4. Resting in the Bond

Doesn't frustration have to be nipped in the bud? Does a child learn self-control and social behavior if we allow them to have emotional outbursts? And how can a child who is raging with frustration find their way to their sadness and tears of futility? In this episode, we will look at this topic from the viewpoint of attachment theory and the Bible.

Anger is one of the most exhausting things in everyday life - both the child's and our own as parents. This episode looks at why we react frustrated to limits that we encounter, and which process must take place in the brain to accept these limits or "futilities" of life from the inside out. Adaptation is one of the processes that helps us do this. Learn about "the roundabout of frustration" and understand your child's anger better!

Today we are once again talking about the first level of attachment, closeness. Closeness is most important during the first year of the child's life; children at this age can initially only bond through this level. Nevertheless, many people recommend that should children get used to separation and being alone as soon as possible. This is often related to the topic of "sleep". Programs that are supposed to "train" children to sleep are still recommended. But what is behind this? Why do we see this as an ideal? What do sleep training programs do to our children? We will also briefly discuss another important topic in baby's first year of life: food. First, you're not supposed to breastfeed too much, then you try to get the baby to eat spoonful after spoonful of porridge. We will blast some myths here, too! 

The last stage of attachment is that of familiarity, of being fully known by another person. Unfortunately, only few people reach this last stage, because in order to do so, you must show yourself vulnerable to the other person to an extent that most of us shy away from. We have been hurt too many times and thus have armored our hearts. This accounts both for children and for adults. But only this last stage of attachment – if reached – can lead us into relationships with our children, with each other and with God that are truly fulfilling, give us inner peace and help us grow more and more into the loving image of Christ. Listen to this episode to find out how this is possible – in ALL of your relationships!

From the age of five, children bond over love. If the four preceding stages have been successfully saturated, they now give their hearts to their caregivers. They learn what love is and how it is lived in their families. They adopt this without reflection and transfer it to God. Learn how you can love God with all your heart yourself and thus live a fulfilled life as a parent with your child!

“Look, mommy, looooook!!”, “Daddy, pleeeease, loooooook what I can do!!” These sentences can sometimes be quite annoying, especially when you are just in the middle of writing an important email or discussing next week’s schedule with your partner. When your children enter stage four of attachment, they want to be seen and appreciated for what they do and who they are. This can constitute a problem for parents who themselves have never really experienced this kind of appreciation. So how can we show appreciation and esteem for our children? And how can we, as parents, see the appreciation and esteem God has in store for us? Let’s find out!

My child does not want to share with others! – What do I do? This topic is surely one you can relate to as a parent – in one way or another. We parents often fear to raise little tyrants if we do not start at an early age to teach our children how to share with others. And doesn’t the Bible say “God loves a cheerful giver”? Unfortunately, the process of “learning” among our children often includes a lot of anger, frustration and tears. And it costs a lot of energy. In this episode about the third stage of attachment, the stage of belonging and loyalty, we want to show a new perspective on looking at and dealing with the phenomenon of sharing among children. We are going to provide quite a number of tips on how to deal with it in ways that prevent anger, tears and frustration – on all sides.

During the second year of life, children start to imitate their closest caregivers. They want to do everything their parents do, and by themselves! This stage can be pretty exhausting and all parents know that. In this episode we will look at how children bond by sameness and why this is important for a healthy development. We will also look at what we as parents and caregivers can do to nurture this way of attachment and how Jesus is bonding with us at this stage, too. You will be blessed with heaps of new insights, we promise!

Why is attachment so important? How does it develop? Dr. Gordon Neufeld has defined 6 stages of attachment and in this episode, the focus is on the 1st stage of attachment, proximity. We will find out how we can build up and nurture closeness not only with our babies, who only have this single way of bonding with us, but also with our fellow human beings and with God.

Attachment is the greatest need of every human being. Our limbic system searches for bonding every day, as it is a perpetual need that can only be satiated intermittently. And these periods of saturation are the periods of emotional rest. During these phases, the brain's energy is released for another task: that of maturing. Dr. Gordon Neufeld explains the role we parents play in this process. We will also look at the topic from a spiritual perspective: how does God want us to rest and grow in Him?