Episode 5: The Thoughts That Scare Me

What does living with OCD really look like when nobody's watching?For this OCD Awareness Week special, I'm handing RoseCD over to the Loopers! Through personal stories and voice notes, we explore the intrusive thoughts, compulsions, humour and everyday realities of OCD that so often go misunderstood.I'm reacting to your experiences, reflecting on Season 1 and celebrating the voices that make this community what it is!🎙️ The thoughts. The rituals. The reality.Follow RoseCD on Spotify and find me on Instagram and TikTok @rosecdpodcast.Personal experiences only, not professional mental health advice. Can you IMAGINE lol.

After ten episodes of thoughts, rituals, reassurance, guilt, relationships, health anxiety and everything in between, we’ve reached the RoseCD season finale.In this episode, I’m looking at the question I think so many of us with OCD have asked ourselves: is this just my life now?I talk about what recovery has actually looked like for me, why getting better doesn’t necessarily mean never having another intrusive thought, and the difference between trying to get rid of OCD and learning how to stop letting it run your life.

What if the thing you can’t stop obsessing over actually happened?This week, I’m talking about Real Event OCD, when OCD grabs hold of something from your past and refuses to let you move on.Did I do something wrong? What does it say about me? What if I’m remembering it incorrectly? What if I hurt someone? Do I need to confess? And how can I possibly forgive myself when I still don’t know for certain what it all means?I talk about the difference between reflecting on your past and compulsively investigating it.

Have you ever noticed one tiny symptom and immediately assumed you have approximately 45 minutes left to live?Same.In this episode of RoseCD, I’m talking about health anxiety: the symptom checking, body scanning, Googling, reassurance seeking and relentless, “but what if this time it’s actually serious?”I talk about my own experiences with health anxiety and OCD, why reassurance can feel irresistible when you’re scared, and the exhausting cycle of trying to achieve absolute certainty about your health.

What if I don’t love them enough? What if I’m forcing it? What if I’ve chosen the wrong person?In this episode of RoseCD, I’m talking about Relationship OCD (ROCD) and the relentless need to know exactly how you feel about the person you love.I’m joined by Rosie to talk about what my OCD and her ADHD has actually looked like inside our marriage, and questioning a relationship that, from the outside, might look completely certain.Because when you have OCD, even love can become something you feel you have to prove.We talk about the impact OCD can have on both partners, what Rosie has learned from being on the other side of my reassurance seeking, and why learning to live without absolute certainty can be one of the hardest parts of recovery.

This week, we’re talking about one of OCD’s favourite little torture devices: guilt.The replaying. The analysing. The desperate need to work out what your thoughts, feelings, memories and mistakes say about you as a person. Because when you have OCD, it’s not always enough to know what happened. You need to know what it means.Am I selfish? Did I secretly enjoy that thought? What if I’ve remembered something wrong?And eventually, the investigation becomes bigger than the crime.In Episode 6 of RoseCD, I’m digging into my own experiences with guilt, morality, confession, rumination and the exhausting pursuit of proving to myself that I’m a “good person”.Follow RoseCD so you don’t miss next week’s episode!

What if the thoughts in your head don't reflect who you are at all?In this episode, I'm talking about the intrusive thoughts I've spent years hiding. The darkest most disturbing ones. The ones that convinced me I was a terrible person. I'll tell you what they felt like, why they terrified me, and how OCD twists fear into "evidence".If you've ever wondered, "What if this thought means something?", this episode is for you.Listener discretion advised: This episode contains discussion of intrusive thoughts that some listeners may find distressing.

This week we're diving into why reassurance is so addictive, why it secretly feeds OCD, and what recovery looks like instead!Join me as I discuss a very unexpected person reentering my life and the spiral that followed my wedding speech. Lol.

In Episode 3 of RoseCD, we're talking about how to break the OCD cycle, why compulsions keep OCD alive, and what recovery actually looks like. If you've ever wondered how to stop OCD from controlling your life, this episode is for you.

What does OCD actually feel like?In this episode, I'm taking you inside the OCD loop, the relentless cycle of intrusive thoughts, anxiety, compulsions and temporary relief that can feel impossible to escape.I'll share what goes on inside my mind, why reassurance never seems to last, and how OCD convinces us that certainty is just one more thought away!If you've ever felt trapped by your own thoughts, this episode is for you!If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear from you. Leave a comment on Spotify or YouTube, or drop me a DM on Instagram @RoseCDPodcast