209 - Subtle Trauma, People-Pleasing & Reclaiming Calm for Autistic Women

In Episode 209 of our “Things That REALLY Matter” series on Beyond Chronic Burnout, Carole Jean Whittington and Becca Lory Hector dive deep into the often-overlooked world of subtle trauma—especially how it uniquely impacts autistic women.Together, they explore how lifelong patterns like people-pleasing, hyper-vigilance, emotional suppression, and the fear of being “too much” are often rooted in trauma we were never taught to recognize. From personal stories to practical tools, this episode is a must-watch if you’re navigating burnout, masking, or the struggle to prioritize your own needs.💬 “People-pleasing at the expense of your own well-being is a giant trap. It masquerades as politeness or kindness.” — Becca Lory Hector 💬 “I reclaim calm. It is mine. It belongs to me.” — Carole Jean Whittington🔎 Topics Covered:Subtle trauma in autistic womenThe impact of masking and emotional suppressionCommunication, boundaries, and burnout recoverySelf-worth without performanceHow to reclaim calm and rest without guilt🎧 Listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast platform or watch right here.🔗 Download the free checklist: 22 Subtle Signs of Trauma 📬 Get weekly insights inside The Recharge: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1180958 #BeyondChronicBurnout #AutisticWomen #SubtleTrauma #NeurodivergentBurnout #PeoplePleasing #SelfWorth #AutismAndTrauma #ReclaimRest #AutisticVoices #BurnoutRecovery

In this powerful episode of Things That REALLY Matter, Carole Jean Whittington and Becca Lory Hector dive deep into one of the most toxic messages autistic women have been fed: that we must hustle to be worthy of rest.From masking-induced guilt to inherited scarcity mindsets, this episode explores how internalized capitalism, neurodivergent nervous systems, and societal pressure collide—leaving us burnt out and disconnected from our natural rhythms.✨ Carole Jean shares her personal story of panic responses to rest ✨ Becca opens up about growing up in survival mode and redefining value ✨ Together they unpack the myth of “earning rest” and offer pathways to healingYou’ll hear how living in alignment with seasonal and moon cycles can help autistic women move away from hustle culture and back into the comfort of their own bodies. Plus, they offer micro-challenges and self-awareness practices you can try today.Whether you're an autistic woman unmasking your values or a helping professional guiding others through burnout, this conversation will ground you in what really matters.🔗 Connect with Becca Lory Hector:https://beccalory.com/  🔗 Connect with Carole Jean Whittington: 🔥 Feeling the Burn? Find out where you are on the burnout scale with the Spicy Pepper Burnout Quiz! Whether you're just starting to sizzle or fully in Ghost Pepper mode, this quick quiz helps you identify your current burnout level—and what to do next.🎯 Take the quiz and unlock your free Pepper insights to start feeling better—on your terms. 👉 Take the Quiz Now https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1155744 Redefine unmasking. Reclaim your comfort zone. Restore your Optimum Steady State.#AutisticBurnout #SelfDiscovery #AutisticWomen #AutisticWellBeing #ThingsThatReallyMatter

In this cozy and personal solo episode, Carole Jean Whittington shares her real-life journey of rest, healing, and unexpected adventures—including a nasty bee sting, a crooked pool, and an invitation to direct the very first CASY Summer Camp through Cultural Autism Studies at Yale.Tune in as Carole Jean offers a beautiful reflection on what it means to truly listen to your body, honor your limits, and embrace a new kind of rest—one layered with play, creativity, and self-discovery.🌹 Plus, she pulls a card from her Rose Deck (The Fertile Void) and explores how this sacred season of becoming is guiding her—and maybe guiding you, too.🔥 BONUS: Learn all about CASY Summer Camp: Your Compass to Self Care—a 6-week, free, on-demand experience created by autistic adults for autistic adults. There’s still time to register and join the Campfire Kickoff this Sunday!🪵 Register here: https://forms.gle/wrGnyjGxqN33x18Q9💌 And don’t forget—our Social Saturday episodes continue all summer, and your UnVeiler Kaleidoscope Community meets this Sunday!🔔 Subscribe + turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout—where we explore what it really means to thrive as autistic women.🔗 Connect with Carole Jean Whittington: Take the Spicy Pepper Quiz: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1155744 Subscribe to The Recharge Newsletter and receive weekly burnout recovery insights, tools for yourself or to use with your autistic clients, and learn about upcoming workshops at Whittington Well-Being.🔗 Subscribe to The Recharge: https://energyuplevel.kit.com/becomeafan 🔗 ALIGNMENT SUNDAYSHave you ever felt that Sunday evening dread, knowing another week is looming? 🌟As someone who has been there, I understand the feeling of your to-do list spiraling out of control. That's why I'm thrilled to introduce Alignment Sundays - a sanctuary designed just for you.  Join Us!  Get a FREE trial starting today Then just $11 monthly. This could be the change you've been seeking. Together, let's turn Sunday evenings into a time of peace and preparation, rather than dread.Ready to reclaim your week? Let's embark on this journey together.Get Started this Sunday: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1180659 🌿 Ready to reconnect with your authentic Self and finally step into your Comfort Zone? Get your copy of Living Unmasked: An Autistic Woman’s Guide to Get Into Your Comfort Zone—and start your journey out of burnout and into sustainable well-being.✨ Your $9.99 digital + audio bundle includes the full book, exclusive bonus meditations, printable worksheets, and your personalized Roadmap to Energy Mastery.📘 Grab it here:https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1182513 You don’t have to hustle your way to healing. Let’s unmask gently, together. 💛#AutisticBurnout #SelfDiscovery #AutisticWomen #WellBeing #SelfHelp

