278. How Do You Mean? It’s Not What You Say, It’s How You Say It

Whatever your message, the manner in which you deliver it is just as important.You found the right words. You picked the right time to say them. You even tailored them to your audience. Why did your message fall flat? “It's your tone,” says Jefferson Fisher.Fisher is a trial attorney, New York Times bestselling author, podcast host, and one of the most-followed experts in communication today. From handling high-stakes communication in the courtroom to navigating everyday conversations, he says successful messaging isn’t just about what you say, but how you say it. “It’s not your words, it’s your tone,” he says, “The words might be right, but the way you [say them] — that's what ends up controlling the day. Tone controls everything.”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Fisher and host Matt Abrahams explore how to set the right tone in all kinds of communication. Whether you're navigating conflict, giving and receiving feedback, or just trying to connect, Fisher offers practical techniques for ensuring the manner of your communication matches what you mean.Episode Reference Links:Jefferson FisherJefferson’s Book: The Next Conversation WorkbookJefferson's Podcast: The Jefferson Fisher PodcastEp.228 Negotiate Your Way to Success: Empathy, Mirroring, and Labeling Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (03:13) - Stop Winning Arguments (04:47) - Ask, Don’t Persuade (05:18) - Defuse Tension Fast (06:25) - Read the Room (08:21) - Observing vs. Absorbing (09:53) - Framing Conversations (12:06) - Fix Digital Communication (13:46) - Improve Your Tone (16:38) - Break People-Pleasing (18:03) - Setting Clear Boundaries (21:39) - The Final Three Questions (24:40) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

Real change isn’t about knowing what to do — it’s about actually doing it, one small choice at a time.Change doesn’t come from one big breakthrough. It comes from the small choices we make over and over — often in moments we barely notice.Eric Zimmer, behavior coach, host of The One You Feed podcast, and author of How A Little Becomes A Lot, says the real challenge isn’t figuring out what to do — it’s closing the gap between knowing and doing. “We all have areas where we know exactly what would help,” he says. “But somehow, we still don’t follow through.” His approach focuses on something simpler and more effective: small, low-resistance actions done consistently over time. “It’s not about doing everything,” Zimmer explains. “It’s about doing something — again and again — in the same direction.”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Zimmer joins host Matt Abrahams to unpack how lasting change actually happens. From building awareness in the middle of everyday life to designing habits that are easier to stick with, he shares practical strategies for turning intention into action. “You don’t need to wait until you feel ready,” he says. “You can act even when it’s uncomfortable.”Episode Reference Links:Eric ZimmerEric’s Book: How a Little Becomes a LotEric’s Podcast: The One You FeedEp.86 Building Habits: The Key to Lasting Behavior Change Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (03:09) - From Addiction to Transformation (04:19) - The “Two Wolves” Parable (06:04) - Awareness in Communication (07:38) - Building Awareness Through Small Habits (09:32) - The Knowing–Doing Gap (10:56) - The SPAR Framework (14:31) - Motivation vs. Action (19:21) - The Final Three Questions (24:48) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

The goals we set often lead us away from the meaning we ultimately seek.Meaning in life isn’t a concrete point we can route toward. That’s why we need what Arthur Brooks calls “proxy goals” — and much better ones than we typically choose.Brooks, a professor at Harvard Business School and author of The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness, says that meaning can't be pursued directly, but rather through proxy goals — markers that lead us to what we're really seeking. “The big, complex, meaning-filled things in life, you can't see them directly,” he says. “If you want to find meaning, you have to have proxy goals.” The problem is that many of us have chosen terrible proxies. “Money, power, pleasure, fame, prestige; those are really bad proxy goals for the meaning of life,” Brooks says. “You're never gonna find it.”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Brooks returns to the show, and with host Matt Abrahams, he explores how we can move from searching for meaning to actually finding it. From understanding the three components of meaning to transcending the “me self,” Brooks offers practical guidance for those who strive and strive, yet still feel like something’s missing.To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.Episode Reference Links:Arthur BrooksArthur’s Book: The Meaning of LifeArthur’s Podcast: Office Hours179. Finding Positive in Negative Emotions: Communication, Happiness & Wellbeing180. Unlocking Your Future Self: Communication, Happiness & Well…181. Why Happiness is a Direction, Not a Destination: Communicat…182. Stop Chasing Time and Start Owning It: Communication, Happiness & Wellbeing  Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (03:11) - The Striver Mindset (04:45) - Three Parts of Meaning (08:35) - Me Self vs. I Self (10:44) - Transcendence Explained (12:49) - Proxy Goals (15:29) - Meaning vs. Achievement (19:46) - Daily Protocols (21:36) - This or That (23:10) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

