Your Spouse Was Never Meant to Be Your Happily Ever After

Send us Fan MailWhat does the Catholic Church actually mean when it says that every marital act must remain “open to life”?Order Lovemaking: How to Talk about Sex with Your Spousehttps://www.avemariapress.com/products/lovemakingIn Part 1, we started following the footnotes.Now we’re going further. Beginning with Catechism paragraph 2366, we follow the Church’s citations through Humanae Vitae, Casti Connubii, and Pope Pius XII’s 1951 Address to Midwives to answer a controversial question:Does the Church actually teach that sexual activity within marriage must retain its intrinsic relationship to intercourse and procreation—or is that simply one interpretation Catholics have added later?Along the way, we also wrestle with the difficult real-life questions that come with that teaching. What if a couple knows they’re infertile? What about pregnancy or menopause? What if you’re practicing NFP during an infertile phase? Does every moment of sexual arousal between spouses have to end in intercourse?What if intercourse is painful? And what happens when a teaching of the Church genuinely feels impossible in your marriage?One of the most important distinctions in this conversation is between something being infertile and something being deliberately rendered contrary to its natural ordering.Humanae Vitae explicitly recognizes that married couples can engage in intercourse when conception is impossible for reasons independent of their will. Infertility does not make marital intimacy meaningless.At the same time, as we continue following the Church’s own sources, the consistent principle becomes increasingly clear: Catholics are not free to deliberately change the nature of the marital act simply because conception isn’t possible.That doesn’t mean every difficult situation has a simple answer. Pain is real. Infertility is real. Fear surrounding another pregnancy can be real.Serious problems within a marriage are real. Those circumstances deserve genuine compassion and accompaniment. But accompaniment isn’t the same thing as pretending the Church hasn’t taught something simply because living it is difficult.Chapters00:00 Settling What “Open to Life” Actually Means 01:08 Humanae Vitae 11: What the Church Actually Says 02:04 Can Sex Be Open to Life When Pregnancy Is Impossible? 03:30 What About NFP, Pregnancy, Infertility, and Menopause? 04:06 Does Every Moment of Arousal Have to End in PIV? 05:04 Intention Matters in Catholic Marital Intimacy 06:27 Chastity Doesn’t Mean Being Afraid of Your Spouse 07:23 Why Affection and Arousal Aren’t Automatically Sinful 08:01 Why Infertile Sex Is Still Noble and Worthy 09:44 God’s Design Includes Natural Periods of Infertility 11:08 What Does “Intrinsic Relationship to Procreation” Mean? 12:56 What If This Teaching Feels Impossible in Your Marriage? 14:18 Following Humanae Vitae to Casti Connubii 15:20 What Does “Deliberately Frustrated” Mean? 16:57 What If Intercourse Is Painful? 18:10 You Don’t Have to Finish Just Because You Started 18:46 Why Pain Is Different From Deliberately Avoiding the Marital Act 20:36 Does Something Being Good for Your Marriage Make It Morally Good? 21:55 Is the Church Really Prescribing PIV? 23:08 Pope Pius XII on the Marital Act 26:37 Is This Church Teaching Permanent? 27:56 How Catholic Couples Can Help Other Couples Live ThisTwo Become Family exists to encourage Catholics who love the Church, love each other, and still find marriage and family life harder than it’s supposed to be.BOOKS, WRITING, AND RESOURCES📕 Order Lovemaking: How to Talk about Sex with Your Spousehttps://www.avemariapress.com/products/lovemaking✍️ Read our writing on Catholic marriage, family life, communication, intimacy, parenting, and ordinary holiness: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com🎤 Book Renzo and Monica to speak for your parish, diocese, marriage retreat, conference, or Catholic event: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/p/book-renzo-and-monica-to-speak-for🏠 Learn more about Two Become Family: https://twobecomefamily.com📲 Follow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/twobecomefamily/Our Shophttps://www.two-become-family-shop.fourthwall.comSupport the show

Send us Fan MailOrder Lovemaking: How to Talk about Sex with Your Spousehttps://www.avemariapress.com/products/lovemakingWhat does the Catholic Church actually mean when it teaches that sex between husband and wife must be “open to life”? Does every sexual encounter have to end in intercourse? What about couples dealing with infertility? What about pregnancy, menopause, or times when conception simply isn’t possible?And is the idea that the marital act needs to remain ordered toward procreation actually Church teaching—or simply one interpretation promoted by Catholic authors and speakers?In this episode, we start following the footnotes. Rather than relying only on what Catholic marriage writers, Theology of the Body speakers, or “Catholic sex influencers” say, we go directly to the Catechism of the Catholic Church and then follow its citations into Humanae Vitae to understand what the Church means when it talks about the unitive and procreative meanings of sex.But there’s another important part of this conversation. Catholic teaching on sexuality isn’t meant to become a checklist that ignores the actual state of a marriage.A husband and wife can technically follow a sexual rule while still struggling with resentment, coercion, emotional disconnection, selfishness, or serious disagreements about family life.So what does faithful Catholic marital intimacy actually require?In this episode we talk about:What Catholics mean when they say sex must be “open to life”Why we use the abbreviation PIV when discussing the marital actWhether the Church actually teaches that every marital act must remain ordered toward procreationHow to distinguish Church teaching from someone’s interpretation of Church teachingWhat the Catechism says in paragraph 2366Why the Church connects the unitive and procreative meanings of sexWhether infertile, pregnant, or postmenopausal couples can still be open to lifeWhat Humanae Vitae 11 says about marital intercourse when conception isn’t possibleWhy Catholic teaching describes marital sexuality as noble and worthyWhy difficult circumstances require genuine pastoral accompanimentHow infertility and trying to conceive can change a couple’s experience of sexWhy simply following the “rules” doesn’t automatically create healthy marital intimacyChastity, self-mastery, and genuinely giving yourself to your spouseWhy lust, coercion, or using your spouse for gratification are incompatible with authentic marital intimacyWhen deeper problems in a marriage need to be addressed before sex can become truly unitiveOne of the most important distinctions in this conversation is this: Knowing what the Church teaches and knowing how to accompany a struggling couple are not competing goals.Pastoral care requires compassion for the actual circumstances of a marriage. But good pastoral care also needs something solid underneath it—a clear understanding of what the Church actually teaches.So we’re going to the sources. And because this conversation turned out to be much bigger than one episode, this is only the beginning.Chapters00:00 What Does “Open to Life” Actually Mean?01:28 Is Catholic Teaching About Sex Too Legalistic?04:05 Is This Church Teaching or Just an Interpretation?05:26 What About Pregnancy, Infertility, and Menopause?06:25 Following the Footnotes08:34 What the Catechism Actually Says About Sex10:44 When Church Teaching Feels Impossible to Live13:35 Pastoral Care Cannot Change the Truth15:00 What Humanae Vitae Says About Infertile Sex16:08 Sex Should Be “Intimate and Chaste”19:26 Following the Rules Isn’t Enough21:01 Lust, Coercion, and Using Your Spouse23:19 Where We Go From HereTwo Become Family exists to encourage Catholics who love the Church, love each other, and still find marriage and family life harder than it’s supposed to be.BOOKS, WRITING, AND RESOURCES📕 Order Lovemaking: How to Talk about Sex with Your Spousehttps://www.avemariapress.com/products/lovemaking✍️ Read our writing on Catholic marriage, family life, communication, intimacy, parenting, and ordinary holiness: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com🎤 Book Renzo and Monica to speak for your parish, diocese, marriage retreat, conference, or Catholic event: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/p/book-renzo-and-monica-to-speak-for🏠 Learn more about Two Become Family: https://twobecomefamily.com📲 Follow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/twobecomefamily/Our Shophttps://www.two-become-family-shop.fourthwall.comSupport the showSupport the show