What does a bee sting have to do with burnout, boundaries, and saying “yes” or “no”? Everything.In this episode, Carole Jean Whittington shares a personal story from the past week—an unexpected MCAS reaction to a bee sting—and how it became a deep practice in rest, self-check-ins, and honoring her own “yes, no, or maybe” in real time. She also brings in reflections from her Accelerate Circle students in The UnVeiling Method, where they explored the powerful questions that help us recognize what we’re agreeing to—both with others and ourselves.Whether you’re navigating people-pleasing, energetic overwhelm, or the fuzzy in-between of not knowing what your body or nervous system is saying… this episode offers real insight, warm encouragement, and a reminder that checking in with yourself is a form of radical care.✨ Key Questions We Explored:What does your body say when it wants to say “no”?Is this really a “yes,” or just a habit?How can you begin practicing a pause, even when it’s uncomfortable?This episode is an invitation to move from auto-pilot into authentic alignment—one conscious “yes,” “no,” or “maybe” at a time.🔔 Subscribe + turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout—where we explore what it really means to thrive as autistic women.🔗 Subscribe to The Recharge: https://energyuplevel.kit.com/becomeafan 🌿 Ready to reconnect with your authentic Self and finally step into your Comfort Zone? Get your copy of Living Unmasked: An Autistic Woman’s Guide to Get Into Your Comfort Zone—and start your journey out of burnout and into sustainable well-being.✨ Your $9.99 digital + audio bundle includes the full book, exclusive bonus meditations, printable worksheets, and your personalized Roadmap to Energy Mastery.📘 Grab it here:https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1182513 You don’t have to hustle your way to healing. Let’s unmask gently, together. 💛#LivingUnmasked #AutisticBurnout #Boundaries #NeurodivergentLife #TheUnVeilingMethod #RestIsProductive

What if the connection you've been craving isn’t in fixing yourself—but in being witnessed, supported, and celebrated exactly as you are?In this week’s episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout, Carole Jean Whittington is joined by therapeutic coach and sacred circle facilitator Kanan Tekchandani to explore the transformative power of sisterhood—especially for highly sensitive, gifted, and neurodivergent women.Together, they dive into: 🌿 What a Sistership Circle is—and why neurodivergent women need it now more than ever 🌀 How masking, perfectionism, and loneliness begin to unravel in safe, sacred space 💫 Kanan’s powerful personal journey as a 2e woman reclaiming connection, voice, and joy 🔥 Why celebration and ritual can feel like a radical return to selfPlus: an invitation to the upcoming Sol-Sister Celebration—a global Sistership Circle Day event full of community, creativity, and deep restoration.If you’ve ever longed for community that gets you, this episode is your gentle nudge to step into the circle.🎟️ RSVP for the Sol-Sister Celebration: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/sistership-circle-day-sol-sister-celebration-tickets-1388612119229?aff=oddtdtcreator🔔 Subscribe + turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout—where we explore what it really means to thrive as autistic women.🔗 Subscribe to The Recharge: https://energyuplevel.kit.com/becomeafan 🌿 Ready to reconnect with your authentic Self and finally step into your Comfort Zone? Get your copy of Living Unmasked: An Autistic Woman’s Guide to Get Into Your Comfort Zone—and start your journey out of burnout and into sustainable well-being.✨ Your $9.99 digital + audio bundle includes the full book, exclusive bonus meditations, printable worksheets, and your personalized Roadmap to Energy Mastery.📘 Grab it here:https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1182513 You don’t have to hustle your way to healing. Let’s unmask gently, together. 💛#AutisticBurnout #SelfDiscovery #AutisticWomen #WellBeing #SelfHelp🎁 Grab free burnout tools & weekly bonuses for your journey: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/therecharge

