Flawless Part 2 - Learning Distrust

Flawless talks about her relationship with her ASPD partner and some of his difficulties. She highlights some of the patterns she has, where she holds back in her interactions with others, hiding parts of herself to stay psychologically safe.

Flawless shares some harrowing details of growing up in an environment plagued by intergenerational trauma and emotional abuse. She recounts experiences of being betrayed or mistreated by family members, leading to a deep-seated distrust of others. Through these anecdotes, Flawless reveals how early childhood interactions shaped her personality, resulting in feelings of mistrust and isolation.

TRIGGER WARNING: CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSEIn this episode, we meet Flawless, a young woman grappling with the effects of an intense lack of safety in childhood.Flawless outlines the events leading to her formal diagnoses and shares a few reflections on how she is affected by the guardedness of others, revealing some of challenges of maintaining identity integrity when we haven't had the upbringing to develop it fully.The discussion also touches on some cultural influences around levels of emotional expression, drawing contrasts between various cultural backgroundsFlawless also starts to introduce us to some of the events which impacted her childhood., and the episode ends with a brief description of the core criteria for Schizotypal Personality Disorder.

Simone shares her struggles with a dysfunctional family dynamic. Diagnosed with recurring depression and BPD, she wonders if ADHD and autism might better explain her experiences. Raised by a distant, sometimes violent father and an emotionally unstable mother, Simone was thrust into a caretaker role, trying to stabilise her mother's moods. She describes a family environment fraught with emotional dysregulation, a lack of boundaries, and a strong enmeshment, especially with her father's side. This upbringing left her feeling overwhelmed by responsibility and struggling with personal boundaries and self-worth.

TRIGGER WARNING: ABUSE, VIOLENCE AND MANIPULATIONLoksat, diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder in his late teens, discusses his why he now thinks that he is more likely to fit the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, and what it was that held him back from expressing himself. He describes his attraction to individuals who have borderline personality disorder (BPD) and how these interactions fulfil his drive for idealisation and withdrawal. He dives into the patterns within his relationship with his BPD girlfriend, and his hopes that understanding and working on these compulations will bring them both some resolution of childhood wounds.

TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSIONS OF ABUSELoksat was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder (ASPD) at a young age but now, having started to reconnect with his feelings, believes he's more likely to be NPD.He talks about his deliberate manipulations of his BPD girlfriend, what her intense reactions mean to him, and how he finds safety in her acting out.As we dig down into the details of his life, we find powerful factors which have shaped his relationship behaviours, his understanding of the world, and his experience of love.Although the conversation initially might seem like it endorses Loksat acting in destructive ways, it doesn't. Loksat has never known any other way of being, and, as the conversation continues, it starts to become clear that Loksat is aware that he is working through his childhood traumas by recreating them. If we, the Cluster B's who behave in damaging ways within relationships, want to progress beyond those patterns, first we need to understand them. If we are in a relationship and on the receiving end of damaging behaviour, we need to understand it. Knowledge and insight will set us free.

Ilkin was diagnosed with NPD in his early twenties, as well as ADHD and mild OCD. His NPD drove him to achieve in his career, but also to self-destruct. In this second part of his interview, he talks about the negatives of NPD, both in himself and what he has seen in others. He also reveals a program which helped him learn to be honest and vulnerable - one which has the potential to be adapted to help many people with pathological narcissism.

Ilkan comes from a country that was once part of the USSR. He shares his journey of self-discovery and recovery and reflects on the perceptions he held about his own intelligence and how distorted beliefs contributed to his narcissistic traits. Through therapy and introspection, Ilkan learns to embrace his ordinariness, allowing himself to connect more authentically with others and experience genuine joy. The episode provides a poignant look at the impacts of societal and familial dynamics on personality development.

In a candid discussion, support-forum moderator and creator of npd-recovery.com, "Invis", opens up about her journey through addiction and mental health issues, finding growth through communication, respect and the Smart Recovery program. This secular alternative to 12-step programs helped initiate a process of rebuilding, despite setbacks like a dramatic shame spiral triggered by a fragile moment. Invis speaks about discovering the importance of redefining success and embracing vulnerability as a strength, ultimately transforming her personal expectations to live a more fulfilling life.

To celebrate the launch of the new npd-recovery.com website, Its creator, Invisible, joins us to share parts of her journey.In between putting together the free resources available on the website, Invis is also a moderator on a major support forum for people with narcissism - a forum which has over 50K members, many of whom have experience of Cluster B disorders/traits. In her early years, Invis struggled to connect with others and frequently acted out. She received a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiance Disorder and Conduct Disorder. Her teenage and early adult years were turbulent, but then a collapse led to the determination to face herself and take charge of her direction. In creating npd-recover.com, Invis drew on both her own personal insights as well as the perspectives she has developed through her important work on the forum.