Why Can’t I Ask For What I Need?

Are you good at sharing your needs with others? Most people aren’t. Today on the podcast, Erin from Texas called in to talk to me about the fact that she has a really hard time opening up with others and being vulnerable about what she really needs and how she feels. She’s seen patterns in her life of putting others first and staying silent about her own needs…until it’s become problematic. We unpack some of the relationships where she struggles the most, and then I ask her some questions to help her get to the root of WHY — so she can begin making changes! If you have a hard time sharing your needs, listening to this conversation will get you processing your own story and give you some steps you can take to begin making changes in this really important area of your life!! Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I have a favorite friend back on for a SECOND on-air session, JP Pokluda!! In our initial conversation, JP and I talk through some of his challenges with having too much on his plate and moving into a season of burnout (listen to the conversation here). In that conversation, I asked if he had ever dug into his past history— and how it might be impacting what he does in the present. Today on the podcast, we jump into part two of the conversation and I ask him a few questions to consider from his past, and specifically his relationship with his dad and how that may have shaped his beliefs. Does he have father wounds that he needs to deal with? What could that look like? How may have his relationship with his father shaped his beliefs and motivations? No matter what type of past we come from, it’s important for us to look back and assess exactly how our past has influenced & shaped our beliefs and our identity. Tune in to my conversation with JP Pokluda! Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on Talk To Me hotline, I talk to Andrew from Texas! His question is, “How do you know you are healed after a past relationship?” After a 16 year marriage ended in divorce, he’s wondering how to know when he has healed… And even more specifically, when is it time to consider dating again after divorce? I answer him by explaining that it’s a complicated question, because everyone’s situation is so different… But if I narrow it down to one thing that I believe differentiates those who are healed from those who are unhealed. What’s that one thing you ask? That’s why you’ve got to tune into this podcast episode, I think it will help you change your perspective no matter what type of relationship you are trying to heal from in your past. We are talking about healing from past relationships today on Talk To Me! Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you handle rejection? Worse yet, how do you handle rejection from people you hoped to be able to trust? How do you recover from feeling unwanted or unneeded? How do you keep it from becoming part of your beliefs and identity? This week on the podcast I have a powerful on-air session with Alexandra Hoover, and we start putting together the pieces of the puzzle of what caused her to have a vulnerability towards rejection. I help her identify where this came from, and how it might be impacting other parts of her life and ministry. It’s a powerful and emotional conversation, and I believe it will really challenge and bless you in your personal life as well as in your ministry. Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today on the podcast, I talk with Faith from Georgia! She’s 37 and single so she really wants to know how to know when you are trusting God with your dating life — versus when you are taking control of the situation yourself. Do you have to sit back and wait for things to happen, or can you take initiative? And what if you are a woman, where does that leave you in the equation of making a dating relationship happen – considering some people think it’s wrong for a woman to take an initiative. We talked about what waiting on God actually means and what it doesn’t mean… And how to be proactive with your love life in the meantime!! It’s an episode every single who is wanting to date should listen to!!!! Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Is it possible to serve God and stay filled all at the same time? We know for a fact Jesus did it. But why is it that so many struggle to keep the “balance?” What does avoiding burnout look like for everyday pastors and leaders who are juggling family and ministry and life obligations? How do you even make time to fill up? Today I have a conversation with Pastor Tim Timberlake, who so graciously wrote the foreword for Soul Care, and we discuss what avoiding burnout looks like practically in his life today as a husband, father, and senior pastor of Celebration Church. We talk about how he prioritizes resting his body as well as his time with Jesus. You’re not going to want to miss this FINAL episode of the Soul Care series.  Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rest isn't a luxury, it's a necessity. Even Jesus, who was by nature God, yet also fully man -- took the time to REST. But so many Christians struggle to believe that it's okay to slow down, pace yourself, and rest - in a culture that encourages and affirms hustle, grind, and a fast-pace. In this on-air session, I talk to Kayla about the importance of rest and we unpack her struggle to live it out in her life, as well as help her get to the roots of her why. If you struggle to rest, this episode is for you. Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today I am joined by Lindsi who called in to discuss her tendency to ignore or repress her emotions — until they suddenly and forcefully come up to the surface of her life. She feels like her emotions take over at that point, and she doesn’t know how to control them. She gets set off by the smallest things, ends up engaging in conflict — and she is desperately trying to figure out how to navigate this unwanted cycle. We talk about the rhythm of TUNE IN and how important it is to understand and practice in order for us to engage in SOUL CARE. Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So much of how we feel and what we do, is influenced by what’s going on underneath the surface of our lives. This is why we have to take the time to “tune in”. We’re tackling the rhythm of TUNE IN and today I am joined by Candace Cameron Bure for an on-air counseling session where we process her people-pleasing tendencies, where they come from, the work she has to do in order to fight off her people-pleasing nature, and what God has been teaching her in the process. Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you find that it’s hard to be present? Why do so many of us get stuck on the fears of the future, discontent in the here and now, or regrets from the past? Or what about the devices that we have living in our pockets, tempting us to scroll, and click, and watch — wasting our everyday moments? Today, I have an on-air session with Chris where we talk about his personal struggle to stay present, battle discontent, and enjoy the life he’s been given today.  Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast Extras: Soul Care: Order Soul Care Today! The Debra Fileta Counselors Network: Book a counseling session at the Debra Fileta Counselors Network and get started on your healing journey from the inside out TODAY!  DEBRA FILETA is a Licensed Professional Counselor, national speaker, bestselling author, relationship expert, and founder of the Debra Fileta Counselors Network. She’s written seven books including Choosing Marriage,True Love Dates, Love In Every Season,Are You Really OK?, Married Sex, RESET, and Soul Care. She’s also the host of Talk To Me: The Debra Fileta Podcast (formerly the Love + Relationships Podcast) where she facilitates on-air authentic counseling-style sessions. Her popular relationship advice blog, TrueLoveDates.com, reaches millions of people with the message of healthy relationships. Connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter or book an online session with her or someone from her team today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices