Alcohol and Accountability with Debra Fileta

I’m so excited for you to hear this conversation today with my friend Debra Fileta. Debra and I have been ministry friends for a while, but she’s played a unique and important role in my healing journey over the past year as it relates to wise counsel around numbing through alcohol. At the end of 2024, I made a decision that alcohol could not be a part of my life any more, and Debra is holding me accountable to what I’ve promised myself and the Lord. Think of this episode as a collab of sorts – I was on her podcast, “Talk to Me,” earlier this summer, and I’m bringing our conversation over here to my podcast listeners too. We talk about asking for help, revealing our weak spots, and learning to trust again after betrayal. I hope it’s a helpful conversation for you too! Thank you to our two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and “Unshakeable Moxie” from Our Daily Bread Ministries!http://info.bark.us/tonihttps://go.odb.org/toni-moxieConnect with Debra:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/DebraFileta/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@DebraFiletaPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/talk-to-me-the-debra-fileta-podcast/id1417804351Website: debrafileta.com Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

You ever stumble into a friendship? You meet someone randomly or have a brief encounter with them and then realize that you’ve actually found a meaningful connection? That’s how I feel about Rachel Awtrey. Rachel had me on her podcast back in 2023 and asked about my marriage during the interview, not knowing I was in the early stages of going through my divorce. After the mics stopped recording, I opened up and asked if we could edit that part out, and Rachel saw me. She kept leaning in when she could have just moved on, and I felt genuinely cared for. Since then, she’s followed the Lord’s prompting to reach out in moments when she didn’t know I needed a tangible reminder of God’s love for me. I hope this episode gives you some bravery to start tiptoeing toward strangers and also provides some practical tips on finding and stewarding safe friendships. Rachel uses some gym metaphors for seeking joy in life, and you KNOW I loved those! Y’all go check out her new book too! It’s called Love Your Life (Even When You Don’t Like It All The Time).Thank you to our two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and “Unshakeable Moxie” from Our Daily Bread Ministries!info.bark.us/tonigo.odb.org/toni-moxieConnect with Rachel:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rachel.awtreyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RachelAwtreyPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/real-talk-with-rachel-awtrey/id1386475315Website: rachelawtrey.comOrder Rachel’s NEW book, Love Your Life (Even When You Don’t Like it All the Time): https://rachelawtrey.com/book Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

Jo Saxton and Lisa Whittle are who I call my “allies in pain.” They are like big sisters to me, lifelines whom I can text at any time for advice. The idea of “withness” that I talk about in my new book, someone’s presence with you in your pain – they have lived it out so beautifully. And they were relentless in making sure that I told the truth about the betrayal I experienced in my marriage two years ago. Lisa, Jo, and I have a conversation about finding (and being) trusted friends, saying the hard and difficult thing in a loving way, even when someone is in pain, and why it’s important that we process hard things with our integrated mind, body and soul in mind. We end the episode with Lisa and Jo mom’ing us a bit, sharing the best advice they’ve passed on to their own daughters. Thank you to our two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and “Unshakeable Moxie” from Our Daily Bread Ministries!info.bark.us/tonigo.odb.org/toni-moxieConnect with Lisa:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisawhittle/YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@LisaWhittleOfficialPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/jesus-over-everything/id1327968510Website: www.lisawhittle.comOrder Lisa’s NEW book, Body & Soul A Biblical Look at the Whole Person God Created You to Be: https://www.lisawhittle.com/body“Imago Dei” trucker hatConnect with Jo:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/josaxtonPodcast: https://leadstoriespodcast.com/Website: www.josaxton.comEzer Collective (November 13-15, 2025): https://www.tickettailor.com/events/josaxton/1540510 Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

Jackie Hill Perry and Megan Ashley became friends within the last few years and it’s not an exaggeration to say that their friendship has literally blessed millions. They were once strangers but now they spur each other on in ministry, pray together, keep each other accountable, and fight for unity… and I think we can all learn something from the way they prioritize their friendship. There’s a lot of fear when it comes to friendship, but I pray that this conversation helps you to see just how sacred friendship can be when you intentionally create safety and pursue Christ together. Thank you to our two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and “Unshakeable Moxie” from Our Daily Bread Ministries!http://info.bark.us/tonihttps://go.odb.org/toni-moxieConnect with Jackie:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jackiehillperryYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCElWlmvQnOnlPvhVdvBoQJQSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/0Lf9qKpKwy6fJtfM7UWLV0?si=OENzYMk7RgiEzW8yTF7u0gPodcast: https://www.youtube.com/@WithThePerrysWebsite: http://jackiehillperry.comConnect with Megan:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/immeganashleyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ImmeganashleyPodcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/in-totality-with-megan-ashley/id1614077859Website: http://themeganashley.com Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

