Dan Savage’s tips for straight couples

2021 is giving 2020 a run for it’s money… sorry we’ve been away, but want to point you to a investigative podcast Nas put out recently for BBC Radio 4. It’s called The Orgasm Cult and looks at a Californian wellness company focusing on female sexuality called One Taste. Gwyneth Paltrow and Tim Ferris were fans. Except there are allegations it may be a sex cult. And the FBI is making enquiries.The podcast goes into questions about why women turn to wellness, the search for community and purpose in a secular age, and where exactly is the line between healing and harm. It’s on all major podcast platforms, or get listening right now here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p08xzk5h

We’re back with a bonus hiatus episode and we’re talking about victim blaming, especially as it pertains to sexual assault. This is when a victim of an alleged assault is blamed, ranging from being asked what they were wearing, if they’d drunk alcohol, all the way to people not believing their story. Sometimes friends also don’t know how to handle the situation so either engage in victim blaming or simply disappear. Nas recently made a documentary exploring the reasons behind victim blaming, and interviewed the NY Times’ Megan Twohey and Jodi Kantor, who broke the Harvey Weinstein story, as well as Gender Knot favourites Dr Mithu Sanyal and Dr Jackson Katz. Check it out here for background: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/w3csyv0q In this episode Nas and Dan talk about ways we can help victims instead. We’d also like to know your experiences if you’ve been in this scenario, as either a victim or someone being told of an assault, and any tips you have for how to help victims. We also talk about an excellent podcast from Slate you should check out called Man Up... check it out here: https://slate.com/podcasts/man-up We’re on hiatus and will be back with a new season in March. Keep writing to us until then. Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Write to us at: [email protected] https://www.thegenderknot.com/ Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We close season 6 with journalist Liz Plank. She’s just written a book about mindful masculinity and tells us about the general scripts we have about men and if these help or hinder our wider conversations. We then delve into her thoughts more.We will be back with a new season in March 2020, and will pop up for some bonus episodes in January and February – share the show, leave reviews and write to us until then! And happy 2020!Guest:Liz Plank, journalist and author of ‘For the Love of Men: a vision for mindful masculinity’ http://www.elizabethplank.com/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollCo-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: [email protected] https://www.thegenderknot.com/Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We revisit this important topic just once more to really hammer out the purpose of an apology and some dos and don’ts.We get some tips and insight from Harriet Lerner’s book ‘Why won’t you apologize?’ https://amzn.to/38hWsBzAs well as some wisdom from Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg’s powerful twitter threads which you can delve into further here http://bit.ly/344bnMg and here http://bit.ly/38nOszcHosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at [email protected] Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We talk a lot about what men can be doing right now, but we revisit a chat with Esther Perel on what women can be doing right now, and how we can all best be allies to one another. Guest:Esther Perel, therapist, author of ‘Mating in Captivity’ and ‘The State of Affairs’, host of the podcasts Where Should We Begin? and How’s work? Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at [email protected] Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Everyone’s talking more about consent but where does this start? Educator Ellen Frederichs joins us to chat about how consent starts with kids and why we all need to be more specific about our experiences. Guest:Ellen Frederichs, educator and author of ‘Good Sexual Citizenship: how to create a (sexually) safer world” https://www.sexedvice.com/good-sexual-citizenshipHosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: [email protected] https://www.thegenderknot.com/Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Journalist Hussein Kesvani writes a lot about the internet, and about masculinity, and about the intersection of the two. He recently interviewed people about apologies in a piece for The Huffington Post, focusing on men and their understanding of an apology and if many men have been taught how to give one. He was inspired after Aziz Ansari’s attempt at one with his recent Netflix show ‘Right Now’, which is when we at The Gender Knot also delved into this same question a few weeks ago.He joins us to explore this further, and we also re-visit Eve Ensler’s book ‘The Apology’ during our conversation. Check out Hussein's article on men and apologies for the Huffington Post http://bit.ly/2CSjn8g Guest:Hussein Kesvani: journalist, Europe editor at Mel magazine, and author of 'Follow me, Akhi: the online world of British Muslims' - buy it here: https://amzn.to/2OnMgOK and more on Hussein here: https://twitter.com/HKesvaniHosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at [email protected] Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We re-visit some wisdom from the sex and relationship advice columnist and host of the Savage LoveCast Dan Savage, who tells us what straight couples can learn from same sex couples. Guest:Dan Savage, sex and relationship advice columnist and Savage Lovecast host Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel Carroll Co-producers:Sam Baker and Jonathan Blackwell Additional links:Write to us at [email protected] Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

Journalist and author of the book ‘For the Love of Men: a vision for mindful masculinity’ tells us about meeting women who support who Trump, and what this tells us about our attitudes towards men and the role women play in upholding these. We also find out about Dan’s backstory on this show, and how we can all take things a bit less personally.Also, the Grace Digital Founders Campus app has all the tools female business founders need to succeed. Go and pledge your support here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/grace-digitalcampus/grace-digital-founders-campusGuest:Liz Plank, journalist and author of ‘For the Love of Men: a vision for mindful masculinity’ http://www.elizabethplank.com/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: [email protected] https://www.thegenderknot.com/Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)

We’re back with Season 6. We talk to author Jeannie Vanasco who interviewed a friend from her teenage years who raped her 15 years ago. Vanasco got in touch with him to find out if and how the rape impacted him, and wrote about it in her new book ‘Things we didn’t talk about when I was a girl’. We talk to her about the role we all play in supporting victims, holding perpetrators accountable and how to make apologies. Also, support the Grace Digital Founders Campus app with all the tools female business founders need to succeed https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/grace-digitalcampus/grace-digital-founders-campusGuest:Jeannie Vanasco, author of ‘Things we didn’t talk about when I was a girl’ https://www.jeannievanasco.com/Hosts:Nastaran Tavakoli-Far and Daniel CarrollProducers:Sam Baker and Jonathan BlackwellWrite to us at: [email protected] and https://www.thegenderknot.com/Patreon page – support the podcast for the cost of a coffee!https://www.patreon.com/thegenderknot Music: Government Funded Weed by Black Ant (used under Creative Commons)