Things That REALLY Matter with Becca Lory Hector & Carole Jean WhittingtonWhat if asking for help wasn’t a weakness—but one of the most radical acts of self-trust an autistic woman can make?In this powerful episode of our monthly Things That REALLY Matter series, Becca Lory Hector and Carole Jean Whittington go deep into a topic many autistic women carry quietly: why asking for help feels so hard—and how we begin to heal that wound.Together, we unpack:The cultural myth of independence—and the trauma of self-relianceHow masking and rejection train us to equate strength with silenceWhy past help-seeking may have felt dangerous or shamefulRewriting the inner dialogue: shifting from “I should do it all myself” to “I deserve support”Creating your “Safe to Ask” list and learning to receive without guiltHow helping professionals can hold space for interdependence without overstepping autonomyWhether you're navigating burnout or supporting someone who is, this episode offers insight, validation, and gentle next steps toward reclaiming your voice—and your right to ask.💌 Companion Article: Why Asking for Help Feels So Hard as Autistic Women—And How to Start Healing That Wound 📩 Special Subscriber Bonus in The Recharge includes healing prompts + tools for clinicians 🔗 Join us at WhittingtonWellBeing.com or in the show notes to access your bonuses📢 This week’s listener reflection: “This week, I asked for…” Tag us or message to share your micro-acts of radical self-care.@BeccaLoryHector @CaroleJeanWhittington 🔔 Subscribe + turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout—where we explore what it really means to thrive as autistic women.🔗 Connect with Carole Jean Whittington: How to get out of burnout - STEP 1: Take the Spicy Pepper Burnout Quiz and discover if you are in burnout or not, and if so, what’s your burnout level from a Poblano Pepper Level 1, where there’s just a bit of heat up to the Ghost Pepper Level 5 when “you’re so hot, you’re not.”  You’ll get the opportunity to join our free Step 2 Class after you take the quiz.Take the Spicy Pepper Quiz: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1155744 Subscribe to The Recharge Newsletter and receive weekly burnout recovery insights, tools for yourself or to use with your autistic clients, and learn about upcoming workshops at Whittington Well-Being.🔗 Subscribe to The Recharge: https://energyuplevel.kit.com/becomeafan Access the Recharge Library - https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1180958/?action=signup Connect with Becca Lory Hector:https://beccalory.com/ #AutisticWomen #RadicalSelfCare #ThingsThatReallyMatter #NeurodivergentSupport #UnmaskingHealing #AutisticBurnout #BeyondChronicBurnout