Well, hey friends! It’s been a minute! The last season of Still Coloring hit your feeds last summer, and a whole lot has happened since then. Last season, every episode you heard was just me, recounting all of the ways God (and His people) showed up for me in the darkest moments of my life. It was vulnerable and tear-filled and I hope so very encouraging to anyone going through something similar. The podcast is back for a new season, and I’m excited for you to hear these conversations about community, grief, mental health, and friendship. But first, I wanted to intro Season 7 with a deeply personal reflections on life after betrayal. Thank you to our two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and “Unshakeable Moxie” from Our Daily Bread Ministries!http://info.bark.us/tonihttps://go.odb.org/toni-moxie Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

God is redeeming everything – the Still Coloring podcast is BACK! We’re calling this season “Toni + Friends” and we’re talking about the importance of building deep and intentional community instead of hiding from our pain. In this season’s episodes, you’ll hear conversations about godly adult friendships, pursuing purpose, and walking through grief together.If you want even more on these topics, check out my new book, out August 19, called “Don’t Try This Alone: How to Build Deep Community When You Want to Hide from Your Pain.” Excited to bring you this season’s guests! Lean in, y’all. Thank you to our two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and “Unshakeable Moxie” from Our Daily Bread Ministries!http://info.bark.us/tonihttps://go.odb.org/toni-moxie Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

To finish out Season 6 of the Still Coloring podcast, I want to give you some snippets of conversations I’ve had recently with three voices I trust to speak into my own life and grief – Dr. Curt Thompson, Dr. Alison Cook, and Debra Fileta. These three licensed professional counselors have some good stuff to share, and I hope you find hope and direction in what they have to say. It’s real good, I promise. Thank you to my two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and Dwell Differently! Y'all go check them out. Bark Technology – The Bark Phone for Kids starts at $39/month and was named a Best Invention of 2023 by TIME Magazine! Bark has an app for device monitoring, too. DwellDifferently.com – Use the code TONI for your first month of scripture-memorization resources FREE! Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

I believe that when God brings you to a Red Sea moment in your life, He’s going to part it. We serve the God of miracles, and He’s still working miracles every single day. And no matter what it is you’re facing, He has a plan to bring you back to His goodness. The pain you feel, the heartache you’re enduring, the loneliness and depression and sadness… not one bit of it will be wasted in the story God is writing – I promise you. Thank you to my two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and Dwell Differently! Y'all go check them out. Bark Technology – The Bark Phone for Kids starts at $39/month and was named a Best Invention of 2023 by TIME Magazine! Bark has an app for device monitoring, too. DwellDifferently.com – Use the code TONI for your first month of scripture-memorization resources FREE! Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

I want to tell y’all the story of one of my favorite scriptures, Psalm 91. It was given to me by a deacon in a church during a church service that I barely wanted to be at, and at the time it didn’t mean a thing to me. But it came alive to me during a “spiritual encounter” weekend retreat where I was finally pursuing being a follower of God and not just a fan. I realized that God’s word comes most alive when we are looking for God Himself. Let’s go find Him. He isn’t too far. Thank you to my two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and Dwell Differently! Y'all go check them out. Bark Technology – The Bark Phone for Kids starts at $39/month and was named a Best Invention of 2023 by TIME Magazine! Bark has an app for device monitoring, too. DwellDifferently.com – Use the code TONI for your first month of scripture-memorization resources FREE! Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu

I have a tendency to live in a scarcity mindset about money, that there’s not going to be enough of it, and when I do have it, I might lose it. Maybe you feel that way too. Finances can impact what we believe about God, but goodness, do I have some God winks to tell you about the ways He’s provided in this season of my divorce. I was scared to take time off the stage because speaking is how I make money, but I heard God say, “Toni, I am the author of good things. I am working out all things out for the good of those who love me. Love me, follow me, surrender to me, and I got you.” He’s got you too, friend. Let me show you how. Thank you to my two incredible sponsors for this season of the Still Coloring podcast: Bark Technologies and Dwell Differently! Y'all go check them out. Bark Technology – The Bark Phone for Kids starts at $39/month and was named a Best Invention of 2023 by TIME Magazine! Bark has an app for device monitoring, too. DwellDifferently.com – Use the code TONI for your first month of scripture-memorization resources FREE! Watch podcast episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@tonijcollierOrder Toni’s NEW book, Don’t Try This Alone: https://www.tonijcollier.com/notaloneShop Toni's merch: https://www.shopetch.co/collections/toni-collierConnect with Toni: Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tonijcollier/Broken Crayons Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brkncrayons/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/colliertoniNewsletter: ToniJCollier.com/NewsletterWebsite: ToniJCollier.comPurchase Toni’s children’s book, Broken Crayons Still Color: https://amzn.to/3x3I4xD Purchase Toni’s book, Brave Enough to be Broken: https://amzn.to/3VoCjVu