Myth of Identity: Resetting Who You Are | 143

"I don’t know who I am anymore.”“Who said you need to know who you are?”My friend Patrick and I had this dialogue four years ago while he was realizing a big transformation. He was letting go of an identity that wasn’t serving him anymore.And despite it being a wanted change, it was scary.Who was he if not all the (mostly undesirable) traits that had become so familiar?Four years later, I find myself asking the same questions.My book published last fall. It took 13 years to complete. I started writing it around the same time I began working personal development. Publishing it felt like the completion of a certain identity.It felt weird.I actually thought I was depressed for a minute.But rather, I realized it was the mark of letting go of my past and starting something new…I listened to a podcast recently about an Amazonian tribe where, at any time, a person could change their name and restart their entire identity. Anytime someone experienced something they didn’t like, they just changed their name. Any actions of their past had to live in the past.Seems crazy to us “civilized” folk.But as absurd as it seems, it’s actually closer to what identity really is…A total abstraction.A fiction we use to tie us to a past and project our future.Sometimes its useful. Sometimes it traps us. Often both at different times.This episode is one of my most listened to on Insight Timer. I gave it a re-listen recently and thought its relevant to share.References Robert Lifton’s work on brainwashing, some of my clients’ transformations, and more. I have a backlog of episodes coming out soon. Enjoy and stay tuned. Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

How she feels around you is a reflection of how you feel inside.Many men dissociate from their unconscious in order to meet the needs of the relationship and family. And then get confused as to why the wife is less happy the more he sacrifices.She's picking up on the state of your unconscious. Your Anima.Ep 219 covered her side of Jung's Quaternity. This episode covers yours--the Anima.Article version: https://ruwando.substack.com/p/women-are-soul-detectorsNeed help with your relationship? Fill this out and I'll get back to you: https://ruwando.com/relationship-fix Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Most fatherhood advice sucks. It's often coded for political stock characters.A few years ago, expecting my daughter, I made a running doc of fatherhood lessons I was picking up while researching for my History Of Man podcast.A family is a micronation. Therefore, a father is a nationbuilder.This is Part 1 of a new series.Article version: https://ruwando.substack.com/p/how-to-patriarch-your-family-a-micronation(To catch Parts 2-5 make sure you're subscribed)Are you a married father who could use help thriving in your marriage? Fill out this form and I'll give you my personal feedback:https://ruwando.com/relationship-fixMy Masculine Archetype Challenge comes with a free 1hr coaching session with me:https://ruwando.com/archetype Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

If you often oscillate between opposites:You’re too hard or too soft.Overconfident one day. Self-doubting the next.It may come down to your Father Wound…In Campbell’s Monomyth, the hero’s journey begins in leaving the Status Quo—the metaphorical home of your father.The hero (your ego) seeks out a mentor, or Secondary Father, to fill in the gaps of your masculinity left by your upbringing.This can be seen in the types of men you’re drawn to…Most men’s personal development stops there.But that’s not the end of the journey.Psychologically, it just marks the end of adolescence.Hence a generation of self-improvement junkies who are still bogged down by internal conflict.There’s a later stage on the Hero’s Journey that marks the end of this conflict: Atonement to the Father.Evolutionarily this pegs to adulthood. Becoming father yourself.I happened to record this episode a year into fatherhood. (2023.)I’ve learned things since then. I’ll be sharing them next week.This episode still holds up. It covers:* The synthesis of your primary vs. secondary fathers in your masculinity* The Prodigal Son parable deeper meaning* Making peace with past and dad (if only internally)New series on fatherhood lessons from history coming next week!Make sure you’re on the list: https://ruwando.substack.com/Are you a father who wants to succeed in relationship and business? Message me. I have a new program for married dads.The 21 Day Masculine Archetype Challenge comes with a free 1hr coaching session with me:https://ruwando.com/archetype Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Each of us have a Master and Slave archetype within us. They represent two opposite ways of evaluating reality, and therefore making decisions. The more you operate from Master Morality, the more true you are being to your nature as a man.I break down Nietzsche's concept of Nobility here and how it relates to male biology, modern society, and expressing yourself as a man. This was originally recorded 5 years ago while I was awaiting the birth of my daughter. (I edited out the time-references though.)Archetype Challenge (comes with a free coaching session with me): ruwando.com/archetypeText of this post (and my newsletter) ruwando.substack.com(History of Man podcast which I mention in this episode is there too.) Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

You've been here before: She's upset and talking nonsense.Every male instinct in you wants to correct her contradictions (and prove YOU are right). It's a trap.Uncle Carl offers us a better mental model that makes all the nonsense make sense.Understanding it will help you 1) neutralizing her arguments, 2) handling her unconscious so that future arguments are less necessary.And be the Happy Genius of Your Household.Text version: ruwando.substack.comBtw, if you could some help in your relationship, fill out this form and I'll personally respond with my take:ruwando.com/relationship-fix Other stuff:Anabolic Psyche (hack brain chemistry)Masculine Archetype Challenge Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Your social brain "thinks" that if you are extra hard on yourself it will motivate you to do better.But the opposite is true: The more you make yourself feel bad, the more you unconsciously do things to justify bad feelings.Shame kills your mojo more than anything else. Kills performance. Disconnects you from your instincts and "soul."This episode is on freeing yourself from shame considering:* Evolutionary basis of this social emotion.* Why self-shaming backfires. (Transactional Analysis)* A simple but profound solution from the “Father of modern therapy,” Dr. Carl Rogers.ruwando.substack.comAnabolic Psyche course: go.anabolicpsyche.com (see Dopamine Detox add-on)If you're a married father who needs help in relationship, fill out this form and I'll help you out:https://ruwando.com/relationship-fix Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

"Men's Personal Development" wasn't a thing even one generation ago. It became so due to shifts in culture and technology. It also is a lens on the changes in male collective consciousness.This episode analyzes the 4 recent iterations of men's work--culturally, psychologically, and technologically-- and what it says about where male psychology is headed.Article version: https://ruwando.substack.com/p/evolution-of-mens-personal-developmentMasculine Archetype Challenge: ruwando.com/archetype Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

After a weird COVID relationship, a friend lent me a copy of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.While dated in terms of style, I was shocked at how useful it was 20 years later.I was also surprised that John had a lot to say about semen retention when I interviewed him.Little did I know, he has a deeply spiritual (and sexual) past.On that note, you can get Arousal Control Mastery (normally $497) for free if you take and complete the Anabolic Psyche mini-course within a timeframe. https://go.anabolicpsyche.com/Reposting this one, as I'm preparing a new episode on the Evolution of Men's Personal Development: Transformation of the Male Unconscious, where I reference 90's self-help.Stay tuned! Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe

Is there a formula for getting your way (with people or circumstances)?In my experience, there are certain qualities that make someone particularly magnetic in this sense.I draw an actionable metaphor from the physics formula for literal magnetism,Get the text version with breakdown and summary at ruwando.substack.comAnabolic Psyche 2.0: go.anabolicpsyche.com + Get my Arousal Control program for free (if you complete Anabolic Psyche.) Get full access to Ruwando Substack at ruwando.substack.com/subscribe