What if the way you speak—or don’t speak—was shaped more by survival than by choice? In this solo episode, Carole Jean Whittington dives into how shadow work can reveal hidden fears, unmet needs, and the unspoken patterns that impact the way autistic women communicate.You'll learn how masking, alexithymia, and trauma may be influencing your communication style—whether that’s silence, shutdown, over-explaining, or people-pleasing. Carole Jean shares how uncovering these shadow patterns can help you reclaim your voice, speak your truth, and ask for what you need with clarity and self-trust.🌿 This episode includes: – A warm, trauma-sensitive explanation of shadow work for autistic women – Insights on how fear and unmet needs show up through the Enneagram lens – Guided practice to gently connect with your inner voice – Actionable communication tools to use in your life or your practice – This week’s Recharge Bonus: “Journaling Prompts for Shadow Exploration”Whether you're on a journey of unmasking or guiding others through theirs, this episode offers powerful tools for speaking from a place of authenticity, not apology.🔔 Subscribe + turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout—where we explore what it really means to thrive as autistic women.Plant the SeedHere’s your energy-in-action experiment for this week:Identify one communication pattern you’d like to shift.Maybe you over-apologize.Maybe you stay quiet when you want to contribute.Maybe you soften your tone so you won’t be “too much.”Practice bringing awareness to why you do that. What’s the fear behind it? What need might not be getting met?Water & NourishThis week, I’ve got two prompts for you—and there are 16 more waiting for you in the full Shadow Workbook in The Recharge Library.🖋 What parts of my voice have I hidden to stay safe?🖋 How can I begin to communicate my needs without guilt or apology?And here’s one more from the bonus download: 🖋 How does my shadow influence my communication style? Am I passive, aggressive, or something in between?Subscribe to The Recharge Newsletter and receive weekly burnout recovery insights, tools for yourself or to use with your autistic clients, and learn about upcoming workshops at Whittington Well-Being.🔗 Subscribe to The Recharge: https://energyuplevel.kit.com/becomeafan Access the Recharge Library - https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1180958/?action=signup 🔗 Hormone shifts shouldn’t feel like chaos.  If you’re an autistic woman or support autistic clients, this is your invitation to experience a new kind of hormone education—one rooted in rhythm, clarity, and compassion.✨ Join us for Hormone Harmony, a live guided event exploring how to align with your body’s natural hormone cycle—from menstruation to menopause—even when conditions like PMDD, POTS, MCAS, PCOS, or EDS/hEDS are also in the mix.📅 Live Online | May 29th 🎁 Free ticket includes tracking tools, and support plans for hormone-related burnout or upgrade to VIP for a separate Q&A with Carole Jean.🔗 Claim your spot now –https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1178946 NEW BOOK 🌿 Ready to reconnect with your authentic Self and finally step into your Comfort Zone? Get your copy of Living Unmasked: An Autistic Woman’s Guide to Get Into Your Comfort Zone—and start your journey out of burnout and into sustainable well-being.✨ Your $9.99 digital + audio bundle includes the full book, exclusive bonus meditations, printable worksheets, and your personalized Roadmap to Energy Mastery.📘 Grab it here:https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1182513 You don’t have to hustle your way to healing. Let’s unmask gently, together. 💛#AutisticBurnout #AutisticWomen #WellBeing #SelfHelp

What if thriving with ADHD isn’t about fixing yourself—but redesigning your life around what actually works for your brain?In this week’s Social Saturdays episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout, I’m joined by ADHD and neurodiversity coach Alexia Hetzel for a powerful, paradigm-shifting conversation on how high-achieving ADHDers can create sustainable success—on their own terms.Based in Luxembourg, Alexia blends research, coaching, and lived experience to help ADHDers (and those who support them) move beyond burnout and into alignment.In this episode, we explore:💡 What Alexia’s research reveals about high-achieving ADHDers🔄 How to use transitions as a strategy—not a stumbling block🕒 Why "neuronormative time" doesn’t work for ADHD brains (and what to do instead)🎨 Life Design: building a rhythm that aligns with how your brain works🍋 Finding your JUICE: why not all ideas need to become outcomes to be valuable🔔 Subscribe + turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout—where we explore what it really means to thrive as autistic women.This is the episode that finally gives you permission to stop fighting your brain—and start celebrating it.🎁 Grab free burnout tools & weekly bonuses for your journey:⁠ https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/therecharge🔗 Subscribe to The Recharge: https://energyuplevel.kit.com/becomeafan 🔗 ALIGNMENT SUNDAYSHave you ever felt that Sunday evening dread, knowing another week is looming? 🌟As someone who has been there, I understand the feeling of your to-do list spiraling out of control. That's why I'm thrilled to introduce Alignment Sundays - a sanctuary designed just for you.  Join Us!  Get a FREE trial starting today Then just $11 monthly. This could be the change you've been seeking. Together, let's turn Sunday evenings into a time of peace and preparation, rather than dread.Ready to reclaim your week? Let's embark on this journey together.Get Started this Sunday: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1180659 🌿 Ready to reconnect with your authentic Self and finally step into your Comfort Zone? Get your copy of Living Unmasked: An Autistic Woman’s Guide to Get Into Your Comfort Zone—and start your journey out of burnout and into sustainable well-being.✨ Your $9.99 digital + audio bundle includes the full book, exclusive bonus meditations, printable worksheets, and your personalized Roadmap to Energy Mastery.📘 Grab it here:https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1182513 You don’t have to hustle your way to healing. Let’s unmask gently, together. 💛#AutisticBurnout #SelfDiscovery #AutisticWomen #WellBeing #SelfHelp🌐 Connect with Alexia and explore her work at:Website - mondaycoachhttps://www.mondaycoach.me/Research Paper - How Positive Deviance in  High-Achieving Adults with ADHD can Inform Strength-Based Coaching and Life Design to Complement Traditional ADHD ManagementUniversity-approved version: https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4985832 Extended version (because I realized last minute I had written double the word count!): https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=4986555

