. She outwitted Leo's half-brothers who were attempting to install the eldest to the throne by having them ordained as priests, and then took unusual steps to unify her kingdom's faith and pursue friendlier relations with the Carolingian empire in Europe. New conflicts emerged when Constantine VI came of age, a situation that Irene met by undermining his rule and eventually ensuring he met an untimely and painful end. Irene was eventually deposed in 802 and was exiled to the Isle of Lesbos. She spent her final year spinning wool to support herself. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. To advertise on this podcast, reach out to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

To round out our Meet the Bonapartes series, we turn to Napoleon's eldest - and apparently coolest - brother, Joseph. Affable, charming, and comfortable in his own skin, he was a contrast to most of his siblings, including Napoleon. His easygoing nature made him popular even with political opponents, and Joseph was an important player in Napoleon's rise. As a reward, Emperor Napoleon named Joseph the King of Naples, where he fashioned himself a man of the people and governed them well, implementing various government reforms, fighting crime, and creating jobs by building infrastructure. His reign in Naples was short lived, however, as Napoleon replaced him with their sister Caroline and her husband, Joachim Murat. Napoleon then dispatched Joseph to govern occupied Spain, where the public mood was very different. Not only was Spain's King Joseph reviled by commoners and elites alike, he himself became fairly burned out with the family business in this era. After Napoleon's defeat, he hopped a boat for New York and in a lot of ways, never looked back. He spent decades mostly living a quiet, prosperous life in New Jersey, before returning to Europe to be closer to his remaining family in his later years. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Napoleon's eldest sister shared many of his more imperious personal qualities, but would prove to be surprisingly gifted at governance after her brother named her Princess of the Italian principalities of Piombino and Lucca. More territories would be added to the holdings she governed, eventually including the Grand Duchy of Tuscany, with Florence as its capital. Napoleon made Elisa its Grand Duchess, but also added new strings to her ability to govern independently. She was obligated to enforce Napoleon's decisions without modification, and the period of being a popular sovereign making well-received reforms and investments in her lands came to a close. As with the rest of her siblings, her fortunes fell as her brother's did, and died following an illness a few months before Napoleon himself. Listen ad-free at patreon.com/trashyroyalspodcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices