Rethinking Virginity, Sexiness and All the Ways We Make Love

In this episode, Toshi sat down with Sanja Zündorf, the founder of entzück dich selbst. For a long time, Sanja thought she was the only woman who masturbated – it wasn’t something she spoke about with her friends, even though they were very open in talking about sex. She began researching this topic in 2019 and realised how many women know very little about their bodies, as well as how many women are ashamed of masturbating, and the way they masturbate. Sanja found in her survey that rubbing against pillows was a very popular method of masturbation but also associated with a lot of shame. Her mission is all about destigmatising masturbation and one of the ways she does this is by designing and selling a collection of sex toys specifically designed for pillow humping.  In this episode, Toshi and Sanja spoke about:  Practical tips for how you can start to feel less shame about masturbation Why Sanja views masturbation as a feminist act How the language we speak can shape our feelings towards our bodies and pleasure And why your masturbation habits are normal (and sexy!).  Find Sanja and her work here: https://entzueckdichselbst.com/de Check out Sanja on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/entzueckdichselbst/ Timestamps:  00:00 – Intro. 00:58 – Who is Sanja and what does she do?  01:51 – What makes Sanja’s sex toy different to others on the market?  04:09 – Unpacking shame: Sanja’s early relationship with masturbation. 06:54 – How Sanja helps others feel okay about self-pleasure. 08:49 – How to feel less shame about masturbation. 11:35 – Why Sanja views masturbation as a feminist act. 14:42 – What do people think of pillow humping saddles?  21:06 – Why this sex toy is a self-love statement. 22:24 – How our language can contribute to our shame around masturbation.  30:09 – The importance of teaching kids the anatomically correct terms for their body parts 31:20 – Where you can see the saddles in person.  35:59 – Is using a phallic toy feminist?  39:12 – Your masturbation habits are normal (and sexy!). 45:15 – Where you can find more about Sanja and her work (and how you can participate).  -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this episode of the podcast, Toshi spoke with Hollie McNish, an award-winning poet, writer and performer. Together they had a conversation Hollie’s latest book, ‘Virgin’. It's a six-letter word that holds such incredible power - the power to pressure, to judge, to harm, to praise, to profit, to punish. But virginity is also just a concept, a label that has been pressed upon people for centuries in numerous cultures worldwide. In ‘Virgin’, Hollie McNish unpicks the role this word has played in her own life, as well as others. 00:00 – Intro  01:04 – Who’s Hollie McNish? – Why you need to know!  01:41 – What inspired Hollie to write ‘Virgin’?  05:29 – What’s virginity got to do with purple carrots?  08:22 – The problem with ‘body count’.  12:54 – What does it mean to be sexy? 28:16 – How media shapes the way we think, feel and see the world.  34:11 – We can stop apologising!  41:07 – Social media’s not all bad – here's why.   45:43 – The ways we make love in real life.  49:25 – Time to get comfortable talking about sex, and why.  56:21 – Where to find Hollie and her work.  Check out Hollie here:https://www.holliepoetry.com/https://www.instagram.com/holliepoetry/?hl=enFind 'Virgin' here:https://www.bookbaruk.com/product-page/virgin-by-hollie-mcnish-----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Willis Austin Chimano, known simply as Chimano, is formally a key member of Africa’s biggest band Sauti Sol. Hailing from Nairobi Kenya, Chimano, through the frequency of grace, love and discernment now embarks on a solo career designed to set the world on fire through his music, product lines and advocacy.  Chimano is celebrated for his deep baritone voice, dynamic stage presence, and distinct fashion sense. His first solo EP "Heavy is the Crown" highlights Chimano's vocal prowess and his ability to blend different musical styles, including pop, soul, and electronic influences. The EP has been well-received by fans and critics alike, noting Chimano's bold step in expressing his individuality and exploring new artistic territories.  