Send us Fan MailSeason 5 is here—and we’re starting with sex.Order Lovemaking: How to Talk about Sex with Your Spousehttps://www.avemariapress.com/products/lovemakingMore specifically, we’re jumping into a debate happening in Catholic circles online:Are Catholic marriage speakers being more prescriptive about sex than the Catholic Church actually is?Recently, Catholic speakers such as Jackie Angel have received criticism for saying plainly that sexual intimacy between husband and wife should culminate in intercourse—what we refer to in our book Lovemaking as PIV. The criticism isn’t simply that this language is too explicit.The deeper argument is: The Church never actually says that. You’re adding your own interpretation to Church teaching. So… are we?In this season-opening episode, we begin working through that question by going directly to Humanae Vitae 11 and 12 and asking what the Church means when it teaches that every marital act must preserve both its unitive and procreative meanings. And we quickly discover that the disagreement isn’t only about sex.It’s also about how Catholics read Church documents, how doctrine gets pastorally communicated, how natural law works, and whether making a teaching easier to understand is the same thing as adding something to it.We talk about:Why Catholic social media is arguing about how married couples should have sexThe criticism directed toward Jackie Angel and other Catholic marriage speakersWhy we use the abbreviation PIV when discussing intercourseWhether talking explicitly about sex is inappropriate or actually necessaryThe difference between being explicit and being irreverentWhether saying marital intimacy should culminate in intercourse goes beyond Church teachingWhat Humanae Vitae 11 and 12 actually sayWhat the Church means by the unitive and procreative meanings of sexWhy every marital act must retain its relationship to procreationWhat natural law means in Catholic moral theologyWhy Church documents aren’t always easy for ordinary Catholics to interpretThe difference between doctrine and pastoral applicationWhy some Catholics genuinely need someone to tell them plainly, “What does this actually mean?”Why social media makes pastoral accompaniment especially difficultWhy the unitive meaning of sex deserves just as much attention as the procreative meaningWhat it means for intimacy to be rightly ordered toward lifeWhy helping someone understand Church teaching isn’t necessarily the same thing as adding to itHow couples’ lived experiences should be acknowledged without changing moral truthOne of the biggest questions we raise is this: If Humanae Vitae says that every marital act must preserve both its unitive and procreative meanings, what exactly does that require of a married couple?Because simply repeating the words “unitive and procreative” doesn’t necessarily tell a couple what to do. Some Catholics want the theological principle.Others are asking: Okay—but what does that actually look like?And sometimes pastoral care means someone has to be willing to say the difficult thing clearly. This episode begins a three-part conversation examining what the Catholic Church actually teaches about marital intimacy, being “open to life,” and whether the common Catholic understanding of the marital act can really be found in the Church’s own documents.Chapters00:00 Welcome Back to Season 5 01:12 Why the Internet Is Arguing About Catholic Sex 01:24 The Controversy Over Jackie Angel’s Marriage Advice 02:32 Why We Use the Term PIV 03:23 Is Talking Explicitly About Catholic Sex “Cringeworthy”? 04:15 Are Catholics Adding Rules the Church Never Taught? 05:04 What Humanae Vitae Actually Says About the Marital Act 06:26 Why Church Documents Can Be Difficult to Understand 07:35 What Natural Law Actually Means 09:24 “Each and Every Marital Act” — What Does That Mean? 10:16 Doctrine vs. Pastoral Application 11:35 Why Catholic Social Media Gets This Conversation Wrong 13:24 Why Some Couples Need Clear, Prescriptive Answers 15:09 Why Catholic Speakers Need to Say the Difficult Thing 16:01 Can Sex Be Procreative Without PIV? 17:23 What Does “Ordered Toward Life” Actually Mean? 18:32 The Unitive Meaning of Catholic Sex Matters Too 20:03 Why Some Catholics Need Someone to Just Say It 21:46 Are We Misinterpreting Humanae Vitae? 22:24 What Does “Unitive” Actually Require in Marriage? 23:39 Truth, Pastoral Care, and a Couple’s Lived Experience 25:11 Where This Conversation Goes NextTwo Become Family is conversations and encouragement for your Catholic family—helping couples believe in what they are and become the family God created them to be.BOOKS, WRITING, AND RESOURCES📕 Order Lovemaking: How to Talk about Sex with Your Spousehttps://www.avemariapress.com/products/lovemaking✍️ Read our writing on Catholic marriage, family life, communication, intimacy, parenting, and ordinary holiness: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com🎤 Book Renzo and Monica to speak for your parish, diocese, marriage retreat, conference, or Catholic event: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/p/book-renzo-and-monica-to-speak-for🏠 Learn more about Two Become Family: https://twobecomefamily.com📲 Follow us on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/twobecomefamily/Our Shophttps://www.two-become-family-shop.fourthwall.comSupport the show

Send us Fan MailCan Catholics French kiss before marriage? After Elizabeth Busby’s Theology of the Body Institute answer and Christian B. Wagner’s response, “No, You Can’t Kiss Your Girlfriend,” sparked a Catholic internet debate, Renzo and Monica enter the conversation as a married Catholic couple.Is passionate kissing always sinful outside of marriage? Is arousal the same as lust? And what does chastity actually require from dating and engaged couples who are trying to love one another well?This is a conversation about French kissing before marriage, Catholic dating, Theology of the Body, desire, chastity, and why marriage does not simply make using another person acceptable.Follow us on Instagram @twobecomefamily.Looking for some accompaniment when it comes to talk about sex with your spouse?, Check out our book and order Lovemaking: How to talk about sex with your spouseOur other booksGo To Joseph: 10 Day Consecration to St. JosephGo To Joseph For ChildrenDon't forget to visit https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/Support the show