Why mastering unspoken workplace communication is essential to long-term career success.Succeeding at work doesn’t just depend on how hard you work or how smart you are. According to Erin McGoff, it often comes down to whether you understand the “secret language” everyone else seems to be speaking.McGoff is a career creator, Forbes 30 Under 30 honoree, and author of The Secret Language of Work: Hyper Helpful Scripts for Every Situation. Known for her wildly popular AdviceWithErin platform, she helps millions of professionals phrase things more effectively — without sounding stiff or robotic. “It’s this hidden curriculum to the workforce,” she explains, describing the unwritten rules of interviews, negotiations, and professional etiquette. “It’s not written down anywhere. It’s not equally distributed.” Her mission is to make those invisible rules visible — and usable.In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, McGoff and host Matt Abrahams explore how to communicate with confidence, advocate for yourself strategically, and build a professional brand with intention. Confidence, she says, isn’t fixed: “Confidence isn’t binary. Confidence is a spectrum.” It starts internally, with how we speak to ourselves, and strengthens when we “get really good at what you do.”Episode Reference Links:Erin McGoffErin’s Book: The Secret Language of Work202. Own Your Brand: How to Communicate with Presence and Impact Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (05:21) - The Secret Language of Work (06:57) - Building Confidence (09:04) - Creating Your Professional Brand (10:25) - Setting Expectations at Work (12:56) - Advocate Strategically (14:59) - Mastering First Impressions (16:15) - Professional vs. Personal (18:44) - Interview Before, During, After (23:46) - Nonverbal Presence (24:10) - The Final Three Questions (28:09) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

How to communicate for deeper connection—and greater happiness.Happiness isn’t just a feeling—it’s something you can actively shape through how you think, connect, and communicate.Sonja Lyubomirsky, a distinguished professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside and co-author of How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most, defines happiness as two key components: “being happy in your life and being happy with your life.” And while many people separate happiness from meaning or purpose, she explains that “they almost always go together.” Her research shows how the small habits we practice—like gratitude—can have a powerful effect, helping to “neutralize negative emotions” and shift how we see our lives. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Lyubomirsky and host Matt Abrahams explore the science of wellbeing and the habits that help us feel more fulfilled. From gratitude practices to breaking free from the comparison trap, they share practical strategies for boosting happiness and explain why connection isn’t just about being loved, but truly “feeling loved.”Episode Reference Links:Sonja LyubomirskySonja’s Book: How To Feel Loved179. Finding Positive in Negative Emotions: Communication, Happiness & Wellbeing180. Unlocking Your Future Self: Communication, Happiness & Well…181. Why Happiness is a Direction, Not a Destination: Communicat…182. Stop Chasing Time and Start Owning It: Communication, Happiness & Wellbeing  Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (04:57) - Defining Happiness (07:09) - Gratitude in Practice (07:52) - Acting Extroverted (09:49) - The Comparison Trap (11:47) - Reflection vs. Rumination (12:34) - Best Self Exercise (13:58) - Building Positive Psychology (15:23) - Happiness Drives Success (16:51) - Relationships as a Seesaw (19:11) - Being Known vs. Impressive (21:55) - The Final Three Questions (26:28) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

Memorable communication isn’t about saying more—it’s making the right idea stick. No matter how compelling a presentation feels in the moment, most of what you say won’t last in your audience’s memory. The key isn’t trying to make people remember everything — it’s ensuring they remember what matters most.Carmen Simon is a cognitive neuroscientist, author, and expert on how the brain pays attention and forms memories. Her research explores how communication can move beyond passive listening and become an experience the brain actually holds onto. “The way we come to know the world is through the interaction of brain, body, and environment,” she explains. “The more you invite your audiences to interact with anything, especially physically, the more you impact cognition.”In this Quick Thinks episode of Think Fast Talk Smart, Simon and host Matt Abrahams explore practical, research-backed ways to make communication more memorable. They discuss why handwriting notes can deepen understanding, how curiosity and tension capture attention, and why communicators should avoid overwhelming audiences with too much information. Instead, Simon encourages speakers to structure ideas so audiences can recognize patterns and return to a clear core message.Episode Reference Links:Carmen SimonCarmen’s Book: Impossible to IgnoreEp.39 Brains Love Stories: How Leveraging Neuroscience Can Capture People's Emotions Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (02:47) - Embodied Cognition Explained (05:00) - The Impact of Environment on Attention (06:24) - Sparking Curiosity in Your Audience (10:40) - Avoiding Cognitive Overload (15:07) - Using Visuals to Improve Recall (19:02) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