Chimano is known for his bold fashion choices, often seen in flamboyant and stylish outfits that challenge traditional norms. He has been an advocate for self-expression and individuality, inspiring many fans to embrace their unique identities. In a landmark moment for his personal life and the LGBTQ+ community in Kenya, Chimano publicly came out as gay in 2021. His openness about his sexuality has been a significant step toward breaking down barriers and challenging societal norms in a region where LGBTQ+ rights are often underrepresented. Chimano's influence extends beyond music. His advocacy for self-expression and his courage in sharing his personal journey have made him a role model for many. Through his solo work, he continues to inspire and entertain, leaving a lasting impact on the African music scene and beyond. Find more of Chimano here: https://www.willischimano.com/ Check him out on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willis.chimano/?hl=en We asked Chimano which song he’d like us to play alongside this podcast episode. Here is ‘Beautiful Day,’ his song of choice: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DICz0wi8RU  Timestamps:  00:00 – Intro 00:36 – Who is Chimano?  01:54 – Being a part of Sauti Sol  04:15 – Chimano’s experience of coming out publicly 12:40 – Rethinking his identity as an artist 21:13 – The importance of a positive mindset and how to achieve it  26:43 – Reflecting on your Chimano’s childhood relationship with music 34:30 – Chimano's message to young queer people in Africa 37:29 – What’s next for Chimano 42:23 – Outro -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Toshi sat down with Issy from Our Streets Now to talk about why showing Adolescence in schools isn’t a good idea – as well as some alternatives. Our Streets Now is a UK based organisation that is looking to end public sexual harassment. It was founded in 2019 by two teenage sisters, sharing how they experienced the world as young women. They spoke about feeling afraid walking home at night. About being harassed in their school uniform. About how their lives were restricted by the fear of public sexual harassment. And about how this was an everyday reality for millions of women, girls and people of marginalised genders up and down the country. They began a petition to make public sexual harassment (PSH) a criminal offence. Within 100 days, that petition had over 100,000 signatures. It now sits at almost half a million. It caught the attention of local media, then national media, then policymakers at the heart of government. And, in 2023, the five year campaign to make PSH a crime was a success.  Timestamps 00:00 – Intro 00:55 – What is Our Streets Now and what do they do? 03:20 – All about the workshops run by Our Streets Now about sexual harassment 07:06 – How different genders respond differently to these workshops 10:23 – How to get students involved in difficult conversations about sexual harassment  13:43 – What do young people want to know?  18:40 – How we are all part of the problem 25:24: The ‘little and often’ approach – and why it’s so useful 26:54 – Should Adolescence be shown in schools as a learning resource?  31:14 – The alternative to showing Adolescence in schools 34:25 – How can parents and carers support these conversations?  37:41 – Issy's message to young people  39:13 – Where to find out more about Our Streets Now 40:50 – Conclusion  Find out more about Our Streets Now: https://www.ourstreetsnow.org/ Our Streets Now support: https://www.ourstreetsnow.org/support  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Toshi spoke with Mistress Sofia, the UK’s oldest dominatrix. Together they had a conversation about what it means to be a dominatrix, how Mistress Sofia got into this work, common misconceptions and what she’s learned in her time being a dominatrix. Check out more of Mistress Sofia here: https://www.mistress-sofia.co.uk/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Intro  00:47 – Who is Mistress Sofia?  01:20 – What does it mean to be a dominatrix? 02:12 – How did Mistress Sofia get started in this work? 04:05 – Why does Mistress Sofia not use the world ‘client’?  05:03 – How do people serve Mistress Sofia?  06:58 – Is Mistress Sofia a sex worker? 08:48 – “I always ask what their kinks are” 10:06 – Caning is not as simple as it looks 12:16 – For new dominatrixes: learn from Mistress Sofia 13:20 – What does it mean to be dominant? 14:58 – Mistress Sofia on confidence 16:24 – “You cannot do this for the money” 17:23 – What does Mistress Sofia love about her job?  19:13 – What is a lifestyle slave? 20:19 – When did Mistress Sofia realise she was dominant?  21:59 – Mistress Sofia’s message to women 23:14 – How does being 75 impact her work? 24:54 – Is seeing a dominatrix while you’re in a relationship considered cheating?   27:00 – Why seeing a dominatrix can be a kind of therapy  29:30 – Navigating shame 33:07 – Final thoughts 34:58 – Mistress Sofia’s thoughts on findoms 36:16 – Why Mistress Sofia doesn’t work with women 36:44 – Goals for the future 37:59 – Where to find more of Mistress Sofia -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