What if understanding your burnout starts with understanding your why?In this week’s episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout, Carole Jean Whittington shares how the Enneagram became a powerful guide for self-rediscovery during autistic burnout—and how it can help you or your clients finally make sense of your inner world.Whether you’ve felt emotionally disconnected, chronically misunderstood, or simply unsure of who you are anymore... this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and practical tools for reconnecting with your true self.💬 In this episode, you’ll explore:What the Enneagram really is—and why it works for autistic mindsHow it supports those who experience alexithymia (difficulty identifying emotions)Why self-understanding is key to burnout recoveryHow to identify your Enneagram TypeWays helping professionals can integrate Enneagram work with neuro-affirming care✨ Plus: A gentle meditation, a downloadable Energy-Honoring Enneagram Assessment, journal prompts, and tips for translating these insights into both your personal healing and your professional practice.🔗 Resources Mentioned:The Energy-Honoring Enneagram Assessment (in this week’s issue of The Recharge)Living Unmasked book + bonus tools: whittingtonwellbeing.comSubscriber bonus: Enneagram Overview 🧠 This episode is for you if:You’re autistic and feel emotionally disconnected or unsure of who you areYou’re a therapist, clinician, or coach supporting neurodivergent womenYou want a deeper, more compassionate lens to navigate burnout and healing🔔 Subscribe + turn on notifications so you never miss an episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout—where we explore what it really means to thrive as autistic women.🔗 Connect with Carole Jean Whittington: How to get out of burnout - STEP 1: Take the Spicy Pepper Burnout Quiz and discover if you are in burnout or not, and if so, what’s your burnout level from a Poblano Pepper Level 1, where there’s just a bit of heat up to the Ghost Pepper Level 5 when “you’re so hot, you’re not.”  You’ll get the opportunity to join our free Step 2 Class after you take the quiz.Take the Spicy Pepper Quiz: https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1155744 Subscribe to The Recharge Newsletter and receive weekly burnout recovery insights, tools for yourself or to use with your autistic clients, and learn about upcoming workshops at Whittington Well-Being.🔗 Subscribe to The Recharge: https://energyuplevel.kit.com/becomeafan 🌿 Ready to reconnect with your authentic Self and finally step into your Comfort Zone? Get your copy of Living Unmasked: An Autistic Woman’s Guide to Get Into Your Comfort Zone—and start your journey out of burnout and into sustainable well-being.✨ Your $9.99 digital + audio bundle includes the full book, exclusive bonus meditations, printable worksheets, and your personalized Roadmap to Energy Mastery.📘 Grab it here:https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1182513 You don’t have to hustle your way to healing. Let’s unmask gently, together. 💛#AutisticBurnout #SelfDiscovery #AutisticWomen #WellBeing #SelfHelp#NeuroaffirmingCare #BurnoutRecovery #AutisticWomen #TraumaInformedPractice #Enneagram #HelpingProfessionals #ClinicalTools #BeyondChronicBurnout

What if peace came from unmasking?This milestone 200th episode of Beyond Chronic Burnout is a celebration in every sense—of unmasking, of sustainable energy, of thriving as our whole selves, and of YOU, the listener who’s been on this journey with us.In this powerful episode, host Carole Jean Whittington shares what’s possible when we let go of performance, push past the myth of the “comfort zone,” and step into the version of ourselves that’s been waiting to exhale. You’ll hear insights from readers of Living Unmasked, stories from the healing journey, and reflections from 200 episodes of exploring what it really means to live without burnout.PLUS: A behind-the-scenes look at Carole Jean’s new book Living Unmasked, how it’s changing lives, and why this podcast continues to be a sacred space for autistic women and the professionals who support them.💡 What you'll discover:The real comfort zone and why it’s your gateway to healingWhat unmasking actually looks and feels likeThe Optimum Steady State and how it reverses spicy burnoutWhy this podcast exists—and what’s coming next🔗 Get Living Unmasked (Digital + Audio): https://energize.whittingtonwellbeing.com/products/courses/view/1182513 Thank you for being part of 200 episodes. Here’s to 200 more.#BeyondChronicBurnout #LivingUnmasked #AutisticWomen #BurnoutRecovery #200EpisodesStrong #NeurodivergentSupport #UnmaskingJourney #SustainableEnergy #EnergyMastery