Send us Fan MailIn this episode, Renzo and Monica pause their regular series to talk about Pope Leo’s latest encyclical, Magnifica Humanitas, through the lens of marriage and family life.This is not meant to be a full summary of the document. It is an invitation to read it. But as we worked through the encyclical, we kept seeing how much Pope Leo’s reflections on human dignity, artificial intelligence, technology, algorithms, and the attention economy matter for Catholic families.The rebuilding of society starts in the home. The family is where a child first learns who he is, what he is worth, and what it means to be loved. That matters even more in a world where technology is forming imagination, attention, self-worth, and desire.We talk about why parents cannot afford to ignore AI, why filters and blockers are not enough, how the attention economy exploits vulnerability, and why AI can imitate care but can never actually love us.We also discuss how marriage and family life teach our children the difference between a tool and a person, between quick answers and real relationships, and between being managed by technology and being formed in love.To read the full ten points from the encyclical, visit our accompanying article on Substack.Follow us on Instagram @twobecomefamily.Looking for some accompaniment when it comes to talk about sex with your spouse?, Check out our book and order Lovemaking: How to talk about sex with your spouseOur other booksGo To Joseph: 10 Day Consecration to St. JosephGo To Joseph For ChildrenDon't forget to visit https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/Support the show

Send us Fan MailWhat happens when you go into marriage expecting your spouse to make you happy, fix your wounds, or finally give your life the meaning you’ve been looking for?In this episode, we talk about why your spouse was never meant to be your savior. Marriage is not just two people coexisting, splitting chores, raising kids, and trying to stay comfortable. For Catholics, marriage is a sacramental journey toward Jesus. That means romance, joy, friendship, suffering, healing, sacrifice, and grace all belong inside the story.We also talk about the “pictures” we carry into marriage, how shows like Boy Meets World shaped our expectations, why marriage can feel disappointing when our picture is wrong, and why Jesus has to be more than an add-on in marriage formation.Looking for some accompaniment when it comes to talk about sex with your spouse?, Check out our book and order Lovemaking: How to talk about sex with your spouseOur other booksGo To Joseph: 10 Day Consecration to St. JosephGo To Joseph For ChildrenDon't forget to visit https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/Support the show

Send us Fan MailSend share this episode with a priest who walks with couples! Or share it with a young person, engaged couple, or married couple that wishes the Church gave them more guidance. We try walking with couples about sex, that's why we wrote this book to help Order Lovemaking: How to talk about sex with your spouseOur other booksGo To Joseph: 10 Day Consecration to St. JosephGo To Joseph For ChildrenDon't forget to visit https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/Support the show

Send us Fan MailOn Tuesday 28 April 2026, the Dicastery for Laity, Family and Life will hosted a study day asking:"How can the Church form pastors capable of accompanying young people, engaged couples, and spouses so that they live Christian marriage as an authentic experience of faith in a cultural context marked by secularization? Several speakers addressed that question, including Father Andrea Bozzolo, rector of the Pontifical Salesian University."No one invited us, BUT we still wanted to add our two cents on how the Church could do a better job accompanying young people, engaged, couples, and married people.Catholic marriage is not just a beautiful idea. It is a sacrament lived through sex, sacrifice, fertility, exhaustion, money, children, resentment, forgiveness, prayer, and the daily choice to love someone who is also being slowly sanctified by God at the same time. Catholic couples need understanding and guidance, not sentimental language. If the Church wants to really accompany people, they need to shift away from, giving couples a romanticized theology of marriage because, though good and true, it ultimately leaves them feeling alone with the actual work of becoming one flesh.Send share this episode with a priest who walks with couples! Or share it with a young person, engaged couple, or married couple that wishes the Church gave them more guidance. We try walking with couples about sex, that's why we wrote this book to help Order Lovemaking: How to talk about sex with your spouseOur other booksGo To Joseph: 10 Day Consecration to St. JosephGo To Joseph For ChildrenDon't forget to visit https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/Support the show

Send us Fan MailWhy would the Resurrection change how Catholics talk about sex?We got into an online argument about sex, marriage, and what husbands are owed. But the more we talked, the more we realized the real disagreement was deeper than sex. It was about what marriage is, what sexual desire is, and whether how we understood the Resurrection actually changes what we believe our bodies are for.We wrote a Catholic s*x book! Check it out: Order LOVEMAKING!  Our other booksGo To Joseph: 10 Day Consecration to St. JosephGo To Joseph For ChildrenSUPPORT OUR APOSTOLATEThank you all for your ongoing support. We love what we do and pray that it is a blessing to you and your families. If you are benefitting in some way from what we're doing read and subscribe to our Substack: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/Our ApostolateAbout UsConnect with us and send us a message on InstagramYouTube ChannelSupport the show

Send us Fan MailWe got into an argument in front of our kids and then we talked about it. Let's jump in!We wrote a Catholic s*x book! Check it out: Order LOVEMAKING!  Our other booksGo To Joseph: 10 Day Consecration to St. JosephGo To Joseph For ChildrenSUPPORT OUR APOSTOLATEThank you all for your ongoing support. We love what we do and pray that it is a blessing to you and your families. If you are benefitting in some way from what we're doing read and subscribe to our Substack: https://twobecomefamily.substack.com/Our ApostolateAbout UsConnect with us and send us a message on InstagramYouTube ChannelSupport the show