Happy

There have been nights where I have slipped barefoot into the woods under the starlit sky, with a quilted blanket wrapped tightly around my shoulders. My feet pressing into the cold, dewy thick grass as branches crack underneath with each careful step I take. The moon peeking through the lattice of leaves that wave from the branches of looming trees, creating shadowy figures that dance upon the ground. Nature is all around me and I can feel her like a soothing mother enveloping me in her safe arms as I lie upon the ground to escape from my reality.

A simple apology would have been nice for all the years of pain you caused. A sorry for ripping my heart out of my chest and squeezing it in your fist until it burst, letting blood and tissue drip between your fingertips. Watching as my eyes rolled back, mouth gaping in horror trying to gasp for breath, but you knew this was death.

Love should not be so difficult. Just be with me faithfully and completely. Let's support each others dreams and visions always. Strive to make each other better. Give space when it's needed. Make up when we fight. Talk about everything even when it's uncomfortable. Have sex everyday. Take roadtrips and travel together. Come up with our own cheesey holiday traditions. Baby each other when we're not feeling well. Laugh at our own dumb inside jokes. Cook together. Clean together. Laugh together. Fall in love together over and over and over again.

I struggle to fight against Time's grip as she rushes ahead, grasping tightly to my hand, pulling me onward with such speed that everything around me is a blur. The distant memories fading into the darkness that's drawing in behind us. And I'm powerless in her grasp unable to escape and it pains me. As her speed increases Time becomes a swirl of all the things that never were and should have been, a mixture of abandonded hopes and failed dreams. As we move for what seems like seconds spreading throughout eternity, I realize my feet are no longer touching the ground but I am floating just above it, feeling weightless in this moment, detached from my body, wondering where does it end. I can sense the darkness, soulless and strong, as it catches up to us, spreading out all around, engulfing me like the tempestuous waves of a violent sea. With a sudden jerk Time's grip loosens, her fingers slide against my palm until the tips of her fingers barley touch my own. In a moment I am stripped bare of this flesh, each layer of tissue peeling away, these bones breaking into tiny fragmented pieces, all vanishing into the blackness until there is nothing left but void.

Put on a fake smile to hide the pain.

Is this thing on?