For this episode, Toshi had the opportunity to have a conversation with Will Adolphy, a former manosphere insider turned therapist. Will is a psychotherapist, educator, and speaker specialising in men’s mental health, masculinity, and emotional wellbeing. He leads M-Path, delivering talks and workshops to schools across the UK on masculinity, empathy, and the online world influencing boys. Will also hosts regular online parent + staff sessions for anyone interested in understanding the manosphere and how to approach conversations with boys more deeply.  Find him on Instagram @psychwill. Check out Will’s website here: https://www.willadolphy.com/.  Trigger warning: mention of rape, suicide. In this episode, we discuss:  Will’s story: how he was drawn into the manosphere and why online masculinity influencers attract young men. The scale of the issue: why this content is so widespread and influential. Inside the manosphere: Will’s experience with anti-feminist, anti-woke spaces. Engaging young men: how we can create safer, more open conversations about masculinity. A deeper problem: the manosphere as a symptom of society’s lack of support for men. Recovery steps: from self-empathy to accountability partners and honest dialogue. Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer 01:02 – Who is Will Adolphy? 03:06 – What drew Will to online masculinity influencers and why are they so appealing to young men and boys? 10:07 – How big is this issue?  12:05 – Will's experience of the manosphere 14:51 – How can we engage young men in this conversation? 17:31 – The manosphere isn’t the problem: it’s a symptom of the problem 19:00 – The difficulty of opening up as a man  21:22 – How was Will impacted by this masculinity content?  26:29 – The importance of having empathy for yourself 28:27 – What created the big shift for Will  33:53 – Will's step by step process for recovery 38:08 – How to find an accountability partner 39:45 – The importance of having open conversations 48:44 – What Will would want his younger self to know 53:34 – How do we become men? 58:36 – Conclusion -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this conversation, Daniel Guinness, co-founder and managing director of Beyond Equality, discusses the importance of engaging young boys and men in conversations about gender equality and mental health. He talks about his personal journey into this work, the organisation’s initiatives, and the impact of their programs on the boys and men who participate. Daniel emphasises the need for safe spaces for discussion, the importance of reframing how we see rejection, and advice for men who are trying to make new friends after a move.  TW: mention of self-harm. Check out Beyond Equality here: https://www.beyondequality.org/ Find them on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/beyond_equality  Timestamps:  00:00 - Intro 00:56 – Who is Dan Guinness and how did he get started in this space?  08:28 – What does Beyond Equality do and who do they work with?  12:56 – How do boys and men of different ages respond to these conversations? 15:22 – Working with a men's pie-making group 16:47 – Why you can’t do Beyond Equality’s work via powerpoint or podcast 19:06 – How do boys and men feel about Beyond Equality’s workshops? 24:33 – How societal structures prevent us from connecting with others 25:41 – Talking with boys and men who are resistant to these topics 31:26 – Why it’s a good thing to change your mind 32:37 – What has Dan learned from this work? 39:17 – Advice for young men trying to create friends after a move 46:38 – Reframing rejection for men  50:57 – Dan's message to young men – you're not the only one 52:55 – How you can support Beyond Equality -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In today’s episode, we were lucky enough to talk with Christopher Stephens and Louise Radnofsky, authors of ‘The Light of Day: The first man to come out at the dawn of gay liberation.’ This book is the story of the first man to come out voluntarily, using his own name, to the entire British public.  Toshi had a conversation with Christopher and Louise about Roger’s story and why he decided to come out publicly to all of Britain, as well as Christopher’s relationship to Roger. They also discussed why so many stories from gay men during this period have been lost, the similarities between the way that society treated gay and blind people at this time, the importance of intergenerational friendships amongst queer people, and Christopher and Louise’s take on what makes a life important.  Find a copy of the book here: geni.us/TheLightOfDay Follow Christopher here: https://www.instagram.com/cwbstephens/ Check out Louise here: https://www.instagram.com/louiseradnofsky/ Timestamps: 00:00 – Trailer 00:45 – Intro to Christopher and Louise 02:36 – What is the book ‘The Light of Day’ about?  05:35 – Deciding on how these stories would be woven together 08:16 – How have people responded to the book so far?  10:40 – Do you know Raymond Gregson or Robert G. Moorcroft?  