The Reflex

Feeling guilty? Well, obviously you’ve done something wrong.Except… have you?In this episode, Julia takes a psychodynamic look at guilt, the superego and all those rules we’ve absorbed about being good, pleasing people and generally not causing too much trouble.From useful guilt to the persecutory variety, she explores why saying no, disappointing someone or simply doing something differently can leave us feeling as though we’ve committed a terrible crime.And asks some important questions: what rule do you think you’ve broken, and do you actually still believe in it?Because guilt is a feeling. It isn’t a verdict.And sometimes, despite what Neil and Chris might have us believe, it really isn’t a sin.Here are the highlights of this episode:(2.03) The superego in control(3.54) When guilt is doing an important job(4.56) Omnipotence(7.17) What to do the next time guilt arrivesConnect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

Ever found yourself reacting to something and thought: why on earth did I do that?Welcome to the psychological reflex.In this episode, Julia explores the automatic responses we’ve collected over a lifetime, from defence mechanisms and transference to repetition compulsion, and why we can understand our patterns perfectly well and still find ourselves doing exactly the same thing again.There are chicken nuggets, psychological bruises and absolutely no “five steps to a better you”.Because insight doesn’t give us an immediate override button. We might not always get to choose the reflex, but perhaps we can have a little more choice about what we do next.Here are the highlights of this episode:(2.10) The automatic response system(3.39) A half-eaten chicken nugget(4.42) Different responses to the same situation(6.23) Insight can become incredibly frustratingConnect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

Being resilient is generally considered a good thing. But what happens when being strong stops being something you can draw on and becomes the person everyone expects you to be?In this episode, Julia explores the identity of “the strong one”: the capable person who copes, gets things done and absolutely does not fall apart, thank you very much.From denial and an interfering superego to the people who need us to be OK because they can’t tolerate it when we’re not, she looks at what our strength can sometimes protect, and what it can keep out.Because we can be capable and still need other people.We can still be standing. We just don’t always have to be standing alone.Here are the highlights of this episode:(2.01) Having to be the strong one all the time(3.17) Situations where you can’t tell people what’s going on for you(4.48) Defence mechanisms(6.18) Who is this for?Connect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

“I want to break free.”Who hasn’t occasionally fantasised about getting on a train, plane or possibly ferry and disappearing for a while?In this episode, Julia explores our fantasies of escape; from remote Scottish islands with no internet to glamorous Parisian apartments where nobody needs anything and the washing mysteriously does not exist.But what are we actually trying to escape from?From everyday responsibility and an overenthusiastic superego to Winnicott and the parts of ourselves that can get lost through too much adaptation, Julia asks what our escape fantasies might be trying to tell us.Because perhaps we don’t really want to leave our lives.Perhaps we just want a little more room in them for the person who keeps trying to escape.Here are the highlights of this episode:(2.25) What and who are we escaping from?(3.38) The dynamics we have with other people(5.04) The many reasons we aren’t going to do it(8.25) What did Winnicott have to say?Connect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

We all need someone to reach out to. But what happens when reaching out becomes handing over?In this episode, Julia explores our tendency to create our own Personal Jesus: the boss, partner, therapist, guru or even AI tool that we hope might have all the answers.From idealisation and dependency to transference and our very human dislike of uncertainty, she looks at why handing someone else the map, compass and keys to the car can feel so reassuring.Support is one thing. Asking someone else to tell us who we are is quite another.So by all means, reach out and touch faith. Just be careful who, or what, you’re asking to become it.Here are the highlights of this episode:(2.18) Nobody’s perfect(3.06) Liesl and Kurt(4.31) The need is not irrational(6.18) Am I reaching for support, or because I want someone to make it all better?Connect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