People are forgetful. Here’s how to make your messages more memorable.After any presentation, your audience will forget about 90% of what you said. That’s okay, says Carmen Simon — just make sure they remember the right 10%.Simon is a cognitive neuroscientist, speaker, author, and expert on how the brain processes and retains information. Her research reveals a humbling truth: “We forget our lives almost as quickly as we live them,” she says. But instead of fighting our forgetfulness, Simon believes we can work with it — by getting intentional about what we want people to remember. “So many people aspire at attention and memory, but very few really know what they want to be memorable for,” she says. “Ask the question: what is my 10% message?”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Simon and host Matt Abrahams discuss how to distill your communication for maximum memorability. Whether you're pitching an idea or presenting to a team, Simon’s practical techniques will help you ensure your 10% message is the one your audience takes away.Episode Reference Links:Carmen SimonCarmen’s Book: Impossible to IgnoreEp.39 Brains Love Stories: How Leveraging Neuroscience Can Capture People's Emotions Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (03:07) - Attention vs. Memory (05:43) - Novelty & Surprise (07:04) - Why Attention Isn’t Enough (08:32) - The Power of Priming (10:05) - Priming in Business Communication (10:49) - Why Audiences Forget (14:00) - Smart Repetition (15:36) - The Final Three Questions (22:16) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

The secret to building habits that stick.Whether you want to read more books or exercise more regularly, BJ Fogg has good news. “Habits are easier to form than most people think,” he says, “If you do it in the right way.”As the founder and director of Stanford's Behavior Design Lab, Fogg has devoted much of his career to researching human psychology, motivation, and behavior. According to him, habit formation isn’t a product of simply doing something over and over again. “It's not a function of repetition,” he says, “it's a function of emotion.”As Fogg discusses with host Matt Abrahams in this Rethinks episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, bringing our behavior in line with our goals is easier than we think — we just have to know the emotional levers to pull.Episode Reference Links:BJ Fogg Fogg's Book: Tiny HabitsConnect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (03:11) - The Information-Action Fallacy (04:54) - The Behavior Model: Motivation, Ability, Prompt (06:34) - Designing a Reading Habit (08:12) - What Is a Habit? (11:21) - Making Paraphrasing a Habit (13:58) - Specificity vs. Repetition (16:17) - Choosing Habits You Enjoy (17:15) - The Final Three Questions (22:21) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

Why beliefs can either cap our potential or push us toward possibility.What you believe about yourself could be holding you back. Fortunately, Nir Eyal says beliefs aren’t truths — and you can choose new ones.Eyal is a former lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Stanford d.school, a celebrated author, and a renowned expert on human behavior and potential. His latest book, Beyond Belief, reveals how limiting beliefs — like “I’m a bad communicator” — quietly shape what we see, feel, and do. “A belief doesn't have to be true” to limit our potential, he says. But the same holds in reverse: a belief doesn't have to be true to expand who and what we can become. “Beliefs are tools, not truths. It just has to be useful.”In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Eyal and host Matt Abrahams explore how to identify the beliefs that hold us back — and how to replace them with ones that propel us forward. From keeping a belief journal to practicing perspective-shifting “turnarounds,” Eyal offers practical tips for rewriting the stories we tell ourselves and becoming the people we want to be.To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium.Episode Reference Links:Nir EyalNir’s Book: Beyond Belief104. How to Change: Building Better Habits and Behaviors (And Getting Out of Your Own Way)115. Rethinks: How We Set and Achieve Goals  Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (03:13) - The Power of Attention (04:58) - The Hook Model & Surprise (07:23) - Structure vs. Novelty (09:18) - Identity & Limiting Beliefs (12:20) - Beliefs Vs. Facts (15:45) - The Four-Question Test (21:35) - The Final Three Questions (24:46) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be. 

Practical insights to help you communicate with more intention in everyday moments.What’s the difference between reacting and responding? How do you move from memorizing your words to truly conversing in the moment? And how do you keep growing as a communicator in everyday moments?Communication isn’t about having the perfect script. It’s about staying present enough to respond with intention. In fast-moving conversations, emotions rise, thoughts race, and structure can disappear. Yet it’s in the pause — the breath before we speak — that clarity begins.In this Ask Matt Anything episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Matt Abrahams shares highlights from a recent live AMA inside the Think Fast, Talk Smart Learning Community. Listener questions open the door to practical strategies for navigating emotional conversations, relying on structure rather than memorization, and building communication habits that actually stick. Because becoming a better communicator isn’t about getting it perfect — it’s about making small, intentional choices every day.Episode Reference Links:Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community  Connect:Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart PremiumEmail Questions & Feedback >>> [email protected] Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart WebsiteNewsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.ioThink Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTubeMatt Abrahams >>> LinkedInChapters:(00:00) - Introduction (03:08) - From Reacting to Responding (05:02) - Memorization vs. Spontaneous Speaking (10:12) - Growing Vocabulary (14:11) - Asking for Better Feedback (17:53) - Value of the Learning Community (22:16) - Conclusion  ********Thank you to our sponsors.  These partnerships support the ongoing production of the podcast, allowing us to bring it to you at no cost.This episode is brought to you by Babbel. Think Fast Talk Smart listeners can get started on your language learning journey today- visit Babbel.com/Thinkfast and get up to 55% off your Babbel subscription.Join our Think Fast Talk Smart Learning Community and become the communicator you want to be.