S3 E30 Firing Squashed

Earnest debate abounds over whether Gorden is wearing a false moustache. Everyone enjoys Hilary Minster’s turn as General “Piggy” von Klinkerhoffen. A clash between the Gaullist and Communist Resistance culminates in a Western-style brawl, in which Mimi does what she does best – getting stuck in and braining one of the opposition with a large marrow. A lively scene with a bull sees Crabtree lying flattened on the ground, after his red satin bloomers have caused the beast to do what oxen do. Flick and von Smallhausen face a firing squad, but you will have to watch the episode to find out whether or not they survive.

Having started by saying there was not much to say about this episode, Kim, Guy and Richard were soon riffing on all aspects of it, and were never stuck for words. René and Edith get as far as the altir to finally get married, but a loose roof tile on high saves our hero at the very last moment. Plenty of fun with items going down knickers, including bank notes and live frogs. KIm, as Helga, disguises herself as a crone, to visit Flick and von Smallhausen in prison. Flick is not keen to kiss her looking like this, but von Smallhausen is not so fussy.

This episode treats us to a preview of David Janson, who later went on to take over as Herr Flick in the final series. Topics covered include speculation as to whether ginger grows on trees and other profoundly philosophical matters. To help celebrate René’s birthday, Edith goes out into town on his arm, wearing an even more fetching hat than usual – probably to impress Monsieur Alphonse. Having fathered her unborn child, René is taken by to visit a priest with a view to tying the knot, but, as in all situations, our hero is saved just in the nick of time. No opportunities are wasted in plugging the upcoming appearance by the trio in the new comedy series, Date Me Not, in which Kim and Richard get raunchy.

René and the gang are still in their flamenco getup, and bravely doing their best to carry out another of Michelle’s hare-brained schemes. A truth serum from a Patagonian frog causes Helga’s breasts to swell to unfeasible proportions, and it is universally acknowledged among the podsters that Richatd Marner is striking in disguise as a Resisitance girl. No sign in this series so far of Captain Bertorelli or the two airmen. No one seems sure about what became of them, or whether they will be coming back at any time.

While the folk from the café are busy disguising themselves as Flamenco dancers, Herr Flick and von Smallhausen – in the guise of women privates of the opposite sex – are put through their paces doing star jumps with melons down their bras. Helga, of course, also sports fetching gym kit, and Gruber has a saucy moment with Monsieur Alphonse. Prepare to shake those legs as we are treated to a special bonus rendition of Kim’s and Richard’s lively single, Rock Around Ze Clock. 

Shock and alarm in Café René as Yvette reveals that she is pregnant. A truth serum from a Patagonian firefly causes von Smallhausen’s backside to sparkle in the most delightful way. Kim, Richard and Guy recall a studio prank that involved the late, great comedian Frank Carson. And their antics at Schiphol airport prove that they still have not grown up very much.

Fun and merriment as the gypsies come to town. René has his fortune told but Edith’s hand is too wrinkly to get an accurate reading. Louise Gold returns as Elsa Bigstern, and Michelle of the Resistance sports a highly fetching swimsuit.

Kim, Guy and Richard make the most of the hot summer days by recording the pod in Kim’s garden. All kinds of subjects are covered, including the guest appearance of the magninficent Louise Gold, in the role of Elsa Bigstern, who is there to take care of the office – as well as Herr Flick – while Helga takes a few days off. The airmen are down a drain, and have to be fed sausages via René’s trouser leg, and soup from Fanny’s wheelchair. To add to the fun, the general gets a good hosing down with vanilla ice cream.

Thanks to the limitless ingenuity of Michelle of the Resistance, the Airmen have been packed into wine barrels, ready to be floated down a sewer. Wait and see whether or not it will work… To make relations between the locals and the occupying forces appear cordial, Captain Bertorelli is set up to marry Edith, which he approaches with great enthusiasm. And she proves to be quite appreciative of his attentions – a gem of a scene for Carmen Silvera and Roger Kitter.

Kim, Guy and Richard reminisce about the recording days of ‘Allo ‘Allo!, and regularly being refused entry to the studio by the BBC Jobsworths. Kim and Richard recall their unacceptable behaviour as teenaged bartenders, and Guy remembers going to a party with an elephant.