“The cold never bothered me anyway.”Except perhaps it did.In this episode, Julia looks at the stories we tell ourselves when reality feels a little too uncertain, disappointing or downright uncomfortable. Why are we so quick to fill in the blanks? And how does an idea we’ve created with remarkably little evidence suddenly become a cast-iron fact?From Elsa’s frozen wasteland to Oscar-worthy narratives at 3am, Julia explores how the stories we tell ourselves can become a rather impressive cocktail of defence mechanisms.Because sometimes the story isn’t there to fool us. Sometimes we simply need it to get through the day.Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.55) Why do we tie ourselves in knots?(4.32) Everything happens for a reason toxic positivity(5.10) White knuckling the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune(6.00) Cauldrons of defenceConnect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

Bond. James Bond.Nobody gets that one wrong. So why are some people apparently incapable of getting everybody else’s name right?In this episode, Julia looks at why names matter far more than we might think. From being repeatedly called Julia Roberts (sadly without the hair or bank balance) to the people who continue to use the wrong name even after being corrected, she asks what might really be going on.Is it habit? Laziness? A lack of attention? Or could getting someone’s name wrong communicate something about how important we think they are?Because recognising someone starts with seeing the person who is actually in front of you.Even if their name is Flumptibella Moonbeam.Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.23) Jack Bond(1.50) Julia Roberts(4.12) Our names are intrinsically linked with who we are(5.25) If we aren’t using people’s correct name, what’s that telling us?Connect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

“Did you miss me?”It sounds like a fairly innocent question. But underneath it can sit something much bigger: did you notice I wasn’t there? Did you think about me? Do I matter to you?In this episode, Julia looks at what happens when there’s a gap in contact and our minds merrily fill in the blanks. From childhood experiences to testing relationships, withdrawing to see who notices and the questionable wisdom of “matching their energy”, she explores why being important to someone doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.And asks whether, while we’ve been wondering who misses us, we might have been missing someone else entirely.Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.33) Do I matter when I’m not there?(3.09) Being loved and being actively held in mind(5.14) When we are anxious we do the very thing that makes connection harder(6.15) How do we feel if the answer is no?Connect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

“Be kind.” It sounds harmless enough. Who could possibly object to kindness?Julia, apparently.In this episode, she takes a psychodynamic look at one of social media’s favourite slogans and asks what might be lurking underneath it. Is it really about protecting other people, or could there be something rather more interesting going on?From moral high ground to playground politics, Julia explores judgement, defensiveness and why being seen to be kind isn’t necessarily the same thing as actually being kind.Unless you’re breaking up fisticuffs in the playground. Then crack on.Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.15) Mrs Andy Burnham’s number ten outfit(2.28) Internet rage(4.35) We are all adults capable of making our own decisions(6.30) The cultural zeitgeistConnect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.

This week on The Dynamics of Everyday Life, Julia takes a psychodynamic look at one iconic Victoria Wood moment: “Don’t bother Ken, I’ll do it myself.”What starts as a funny, familiar line opens into something much deeper. Competence as identity, the fear of relying on other people, resentment, emotional labour, and the strange loneliness that can come from always being the capable one.Why is asking for help so hard for some people? Why do we quietly over-function and then feel furious that nobody notices? And how do we accidentally train people to stop helping us altogether?Sharp, funny and painfully recognisable in places, this episode explores the hidden emotional dynamics underneath “I’ll just do it myself.”Here are the highlights of this episode:(1.41) Competence can easily become part of our personality(2.46) The hidden irony(3.47) Over functioning(6.51) What do we do with all this?Connect with Julia:WebsiteLinkedInInstagramABOUT THE PODCASTThe Dynamics of Everyday Life explores the psychological patterns shaping how we think, work and relate to others; bringing psychodynamic thinking into coaching, leadership and everyday life.If you're a coach interested in learning more about psychodynamic approaches to coaching, you can explore Julia's training programmes on her website.FOLLOW THE PODCASTIf you're enjoying The Dynamics of Everyday Life, follow the podcast on your listening app so you don't miss future episodes.