12:58 – Why have so many stories from gay men during this time been lost?  15:25 – What was it like for Christopher to read letters from Roger after his death? 18:44 – The similarities between society’s treatment of gay and blind people 21:51 – Intergenerational friendships amongst queer people 27:29 – The special nature of this audiobook 30:52 – Why did Roger Butler decide to come out publicly to all of Britain?  36:13 – Why you should read ‘The Light of Day’ 39:49 – Reflecting on changes in law and society when it comes to homosexuality 43:17 – Where can you find a copy of ‘The Light of Day’?  45:26 – What makes a life important?  48:54 – Conclusion -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today we’re really excited to bring you a conversation with Marco Berger, an Argentinian film-maker, for a conversation about one of his latest works, which is the queer romcom ‘The Astronaut Lovers’.  Together, Tim and Marco discuss why Marco never reads reviews, what it means to follow your dreams, and why he believes cinema is an illusion. They also talk about his next project, his creative process and advice for upcoming filmmakers. Whether you’re a filmmaker yourself, a dreamer, or just curious about queer cinema that challenges norms, this episode is for you. Find more of Marco Berger here: https://www.instagram.com/marcobergercine/?hl=en Explore his films on Mubi: https://mubi.com/en/cast/marco-berger Read about Marco and ‘The Astronaut Lovers’ in The Guardian: https://www.theguardian.com/film/2025/mar/26/director-marco-berger-interview-queer-romcom-the-astronaut-lovers  Timestamps:  00:00 – Trailer and intro 01:41 – What inspired ‘The Astronaut Lovers’? 07:44 – Why Marco doesn't read reviews about his films 14:02 – Why you should always follow your dreams 16:52 – Why the cinema is a lie 21:56 – Can you separate the artist from the art?  23:37 – Marco's next project 27:07 – All about Marco’s creative process  32:24 – Where can you watch ‘The Astronaut Lovers’?  39:51 – Advice for upcoming filmmakers 45:26 – Final thoughts and where you can find Marco -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Jane and Dr Bonnie Comfort explore what makes love last - from managing desire, resentment, and mismatched expectations to unpacking how porn, childhood, and power dynamics shape our relationships. They discuss why falling in love is easy but staying in love takes daily effort, how to navigate conflict with humor, and what a real apology looks like. Plus, we look at the surprising lessons from ‘Babygirl,’ why people watch porn for more than just pleasure, and whether marriages are truly meant to last. Dr. Bonnie Comfort has been a practicing psychologist for 30 years. She has an MSW from the University of Manitoba and a PhD in psychology from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology Los Angeles. Her novel, “Denial,” a psychological thriller from Simon & Schuster, was published in eight countries and translated into five languages. As an expert on marital therapy, she has been a guest multiple times on podcasts about marriage and has taken extensive workshops with marital and sex experts like Terrence Real, David Schnarch, John Gottman, and Marty Klein. She currently lives in Portland, Oregon, with her long-time partner, Douglas Covey, MD.Find out more about Dr. Bonnie at http://bonniecomfort.com. Check out her book, ‘Staying Married is the Hardest Part’: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/staying-married-is-the-hardest-part-bonnie-comfort/1146385315  Timestamps 00:00 – Trailer 00:38 – Why falling in love is easy, but staying in love is a daily practice 05:41 – Can you change your partner? 08:07 - Managing different desires  11:51 - How our expectations of sex and bodies are shaped by porn  16:35 - Why do people watch porn?  18:53 - What ‘Babygirl’ can teach us about sex and relationships 21:24 - How to work through resentment in a relationship 24:15 - How do childhood experiences impact our relationships?  28:46 – Understanding power imbalances in a relationship 32:25 - How do you know if a relationship needs work, or is fundamentally broken? 35:14 - This is the formula for a great apology 37:19 - Recovering from affairs in a relationship 39:46 - Are marriages meant to last?  43:18 – Here's something a therapist wants you to know 44:25 - What Dr Bonnie wishes was included in sex ed 46:42 – Dr Bonnie’s sexiest song  47:20 – Conclusion  -----------------  Check out our books, 'How to talk with your kids about porn' and 'The Organ Education Forgot', available at https://www.sexinspace.com/books to download or buy.  Follow us here: https://www.instagram.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.tiktok.com/@sexinspacedotcom https://www.facebook.com/sexinspacedotcom https://www.youtube.com/@sexinspace For more info, check out our website at: https://www.sexinspace.com/  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.